Chapter 2: Bait and Switch

disclaimer: These aren't my characters, they are Stephenie Meyers.

The humans are humans, the vampires are vampires. But for comedic purposes, the vampires are a tad more humanized than in the series.

APOV

Edward followed behind me quietly as we went to my room. His face was full of concern and anguish. I almost felt bad I was about to bait and switch him right now. Almost-but not quite!

"Listen Edward. Here's the deal. Bella intellectually understands why you rebuffed her in bed. But emotionally and intuitively, it's another story."

Edward completely deflated. "How can I make things right with her, Al? I tried to explain things to her a couple times, but it was so hard to concentrate. When she wears those soft, flannel pjs that reveal part of her collarbone, it just drives me nuts. I just had to leave the room quickly to keep in control..."his eyes turned almost trance like as he stared off into space wistfully. "Have you ever noticed that the Tigger patch on her pj top falls directly over her left areola?"

Oh lawd..."BREAST. BOOB. Hell, Edward, I'll even take titties over "areola!" Edward shook himself back to non-areola land with that cut." I swear Edward, why do I have a feeling you have an issue of "Amish Porn Monthly" tucked in between your matresses as we speak where the centerfold models hike up their pioneer dresses to reveal a little mid-calf for your oogling pleasure? Drooling over a little collarbone cleavage is positively kinky!"

Edward simply rolled his eyes. "You are a regular comedian Al. And for your information, Tigger doesn't fall over her entire breast-just the center area-thus my correct usage of "areola."' He said it almost indignantly.

I just blinked at him, too shocked to answer at first. How could this flannel loving geek be related to me? These two are definitely soulmates. Soulmates made in Dungeons and Dragons heaven. My lip was trembling,I so close to simply laughing in his face. But I'd be nice. Sorta. "So you like the pjs, huh? Are Charlie's socks a turn on for you too?"

Edward's posture suddenly turned into "I must protect my fair Bella" mode. Drama queen. "Her feet get cold easily on our wooden floors. I wouldn't want her getting chilled. And she looks adorable in those socks too by the way, now that you mention it." He lifted his chin defiantly towards my insinuations.

He's so hopeless. "That's the problem, Edward! She doesn't want to be adorable to you. Puppies and kittens are adorable! Not a grown young woman like Bella. And she's not going to die of consumption if you don't run to her side to pull some sock booties on her feet either. Sometimes you act more like her grandma than her lover!"

I had crossed the line there, and Edward was about to make a beeline for my door. I held onto his arm though and continued. "Unlike us Edward, Bella is growing up quickly right before our eyes. She's grown up so much just in the last year. And for some reason you are deadset against acknowledging that. She's not the same, little girl you met a year ago, emotionally-or physically."

Edward sighed and looked back at me, ready to listen again. "She's a young woman now who needs to feel reassured and supported by the love of her life. Can you be reassuring and loving Edward? Can you promise that for me?"

He looked at me as if I was a simpleton. "Oh, course Al. What kind of a question is that?"

A trick question that's going to trap you in ways you can't even imagine..."I have a plan to help our Bella feel more like a Swan than an ugly duckling. Are you game?"

"What's the plan?"

I looked back at him as innocently as I could. "It's simple where you are concerned. I'm going to need you to be extremely supportive and reassuring with some of her activities in the next couple weeks to help her self esteem. And I need you to take her to Prom at the end of the month. We'll triple date even. That's all."

Edward snorted. "Prom? Prom is your answer to Bella's self esteem issues? She hates Proms! Really, Alice, stop trying to model Bella's life solutions after "She's All That."

Sticking my tongue out at him I countered, "You wish you were as cute as Freddy Prinze Jr.."

"I honestly don't get your plan, Al."

Keeping with a doe eyed look, " It's simple really. Bella's gone through a growth spurt of sorts. You may not have noticed even since all she wears are very baggy clothes and grandpa pajamas around you. She's a little self conscious now with her body because of some of those changes." I'm a genius-that just plopped into my head without any effort.

"She is, Al? She hasn't said anything to me about it."

'Edward, keep up with me, can you? Why would she talk to you of all people about her body image insecurities? The one person she wants to do things with that doesn't involve clothes? You don't go to your boyfriend to say, "hey, I just grew some hips and I feel a little bloated right now." Of course she talks to me though as a girl. And she is feeling very uncomfortable with her new body because it's a little different looking than her previous shape.And she's worried you might not be attracted to those new changes.' Another effortless masterpiece-I'm so good at this lying thing, it's pathological.

"She doesn't look any different to me," his eyebrows furrowed in a confused state. Then, all a bit too slowly, his eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Does she think I was rejecting her in bed earlier because of her...uh...changes?" That took him long enough to connect the dots!

I gave him a very solemn, accusing look and nodded gravely. "YES, Edward, that's EXACTLY what she thought. She took your rejection as a rejection of her new shape and slight weight gain." A slight smile cracked with those last two words-Bella and Weight Gain have never met eachother. To make up for the slip, I hit him on the shoulder and then shook my head slowly.

"I have to talk to her-" he was about to bolt out my door again when I grabbed him.

"Edward, I've talked to her already. I've pleaded your side. She calmed down and is trying to understand.You'll ony upset her more if you bring it up again. She understands but is just feeling vulnerable right now. That's where my plan comes in dear brother." He listened intently for my next words.

"I'm going to give you the chance to make it up in spades to her in the next couple weeks. All I need from you is to(and I got very specific here, holding up the right number of fingers for each new point):

1) Support every activity she engages in to help her with her self esteem,

2) Reassure her everytime that she looks beautiful, AND-

3) Allow her to shine without any input from you other than praise.

I'm going to help her find some clothes that she can feel more...comfortable in with her new body. And I'm just going to try to help her feel more confident with how she carries herself in general. After all that hardwork she'll be doing, she can enjoy her newfound confidence at the Prom for all of us, especially you, to see. She NEEDS this support from us very badly Edward. Do you understand?"

"YES! I'll do exactly like you said. Anything for her." His eyes looked so innocently at me. Edward is usually the most cynical guy you can meet-but when it comes to Bella, it's like taking candy from a baby.

"And Edward, that means that you support and reassure her NO MATTER what you really think. Don't let Overprotective, Judgemental Grandpa Edward come out and scold her or reprimand her, you got it? She's so fragile right now, Edward. She couldn't take that-not after...what YOU did tonight." I pointed really dramatically his way with that "YOU"-and he looked completely crushed. Below the belt I know, but Grandpa Edward seriously needs to go on vacay for the next two weeks. Horndog Edward can't come out to play with Grandpa Edward hovering around like a school marm.

"I promise Alice, I'll be on my best behavior the whole time-nothing but compliments and reassurance. I owe her that much." He nodded like a little puppy.

"And one more thing Edward-Bella needs her and my activities and thoughts blocked off from your mind reading for the next two weeks. So, ixnay on reading my mind or anyone else's mind in the house while this "rehabilation" is going on-she needs a safe place to find herself right now, without feeling self conscious that you are listening in. If you knew how fragile she was-"

"Fragile, I get it. Sure thing, Alice. You did it again, sis. I don't know what I'd do without you." As he hugged me I thought, without me you probably would still have your virginity intact in a couple weeks!

"Now, Edward, go and enjoy your evening with Jasper and Emmett. I'm going to have some girl time with our little Bella this weekend. I'm taking her right now for a couple nights to La Costa Spa Resort to just relax and have some girl time.I'll have her back for you to take to school on Monday ." La Costa is as sweet as it gets-and Lord knows I'll need a team of professionals at my beckoned call to wax and pluck and style Bella out of her Tiggerfied stupor.

Edward was about to object--" Aw, Al, that's no fair! Can't you guys bond here at the house instead? Charlie's just left this morning, and you are going to steal her away from me for two nights?" In a surprise turn of events, Charlie was now "reacquainting" himself with Renee after her nasty breakup with Phil. She still refuses to leave Arizona, but a nice little benefit for their rekindling romance is that Charlie finally took his vacation time after all these years and is spending a week in Phoenix. Bella was given permission to stay with us so she wouldn't be alone in the house. In my bedroom of course. Wink Wink.

"Edward, believe it or not, this isn't about you right now. This is about Bella needing some female bonding time-something she gets very little of since you two are connected at the hip 24/7 and her mother lives far away. Don't forget your promise-to support and reassure without ANY complaints or criticism."

He moped but gave in. "Alright, but tell her to keep her cell phone on-if I can't see her tonight or tomorrow, I want to at least be able to text her. Tell her I love her.Oh-and Alice-I know you have strong ideas about what Bella SHOULD like for herself. But please try to keep in mind what Bella herself would like too, okay?"

I winked and said sure thing. That was sorta sweet what he said at the end. And he made a good point. I will try not to be my usual control freak self with Bella's sex vixen makeover-I'll let her have a hand in it.

As he walked out after giving me that little crooked smile of his, I just shook my head with sympathy. The big lug doesn't even know what is about to hit him.

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Okay, the that's all the necessary exposition stuff for the story-the next chapters will let the seduction process begin!