AN: Got a lot of dark humor ones here. What can I say, I like that kind of stuff. Also, Alex is still around… and causing chaos as always

Disclaimer: I don't own Paw Patrol

***Permanent Quiet***

It wasn't easy being the leader of a bunch of rescue team, especially with six pups, but Ryder somehow made it work. A big yawn escaped his lips as Ryder dragged himself to his room. He had spent all night working on his latest project for his pups and now just wanted to head to bed. As he made his way towards his door, Chase walked by and saluted to him.

"Good morning, Ryder, sir! Need anything for me?" asked the police pup.

"No thanks, Chase. I'm just going to go to bed. Keep an eye on things will ya?" asked Ryder, opening his door.

"Yes sir, Ryder, sir!" shouted Chase which made Ryder wince at the sound.

Closing the door, Ryder made his way to his bed and flopped on top of the pillow without wasting a second. Just as the sweet embrace of sleep was about to envelop him, the sound of honking and whooping snapped his eyes open. "What the?" He could hear his other pups outside being so loud they could wake the dead. Groaning, he got out his pup pad and called for Chase.

"You called, sir?" asked Chase on the other end.

"Chase, could you get the others to be quiet? I'm trying to sleep."

"Roger, sir!"

Ryder tossed away his pup pad and covered his head with the pillow as the shouting continued outside.

Suddenly, five gun shots followed by five cries of pain echoed louder which made Ryder jump up and hold his pillow tight. There was some whimpering and pleading following which but more gun shots put a stop to that.

Then all was quiet.

Deathly quiet.

A knock on the door suddenly made him nearly wet himself as Chase poked his head out and smile. "All quiet, sir? By the way, where do we keep the shovel?"

"… storage closet…"

"Thanks! Goodnight!" said Chase closing the door.

Ryder wondered what he should do but felt his eyes getting droopy. Screw it, I'll get some sleep and head to the pet shop later…

***Doggie Hell***

Zuma often wondered how he was going to meet his end: run over by a car, drowned by accident, Alex doing something stupid again, Chase finding out he was dating Skye, eating chocolate. On that list of things, falling down the stairs upon slipping on a chew toy and breaking his neck was the last.

Marshall needs to learn how to put away his toys, growled Zuma as he sat in line with a bunch of other dogs in front of a pearly white gate. Although sad that he was dead, the one good thing about all this was since he was a rescue dog then he would have no problems getting into heaven. Maybe I can go back down and haunt Marshall for this, heh heh.

"Next."

Zuma walked forward as a dog angel, dressed in white with a halo and wings, looked at his scroll. "Zuma of Paw Patrol, yes? Died from an accident on the stairs."

"Yup, so when do I get my halo?" asked Zuma, smiling smugly.

"Hmm, I'm afraid you're not going in," replied the angel as he wrote something on the scroll.

Zuma's eyes widened. "W-What?! But I'm a rescue dog! Do you know how many people I've saved?!"

"Yes but you are also guilty of the following," said the angel as he read the list. "Let's see: not sharing your toys, peeing on the carpet and blaming Rubble, farting on Chase's face when he is asleep, switching Katie's pet shampoo with honey, running over sixteen different cats with your hovercraft, sneaking extra bits of puppy chow, and posting hate comments on 4Chan."

"Hey, that was only fourteen cats!" shouted Zuma, blushing.

"Yes, well I'm afraid there is only one place for you," said the angel as he pulled a lever and trap door on the cloud Zuma was on opened.

Zuma gulped before screaming as he fell… down… and down…

Crashing through solid rock, Zuma landed on his rump and shook his head before gasping. Fire. Brimstone. Liberal protesters screaming about not accepting something. "Oh no! I'm in doggie hell!"

"That's right!" shouted a voice as Zuma turned around and gasped again, but raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Alex?"

"Yup," said the young boy who had devil horns and a pitchfork.

"… You're the devil?" asked Zuma.

"Well, who else would it be?"

"True…" muttered Zuma who sighed. "Okay, so I deserve to be here. Tell me it won't be that bad."

"Oh, just an eternity. Don't worry. It will pass by. Now let's get to the suffering!" shouted Alex as he pulled out a vacuum and turned it on. Zuma yipped and ran as Alex laughed while chasing him with it.

***Everyone Loves Marshall***

"Such a good day to read a book," said Marshall out loud as he continued to read the Adventures of Apollo the Super Pup. "Well, a comic book anyway."

He was about to turn the page when he heard a vehicle pull over which raised his eyebrow and before he knew it, someone was rushing in from the entrance of the Lookout. To his surprise, it was Everest who looked around and gasped upon seeing him. Smiling, Marshall waved a paw. "Hey, Everest. What's-"

"I LOVE YOU!" Shouted Everest at the top of her lungs.

This was the last thing Marshall expected to hear, and he fell off his seat by the shear shock of it. His face quickly turned red as he shook his head to get his bearings straight before gasping at a love-struck Everest. "W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-WHA?!"

"I love you, Marshall! Couldn't just stand around without saying it any longer! I love you! Please be my mate!" shouted Everest, ruffing and cooing as she slowly inched forward.

"W-w-wait a minute! This is… I don't… well maybe… what?!" shouted Marshall, slowly moving back.

"Oh, shut up and kiss me you fool!" shouted Everest, looking ready to leap on his lips before a light brown blur tackled the husky in midair and knocked her back.

"HIYA!" shouted Skye as she flipped in the air and landed on her rear legs, positioned in a Pup-Fu pose. "Paws off the dalmatian hussy!"

"Skye?!" shouted Marshall, as he looked at a groaning Everest in concern. "D-Did you just hit, Everest?"

"Of course! No little bitch is getting away with taking my man!" growled Skye.

"… your man?" whimpered Marshall, having a bad feeling where his is going.

Turning around, Skye gave him a loving smile and replied. "Yes. I love you too, Marshall. I always have."

"B-b-but what about Chase?!" shouted Marshall.

Snorting, Skye replied, "Oh, please. Chase is a bore. I'd rather much have you for a mate then anything."

"Hey! He's mine, I confessed first!" shouted Everest, growing as she got face to face with the cockapoo.

"Oh yeah? Well, I've known Marshall longer then you have. So that means I'm better suited to be his mate!" replied Skye.

"Oh, please!" shouted Everest, rolling her eyes. "You are way to short for a guy like him. If he ever tries to mount you you'll be squashed flat like a bug."

"Uh, girls? I don't think we-"

"What was that liver breath?! The last thing Marshall would want to do is kiss you since you lick your own butt!" shouted Skye.

"Oh, I'm going to-"

"What is going on here?" asked Rocky, walking in with his eyebrows raised.

"Rocky, quick! Skye and Everest are both in love with me and fighting and I don't' know what to do!" shouted Marshall, rushing to the hybrid and shaking his shoulder.

"Oh? I know how to fix that," said Rocky with a sly smile.

"Really?! How-" Marshall was cut off when Rocky's lips were pressed against his. His eyes widened as did the other two girls who gasped.

Ending the kiss, Rocky winked at the girls and said, "First one to kiss bets the bliss. He's mine, girls."

"I… I… That was… first kiss…" whispered Marshall repeatedly as he tried to make sense what had happened. While is brain was still booting, Rocky slid over and started rubbing his cheek against Marshall.

"You don't want some dirty girls to play around the doghouse, do ya, Marshall? You need a real man to satisfy you," whispered Rocky.

"Get away from you freak!" shouted Skye, showing her teeth while Everest was right beside her. "You make one move on him and I'll kill you!"

"Marshall is mine, bitch!" shouted Everest.

Rocky merely stuck his tongue out and shook his raised rump at the two. "Kiss this! I'm Marshall's mate and nothing will stop me!"

"Oh yeah?!" shouted a fourth voice which raised everyone's attention as they looked up at the food dispensers. Standing above them was Zuma, who jumped off and landed on his paws. " I don't think so, Wocky."

"Oh, god…" whispered Marshall. "Please don't tell me you love me too, Zuma?"

Zuma chuckled. "Afwaid so, dude. Of course, Rocky here would be a terrible lover. Speaking from experience of course…"

Rocky gasped as did the others. Skye looked at the two of them. "You and Zuma, Rocky?"

"Well… it was just a friend with benefits thing!" shouted Rocky, blushing.

"Yeah, but I didn't get any benefit," chuckled Zuma. "Rocky here can barely pick it up if you know what I mean. Also? I had to fake it every time." This made both girls laugh while Rocky looked ready to kill Zuma, who ignored him. "Now, Marshall?" He got behind the blushing and frozen dalmatian as the young lab stared at his butt. "That's a piece of meat I can scream against for hours!"

"Die you bastard!" shouted Rocky as he lunged for Zuma, shocking everyone. In a split second, he had his throat around the lab who struggled to escape but a few seconds later a crack was heard. Everyone, even Rocky froze as he dropped Zuma who fell like a lump of bricks. His eyes closed and his tongue sticking out as he remained motionless.

"Is… is he…" Marshall felt his fur getting whiter.

"Y-You killed him! You murderer!" shouted Skye in horror.

Suddenly, the door opened and Chase, in his police uniform and puppack, rushed in. "What the heck's going on here?!"

"Chase! Rocky killed Zuma!" shouted Everest pointing to the surprised Rocky who was standing over the dead body.

Looking at the body, Chase growled and barked, bringing out a small revolver from his puppack that was pointed at Rocky. "Paws up! You're under arrest for murder!"

"You'll never take me alive!" shouted Rocky as he started to run away.

"Rocky stop!" shouted Marshall, but before he could say anything else two shots went off. Marshall gasped in horror as Rocky yipped before falling on his stomach. He twitched and breathed heavily a little before one last gasp escaped him and he was motionless just like Zuma. "You… Chase…"

"He was a runner, I had to do it," sighed Chase. He then growled and pointed his gun at Marshall. "And now to take care of you!"

"W-what?!" shouted Marshall, holding his paw in the air as Chase aimed his gun straight at his chest. "W-why?!"

"You stole, Skye from me!" shouted Chase with tears in his eyes. "You think I didn't know?! That you were the one who had her heart?! You stole her from me! Me! You're best friend!"

"Wait, Chase I didn't-I mean-" Marshall gasped as the gun was aimed higher. "No! No!"

"Noooo!" shouted Everest jumping in the way as the gun went off. She grunted before landing on the ground, rolling over before laying on her side.

"Everest!" shouted Marshall, rushing over to her side. He gasped as tears appeared in his eyes, paw covering his mouth upon seeing her still face as her eyes rolled up.

"Don't worry," said Chase, aiming his gun again. "You'll be joining her soon. Goodbye, Marshall!"

Marshall closed his eyes and waited for it all to end. A gunshot went off and Marshall cringed, hoping it wouldn't be painful. However, when he felt nothing hit him, he slowly opened his eye and saw Chase standing there absolutely still. He then slowly slumped over and felt on his chest, eyes closed. Looking a bit up, Marshall saw Skye, holding a gun with her paws, aimed directly at Chase with a satisfied look in her eyes.

"Skye… you… you…"

"He was a lame lover anyway," said Skye with a snort before turning to Marshall. "Now the two of us are all alone, Marshall."

Suddenly the door opened. "Hey, guys," said Rubble with a smile. "What's-"

Skye turned around and fired the gun at Rubble who held his stomach in shocked. He tried to speak something but instead fell on his side, also dead. "Like I said. Alone."

"Are you crazy?!" shouted Marshall in horror. "Rubble didn't do anything!"

"No witness, Marshall," said Skye with a crazed look in her eyes as she moved forward and took Chase's gun while aiming her own at Marshall. "Now we'll be together forever. We're going to get married, have pups, and live happily ever after."

Marshall gulped and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. "O-Okay… but… don't you want to kiss me first?"

A blush appeared on Skye's cheeks as she gasped. "K-kiss you?"

"Yeah, I mean," Marshall pawed the floor nervously. "If… If were going to be mates… let's at least kiss first."

"Oh, Marshall," whispered Skye as she slowly walked forward, dropping both guns. She jumped up, ready to embrace Marshall in a loving hug. What she didn't expect was the kick in the face that knocked her down.

Seeing his chance, Marshall ran for one of the guns, grabbed it, aimed, and fired.

Skye yipped as the bullet hit her and knocked her back. Gasping for breath, she slowly looked up with tears in her eyes as Marshall shed his own. "I… loved… you…" Her head went down for the final time as her last breath exited her body.

Marshall stood there, the lone survivor of six dead pups. All of them his friends. All of them who he cared about. All gone. He was… alone. Closing his eyes, Marshall lifted the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

The shot echoed as Marshall crumbled into the ground like a sack for potatoes and all was silent…

"CUT!"

The pups all got up and stretched their legs. Barking with satisfaction that the shot was good, they turned to Ryder with his camera and nodded. "Great shot, everyone. I think this is our best one yet."

"Hopefully so," answered Rocky, stretching his neck. "I keep dying in positions not good for my neck."

"I don't know, I get a good view of your butt each time so I can go a bit longer," flirted Zuma as he walked over to his mate and licked his cheek.

"Hey, Chase?" asked Marshall, walking over to his best friend. "You wouldn't really shoot me if me and Skye were dating, right?"

"Course not. You're my best bro. Nothing would happen like that," chuckled Chase as Skye came over and nuzzled his neck.

"Besides, I think Everest would kill you first if you did that," pointed out Skye.

"True that," said Everest as she kissed the blushing dalmatian on the cheek.

"Uh, guys?" said Ryder, getting their attention. "I think we ran out of batteries half way. We gotta do it all over again."

"Arugh," cried out the pups.