Mind numbing shifts were the one of the worst things Emma had experienced. The only good thing about filling in paperwork – apart from the excuse of being at work so she could spend some time alone, was that they had to be taken to city hall. Not that she saw much of Regina anymore.
"Got a minute." Emma looked up. Lily leant against the door to her small office. She slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans, shrugged and gave Emma a once over. "Though I got t' admit, it's still all kinds of weird seeing you working at a sheriff's station."
"Lilly." Emma stood, not expecting to see the woman in the flesh. She walked around the desk then leant against it and crossed her arms. "I thought you'd left town." That's what she had heard. They had been so busy searching for the author, Emma hadn't noticed. After that, she'd had darkness plunged into her, followed by it seeping away.
"I had some things to sort out. Me and Mal texted though, I mean, she can't leave, what with the magic stuff keeping her alive and all." Emma smirked; she hadn't forgotten the times she had been caught off guard when the first curse had been broken. It had seemed almost laughable back then.
"How's that going? With your mom. I know it's a lot to take in." Emma's body slouched and Lily's eyes subtly ran over the frilly shirt she had put on. Emma went to defend herself, then snapped her mouth shut, not remembering how.
"It's still strange, you know?" She shrugged and pulled her eyes away from the shirt which could potentially pass as a curtain. "But it's…kind of nice. It feels like she cares about me and after the whole, me turning into a dragon and almost turning your mom into a toasted meal-" Emma rolled her eyes at Lily's smirk, "we bonded a little. And we've been talking a lot whilst I've been away. It's just going to take a bit of getting used to."
"I know the feeling." Their gazes held for a moment, until Emma's phone buzzed on the desk. Lily snatched it and squinted at the screen. Emma swallowed down on the dread she felt at missing one of his calls.
"Killian?" She raised a brow at Emma. "You're still dating that guy? I really thought it would be over by now." She hit the 'decline' button then chucked the phone back on the desk. Emma bit her lip, but pulled her eyes away.
"Well, actually." Emma held up her ring finger, a shy smile directed at her old friend.
Lily's eyes widened, she paced closer and gripped onto Emma's wrist, inspecting the ring at a closer angle. "I never saw that happening with you. Not even back when we were kids."
"Things have changed." Emma pulled her hand away then reached them back until her fingers curled around the edge of the desk, "I've changed."
With the way Lily raked her eyes up and down Emma, giving her a skeptical look, Emma wondered, not for the first time, if it had been for the better. It was too late now. She had been put on the right path. Her parents knew it. Hook knew it. If only she could ignore anything else which had the potential to destroy the one thing she had been doing right.
"I just got some serious vibes when we were younger." Lily used her fist to lightly tap Emma's arm, "you totally had a crush on me, for one and I thought it was exclusive. But whatever-" she shrugged, creating a little more space between them, "if that guy is what you want."
"He is." Emma swallowed. She had desperately wanted Lily as a friend. Had felt tears well up for days after she had left, but, she'd convinced herself over the years it had been nothing more than friendship. With time, the feelings had lessened to the point when they had met again, it had felt as if they were strangers. "I've had a few flings with women, but, only when I'd been drinking and I was kind of alone, I don't know-" she shrugged and tilted so some of her weight was on the heel of her hand.
Emma smiled tightly at Lily; it was nothing she hadn't told herself before. Falling into a woman's bed for the night when she had needed a warm body to sleep next to, was nothing more than Emma starving off the loneliness.
"Okay," she said, drawing out the syllables, eyes widening and making a mental note not to bring up the topic again. The phone vibrated on the table. Lily grabbed it. "He's calling again, maybe it's urgent." She hit decline with a smirk and put the phone back down.
"Lily!" Emma picked up the phone and almost called back. Lily gave her a look. She sighed and put it down. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about, anyway?"
"Oh, yeah, that. Well, Mal has been trying to find my father, but hasn't had much look. We were thinking maybe you could help? With all your magic and stuff, I don't know," she said, shrugging and brushing off the idea as if she was still a kid, not wanting to be ridiculed for wanting something desperately.
Emma pushed from the desk to stand up right and crossed both arms around her chest. "I would love to help Lily, but I don't know if it's the best time." Both eyes fell to the ground, unable to see the disappointment on her friend's face. She did have a wedding to plan, after all and there was the little fact her magic wasn't at its best.
"It doesn't matter. Mal's asked Regina and her magic is all sorts of insane, so…" Lily turned around, her head bowing in the slightest.
"Wait-" She grabbed Lily's upper arm causing her to turn and snap her head back up, "let me get this wedding planning done and then I'll try to help. I've just got so much to do and I hardly see Hook as it is, but if you still want my help-" hands slid into the back pockets of her jeans and she shrugged.
"It'd been good, to have another person helping and all." Lily shrugged a little, biting down on her smirk. "And I was going to ask if you maybe wanted to go out for drinks one night."
"Can we take a rain check? I'd love to catch up," she said, hand going straight to Lily's arm, mind conflicted on the reasoning behind her second rejection, "I'll call you once I've gotten some free time."
"Well, don't sweat it." She shrugged off the arm, shoulders drooping and lips in a tight line, "just give me a call. My number hasn't changed since I was last here."
Lily had turned and was out the door before Emma had time to think about how she had let her friend down twice. Over something she had once spent hours and hours wishing for, in houses too crowded whilst she felt nothing but loneliness.
"I'll give you a call when I've got a minute." Lily threw her head over her shoulder and nodded, draping her eyes over Emma with a frown. Shaking her head, she turned back around whilst Emma twiddled with the ring. Before she could dwell on a past which seemed murky and blurred at best, her phone rang.
On a sigh, Emma answered. Knowing he would keep on ringing until she did.
"Mercy." Emma let out the loudest groan of her life and flopped her head onto the kitchen counter, both arms moving to cushion the fall. If she were to look at another flower arrangement within this lifetime she would go insane.
Emma winced as the first signs of a headache began to twinge behind her eyes. She'd come to her parent's loft almost every day since she'd announced the engagement and already she was…regretting telling them. Perhaps if they'd kept the engagement under wraps, she could've avoided all of this and not have to marry at all.
"Emma." Snow sighed, leant against the side and sipped her tea, both eyes glued to her daughter in a squint, "I know flower arrangements might not be your thing, but we're talking about your wedding day. Could you at least show a little more enthusiasm?"
Emma hated that, she'd lost count on how many times her mother would tell her to be happy; as if it were that easy. She'd lost count on how many times she'd seen her death, too.
"I don't know." On a sigh, she popped her head up and shrugged, "they are look the same."
Snow slid onto the stool besides her own and placed the open bridal magazine in front of Emma's face and gave her that look. The one she'd given her whenever she would drag her feet over this detail or that. It wasn't as if she could tell her mother the idea of planning this wedding filled her with dread. As if one wrong detail and the entire thing would fall apart.
"Yellow. I want yellow ones." She propped her chin in one palm and pouted. It was a good an answer as she was going to get. Not that she knew why the colour scheme and type of flower was all that important to begin with.
"Okay, well, I guess it's a start." Snow didn't seem impressed. The exaggerated sigh which followed only added to that. She picked up the magazine and balanced it in her palm, the pages flopping to each side, "now we need to pick the type of flower."
"Mooom." Emma sounded like a moody teenager, but she was bored out of her mind. They'd been over this and over that a dozen times already. "Just pick them for me, I don't know a thing about flowers."
"Emma, your wedding is in four weeks. We hardly have enough time left. It can't be that hard to flip through the pages and choose one you like." Four weeks, it was the time she had left until Emma Swan became a distant memory. Four weeks until it became official, at least.
Planning this wedding had proved harder than any one of them would've expected. It didn't help that her soon to be husband would simply smile, kiss her cheek and say, 'whatever you want, love' as if him being the male excused him from any aspect which involved work. Even if this entire thing was happening solely because of him.
"What does it matter anyway?" Emma grabbed the magazine from her mother, flipped through half a dozen pages before sighing and throwing it onto the surface. "If everyone I love is there, I…just…don't…care."
Instantly she bit her lip, cheeks reddening and turned to face Snow, ready to take it back. When she tried to open her mouth it made the words taste of bile, mind falling back to the dreadful night when Hook had learned the truth, turned on her and spilled words no part of her was ready to forget. "I didn't mean it like that," she said thickly, running fingers through her hair, "this is just stressful."
A hand brushed up and down her arm, "and when you walk down that aisle, all of this will be a distant memory and you'll be glad you listened to your mother and picked a flower scheme when all you can think about is how perfect everything is."
Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head, "I'll take a look tonight," she said then stood, "if I look at them for another second they're all going to blur into one and I already can't tell them apart as it is."
"Then why don't we push the date back a few months? It's not as if either of you are going anywhere and this town certainly isn't going to change." Snow grabbed onto the magazine and began flipping through the pages with a wistful smile, as if she had just solved the entirety of the problem.
Emma's breathing shallowed and her fingers curled over the kitchen counter, turning white at the force of her grip. "I might not have months." It shouldn't come as a surprise anymore, but even the girl trapped in the foster system couldn't let the flame inside flicker and die.
Snow lifted her nose out the magazine, mouth slightly agape. "I…Emma, we don't know-"
"I want to have my wedding before that happens." At least she could finally be a decent saviour before she dies.
Each finger slipped from the counter and arms crossed tightly around Emma's chest, "and before you give me a speech, we've been over this. If this is my destiny, then it's my destiny. I don't want to hear any more." She was tired, so darn tired. All she wanted to do was do was get married and have a chance at her own happiness before she died.
Snow nodded enthusiastically, slamming the magazine shut. "Then I'm going to make sure your wedding day is the best day of your life."
As if the sheer mention had triggered it, Emma's left arm tingled. It shook and bent upwards, the usual tightness and lack of control flooding back as a hooded figure filled her vision. Emma gasped, squeezed her eyes until the vision had passed and her arm loosened. Upon opening her eyes, spots appeared and her head went light.
"Emma." Snow stood then placed a guiding hand on Emma's arm as she began to sway and blink rapidly.
"I'm fine," she said in between breaths, unconvincing as she perched on the edge of the stool to regain her breath as the dizziness faded, "need a minute."
Snow looked to her with a little more than concern in her eyes, wrinkles creasing her forehead. "That was-"
"Just a vision."
On a deep breath and with one hand clutched onto the side, Emma lifted herself onto shaky legs. She concentrated on each movement, so she wouldn't sway on the spot or do anything unusual which could lead to more questions than she was ready to answer. "Used to it."
"Emma, that was-"
"I'm fine, mom." She made her way to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and swigged until half it was gone. She could do with a nap…or something stronger, not that she would admit that to her mother.
Snow sighed and Emma turned with the bottle still clasped in her hand. "I need to get to work," she said, picking up the magazine and tucking it under her arm, "I'll pick something out later." Perhaps she wasn't due at the station for a little while, but she could do with driving home and standing under a steaming hot shower.
Snow tried for a smile but it came out as a grimace, concern she knew to let slide written all over her face. "Let me know what you decide so I can get them ordered and maybe we can find some time this week to test out some cake?"
"That sounds a lot more appealing." For once something about this wedding didn't sound so bad.
Snow squeezed her shoulder, "let me know what you decide," she said softly, as if this wedding wasn't half of the reason she was feeling like she had been. Emma simply nodded then made her way to the door, one step at a time. If she swayed or tumbled she knew for certain her mother would be all over her.
The moment she was on the other side of the door, she let the smile drop. Glad for a moment where no pretend happiness was required. A part deep inside stung, because no one had seemed to notice. Not that Emma wanted anyone too. There was a chance she wouldn't be alive much longer anyway.
She repeated it to herself like a mantra, almost as if the reminder would see to it she would continue to do the right thing, all the while she had to use the wall to steady herself before she made her way down the stairs.
The report had been long and repetitive and downright awful, but it was finished. Which meant Emma had to take the stack over to town hall. It was also a Thursday, the day Regina had meetings late and should still be in her office. There was a time Emma would meet her every week with coffee and snacks and they would spend an hour or so talking. That was before darkness had swallowed her whole then spat her back out.
With a hopeful knock, Emma waited outside of the mayor's office until a familiar, "come in," was shouted her way. Biting down on a smirk, Emma entered, report in one hand and a tray of coffee in the other.
"Coffee?" Regina raised a brow, forgoing a greeting. She pushed the chair away from the desk, stood with both palms pressed to it, the buttoned-up blouse straining as usual. Both sleeves from her blazer were rolled up as she made her way around the desk.
After she had taken a cup, Regina moaned at the warm liquid then tipped her head at Emma, "remind me why we stopped this again?"
Emma shrugged, not wanting to delve into the subject. If she did, it would mean thinking about all the good things which seemed to be disappearing with a surprisingly quick frequency. If she thought too much, it would dredge up events she would much rather keep buried.
"I'm sure you'll be less pleased with this." Emma handed over the reports, "but they're on time, for… a change-" she tipped her head to the side and half chuckled, removing the remaining coffee cup and discarded of the tray.
"Thank you." Regina took them and turned, adding the folder to an already growing stack on her desk, then leant against her desk to face the younger woman, "did someone threaten you?" She winced at the poor word choice, not that she could tell what was up from down these days.
Emma frowned and moved to take the seat directly in front of where Regina stood, one ankle crossed over the other, "what?"
"Normally I have to pester both you and your father for days over those reports. And I still don't understand why, unless there's some massive monster hitting the town-"
"Gods, Regina, don't jinx it." She sighed and leant back in the chair with a smirk. She had missed this.
"My point-" both eyes widened and her head tipped, "apart from unexpected attacks, the most exciting thing which happens is Leroy's weekly visit to a jail cell. What could possibly take you so long?" She crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.
"What's got you all in a twist?" Regina may have been joking, but she'd seemed…off, not that Emma was equipped to deal with her own problems, never mind that of the friend she didn't see half as much as she would like. "And they're boring, if something unexpected were to happen the reports would be a lot more fun to fill in." With a lot more damage control, but Emma didn't mind the clear up afterwards. It usually helped put the incident to rest and fostered a sense of safety amongst the less known residence.
Regina sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "nothing important-" she took another sip of the coffee and sighed again, "I should employ someone to bring me coffee each evening." After another sip, she looked back to Emma with a little more concern in her voice, "but seriously, Emma, is everything okay. Are you feeling better?"
Emma nodded, "my mother's on at me about some flower arrangement for the wedding. Turns out I've found something more boring than reports." It wasn't a lie, not exactly. Either way, Regina had stopped pushing long ago.
"Speaking of your mother." Regina placed the empty cup down then perched on the desk, each hand resting just behind her hips, "she called earlier and she seemed a little worried."
"About what?" Emma couldn't fool Regina. If she had a lie detector, or used to have a lie detector, which, well, she didn't want to think about; then Regina had a much better equipped bullshit meter. Not that she was using it much lately either.
"Apparently you had a vision, which appeared a little more intense than usual." Emma squirmed, but tried to keep her emotions flat, which wasn't all that hard. Regina pushed from the desk, crossed her arms and glared at Emma, "and well, you're you. If anything is wrong you'll ignore it and tell everyone, including yourself, you're fine."
Emma didn't say a word. She allowed their gazes to stay connected and felt her stomach clench as they stared, partly willing herself to open her mouth…
"If something is the matter, you know you have people to talk to?"
"I'm fine."
Regina raised her brows as if to prove her point, but her eyes were softer and it appeared as if she were as tired of all this as Emma. Not that she had given up on Emma. Like Emma had given up on herself a long time ago without even realising it was what she had done. "Regina, I'm fine. I had a vision, like always. They make me shaky, you've seen them and you know my mother and how she exaggerates. But, I'm…fine."
"It's not me you have to convince." Emma frowned at her, caught her gaze again and stared in ways she hadn't in months. Was that because she believed Emma? Or because she wouldn't be convinced otherwise? Emma didn't know which one she preferred.
"I'm fine," she whispered, the words crushing them both. She broke the eye contact by finishing the remainder of the coffee. "Anyway," she said, standing and grabbed both the empty cups before throwing them into the trash, "I had a visit a few nights back."
Emma walked over to the couch, sat and simply waited for Regina to join her. It had felt so long since they had sat and talked, but they instantly fell back into the pattern. Emma didn't really know what had prompted her to push to get those reports done in time. After the vision, she had gone back to her house to find it empty, to her relief, as Hook was with her father. There was no desire within her to tell anyone how bad the visions were becoming, but the need to be with someone was strong. She supposed she could've headed straight out of work to her fiancé, but something had called her here.
"A visit?" Regina pushed off the desk and did exactly as Emma had expected. She smiled softly as Regina took a seat and although if pressed again over her well-being, she would continue with the same answers, Emma felt a little more content to simply be. "From...the queen?"
Regina seemed concerned even more so than over the visions. This time Snow wasn't exaggerating, but it was an easy excuse to come up with. The queen on the other hand, Emma could only guess to how she was feeling over her presence.
"It was after our family meal last week" she began, recounting how she had left the mansion, drove back to her house only to find the queen waiting for her, "she was leaning against the fence, wearing one of those insane dresses."
"My dresses weren't insane, dear." Regina cocked a brow, that coupled with the seriousness to Regina's tone had a chuckle bubble in Emma's chest. One she couldn't keep in and the more she laughed the more Regina gave Emma a death stare worthy of her evil queen days.
"Oh, come on, Regina. How did you even move? They couldn't have been comfortable." They looked good, but Emma shut that thought down in an instant.
"Stop laughing, Miss Swan. It was appropriate attire, uncomfortable, perhaps, but even fashion in this realm isn't always comfortable." Regina shifted, feeling slightly off over jokes she wouldn't usually much care for.
"Are you promoting Victoria's secret model now?" Emma asked, her laughter dying down in the slightest, but flaring up again as Regina turned her entire body to look at her and frowned so deeply the creases may have settled in for good.
"I beg your pardon." Obviously, Regina didn't make the fashion connection, but it had Emma swiping under her eyes and shaking her head.
"Nothing," she said, her stomach aching slightly, "you're so easy to wind up."
Regina sighed, no longer in the mood, "and you're a child, with a ridiculous sense of humour." She tensed at the sharpness to her tone. One which hadn't been there since their early days.
"Regina." Emma turned and frowned at the sudden shift, "I was only joking."
"Next time you mock the evil queen, remember you are mocking me, dear." She didn't look to Emma as she had said it, not even sure where it had come from. Hadn't she been the one who had wanted the queen to be a separate part of herself in the first place?
Emma hadn't expected that. When the queen had first arrived, they had all gone on defence, only to shift to offence. Regina wanted her gone or she had, "is something the matter?"
Regina's shifts in mood weren't something to take lightly. At a glance, they seemed irrational and sometime frustrating, but if you could get to the heart of it, there was always a reason behind them.
There was a long silence. Regina crossed one leg over the other and sighed. Emma fell back and twiddled her thumbs in her lap, not at all sure how to approach any of this. No matter what she or anyone did over the queen, it had always turned out horribly wrong. Even Henry had pushed her away and that was the first time Emma had caught the hurt in the queen's eyes. Then Regina's and if it didn't remind her of those early days then she didn't know what would. Seeing that visual had hurt a part Emma hadn't known to exist. "Is it something to do with the queen?"
"I'm sorry for snapping, Emma." Regina twisted and looked to her, "it's just been harder to adjust then I realised. She was a part of me for a long time and perhaps there are some parts that I miss." That hadn't meant to come out, though Regina supposed if she couldn't be honest with Emma, then she wouldn't be honest back.
"You…miss the evil parts?" Emma seemed sceptical, but as always, she was ready to listen.
"I can live without the evil impulses, though it turns out thoughts of homicide don't necessarily disappear. Not when your parents are around-" and the pirate, but she chuckled along with Emma, not mentioning that part, "but now, there's all of these aspects of me that are…gone. I'm simply learning to deal without them." Emma was almost certain there was more to it, but then Regina visibly swallowed and moved on without hesitation, "are you going to tell me what she wanted?"
"Oh, right, no idea." Emma forgo mentioning the queen's gloating about the revelation that Hook had killed David's father in the past and how she had called her weak for still being with him. "She spoke in riddles for the most part." And laughed at her, repeatedly and Emma now realised how she had just made Regina feel. She deflated, wondering why anyone would choose to be around her when she continued to behave in ways which were foreign.
Emma had absentmindedly began twiddling with the ring. Regina tried to ignore it, but her eyes settled on it as she thought of all the ways the queen could've chosen to mess with them, she had targeted Hook. "Did she say anything about what she wanted?"
"Not really. I asked her what she hoped to achieve but she didn't give me anything other than vague answers. Did you always talk like that?" Emma caught Regina staring at her ring, abruptly pulling the sleeves of her striped sweatshirt over her fingers to cover it.
"I suppose," she said, using her hands to gesture in the air, "in certain situations, if I wanted to mess with people's heads I would talk in riddles to confuse them." She rolled her eyes the moment Emma bit down hard on her lip. Perhaps she shouldn't laugh and she didn't want to put Regina in a bad mood, but she couldn't help but find it funny. "Don't you start laughing again or I'll-"
"Talk in riddles to confuse me?" The laughter roared again and Emma let it spill directly from her chest, not remembering the last time she had laughed so hard. Regina joined in this time, which Emma was relieved of. Whilst they were still smiling, they made eye contact, as if for a second it was just them. Nothing else to get in their way. Until Emma shifted her gaze and Regina cleared her throat.
"She did blast some magic at me though. I managed to deflect it, but she poofed away before I had the chance to ask her about it." Emma had still been reeling from the 'weak' comment and it'd given her just enough fight to prove to the queen she had been wrong. Love wasn't weakness. Even if it continued to drain the life out of her, drop by excruciating drop.
Regina straightened her back, glancing to Emma with worry. "Was she trying to hurt you?"
"I don't know. It all happened quickly." Or the small fact using magic would exhaust her to the point she had received a pounding headache afterwards and could hardly recall what had happened by the time she had passed out in her bed and awoken the following morning.
"Why am I so confusing?" Regina rolled her eyes at herself and the absurdity of the situation almost had Emma laugh again, but she found herself wiping a hand down her face, having wondered the same thing for years.
"I'm sure she'll be back soon to cause some sort of havoc or another," Emma said, hoping to get a minute's break between the visions, the queen and her impending death. And the wedding, which seemed to be the one thing she couldn't get a break from.
"That I'm sure of." Regina hesitated for a moment, not sure whether she was content the conversation about the queen was ending or if she wanted to find the trust in Emma she had found in no other. Without knowing what exactly it was she had wanted to discuss, the let it go. She turned her body so she faced Emma and squinted her eyes, believing this could be a harder conversation to have. "I was thinking, Emma. Perhaps if we worked together to try and figure out where these visions are coming from, then maybe we'd have a better chance at fighting them."
"Regina."
"Emma."
"I know what I'm seeing and it…sucks, but all I can do is continue to live my life. I know you want me to fight this, but there's nothing left to fight."
Regina's pursed her lips and nodded. "If you change your mind," she said, the softness of her eyes hardening as she stood and ran both palms over the crinkles in her skirt. Regina had been on the receiving end of Emma's innate need to fight. She hadn't noticed when that same fight had withered into ash.
Emma followed suit, letting go of the material she'd been holding over her fingers in favour of crossing both arms over her chest. "Well, if I don't see you until Monday, have a nice weekend." Emma knew when it was time to escape. They could have the same discussion over and over, it still wouldn't change the outcome.
Regina smiled tightly, heels clipping as she made her way back around her desk, back in the position Emma had found her in. "You too, Emma," she said, head down as she began to shuffle through the paperwork.
"Bye, Regina." After a moment of anticipation and one last glance, Emma left the mayor's office. The blow to her gut hit when Regina didn't look her way or say goodbye.