Chapter 2
By Joker's Specter

I apologize for not getting this written sooner. I've only recently got my urge to write back. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
-Joker

Disclaimer: Golden Sun is owned by Nintendo and Camelot.

Kraden watched in horror as a large number of pirates slid down ropes from their ship to the ground. Various shouts of "Yar!", "Bwahahaha!", and "Gah! Rope burn!" could be heard as they swung to the ground. Kraden observed that their clothes were dirty and their personal hygiene could definitely use some work.

When they touched the ground, they drew their swords and...ran in circles screaming at the top of their lungs while flapping their arms like chickens.

The pirate captain, who was standing on the bow of the boat-on-wheels, watched in horror, and then quickly glared at his fellow pirates. "Arr! Ye fools! We aren't doin' the 'crazy pirate' routine this time! We're goin' fer the 'coordinated and quick' attack!" he shouted in anger.

Correcting themselves, the pirate crew turned their attention to the houses of Vale and started their attack. They rushed into the nearest ones, breaking down doors and glass and tossing the inhabitants outside.

"Interesting... At least they don't seem to be attempting to hurt any of us...yet," Kraden pondered. He narrowed his eyes when he saw a book fly carelessly out a window, getting its pages shredded as it bounced across the ground.

"In any case..." he continued with his train of thought. "Now is my chance to take my role as a super hero!" He grinned at the thought, which looked odd to anybody who might have looked at him, since his town was being attacked by pirates at that very same moment.

Shoving his popsicle into his mouth, he ran behind a house. The first transformation from mild-mannered and very-intelligent, if he does say so himself, Kraden, to Alchemy Man, the super hero everybody would soon love and embrace as the coolest guy ever, was about to begin. Kraden grinned yet again at the thought. He almost laughed, but remembered about the popsicle in his mouth just in time, and caught himself. He definitely didn't want his first battle to be with a popsicle lodged in his throat.

Very carefully--since they were delicate, and he only had one pair since his house was blown up--Kraden stripped off his robes. He folded them up neatly and set them on the grass next to the back wall of the house.

"Now then... Something else has to change...or it still might be obvious who I am," Kraden thought to himself while sucking on the popsicle. His lips had long since gone numb, but he was too into the super hero thing at the moment to care. He closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to ignore the shouts of horror, breaking class, and yells of pirates around him.

Kraden tapped his forehead in thought, and accidentally nudged his glasses. He paused, and opened his eyes. "Hmm...that's it!" he said, removing his glasses. He remembered seeing a comic super hero who did the same thing, and nobody ever knew who he was when he was in his super hero costume.

Finally! The transformation of Alchemy Man was complete! Kraden blinked a few times, trying to get used to not wearing his trusted glasses. Perhaps, he thought, when I have the time, I can find an alternate way of correcting my vision... He shook his head. But for now, my instincts shall guide me... However, just in case.
He slid the glasses into his sleeve. With his vision blurred, Kraden wandered out from behind the house. Once he was sure he had the attention of the pirates--which wasn't hard, considering how easily he stood out with his clothing and awkward movement from not being able to see well--he removed the popsicle from his mouth and spoke out loud to the pirate captain.

"Piwut Captun!" he shouted, instantly noticing something was wrong. Oh no! My mouth is numb from the popsicle! My speech will be ruined! he thought.

Now everyone had their attention on the old man. They didn't see a hero, however. All that they saw was an old man dressed in an odd costume with his underwear on the outside, who obviously couldn't see he was talking to a large tree, and who was speaking very oddly. It was hard not to laugh.

Kraden spun around in circles, looking around and attempting to pinpoint where he was. This action caused his cape to wrap around him, and while attempting to untwist his cape, he fell into the small pool surrounding the psynergy stone in the center of the plaza.

"Bwahahahahaha!" the pirate captain laughed loudly, highly amused at Kraden's actions. "Now that be amusin'! 'Ey, boys, bring that old fool up 'ere! I ain't never seen someone as wacko as 'im!"

-- -- -- -- --

Kraden muttered as he was dragged on board the pirate ship. As soon as his hands were free, he would show the pirates a thing or two!

The pirate captain turned around when his two minions had dragged Kraden up to him. He grinned a surprisingly white-toothed grin. "Welcome! Welcome to me pirate ship, the good ship...uh..."

"I believe the last name we decided on was 'Yaoi', sir," said a young hunch-backed pirate who had dragged Kraden on board.

The captain shuddered. "No! That was before we learned what that be!"

"Oh yeah..."

The other pirate who had helped bring Kraden on board used one hand to hold Kraden, while using his other hand to grab a knife from his belt. He began rapidly slashing into the air, and then started tapping the knife on the wooden deck of the boat.

"S...L...A...S...H... Oh yeah! Slash!" the pirate captain exclaimed. "Welcome to the good ship 'Slash'!"

The pirate, who apparently couldn't speak, sheathed his knife and nodded.

A girlish gasp from the plaza split the air. "Eeeee! Did somebody say 'slash'? How kawaii!"

The men on board paused for a moment, wondering what that was about, before continuing.

"Anyway...ye be a funny old man, yeh know that? You should come an' join my crew of idio--er...gentlemen! I don' give that invitation out to just anybody, ye see."

"Oooh! Oooh! Cap'n Crunch, sir! What about me? Was I special when you told me to join your crew?" grinned the hunch-backed pirate.

Captain Crunch put his palm over his face. "Gah...Foley, yeh idiot, 'ow many times do I have to tell ye to not call me that!"

Foley bit his lip. "Oh, right. Sorry, Cap'n C., I mean to say."

The captain pulled a gun out of his belt and shot Foley in the foot.

"Rule number one," the captain said, turning to look at Kraden, who was still soaking wet, and surprisingly, still grasping his popsicle. It was banana, after all. Banana was his favorite. "Never call me 'Captain Crunch'. I 'ad cruel parents, see. That's why I be a pirate. It's either 'Captain' or 'Captain C.'. Those who break that rule get shot in the foot," he said, pointing to the pirate known as Foley.

Kraden squinted, trying to get a better view of the pirate captain. "Well, sir, I should have you know that I do not intend to join your crew." The scholar was relieved that he could speak properly again. "And, not only that, but in the name of justice, I will drive you and your band of hooligans out of Vale. I recall an ancient Lemurian story about a lone hero who once drove invaders out of Lemuria with just his voice! He led them into the fog surrounding Lemuria and used his voice to cry out horrible things, scaring the invaders half to death. They thought Lemuria was possessed! I am no different, for I am... Alchemy Man!" Kraden paused to take a breath and to attempt a heroic pose. Unable to move his arms, he decided to continue his speech.

"I am the defender of Vale, protector of the men, women, children, pets...even the trees and rocks! The dirt and grass! Every last microscopic molecule of water, even! I am reminded of yet another story, one that occured during my youth. I was just a young little lad, no older than eleven or twelve. I remember I was still wetting the bed at the time, but that's a different story. I'll get to that right after this one. Anyway, my mother gave me a single piece of gold to--"

"Dear Lord, just shut up!" cried the captain. "Ugh, I don't be needin' this! Yer invitation is revoked! Get rid of this old fool!" Captain C. spun around to resume watching the attack on Vale, only to gasp in horror.

Down in the plaza, his pirate crew were getting their butts kicked. Literally.

"Haha, ya like that?" Garet asked, kicking a pirate in the rear as he tried to crawl away. "Yeah, nobody peeks in on my sister in the shower!"

Kay dashed up behind Garet, wearing a bath robe and wielding a frying pan. "Pervert!" she screamed, smacking the pirate over the head with a loud CLANG.

Throughout Vale, the adepts were fighting the pirates, sending them back to their ship. It seemed as though everyone with the ability to fight had joined the battle. Even little kids were having fun launching rocks at the pirates.

Captain C. was shocked. Then he decided that he should've seen this coming, since his pirate crew pretty much sucked.

"Grr...this is what I be gettin' fer auctioning me crew off of the black market..." he muttered. Kraden's chance to turn the tables arrived when he felt an explosion rock the boat. The two pirates holding onto his arms released him, and he fell to the ground from the blast. The yells of various pirates were coming from all around him.

"Well now," he said quietly to himself. "I assume nobody I know is on this boat, so...I suppose..." He pulled his glasses out from his sleeve and slid them over his eyes. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth.

Leaping to his feet, he pointed his popsicle at the pirate captain's back. "Now that Alchemy Man can see, justice can be done!" he shouted.

For some odd reason, Kraden's hand began to glow dimly. Hmm? A new power? he thought as he watched. The glow soon covered his melting popsicle, and he watched in amazement as layer after layer of banana flavored ice coverd what remained of the popsicle and expanded outwards. Within moments, Kraden had what appeared to be a very large popsicle, about the size of a sword.

The pirate captain turned around, mumbling something about crew insurance, and then widened his eyes when he saw Kraden pointing a large popsicle at his face.

"Um...uh...b-back away! Or I'll...stab you?" Kraden said loudly as he examined the item in his hand. Apparently a new power had manifested itself, but just what was it? How very odd, he thought to himself.

Captain C. snarled and whipped out a sword. Reacting to the action, Kraden swung the popsicle weapon at the pirate captain's face as hard as he could. The popsicle smacked against the captain's cheek, hard, and left a slimy trail of cold banana ooze on his face. The force knocked the captain back, and he stumbled over the bow of the boat, tumbling to the ground.

Ivan, who was down in the plaza, heard the cries of the captain as he fell. "Whirlwind!" the Jupiter adept shouted, extending his hands outwards to conjure a spinning gust of wind under the captain. The whirlwind caught Captain C., slowing his fall and allowing him to land on the ground with minimal injuries.

Up on board the boat, Kraden was amusing himself with his new popsicle sword. "How very interesting," he said, swinging it around a few times and then poking it. The popsicle seemed hard enough to withstand a decent amount of force.

"Well then," Kraden started to say, "let me see what I can do about the rest of you." He turned around and saw a few pirates rushing around on board, trying to fix the gear and preparing their ship to depart the town of Vale. Isaac and his friends were certainly leaving a message to the pirates.

Kraden gripped his popsicle sword firmly, and jabbed it into the face of a pirate who was running by, chasing a cannonball that he had dropped. "Hyah!" Kraden shouted.

The frozen weapon mashed into the pirates face, smearing it into his eyes. "Graaaagh! The artificial flavoring! It burns!" the pirate screamed. Kraden smirked and reached out to press his finger tips against the pirate's arm. A bolt of static electricity shot into the pirate, and he fell to the ground, moaning in pain.

The adrenalin began pumping into Kraden's system, and he went to work doing the same to the remaining pirates. They were all occupied tending to the ship or shouting orders to the pirates on the ground, so they never thought that the "crazy old man" would come up behind them and attack.

Once Kraden had managed to shock everyone to the ground, he felt he had to say something.

"Perhaps you pirates should stick to the sea, hm?" he said before wandering to the edge of the boat. He peeked over the side and saw Isaac and the other adepts tying up the remaining pirates. Garet and Ivan were climbing up the side of the boat-on-wheels.

"Now would be a good time to remove these," Kraden said, pulling off his glasses and sliding them back in his sleeve.

Once the two adepts reached the deck of the boat, they looked around in amazement.

"Huh..." Ivan said, staring at all the pirates who were moaning in pain. "Did that stray fire blast of yours get them or something?"

Garet rubbed the back of his head. "I don't think so. That went in the opposite direction, towards Isaac's house. Which reminds me, we should probably check on that..."

"Greetings, Adepts of Vale!" Kraden said, stepping forward. "I am called...Alchemy Man! It was I who disposed of these evil pirates!"

Garet and Ivan watched as Alchemy Man posed awkwardly.

"Yeah... First pirates with a boat on wheels, and now this. I'm gonna go," Garet said, climbing down the side while shaking his head.

Ivan watched Garet leave, and then turned back towards the super hero known as Alchemy Man.

"I'd shake your hand, but it could leave you in a very painful state," Kraden said. "I must depart now! I trust you and your friends can finish cleaning up this scum, am I correct?"

Ivan cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, sure," he said and watched as Alchemy Man descended the ship's side.

"And I thought Kraden was weird," Ivan said, shaking his head and getting to work.

End: Chapter 2

Will Kraden ever find himself a secret lair? Will the other Adepts see through Alchemy Man's costume and figure out that it's really just their friend, Kraden? What job for justice will Alchemy Man have next?

Find out next time on Alchemy Man!