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Beep beep beep.

My were still closed, so weak I couldn't even lift my eyelids.

Beep beep beep

When I took I breath, I sounded like Darth Vader. Voices, whispers all around me. Familiar and unfamiliar.

"But why would she do it? I would have never suspected." Mom, that was her. Just ask Oliver Mom, I bet he's guessed by now.

"Has your daughter shown any signs of depression prior to this event?" Unfamiliar, doctor maybe? Hmm. If only I could move, let them know I'm awake.

" I haven't noticed, Miley? Oliver? Kate?" Don't say that name mom, don't soil your pretty mouth.

"Not- not really." Miley. She was crying. Bless her.

"Not until this afternoon, that's why we went to check on her." Oliver. He knew now, he knew why. I know it. The way he looked at me when I said what I did. Or what I remember of how he looked at me at least.

"Yea she really freaked us out today." Kate. Ugh! Why is she here? I wish she would leave. Leave Kate. Go, you know you don't like me, you know I don't like you. Just go.

It took all of my strength just to open my eyes. Only Miley was looking at me. She shrieked when she saw my eyes opening.

"Lily!" Now all eyes were on me. I started choking, coughing, the breathing tube in my throat, strangling me. The doctor in the room gently removed without trying to hurt me, he did a little. I felt the cut on my arm throbbing I looked down at it, then away again, repulsed by the sight of the scars there.

"Lily what the fuck were you thinking?!" I flinched under the intensity of Oliver's gaze. Maybe he didn't know.

"What was going through your head baby girl?" I didn't say anything. Anything I did say would sound stupid. I just stared at Oliver, he was still pale in the face. Hours passed , they talked to me, I just listened. They asked me why, they told me it was all ok. The only thing they said that finally made me speak is when they told me what would happen next.

"Therapy? No!" My mom's eyes pierced me with ferociousness.

"Lillian you're going whether you want to or not. You tried to kill yourself."

"I didn't"

"Then what exactly were you doing? Hmm?" again I looked at Oliver.

"Nothing, just relieving stress."

"And this is how you do it? Look where we are Lily! You need help." She was crying now. I felt tears welling in my eyes too. The doctor noticed that I was getting emotional and said he had to limit visits down to one person at a time so I wouldn't get 'overwhelmed' too late buddy. My mom left, she needed a break, so did Kate. Miley and Oliver still remained in the room, neither wanting to go.

"Miley? Please?" Oliver's voice was soft, she hesitated then backed out of the room.

My heart was seriously trying to escape my chest. I didn't want to look at him. He slowly walked to the chair beside my bed and sat down on it, staring at me. Me. Pathetic in this bed of vulnerability. Then he started crying and I finally looked over at him.

"God what happened to you?" You did. You and Kate. You broke my heart. I asked you why you didn't love me and you still don't know? You're the reason I'm here.

"You don't know?" Whoa! Where did that come from Lily? No. why did I just say that! Idiot. I'm ruining his chance for happiness… But what about my happiness? What about me? Yes. Tell him.

"Lily. What you said when I found you. I've never been more scared in my life! You were delirious, not yourself. You'd lost…so much blood."

"I wasn't, I was more myself than I've ever been." He looked down at his hands.

"You don't love me." What?! How the hell would he know? Can't see the reason I'm here is because I couldn't say that to him. I waited too long. Ruined my chances.

I felt tears rushing down my face and I took my arms out from under the sheets where I had been trying to hide them he looked wearily at the scars up and down the length of my arms.

"There's a cut here for every time you kissed her, every time you hugged her, every time you said her fucking name there's a cut! Who are you to tell me how I do or don't feel when you have no idea! So tell me now that I don't love you! Tell me what you think now!" He didn't say anything to me, his eyes were still focused on my arms and tears still rushed down his face.

He opened his mouth and I hoped for just a minute that he would say what I so desperately wanted him to say.

"I can't lose you Lily." my heart dropped a bit. "I'm so confused right now I don't what's what. But I know that I can't lose you," He stood and kissed me on the cheek. The kiss burned, it was the best and worst thing he had ever done to me. now, long months of therapy awaited. Oh boy! not

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