CREDITS: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I just let them live in my imagination. The song this chapter is - embarrassingly enough - from Christina Aguilara..That's what I get when I google search for lyrics to match my theme, I guess! :-)

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I Feel Your Pain

When I think of you I need you...
When I dream of you at night I just hold my head up high.
When I see you in the stars and I sit with you at night
I will hold you in my arms and never let go…

You and I forever,
Forever in the sky even in the rain.
We will last forever.
I will not forget, I feel your pain…

Edward was in my room in less than 20 minutes – a record, even for him. I was in his arms before I could even grasp what was happening. His hands worked up and down my arms, legs, and face, checking for injury.

"What is it? What happened? Are you hurt?" Edward's panicked voice questioned me.

I could only shake my head and cling to him.

"Bella? Love, what –" Edward stopped then, listening I knew to Charlie's thoughts downstairs. "Oh Bella…" was all he said before wrapping my quilt around me for warmth and cradling me closer to his chest. He stroked my hair and hummed softly to me as I sobbed.

I don't know how long we sat that way while I cried, thinking of all the things my mother would never be able to share with me… Edward for one, his family, my graduation, my wedding… My Wedding. Suddenly, life seemed too short – too human – to wait any longer. I loved Edward. I wanted to be with him. Always. And if life could change this quickly for Renee, who was to say it couldn't do the same for me? This moment of clarity pulled me out of my sobs. Slowly, I pulled my face out of Edward's dampened chest and looked up at him.

"Yes."

He clearly didn't understand, "Yes, what, love?" he crooned, kissing the tears off my face.

"Yes. I'm ready now. As soon as you want."

He was catching on now. His butterscotch eyes sparkled beneath their layer of sympathy,

"Bella, you don't know how hard it's been for me to wait to hear you say that, but… now? After all this? I'm not sure this is the best time for you to be making such a decision."

I shook my head violently. "It's exactly the time! Life is… fragile…well, mine is at least for the time being. I don't want to wait to have what I want." I took a deep breath… "And what I want is you."

The sparkle in his beautiful eyes became more prominent now as he slowly smiled the wonderfully crooked smile I loved so much, but he still hesitated. "You're sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "I love you. I want to spend eternity with you. I should have realized a long time ago that nothing else matters."

Edward stroked my face lightly with the back of his hand, "I love you, Bella," he whispered in silky tones, "I wish it hadn't taken something like this to bring us here, but I'm thankful for the moment all the same."

Slowly, sweetly, he leaned his lips in to kiss me. It started out soft and gentle, a celebration of our love and a comfort to my ongoing pain… But my emotions were running too high to leave it at that. I leaned in closer, letting all of my anguish and longing and joy mix together as I shared it with him in all of its power. Edward, to my amazement, didn't pull away. Instead, he pulled me tightly to his marble chest and deepened the kiss even further, sharing desperate, all-too-human emotions of his own.

After a few intense moments, he did let his lips part from mine, but unlike the times before, he did not back away from me. Instead, he held me close to his chest, raining kisses on my face and hair. My heart pounded, unbelieving, as his hand stroked gently over my body. He wasn't checking for injuries now – at least I hoped not!

"Bella?" he breathed into my ear. I had never heard him sound so…desperate. " Please - just tell me to stop." He was trying to pull away now, obviously struggling with his precious control, "This isn't right... we haven't...we're not... Bella - your mother..."

My hand fisted in his bronze waves, tugging him back to me, "DON'T stop." I begged, reaching up with my other hand to stroke his face, pleading with both my words and actions. I simply had to forget...

I watched as a cloud of passion drove the reservations from his eyes. He leaned in to kiss me again and this time, all I felt was bliss…

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As soon as I opened my eyes, all the anguish that Edward and I had driven away the night before flooded back… I woke up to a brisk knock on my bedroom door and the sound of my father calling my name. This wasn't particularly unusual except that usually the sound of his voice wasn't wracked with pain and usually I wasn't, well… naked.

"Just a minute, Dad!" I called desperately as I tugged on a robe and glared at Edward, who was already hiding in the closet, "A little warning next time?!?" I hissed as I slammed the door back on his crooked smile. Had he forgotten all about my mother…and Charlie?

I opened the door to a confused Charlie, who still wouldn't meet my eye. What was wrong with him? Was he that incapable of dealing with emotion? This was the mother of his child... Even if they had been divorced for years... Couldn't he show a little compassion?

"I booked you a flight." He muttered to the floor at my feet, "The funeral is Monday. I figured you would want to leave today."

The pain in my chest was stabbing again now as the reality of it all sunk in all over again. If it weren't for the knowledge that Edward stood five feet away, ready to pull me back into his arms as soon as Charlie left, I think I would have collapsed from the pain of it then and there. Not to mention the fact that I physically ached from last nights…exertions.

Instead I nodded blindly to Charlie, "What about you?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Bella, I just… can't." was all he managed, "I'm sorry… Ask Alice or even…" this was hard for him, "…Edward…to go with you."

I nodded again, my anger towards his apparent coldness growing...

"The flight is at 3:00," Charlie choked out, finally looking at me. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I caught my breath at the sight of his face. His eyes were beet red and swollen as if he had been crying all night. The agony in them echoed that in my own heart. He wasn't shutting me out to avoid dealing with my pain... he was just engrossed in his own. The realization shocked me... After all, my parents had been divorced for over 16 years and as far as I knew their contact in that time had been limited to a few phone calls a month about me at best.

I was too shocked to respond verbally, so I simply moved in to hug him, pouring all my empathy and love his way. He returned the squeeze slightly before stepping away, obviously taken aback by my rare display of physical affection towards him.

He struggled for a small smile as he said, "Have a safe flight, Bells…I'll be down at LaPush if you need anything… staying with Billy and Jacob… it's too hard here…"

I nodded again and watched Charlie's hunched form retreat back downstairs, still marveling at how closely his pain mirrored my own. The house had been bought by Charlie and Renee right after their marriage. To him, it must still be full of happy memories of their brief time together. He obviously didn't need that in his current state, and at the reservation he would be surrounded by those who loved him and, equally important, could keep him safe.

When I turned around, Edward was already on my bed, arms open for me. I slipped into them gratefully and he smoothed my hair, kissing my forehead gently.

"Would now be the wrong time to say that you are exquisitely beautiful and I cannot wait to make you my wife?" his words were music in my ear.

"No," I smiled weakly up at him, "Now is exactly the right time."

Edward stroked my face and hair with feather light fingers. I reached out to touch the crystal angles of his profile and slowly pulled him down for a soft kiss.

"You'll come?" I asked, knowing he had heard every word of my conversation with Charlie.

"Of course." He answered simply. "First though - I need to apologize to you, Bella... Last night was... inexcusable. "

I stared at him... speechless. The part of last night I knew he was referring to had been... well, incredible. While I knew it wasn't the romantic affair either of us had planned or hoped for, there was certainly nothing to apologize for.

Edward continued stiffly,"You were in pain and I should have been there purely as a comfort. I let myself get far too carried away. It was tremendously disrespectful of you and the situation... not to mention your virtue."

I cut him off there, unwilling to listen any longer as he tore himself apart, "Edward, are you under the impression that I am somehow upset about our... lovemaking?" I asked, blushing at the euphemism.

He nodded gravely. "I am so deeply sorry, Bella. You mean so much more to me than..."

I shook my head violently, "Edward, I'm sorry, but I cannot deal with this right now."

Pain flickered across his face. "Of course. I'm sorry, Bella. I'll go if that's what you want."

I rolled my eyes. Even in this situation, his complete blindness was laughable. "Don't be ridiculous. What I meant was that - in the midst of everything else consuming me right now - I cannot deal with your ridiculous Victorian morality."

He stopped, completely stunned by my words and the force behind them. I continued, losing some of my bravado as tears crept back into my eyes.

"You're going to have to get over it, because I need you right now, and what happened last night between us has been the ONLY happy thing that has happened to me in the last 12 hours."

Edward gathered me into his arms, his hand stroking my hair gently as he comforted me against his strong chest. Still, though, he was hesitant,

"So you're not upset about..."

I pulled back, willing the tears away long enough to clearly lock my eyes with his.

"The only thing that will upset me is if you ever call anything like that between us a mistake again."

He nodded, kissing my forehead with his smooth, cool lips. "Of course not. I don't believe I ever used that word... One more thing, though, and then I promise I will simply focus on being perfectly supportive... What you said last night... Bella, love, do you still want to marry me?"

I took a deep breath. I had known this was coming. Given the situation, of course he would doubt my ability to think clearly about such a major decision. For once, I wished he could hear my thoughts, to know just how certain I was on that point. It was like the fog had been removed from a pane of glass in front of me and now the decision was as clear as day.

"Yes. Absolutely." I nodded and attempted a small smile, "If, of course, you still want me to."

I watched, enthralled, as the sparkle finally returned to Edward's eyes. "Of course," he said gently, and then grinned, "Especially if a repeat of last night is on the itinerary."

I knew he was trying to take my mind off my mother, but it didn't matter. His words still made my heart thud and a brilliant rose blush rise to my cheeks.

"Of course." I replied, mimicking his answer seconds earlier.

He kissed me again, swiftly but deeply, and it was all I could do not to pull him deeper then and there. Instead, I nestled into his neck as he stroked my hair and spoke softly,

"I'll have to go home quickly and get some things together if I'm going to accompany you to Florida. Will you be alright?"

Then thought of being without him – even for a half hour – was paralyzing, but I nodded.

"Are you going to tell your family… about us?" I asked.

Edward shook his head, "We'll wait until we return." He said, "It should be a happy time."

I smiled gratefully. He was right, as always. A girl should be able to enjoy her engagement, even if it did come directly after such a tragedy. However, sometimes secrets were difficult in a family of vampires.

"What about Alice, though?" I asked, "Does she know?" Edward's sister had the uncanny ability to see possibilities of the future.

"Only about your mother." Edward answered softly and then grinned, lightening the mood again, "Alice has given up on the engagement. She's seen it happen so many times in so many different ways that she's convinced herself it's just wishful thinking."

I smiled faintly. Of course Alice knew I would say yes eventually. She just didn't know how or when because I hadn't known myself.

Edward noticed my thoughtful stare and kissed me again, gently this time, "Are you sure you'll be alright?" he asked again.

I nodded again as firmly as possible and even managed a small smile as he slipped out my window. For a moment afterwards, I felt the despair grip me again, but I was able to fight it off – barely – by making myself busy showering and preparing for the trip to Florida. Just as I was starting to run out of mindless tasks to occupy myself with, I heard Edward's Volvo pull into the driveway.

I ran downstairs, feeling slightly embarrassed that, even in this situation, I was so desperate without him. Forever my savior, Edward caught me lightly in his arms and kissed me enthusiastically, showing me that I was not the only one counting the moments apart. The moment his lips touched mine, I was safe again. Despite all the tragedy and loss, I could cope.

Edward loaded my things into the trunk of his car and we set off for the airport, his hand in mine. Exhausted from the emotional and physical turmoil of the night before, I soon drifted off to sleep, marveling at how such sorrow could co-exist with such joy.

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The trip to Florida for Renee and Phil's funeral would have been unbearable if it weren't for Edward. Luckily, it was stormy most of the days, so Edward could accompany me everywhere – inside and out – without fear of revealing his secret by sparkling in the sun.

We spent the days with the few friends and family members who had flown down for the service and to help with the necessary arrangements. My Aunt Jenny tried to get me to go through my mother's belongings at their house, but I only got as far as the front door before collapsing in sobs into Edward's waiting arms. He went back later in the day while I slept and arranged for everything to be put into storage and for the house to be sold. If anyone wondered at his authority to handle such matters or at his closeness (physical or otherwise) to me, they never asked. Thank goodness for Edward's innate (vampire) ability to be so charming.

The nights were an entirely different matter. Then he was charming in an entirely different way… and only for me. If the days were despair, then nights were pure joy. My heart settled into an odd balance somewhere in between anguish and ecstasy. Apparently Edward had taken my comment about ignoring his Victorian morality quite seriously. The result was amazing... Making love with Edward was far greater than anything I could have ever imagined. Soft gentle kisses melted into a passion and intensity unlike anything I had ever experienced. But Edward, through it all, was a perfect gentleman. He never once lost control as he so feared, though there were times when it seemed that it took a great deal of concentration on his part not to do so. He was all love and affection and I couldn't have needed it more.

The night before we left Florida to fly back to Forks– exactly 6 days after I had learned of my mother's death and accepted Edward's proposal – we lay in our hotel suite, quietly enjoying the peace of one another's arms. I was handling the loss of Renee better now… I no longer fell to pieces at the mention of her name, but I would still be thankful to be back home in Forks, away from the reality of it all. I was also anxious to tell the Cullens… and even Charlie… about our engagement. Once I had made the decision to accept, I hadn't looked back. Even in the midst of such tragedy, the thought of marrying Edward made me deliriously happy. I was unable to remember why I had ever hesitated at all. Of course, my dramatic decisions were nothing new to my family or Edward, but he still seemed in shocked by the sheer pleasure our engagement now caused me.

As materialistic as it might sound, I was also anxious to see the ring I knew Edward was still carrying around with him. It seemed strange to me that he hadn't given it to me yet, though I supposed he was waiting for a more pleasant locale than my mother's funeral. He had also failed to mention anything more about when and how we should tell his family the news, though obviously it should have meant even more to him than to me. I knew he was in contact with them and possibly planning something to do with me because I had caught him several times talking in hushed tones over his cell phone to Alice or Carlisle and then growing strangely quiet when I entered the room. All in all, I was thoroughly confused. If it weren't for the tenderness he had been showing me each night, I would have worried he was changing his mind.

As I lay in his cold, strong arms, however, none of it seemed to matter to me. I was content just to be in the moment and in love.

"Bella?" Edward called my name softly against my bare shoulder as he kissed it tenderly, "Are you awake, love?"

"Yes," I whispered back, reaching a hand up to stroke his silken copper hair, "You?"

Edward chuckled at my little joke – obviously, he was always awake – one of the advantages (or disadvantages, depending on your viewpoint) of being a vampire.

"More than ever," he replied, turning me to face him and kissing the tip of my nose, "I was talking to Carlisle earlier…"

"Oh?" I asked, trying to sound surprised.

Edward laughed, "Sometimes, I have no need to read your mind, Bella."

I blushed, knowing I was caught, "And other times?"

"Other times you are the greatest mystery I will ever know. And that is probably why I love you so very much."

I kissed him, thoroughly surprised by this heartfelt statement. I had expected more lighthearted joking, not this beautiful sincerity.

Edward kissed me back, stroking my hair and smiling into my eyes, "Now, about my family."

I smiled back, amused, "Yes. About your family."

"I've asked them to all be available tomorrow night. I have something special planned for all of us."

"Were you planning on asking me to attend?" I teased.

Edward sighed, "If I must…"

I swatted at him with a pillow and he pounced on top of me, tickling my ribs and covering my face and throat in kisses. After we had both dissolved into laughter, he pulled me beside him, tucking my head under his chin.

"Actually," he said carefully, "I was wondering if you would like to ask Charlie to come tomorrow night."

"To your house?"

"Yes."

I was stunned. Obviously, I knew that I would have to tell Charlie about our engagement shortly after we told Edward's family, but I certainly hadn't planned on doing it at the same time, much less in the Cullen's house!

"Are we going to tell him…" my voice trailed off.

Edward chuckled again… "You'll have to be a bit more specific than that, my love; Remember – no mind reading here."

When I didn't reply, he continued, "Let me see… will we tell him we are in love? Well, I believe he has already arrived at that conclusion on his own, but of course, certainly we will spell it out for him if need be. Will we tell him we plan to marry? I believe we will have to do so eventually and yes, in a matter of fashion I had planned on making that announcement tomorrow night, though I will ask you to please trust me as to the manner in which it will be done. OR – are you wondering if we will tell him who – or rather what – we are? That, my dear, will be up to you. If you feel that Charlie can handle the situation – meaning of course that his only daughter is marrying an immortal bloodsucker – we will be happy to help you in breaking the news. Otherwise, we will have to work on a plausible cover story… especially if you still plan on following through with the second part of the agreement made last month."

I pulled back to look at him, "So you're still…alright… with changing me?"

Edward sighed, "Bella, I will probably never be 'alright' with it… there is still a voice inside me screaming that it would be wrong… But I cannot fight you and my family, too."

The tortured look on his face pained me and I leaned down to kiss him gently before he continued.

"However, there is a selfish side of me that wants to be sure you are mine forever," Edward said, his eyes brighter now, "And if by ensuring that, I make you happy as well – I suppose that must be the right choice to make."

I stared at him, stunned and relieved by his revelation.

"Thank You," I whispered.

Edward just pulled me back to him, still pensive. I didn't want to push my luck, but figured that the universe must owe me something after the tragedy I had endured this week.

"When?" I asked quietly, instantly wishing I hadn't as I heard Edward's heavy sigh.

"After the wedding," he answered vaguely. "Now go to sleep, Bella."

I wanted to press for more, but I was tired and as Edward hummed my lullaby, I found my eyes closing on their own, betraying my questioning mind.

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AN: Well? What do you think? Can you love the new, more accepting and sexual Edward? I knew you could...;-) Please, please, read and review. I will respond in kind! I am working on edits for the next chapter already!