*throws schoolbooks out of window* So I finally managed to finish my German assigment just one hour before the deadline. Now I can write again! This chapter is a bit of a mess. I kinda messed up, I think.

Chapter Two

"You know, it's like I'm walking behind people. You're tripping, you're falling, you're bleeding. You reach out for them to help you, but they don't turn around. You scream for them to help you, but they don't turn around. You can scream over and over again, but you're voiceless. Nobody can hear you, no matter how loud you scream."

Hinata Shouyou was acting weird, everyone had noticed by now. Every time someone asked if he was feeling alright, he always told he was fine, but you could clearly see he was lying. Karasuno first thought it was better not to make a big issue about it, but Kageyama had disagreed. He had noticed something was off after a few weeks into the school year. Hinata had made a big fuss about their first training-camp and avoided Kageyama at the weirdest moments. When he asked Hinata what on earth was wrong, the boy had simply replied with a ´It's nothing!´ and dashed away, but Tobio saw it. Tobio saw it in his eyes, the terrible look from someone who was screaming for help. Someone who really needed help.

That's why Kageyama had disagreed with staying out of Hinata's business, but in order to keep appearances, he decided to play along with the team. He did pay a little more attention to the (not so) shiny spiker in the end. Even though Kageyama had no idea what on earth was happening, he did know he had to help. Hinata needed something or someone to hold on to while he was trying to fix his problem and Tobio didn't care what it was.

"Hinata is acting off, isn't he?" Yachi handed him a towel and glanced over at the redhead in the corner of the gym. Kageyama took the towel from her and shook his head.
"I know," he answered, "I tried to figure out what was going on, but he's not coming to his senses." he explained while he wiped his face. The towel was soft, fluffy and comforting. Kageyama wanted twenty.

"Hmhm..." Yachi nodded, "I asked him a little earlier, but he just changed the subject as if I never ask anything! Honestly, he's getting on my nerves... but I can't help but sensing something wrong around him. I'm worried."

Tobio sighed and fetched a volleyball from the ground, "I know. The others are worried too, but I don't think they sense something off about him as we do..." his voice died in his throat when he saw Hinata looking at them. The redhead waved at them.

"You too...?" Yachi suddenly remembered this morning, when Kageyama had waited for the little spiker. He practically insisted he'd wait for him instead of someone else. Suddenly it made sense. Kageyama knew that Hinata would get uncomfortable with his other teammates and didn't want them to annoy Hinata with the same questions he asked. The idea was somewhat possessive, but it made sense. So far Hitoka knew, Hinata only trusted Kageyama a hundred percent.

She couldn't help but smile a bit and she was somewhat jealous of their friendship, although they would always deny it themselves.

"A-ah, give me your towel! Daichi wants to start again!" hastily she pulled the towel out of Kageyama's hands and skipped back to the sidelines where Shimizu was waiting for her. She sat down on the ground and opened her own water bottle, "The team is doing well today, don't you think?" Shimizu asked softly. Yachi nodded happily and took a sip from her drink.

"Yes, but it's a shame Hinata's not feeling well... I'd love to see him in action again." she pondered and her eyes traveled over to the other side of the court where Hinata was sitting. He was still in his school uniform and his face was wearing the most pissed-off look Hitoka had ever seen in her life.

"It must be awful to sit out and watch your team play..." murmured Shimizu after she had seen Yachi's gaze, "...I'd be-"

She cut off and stared at Hinata as well. The little guy suddenly stood up, hid his face in his hand and rushed out of the door, bumping into it first.

Yachi stared at the place where Hinata left before shouting: "Hinata!" after him. Behind her she heard Daichi saying some unclear words to Sugawara and the rest of the team. Probably that they should leave Hinata alone for now so he could clear his head, but Kageyama hadn't agreed.

"Kageyama!" Suga shouted when the other setter suddenly dashed after his rival, "You should leave him alone! He needs some time!"

But both Yachi and Kageyama knew that time was the last thing Hinata needed.

Screaming. It's not like anyone will hear you, right? It's not like anyone will turn around and help you, right?

Hinata dried his face with the fluffy towel and stared at his own reflection in the mirror. Somehow, he didn't look as horrible as before. That was great, at least captain wouldn't ask questions. Not that they did, Shouyou started to wonder if they even noticed something was off.

That was what he wanted right? He wanted to be heard by his teammates, he wanted them to notice he was depressed and desperately searching for help, but he didn't want them to find out at the same time. What would they do when they found out? Would they find it pathetic? Would they laugh at him? He knew they wouldn't, and yet his mind kept telling him they would.

They don't give a shit.

They did.

No, they don't. It's just you making it up.

I'm making you-

"Hinata!" Shouyou's thoughts were cut off by the voice of the rough setter, "Hinata!" he panted.

The redhead looked up and wiped the remaining tears from is face, pretending it was just the water from the sink, "What's wrong, Kageyama?" damn it, his voice cracked. Kageyama only rose his eyebrows.

"I wanted to know if you were alright."

No, I'm not, "Yes, I'm fine." Liar.

"Are you sure?" Kageyama leaned forward, inspecting the smaller male's face, "Ye don't look like it though." fuck Kageyama and his sharp eyes. Wait, let's not fuck him.

"No, no..." Hinata waved Kageyama's worries out of the door, "...I'm fine. You're worrying about nothing," he picked the towel that lay besides the sink and dried his face, "Go training, the rest is missing you."

"We're missing you as well," Kageyama bluntly said, not even noticing how intense his choice of words was. He just stood there, without flinching while Hinata was suddenly a blushing mess.

"I'll be there, just not training!" Hinata smiled. Liar, "I'll come train as soon as captain will let me."

Before the setter could complain more, Hinata pushed him out off the door, "I'll come, I'll come!" he rasured the ravenhead, "Don't worry to much about me!"

He felt like fucking shit.

Hinata quickly washed his face again and followed behind Kageyama, back to the gym. He didn't tell Daichi or Suga a thing, nah, they didn't need to know. Not yet. Eventually, he just sat down on the side lines and cheered for his team.

Dinner was boring for Hinata. He wasn't hungry at all, he hadn't done a thing ever since he came here. Unlike the rest of the team, he just stared at his plate and ate whenever someone pointed out he still had some left on his plate. Shouyou did get a few worried glances from Sugawara and a glare from Kageyama, but he didn't gave them any attention.

It didn't matter. He felt like shit. Nobody cared. Nobody ever would.

Shouyou could hear himself panting as he tried to catch up with the man in the front of him. He wanted to tell the man to stop, he had the feeling something terrible was about to happen.
Shouyou stopped running when he felt something cold touching his skin, it was snowing. Little snowflakes twirled down and and melted when they came in contact with his skin. But that wasn't the only reason Shouyou stopped. The sky suddenly turned red, crimson red. Everything else was black now and Shouyou could hear the bells of the railway crossing ringing. His eyes widened.

In the front of him was a boy sitting in the snow, screaming in terror without a voice. A young boy, about the age of nine with the same red hair as Shouyou. It was Shouyou and suddenly he understood what his young self was screaming. He understood why he had been screaming and he heard it. Suddenly.
"Daddy!" the voice of the young boy pierced through his head and it had sounded in utter terror, angst and extreme fear, "Daddy!" the man who had been running in the front of him, was his own father.

The older Shouyou wanted to scream too, because he finally understood what the father of his young self was about to do. He had seen the same thing years ago and he didn't want to see it again. He did not want his young self to end in the same kind of despair he had felt at that time. At the same familiar scene.

Shouyou reached out his head, "Father!" he screamed, but he was voiceless. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he screamed, his voice wouldn't come out. He understood, suddenly, he wasn't actually there. He couldn't do anything, the only thing he could do was watch.

Shouyou was standing on the track. When he stared at his left, he could see his younger self screaming, crying. Behind him was standing the same man, his father.

There was a bright, white light in the front of him. The train was already there. His younger self couldn't bring out a scream anymore and his father didn't move from the track.

Shouyou was standing next to the track again, next to his younger self and watched how the train rushed into their father. Blood spattered on their clothes and Shouyou understood that he could never change the fait of his father.

Hinata panted and jerked up with a scream. The mix of sweat and tears dripped down his cheeks, to his chin and then on the ground. The redhead gazed around, afraid he woke someone, but he hadn't. Everyone was sound asleep. Peacefully.
Fucking damn it.

Again. Again he had that awful recap. Again. Again. Again.

Shouyou shook his duvet off and slowly got up without making too much noise. He needed to get away. He needed to get outside. He couldn't handle the air inside. He needed to get out.
The boy stumbled towards the door and shoved it open. He opened a window as soon he reached the hallway and stuck his head outside.

When training was finished, they finally went to camp. For a short moment, Hinata could forget everything he was thinking about. His father… that scene… Kageyama.

Kageyama.

Why was he so worried about him? Why did Kageyama care about how Hinata felt? Since when did anyone care about his feelings? People only seemed to like him because of his smile, because he was always so happy. People didn't care about his feelings. No one did. So why did Kageyama?

But then again, wasn't that exactly with Shouyou wanted? Someone who really cared for him, someone who actually gave a shit about how he felt. Him and him only. He didn't want to be ignored, he didn't want his feelings to be ignored. He wanted Kageyama to be there for him, the entire team.

His mind drifted off to his father. He remembered the man clearly. Shouyou's father always had been dull, he always shut himself away from the world and had a lot of fights with his wife. Little Shouyou couldn't care less, he was to young to understand, but he did when his father left them. He felt the same pain his father felt, probably, depression.

"Yer gonna catch a cold like that."

Hinata jumped and shoot his gaze to his left. Tobio was standing in the hallway, his hair a horrible mess and his eyes half awake. The setter was holding a hoodie in his hands and threw it to Hinata, "Put it on, dumbass."

Hinata didn't flinch, "What's wrong." his voice was cold, freezing.

"I'm worried," Kageyama simply said and he picked the hoodie from the ground and handed it to Shouyou again, "Put it on."

The spiker took the hoodie and put it on without complaining. It was Kageyama's hoodie, he noticed. The sleeves were too long and the body was as a dress on him.

"Why 're you worried?" the question was out before Hinata could control himself. He didn't want to ask that question, not at all. He didn't want to know why people were worried about him. Did they pity him? Did they think he was pathetic?

"You're acting strange," Kageyama leaned forward to the window and gazed outside. Shouyou noticed how the eyes of the raven head had the same colour as the night sky, "You're not acting like yourself and I can't help you when you don't tell me what is bothering you."

Hinata said nothing, too dazed to say a thing. Since when was Kageyama this understanding?

"Look, if ye don't want to say anything, fine by me," Kageyama turned his gaze to Hinata and stared him right in the eye, "But I do know you're feeling terrible. I do know you need help."

Shouyou shook his head. This was too much for him.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? his mind chanted.

"Why?" voiced Hinata, "Why are you doing this?"

Kageyama didn't answer this time and simply returned to look out of the window and watch the stars, "I don't know."

Shouyou shook his head, "I'm fine now," not a lie. He was glad he met Kageyama on the hallway. He really needed someone to talk to, "Let's go back to bed, before the others notice we're gone."

Kageyama didn't look very satisfied with the comment but followed his friend anyway. Time would get the issue out of Hinata, he was sure of it, the redhead just needed a little push in the back.

"What were you doing on the hallway anyway?"

"Restroom," Kageyama answered and he put his hands in his pockets. Damn Hinata, "and you?"

"I had a nightmare."

Damn the cruel world, damn his fucking life. Kageyama knew what was wrong with Hinata. He finally tied all the loose ends together and found an answer- such an obvious answer. Why hadn't he notice? Hinata was dull, his eyes didn't shine, he was always acting cheerful and if nothing was wrong, he had nightmares. Hinata Shouyou was depressed.

...

Sometimes, all it takes is one word. One look and than you suddenly know, you suddenly understand what is wrong with them.

Hinata's depression is partly based on the depression I suffered form, although mine had a different source. It always felt like I was screaming, but that nobody would hear me and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I was always well aware of the fact I had to tell my parents and that they cared about me, but another part of me told I was wrong. Told me nobody cared at all.

For everyone who suffers from a depression out there, please go find help if ye don't have it yet. Please, talk to people, hug people. I swear, it helps a lot.