Nobunobu stared at the IV as it dripped uncomfortably cold fluids into his arm. His body was exhausted and begged for rest, but the circuitous thoughts in his mind only allowed for fleeting bouts of sleep. He was alive, while so many others had sacrificed their lives. Many of those lives never would have been lost had he never become shogun. How was it that he still had the privilege of living? How was it, that through all of his unscrupulous actions, he was able to not only emerge alive, but with someone who cared about his well-being?
"Morning, Akage-san. How are you feeling?" A doctor asked as she entered the room and picked up a clipboard.
Nobunobu squinted his eyes at the unfamiliar name.
"That's not your name, is it?"
He shook his head.
"Didn't think so. We know who you are." She jotted some notes.
Pushing himself up to speak clearly, he said, "The people who brought me here, they didn't mean to cause any confusion by concealing my identity. I'm certain they did it to protect me. The fault lies with me for having a shameful past, not with them."
The doctor looked up from her clipboard, "My duty is to treat my patients. Unless your past is medically relevant, it's none of my concern."
Nobunobu sighed and then flinched. Even breathing was a chore.
"If the pain is bad, we can increase your painkiller dose a bit." She said as she checked the IV bag.
"That won't be necessary," he tried to turn to his side but was restricted by the brace on his torso. Unable to turn his body, he searched for a convenient way to avoid eye contact with the doctor.
"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" The doctor must have noted his restlessness and heavy, bloodshot eyes.
"Not really."
"Was the source of your discomfort physical or mental, in nature?" She asked as she reached for a blood pressure cuff.
Should he tell her? Should he burden her with knowledge of the cloying guilt in his chest? The words on the tip of his tongue sounded pathetic in his mind. They were words that Tatsuma would scold him for uttering, and yet he divulged, "I don't deserve to be alive."
He paused and noted the barely perceptible gasp from the doctor.
"Those were the words that were assaulting my mind last night, and have been for some time now. But I must believe that those words are wrong. As Tatsuma has relentlessly reminded me, my obligation to this country demands that I cannot die so easily. I have an obligation to see a peaceful transition of power and I have an obligation to accompany the princess to Shigeshige's grave."
The doctor ceased taking notes and listened slack-jawed to his short monologue.
"I-I'm not sure what to make of all of that. Of course you should fulfill your obligations as shogun, but because of the words you started with, I'm required to recommend you talk to someone about those feelings of worthlessness."
"Why?" It was Katsura, who had somehow entered the recovery room, "He should feel worthless after all he's done."
"Hey! No one gets ta call Nobunobu worthless!" Tatsuma objected from behind.
"Who let you people in here?" The doctor asked with an incensed tone. "Do you know them?"
A wide and uncharacteristic smile stretched across Nobunobu's face. "Yes," he answered unable to suppress a small laugh which had the unwanted effect of hurting his wounds, "they are the stupidest retainers on Earth."
"Perfect for the stupidest shogun in the universe." Katsura scoffed.
The doctor marched toward the intruders and made a "shooing" motion with her arms. "Visitor hours start at 9! You're over 30 minutes early!"