Although it was difficult for my parents to comprehend, although I had walked away from Edward, I still desired, still needed to maintain my relationship with the Cullen family. Carlisle and Esme still considered me their daughter; I still had that once damned black credit card and the account that came with it. Somewhere, in those years that I grew and he didn't, I learned to gracefully accept their outward (extravagant) expressions of love for me. It gave joy to Carlisle and Esme, knowing I was well taken care of… It gave indescribable (if annoying to me) glee to Alice to constantly shift my wardrobe with the seasons. Rosalie and I had long ago made our peace, and we shared many interests. Emmett, as always, was my big brother… and Jasper. Even though Jasper only occasionally lived with the family now that he and Alice were no longer together, I still spoke with him, he was my sounding board - giving advice I could always trust.

I told him first, about what I was planning. He wasn't surprised, he had felt my changing feelings for sometime but, like a true friend, he kept his mouth shut. He was also much better at keeping his thoughts from Edward than Edward gave him credit for. He helped me through the grief that came with losing your first love, after all, he'd spent over fifty years with his, not just five. If not for Jasper, I'd not have been nearly so calm when I walked away from Edward.

Edward and I had been living separately from the family while we attended university at Dartmouth. We were supposed to have been married and me changed by now, but after much cajoling on his part, I had agreed to wait until after I graduated. However, in those four years, I went through many gradual changes, a gradual refining of my personality, and a gradual change in my appearance as I shed the last vestiges of teenaged youth. I grew several inches taller and surprisingly less clumsy. I discovered a love for horseback riding and swimming. I found it harder and harder for Edward and I to pass as the same age, I looked older than twenty-one.

I stared at myself in the mirror, hardly recognizing the angular planes of my face. I used to have such low self esteem, I never felt good enough… but now, looking in this mirror, I truly felt beautiful. I had been weighed down for a long time, and I was finally free. A carefree smile spread across my face. I was looking forward to the next step in my life. My life that I had (mostly) chosen for myself.

One thing that had really frustrated me about Edward was his refusal to recognize the very real threat that the Volturi were to the family. They had demanded me changed years ago, and yet I was still human. That was about to change. Only one person knew, and it wasn't Alice. A few years ago, I started to disappear from her visions. I would occasionally be in the background, but anything directly concerning me had faded. We eventually came to the conclusion I was a natural shield, and with age and presumably more experience with vampires, my mind had become incredibly adept at shielding itself. Therefore, all my decisions were shielded from her, no matter who they involved. So when I decided to ask Jasper to change me, she never knew.

I wanted as much time as possible to adjust to vampirism, so Jasper and I had worked out a plan. I told the family I needed a bit of time to adjust to my new single life and I was going to spend some time with Charlie and Renee. Which was partly true. I had stopped in Florida for a week and in Forks for a week, I had emailed Alice and Rosalie twice, Carlisle and Esme once. I was establishing a pattern, one that did not involve a phone.

I was also saying goodbye. I told my parents I had accepted a research internship in a remote area of the Amazon jungle. That the only form of communication would be limited access to satellite internet. I was going to happily update them for a few months and then Bella Swan would die. Jasper had already set up the appropriate fake documents for the quite real internship. It was run by someone he knew quite well and who was willing to assist us. I had written a will with my express wish that my remains were to be cremated immediately and then returned to my parents. It would be a shock, but to them, I will have died extremely happy and with no regrets… I would write a seemingly prophetic email to them, expressing almost the same sentiments.

I was lost in thought when my cell rang, startling me slightly. I looked at the screen; it was Jasper.

"How is he?"

I didn't waste time. Jasper had gone see Edward and the rest of the family, mostly to reassure Edward that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

"At first, he was shell-shocked, but I think he finally understands why you were always so frustrated with his stance on changing you. I don't think he ever realized what he was risking. He has a lot of regrets… He's changing though, for the better. He's so distracted, he's learned to actually tune out others thoughts. It's bittersweet. Alice can see parts of his future clearly for the first time in five years and she's got this serene smile on her face. She keeps mumbling about some siblings, you're still muddling up parts of it though."

I could hear the smile in his voice, he and Alice held no grudges against each other, they still loved each other, as family, if not lovers.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Jas…" I paused, "Are you still there?"

"No, I'm on the way to the airport now."

"Part of me is sad that he'll never make me blush again, or grin at my stupid heartbeat betraying my emotions."

"It's okay to be sad, Bells. There are moments that when I see Alice, that I just forget – everything – and I'm right back there in that diner, right back to the place where she pulled me up… It's normal, it doesn't mean that I want to go back to where we were, but my heart still honors the memory of her love."

I smiled, Jasper always knew the exact thing I needed to hear.

"Jerk, you're going to make me cry."

He laughed, "I'll see you soon. I should make it to the hotel before sunrise, then we can head out into the Great North."