All characters belong to E.L. James. Proof-read by Obsessedreader83.
CHAPTER 2: WHERE ARE YOU?
"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday stupid Ana, happy birthday to me!" I finish singing the ridiculous song, close my eyes and make my wish.
I wish for everything to go back to normal!
I blow out a candle on the cake and wait a moment for the world to begin spinning or whatever the hell it's supposed to do to take me back to my family.
I open my eyes and see that nothing happened.
I have no tears left right now… maybe later.
I sigh and lift my eyes to find Kate's horrified expression at the door.
Shit! When did she get here?
She scowls at me.
Yeah, yeah! I know, I know! I'm crazy…. But I'm desperate Kate!
"Again?!" She reprimands me. "This is getting ridiculous and borderline insane. Give me that!" She comes to take the cake from me.
"No!" I try to block her but she is stronger and pushes me out. She grabs the cake with my candle and throws it in the garbage. "Kate!" I whine.
"Enough Ana!" She grabs me by the shoulders when I try to get the cake back. "It was funny at first when you asked me to sing you happy birthday, it became ridiculous when you took me to do it in the middle of the rain but now?" She inspects me and a genuine look of worry appears on her face. "You haven't even changed from your pajamas today"
I look at myself, I'm in my pajama pants, I'm wearing a stained shirt and I haven't brushed my hair. I must look like hell.
But then I feel like hell. It's been five days since somehow I ended up in 2011 and I don't know what to do to make this right. I'm feeling like I'm drowning most of the day. I'm out of my depth and I know, for sure now, this is entirely my fault.
"This isn't normal behavior. You are scaring me, please tell me what's wrong?" She seems genuinely worried and for a moment I want to tell her everything but then she would think I'm crazy if she doesn't already. She probably is already thinking of committing me to a Mental Hospital.
I just want my family back.
When I don't respond, Kate just shakes her head defeated. It has been like this lately; she asks me and I keep staring at her. Empty.
"Stop buying more pastries" She orders me with a sigh. "We are going to get fat if we continue having cake every day"
I just nod. It wasn't working anyway.
I turn around and walk to my bedroom to another day of crying until sleep.
"Where are you going?" Kate asks me from behind.
For the love of God leave me alone!
I ignore her and continue to my bed where I throw myself onto it to continue my self-hating. She comes barreling through the door and I groan into my pillow.
"Aren't you going to work?" Kate asks me.
"Huh?" I look at her dumbfounded.
Where am I going to work? Grey Publishing doesn't exist yet. I looked around the internet when I started the search for my husband, it is still Seattle Independent Press.
Kate groans.
"Don't you have to go back to work at Clayton's?" She questions me with an exasperated look.
Clayton's? Am I still working there?
Oh, crap! Of course you are, idiot! It's 2011!
That means I haven't been to work for five days.
Double crap!
As if Kate could read my mind she tells me. "Mrs. Clayton called asking why you missed your shift on Tuesday. I still thought you were sick at that point so I told her so"
"Good" I tell her relieved and go back to my covers. "I thought they had already fired me" I mumble.
"I know. I would have kicked you out if I was her but I also told her you were coming today!" She walks next to the bed and pulls my comforter and sheets from me.
"Hey!" I whine. "I don't feel like going. I will call her" I sit up to pull my sheets back and Kate takes that moment to pull me from the bed and drag me to the bathroom.
"Kate!" I shout trying to free myself from her but she is so damn strong. "What are you doing?!"
"I've had enough of this!" She barks. "I don't know what it is with you that is making you act like the living dead but you need to snap out of it!" She shouts and pushes me into the shower with one hand while she starts the shower with the other.
"Katherine!" I scream as cold water soaks me entirely.
I try to get out but Kate is still holding me in there while I struggle getting her wet too in the process.
"Kate stop please!" I plead.
"You think lying in bed doing nothing is going to solve anything?" She pulls my face to the stream of water and in my attempt to scream I swallow water. "If tears would solve all the problems in the world then people wouldn't stop crying the whole day but life isn't like that"
I open my eyes at her, really listening for the first time in days.
"You have missed classes; I don't see you studying for finals and now, you are not going to work. You don't drown in your problems Ana! You take a few steps back to see the whole picture and find the solution" She tells me more calmly and stops the shower.
"You will be more productive going to work rather being on your bed all day. Maybe the distraction would help you find the answer for whatever is troubling you" She finishes and keeps looking at me.
I'm at a loss of words. I stare in awe at my amazingly strong friend and remember why I love her so much. I hug her. For a moment, I'm thinking she will reject me for being such a bitch these past couple of days but she surprises me by hugging me back.
"Thank you" I murmur still holding her. "I needed that"
"It was that or kicking your ass" She chuckles and I release her.
I begin to walk to my bedroom but stop at the bathroom's door.
"When did you become so wise?" I turn to ask her. I don't remember this side of Kate.
"I'm not" She seems embarrassed. "I just threw in there all of my grandma's advices that I could think of" She shrugs and for the first time in days, I can't help chuckling.
"Smart gal" I tell her and she nods
"Are you still not going to tell me what is going on?" She asks me, suddenly sad. She might be thinking I don't trust her.
I do, I really do. But on this, I need to carry my penitence alone.
"I will get ready for work" I smile meekly at her and close my bedroom door.
"My brother told me you were sick" Paul Clayton is hovering over me.
"I'm fine now" I tell him frustrated focusing on the computer in front of me rather than him.
Crap! I forgot how to do this.
Mrs. Clayton asked me to check on some orders. I'm checking catalogue numbers against the items we need and the items we've ordered but I keep getting confused over the entries match. How did I use to do this?
"Good" He keeps talking as I'm about to pull my hair over this. "Maybe we can hang out later"
I look at him with a frown. Hang out? No way. I even turned down Kate's attempt to go out yesterday and locked myself in my room when Jose came over.
I'm about to turn him down as well when Mrs. Clayton comes asking if one of us could stock items on the racks. I quickly volunteer leaving Paul to check the orders and walk to carry the box she was holding.
They are small packages of screws. I'm a little annoyed about all of this. A week ago I was closing a publishing deal with a best-selling author and now here I am, stocking screws on a rack. I can't help but be a bit harsh on the packages.
"Whoa! Those are getting screwed" I stop in my tracks when I recognize the voice behind me.
That voice!
I'm stunned. I can't believe he is here. It's Christian Grey.
But not my Christian Grey.
It's Faux-Christian!
"You get it?" He has a big smirk on his face.
I don't know how to react, I just kept staring at him not knowing how to respond. He walks closer to me. He is wearing jeans, sneakers and a gray pullover, even this casual he looks very good. His black hair looks wild maybe because of the wind and looking at his face, I notice he shaved making him look younger but his eyes are what mesmerize me. Right now, they look like drops of gold, different from the first time I saw them.
"Screwed because they are screws" He waves his head from one side to the other looking a bit embarrassed by his attempt at joking, I think.
"What are you doing here?" I'm thankful my voice has come back.
He seems taken back by my question. Probably I'm too harsh on him but these last few days have been hell and I simply don't care.
"I came to give you back this" He hands me a navy jacket. My navy jacket. Only then I realize he has been carrying it.
I take my jacket from him but he holds it for a moment not letting go. This makes me look at him and he smiles at my frown. I stare at the item in my hands and remember why I left it behind in the first place
I'm staring in shock at the magazine in my hands. This is not happening. It can't be, this is a joke. A sick joke.
"Are you alright, Miss Kavanagh? Would you like to sit?" The man in front of me offers but my body doesn't seem to react.
How is this even possible? Where is Christian? My Christian! Not this man. This … this… Faux-Christian.
Everything is like it's supposed to be but now that I look around I notice some differences. The desk is different, there is no coffee table and the white leather couch where Teddy once spilled juice as a baby isn't there, it's brown instead. The office is still too big for just one man; the walls are the same color and when my eyes follow them around I find the same mosaic of small paintings hanging by the door.
"They are from a local artist" I must be staring at them for so long that he feels the need to explain.
"Trouton" I interrupt him. "Raising the ordinary to the extraordinary" I mutter remembering saying the same thing to my husband the first time we met but he is not here.
Why?
"I thought the same, Miss Kavanagh" His tone is soft and he regards me with a smile.
"Steele" I correct him. 'Mrs. Grey' actually but I need to level down the craziness of this fucked up situation. "Miss Kavanagh is indisposed so she sent me, instead" I explain and he nods.
"Well Miss Steele, I just have ten minutes to do this before my next appointment so I recommend you to start right away" He directs me to the couch being the embodiment of arrogance.
Like someone I remember.
He walks to the couches and sits gracefully on one of them. I follow him gingerly and sit in front of him not knowing what else to do than follow his orders.
Opening my satchel, I take Kate's questions and the mini-disc recorder but before I start I look around one more time. I catch the door to the bathroom and for a moment I let my mind imagine Christian is in there hiding with Teddy and Phoebe ready to burst out yelling 'surprise', they would tell me this is a prank and we would go home… together.
But I know deep down it's not going to happen.
I've lost my family.
I don't understand. If I traveled in time, as ridiculous as the idea is, then I should've found Christian here not this faux version.
I look at him and find him watching me as he is trying to decipher me, probably he is thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl. He is wearing a dark blue suit with a pinstriped gray tie. I catch his eyes and we stare at each other for a moment, his hazel eyes look like a clear greenish brown and they are fantastic.
I shake my head. I can't do this, if Christian is not here then I must find out what happened to him pronto. Where is he? Is he alright? I need to start the search for my husband. With that in mind, I stand abruptly.
"You are leaving?" Faux-Christian asks me with a frown.
His question stops me from running and it makes me remember that I must do this for Kate first. Damn! I can't let her down. I sit down and pick up the paper that fell from my lap.
"Sorry" I mutter a bit embarrassed. "I'm not a journalist. I'm just a friend of Miss Kavanagh's doing her a favor and I'm not used to this kind of interaction with…"
"With?" He eyes me warily.
"Important people" I clarify. "I hope you understand me being nervous" And I hope he buys my bullshit.
He stares at me for a moment, silent, and I bite my lip nervously. I don't know why I'm inventing excuses when I should just continue but for some strange reason I need his acceptance. He nods.
"Alright let's start" I click the recorder to start and pick up the paper with the questions.
Oh, Lord
I quickly scan Kate's questions and find the same inane ones that I did the first time. Christ! Even the one about him being gay. I remember Christian telling me once how dull the questions were. Well, I have a second chance to do them right.
We spend the following fifteen minutes going through the questions. I try to change them as much as possible without killing the essence of some of them but can't help feeling annoyed at Kate's nosiness. Each question I ask, he responds with a rehearsed answer. Each answer is similar to what Christian, my real Christian, would have answered and despite his charm, I feel resentful towards Faux-Christian as if he were an impostor taking my husband's place.
There are some differences though, he admits he often does interviews for the sake of his business. He is arrogant when I ask him about his wealth and the control he exercises over his business but then he surprises me saying he likes to find potential by giving up some control and studying how people act under new responsibilities. Not my Christian aka Control-Freak at all.
The knock I was waiting for finally arrives and Andrea enters.
"Mr. Grey, forgive me for interrupting, but your next meeting is in two minutes." She tells him.
"Cancel it, please" He directs her.
What?! No! I'm getting out of here.
He looks at her when she hesitates but she recovers and nods to us both.
"Where were we, Miss Steele?" He resumes his intense stare at me.
"We finished actually" I stop the recorder.
"Then I hope you wouldn't mind if I want to know about you" He smiles wickedly. "It's only fair"
Damn! Do I leave anyway? What is he going to do after all? Chase me?
"For starters, I don't know your name" He tells me before I had the chance to think of an escape plan.
"Steele" I tell him again and he frowns. What does he want? Oh! "Anastasia Steele" I correct myself and he grins making me blush.
"Steele. Anastasia Steele" He repeats in a deep voice. "Kind of a James Bond thing you did there"
Huh?!
He chuckles but he stops when he sees me frowning in confusion. Did he… did he try to make a joke? Just as I'm thinking this he blushes and it's… cute. I can't help giggling for the first time since I've arrived.
"Don't mind me" He laughs. "That was lame" He runs his hand through his hair and seems nervous.
"It's fine" I say and decide that it's best if I leave now.
"What are your plans after you graduate?" He asks me quickly when I put the recorder in my satchel.
Graduate?
Graduation didn't cross my mind so far. Right! I'm graduating next week. Shit! I had finals too, then. I scowl at this but the truth, there is only one thing I want to do after this.
Find my husband.
"I don't know" It's the only genuine thing I had said so far in this interview. I don't know what to do.
"If you are looking for internships after you graduate, we run an excellent internship program here" He offers me and I laugh again.
"No, thank you" He scowls at me and soon I find myself explaining. "I'm not into mergers and acquisitions. I want to work as an editor and find the new American best-seller, you know"
"So you do have a plan" He tells me brushing his fingers over his lips.
Shit! I said too much.
"Sort of" I mutter. I don't have plans; I did have a career though.
I look at him and the feeling of being alone here invades me. I want to tell someone everything that has happened but I know I can't without sounding mental.
He is just a stranger, maybe I can tell him some form of truth so I begin to speak about my work in a very vague form.
"I want to work with local Seattle-area talent who haven't been given the chance to really focus on the story they want to tell and promote their voices…" Usually when I start talking about my job, I become passionate about it and talk and talk. I even tell him about e-books and a program for young editors, something I've been working on lately at GP.
"I'm amazed by your passion" He tells me when I finally go quiet thinking about how none of this is going to happen if I don't have Christian at my side. "Have you applied for a job at any publishing houses?"
"No" He frowns.
I must sound like an idiot for speaking about all of this and not having done anything to achieve it.
I guess I have to do everything again. I should apply to SIP again and in more deep thought, I have to do it soon. I have to move to Seattle to search for Christian and to do so I need a place and a job.
"But I will apply to an assisting position at Seattle Independent Press soon" I smile meekly and that seems to placate him.
"I would be happy to help you" He says and I just nod absentminded.
The only one who can help me is my Christian, my husband.
All his efforts just to make me happy come rushing to me. His words come back to me: I just want to give you the world, Ana, everything and anything you want.
And right now I just want him. Where are you?!
I hold my tears; I can't cry here. I don't know what possessed me to share this much with this man, this strange man. He is not Christian. I need to get out of here, I need to find my real Christian. He is probably out there alone, confused and looking for me right now. I stand up quickly, grab my satchel and run to the door.
"Miss Steele" Faux-Christian calls behind me but I shook my head ignoring him.
I walk faster to the lobby when I hear his footsteps behind me.
"Anastasia wait" He calls my name and it sounds so strange coming from him.
"Thank you for the interview Mr. Grey" I mutter when I sense him close to me.
"Miss Steele, your jacket" Andrea stands up when we walk past her.
"Keep it" I mumble when I see the elevator waiting for me. I run to catch it just in time and as the doors close I see Faux-Christian's worried expression and a puzzled Andrea holding my jacket.
The elevator descends as well as my spirit. What the hell is happening? I close my eyes and try to maintain calm but I can't. That dreadful feeling of not seeing my family ever again is choking me. When the elevator opens, I run to the exit in search of Kate's car.
Inside the car, I try to recall in my head the last events before this. I need to find the cause behind this clusterfuck. The last thing I remember before waking up in my bed was blowing the candle out on my cake. Fuck! I close my eyes in realization.
I wish I was twenty-one again.
IT WAS A JOKE! I can't believe that some sort of powerful force had listened to my wish and had me return to 2011 instead of… I don't know… cure cancer? But why isn't Christian in this alternative past?
I wish Ella had loved Christian as much as I love my Teddy bear.
"No, no, no, no, NO!" I scream in my hands and then I begin to hit the steering wheel with my fists. I had lost my husband over some wish. I had lost my family over my desire for him to have a better childhood. "Where are you, Christian?! Where are you?!" I scream and cry hysterically inside Kate's car.
"Thought you might want it" His words take me to the present.
I didn't do anything else but search for Christian. I started online but it was futile without a name. I even search for Ella but not knowing her last name made it impossible as well. I never found out her information and Christian has always avoided the topic. When I went to a private detective and gave him Christian's description but no name, he told me to go to a dating website. Not that I didn't try it but I slowly started to lose faith.
A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly catch it with the back of my hand avoiding his stare.
"The couple times I've seen you, you have this pained expression" He hands me a handkerchief but I shake my head refusing, he sighs. "Have you lost someone?"
I snap my head to look at him when he guesses right. So, he can be perceptive.
"You traveled all the way here to give me back my jacket?" I change the topic and stare at him incredulously.
He has the grace to laugh.
"Would that give me some points?" I frown at him in confusion. "I'm currently funding some research here at WSU and I was making an impromptu visit but yes Miss Steele, I took the opportunity to come to this hardware store to give you your jacket" He looks around in wonder. Surely, he had come to a store before.
"How did you know I worked here?" Even I forgot I was working here.
"Background check" He says it as if it was a normal thing to do. "I do one before I meet someone for security purposes, it was the rule until you came along. I had to do it after I met you" He shrugs.
Christian did the same but at least Faux-Christian is more honest about it. In fact, his honesty is disarming.
"Thank you Mr. Grey, I hope you have a safe trip back to Seattle" I turn around to leave my jacket at the back of the store.
"Wait" I turn to see what he wants. "Can you show me around?" He asks nervously.
"I'm working Mr. Grey" I smile sweetly at him so the rejection doesn't sting too much. "If you are not going to buy something then I can't help you"
"A hammer" He splurts out. "I would need a hammer for…" He looks around and catches the screws in front of me. "… these screws, right?" He takes one small package.
I laugh. I can't help but find him cute.
"No, you would need a screwdriver for these but nails for a hammer" I explain to him and he seems genuinely confused.
"Nails?" He shows me his hand and now I know he is doing it on purpose.
"You can't be that obtuse" I laugh and he seems lost for a moment but then smiles shyly. I think this is the first time I relax in days.
"Where are the screwdrivers?" He asks me and I turn quickly to grab one from the rack next to the screws. He scowls. "I would need that hammer too"
I eye him suspiciously and roll my eyes. He is being impossible.
"This way" I mutter and lead him to the next aisle and he grins.
"Did you apply to SIP already?" He asks me when we turn into the next aisle.
"Yes" I answer focusing on finding that damn hammer.
I did send my resume to SIP when I used Kate's computer for my search. The sooner I move to Seattle, the better my chances to find Christian. I hope.
"How is the article coming along?" He shakes the screws in their package behind me and I find the hammer section. I pick the most expensive one, he can afford it.
"I'm not writing it but my friend is. She is very excited about it" I lie because the truth is I haven't paid attention to anything Kate has been doing or saying.
Suddenly I have a memory from my days of zombie-like state, Kate had been moaning about not having original photographs. I know my Christian would have agreed to do a photoshoot but would Faux-Christian fall for that? Kate had been very patient with me, until this morning, but patient still. I should do this for her even if the photographs aren't from the Christian I want.
"She would like some original photographs for the article though" I turn to look at him.
"Publicity stills?" He thinks about it for a moment and I'm scared he will not agree. "Sure, why not?" He shrugs and I beam. Yes! Kate will be so happy.
Faux-Christian's lips part and he doesn't say anything for a moment. Where did the impossible guy go? I wait for Paul's interruption to get me out of this awkward silence but it's his phone which starts to ring.
"Sorry" He takes his phone and scowls at it. "I need to take this" He tells me.
"It's fine" I take the screwdriver and the small package from him. "I will ring these items at the till" He nods and I turn. Phew! The things I do for Kate.
"I thought you wanted to end this, little bird" I catch him say to the phone before I leave the aisle.
A few minutes later he appears and hands me his credit card.
"It's forty-six dollars" I tell him before I process his card.
"Sure, whatever" He shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. I'm confused at his sudden change of mood; the call must have been upsetting.
I hand him the bag with the items and his credit card.
"Call me if you are serious about the photo shoot" He gives me his card. "My cell number is at the back. I will be around so you can go ahead and arrange it, tomorrow perhaps"
I nod enthusiastically and he smiles. He is back to himself, I think.
"Cool, then I will see you there Anastasia… hopefully" He eyes me.
"Sure" It's the only thing I can say to his golden-like eyes. He beams and turns to leave.
A rush of excitement invades me. Kate will be so excited if I remember correctly and this certainly would put me back in her good graces. It would be the photo shoot all over again.
But no Christian.
The feeling of loss returns quickly as it hasn't been absent for too long and I go back to my living-dead state for the rest of the day.
The suite at the Heathman is exactly as I remember it. Christian and I had been here frequently over the years, only we stay in the most upgraded suite in the hotel - where I slept with him for the first time. I smile at the memory looking absentmindedly at the furniture of the room.
"He hasn't stopped looking at you the whole time" Kate whispers in my ear next to me breaking my thoughts.
I look at Faux-Christian as he is following Jose's directions and indeed, he is looking at me intensely but I choose not to think much about it, after all I'm the only one he had previously met in this room. Also, I'm not in the mood to give it much thought. Yesterday and today's mornings I have spent calling all the Ella's in Detroit in a vain attempt to find Christian. I received enough 'fuck you's' to understand it was futile.
My phone starts to ring interrupting the session.
"I said to put your phones on silent" Jose admonishes us.
"It's mine, sorry" I apologize.
"Oh" Jose turns to look at me. "It's fine" He smiles at me and Kate rolls her eyes.
"I'll be right back" I tell Kate and leave the room to answer it.
"Hello?" I take the call.
"Anastasia Steele?" A woman's voice tells me asshe was reading it from somewhere.
"Yes" I reply to her warily.
"This is Elizabeth Morgan from SIP" A shiver of fear runs through my body at the mention of that name. Only then, I recognize her voice.
Elizabeth Morgan?! Oh no. Why is she calling me?
Listening to her makes me remember Jack's attack and that awful moment when I thought I was going to lose my blip, my Teddy. In that moment, I realize I'm clutching my belly. Wait! Did she say SIP?
"Uhmm… what do you want?" I ask her in a soft tone.
"I work in Human Resources here at SIP and I was calling to arrange a job interview for a new program for young editors"
Huh?
"I'm sorry there must be a mistake, I applied for an assisting position" I don't understand.
"Yes, we are considering you for an assisting position but there have been a few changes in our requirements and we want you to work in this new program as well, you came highly recommended"
From who?
"This is if you are interested?" She mumbles, probably thinking why am I objecting this?
"Yes, I am. Thank you for the opportunity" I reply hastily and we arrange an appointment for Wednesday.
This is strange, I didn't know of a young editor program when I sent my resume. Actually, it sounds like what I've been working on at GP. And I'm recommended? From who? Then I remember who I told all about it. Christian! No, not my Christian. Faux-Christian! That bastard!
I stomp into the suite to find they had already finished with the photoshoot. Kate and Jose are working on Jose's computer to one side. Faux-Christian spots me and walks to me with a smile but when I scowl at him, his smile disappears. I need to control my anger but… how dare he give my idea away like that?
"You are mad" He tells me when he stands right in front of me. "It's a good change from the sad expression you often have when I see you"
This make me scowl harder and I tell him about my interview.
"Good!" He smiles. "I'm sure you will get the job"
"Why did you tell them about the program I talked to you about?" I question him.
"Well, you told me how it would be a good opportunity for people fresh out of college and I thought: Anastasia is fresh out of college" He tells me and I groan. "I asked you if I could help you and you nodded" He tells me frustrated.
"I thought you wouldn't care" I mumble.
"I do care Anastasia" He tells me and it catches me by surprise. His words seem genuine and I'm disarmed once again by his honesty. I look at his eyes, right now they are the greenish brown I saw the first time, and I don't notice he is standing very close to me.
"Ana!" Kate calls me and frees me from my daze. I look at her and she is eyeing me suspiciously while Jose is sending daggers to Faux-Christian.
"Your friend doesn't seem to like me" He whispers. "Let's go talk some other place. Would you like some coffee?" He offers me.
I'm angry at him but I do need to know more about what he did and why he did it. I nod at him and he grins. I quickly run to Kate and explain to her my plans, she is surprised by my boldness and just nods her head shocked while Jose tells me it's a bad idea. I ignore him.
When I return to Faux-Christian, he leads me to the elevator by putting his hand on my back. I know he is not my Christian but I feel calmed by it. While we wait, I resume my demand for explanations.
"How did you get SIP to agree to that program?" I question him.
"I have my ways" He shrugs and seems uncomfortable. In the depths of my stomach I have this uneasy feeling and I know exactly how he did it.
"You bought it, didn't you?" I wait for him to deny it. I really want him to deny it.
"How did you know?" He whips his head to look at me with questioning eyes and I groan.
"You just confirmed it" I mutter.
Jesus Christ! Faux-Christian is just as bat-shit crazy as Real-Christian.
"Oh" He stays quiet thinking on his lapse, surely. "The news are embargoed for a couple of weeks" He tells me.
"Why would you do such a thing?!" I say exasperated.
"What? Buy whatever I please?" He is arrogant once again.
The ping of the elevator distracts us and we both enter the cart.
"Yes" I tell him, leaning in the back of the elevator. He follows me after pressing the lobby's button.
"I always wanted to go into publishing" I snort. I'm not buying that BS.
We stare at each other for a while before he sighs and runs his hand through his dark hair.
"Fine. The truth is after hearing you talk so passionately about what you want to do, I got inspired. I got your GPA from the background check I did and I couldn't think of anyone else who would flourish in that program more than you" He tells me and again his honesty is disarming but he messed with my career and I can't let that go.
"You can't just interfere with my career, Christian!" I admonish him.
He laughs and I scowl at him in confusion. What is funny? He must see my bewilderment because he shakes his head and tells me.
"It's the first time you've called me by my first name" He explains to me.
He is right, I have been avoiding it since I met him and now, it came out so easily due to my frustration.
"I wondered when you would do it" He grins. "I think only my family call me Christian"
His family. Would it be possible? My curiosity gets the best of me.
"Tell me about your family" I ask him.
"Huh?" He is confused by my sudden change of topic but I need to know. "What do you want to know?"
"Your family. What do they do?" I smile to encourage him to tell me.
"My mother is a pediatrician, my father a lawyer. My brother Elliot works in construction and Mia, well she is just Mia" He smiles fondly thinking about her. "Her latest choice of career is being a chef" He smiles.
That confirms it for me. He got Christian's life, he got his wonderful family while he probably is out there alone and all because of me. I can't help it, I feel resentful towards him as if he had stolen his life. All these events are happening without my Christian and they are happening to him, he is taking the life that was supposed to be ours, my husband and I's.
When the elevator opens, I bolt out of there not wanting to see him again.
"Anastasia!" He calls me and I don't listen, I just walk to the door. He reaches me and grabs me by the arm.
"Why is it every time we see each other you are running from me?" He scowls and looks hurt. "Am I that disgusting?" He asks me and it shocks me, how could he even think that about himself.
"No! Of course, not!" I tell him adamantly and when he sees I'm looking at his grip on my arm, he lets go.
"What did I do wrong? Did I offend you?" He looks concerned.
"It's not that. It's just…" What should I tell him? I can't look at you because you are the evidence of how I ruined my husband's life. No, I can't say that. He is not to blame I remind myself. "It's better if we do not see each other anymore" I say.
I turn rapidly to get away from him and don't notice the big cart loaded with luggage, pushed by a bell boy in front of me.
"Christ, Ana!" He reacts rapidly and pulls me close to his chest.
"Sorry ma'am" The stupid bell boy says embarrassed and goes away under Faux-Christian's glare.
"Fucking idiot!" Faux-Christian mumbles and I'm still in his embrace. "Are you alright?" He asks me and I nod but he doesn't let me go.
I lift my eyes to look at him and find his eyes on me. They are back to the golden-like droplets I once saw. I find him looking at me intensely and his eyes land straight on my mouth. For a moment, I let my mind relish the idea that maybe this is how it is supposed to go now that everything has changed and suddenly I feel myself relax in his arms.
NO! I'm married!
He is not my Christian! I remind myself. My real Christian is out there, looking for me. I'm sure. He is out there lost and I need to find him.
"You are not the man for me" I tell him and he closes his eyes as if in pain.
"I know" He murmurs looking hurt. "But if you let me, I can try to be" His honesty is back again and I want to hug him but I know it's wrong.
"You don't understand" I shake my head.
"Make me understand" He answers back.
"I belong to someone else" I tell him with all the honesty I can gather mirroring his own. I can't lead him on now that I'm certain of what his true intentions are and despite knowing it's for the best, I can't avoid the feeling I'm losing something too. "Let me go, please" I push him lightly and he finally releases me from his embrace. I wipe a lonely tear off my face before I look at him again.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. Thank you for everything" He is all serious now but finally nods with a sad smile. He doesn't say anything more.
I exit the Heathman and search for my beloved Wanda. Once inside, I finally let my tears out. How much longer do I need to carry this penitence? I look at the sky. Hasn't it been enough? I continue crying. I have to admit that I don't know where to look for Christian. If he is there, he needs to find me. I need to go to Seattle soon and stay there until he finds me. I'm sure he will find me.
Patience is my strongest virtue.
Where are you? It's my last thought before I start my car and go to my apartment.
It's been a week since the photo shoot. Going through finals and work have been distractions that made these days somehow bearable, that and Kate. She has been a wonderful friend.
I went to the job interview dreading the possibility of finding Hyde, thankfully he wasn't there but out at a publishing convention. In the meantime, I would acquire a taser gun.
I got interviewed by Elizabeth who still gave me the creeps but instead of Hyde, Hyllary Stewart was with her. I remembered her from the first days I stepped into Hyde's position when he got fired, she was the only one who tried to help by teaching me some things and not judging me when I married Christian. I was gladly surprised to find her there and we quickly hit it off like the first time we met. I admit I used some of the information I knew about her to charm her but still I did try my best to impress her with my experience. Said experience that was only in my head since my resume only showed my job at Clayton's Hardware Store.
Three days later, Elizabeth called telling me I got the position in the program and start on Monday. For a fleeting moment, I was happy but then I remembered I still didn't have a place and that's when my wonderful friend gave me the keys to the still-to-be furnished apartment at Pike Market, telling me not to worry about graduation and that she will soon join me there.
So here I am in Seattle at SIP's reception, with a bag of clothes and an air mattress back in my new apartment, waiting for Claire to tell me I can go up.
"Ana" Give it to Claire to call me Ana the first time we meet. "You can go up now"
"Thank you" I smile to her. It's nice to see known faces even though they don't know me yet.
Christian hasn't been out of my mind. I still cry until sleep every night, dream of him and cry again when I realize I'm still in the past without my family. I've learned to hide my pain when I interact with people. I'm still hopeful he will find me now that I'm in Seattle. I even once called a radio station and told them my story, sure they thought I was a drunk and had an amazing time mocking me, but hopefully Christian was out there listening.
Lately though, I have this fear deep in my belly that keeps asking why hasn't he found me yet?
"Anastasia, I'm glad you are already here" Hillary receives me at the door of the conference room.
Shoot! Am I late?
"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was coming late" I blush. Way to start off!
"No, honey" She laughs. "I was just about to enter when I saw you coming"
We enter the conference room and inside there are three more people. There is a very tall blond with long legs wearing an elegant slim gray dress and killer heels. I can't help but compare it to my blue shirt, brown skirt, black pantyhose and black shoes.
Damn it! I did it again!
Next to her there are two men, one is dressed in a suit and the other, who looks way too young, is in jeans and a shirt. The blond girl looks at my outfit and smirks. I scowl at her. I already don't like her.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen" Hillary calls us to the center where the table has four boxes on it. "I'm going to cut short the introduction because one of the editors is in New York and there is a bunch of stuff to do. You all will be working assisting a senior editor and while doing so you will be evaluated for an opening vacancy as a commissioning editor"
Holy shit!
"That being said" She opens the lid of one of the boxes revealing manuscripts. "These are novels sent by aspiring writers that the editors here didn't want and threw away to the storage. I've been wanting to go through these for ages but sadly we are a business" She looks at us.
"You find the next best seller in one of these boxes, you get the editor position. The rest of you would continue working your asses off until the next vacancy. Understood?"
We all nod speechless.
"Good. Let the hunger games begin…" She laughs and walks to the door but before leaving she turns. "Oh, Ana. You will be assisting me" I nod. "You can stay here for an hour until lunch but I will be needing you after that. Sarah" She calls the tall blond. "You will be working with Jack Hyde"
I turn to look at Sarah. Now I have sympathy for the poor girl.
"He sent you work indications on your e-mail but since it looks like you will have more time than the others, I hope you can find something in there" She points to the boxes. "Jack wishes you good luck and is sorry you couldn't go with him to the convention" This makes Sarah smile. Oh poor poor girl. "Okay kids. Good luck" She leaves.
I look at Sarah and I want to tell her to be careful with Jack but she begins to talk to me first.
"What are you looking at, Dullsville?" She asks me when I keep staring at her. Okay, I might hold my tongue for a couple of days. I scowl at her.
"Hi, I'm Noah" The younger of the guys extends his hand and I take it smiling at him. He is very young. I don't think he is older than twenty-one. Hell! I don't think he is older than eighteen.
"And I'm getting out of here" The other guy says and walks to the door.
"You are not going through the boxes?" Noah asks him.
"No way! I came here to learn about the business not to explore other people's trash. I will look for the editor I've been assigned to do some actual work. See you later" He winks at me and walks out of the room.
"He is Connor" Noah tells me.
"I'm not doing this as well. I'm going to see what Jack has sent me" Sarah leaves with a smug face.
"And she is…" Noah tries to tell me but I cut him off.
"Sarah" I grit my teeth.
"Yeah, she certainly has a personality" Noah walks to one of the chairs and pulls one of the boxes to start digging. "I don't get those guys. We are promised a dream job and the only thing we have to do is… read" He looks at me with his big blue eyes as if he has found a treasure.
"I know" I giggle and follow to sit next to him. I pull another box over as well.
"It's okay if you want to leave too. I'm sure Hillary has work for you"
"Pffff! So you can find the new best seller and win my job?" I huff not serious at all and he laughs. I grab a manuscript. "Besides this was my idea" I mumble.
"Huh?" Noah looks at me confused.
"Nothing" I sigh. No point in scaring the kid.
We spent the next forty-five minutes going through several novels. Fiction and non-fiction. Doing this reminds me of when I found Boyce Fox's first novel in a similar box, I felt like I'd found a hidden treasure, and what a treasure it was with all the sales it had. But sadly, right now I didn't find anything with substance. I notice Noah had just gone through two manuscripts. That kid needs to up his game. I reach for my eleventh attempt and as soon as I start reading I recognize the book. Going through the pages only makes me more certain.
This is Carter Buran's first book!
I can't believe it. I remember his story. He was rejected by many publishing houses before publishing his first hit. I guess SIP was one of many. I read the author's name for the manuscript and it says Carlton Banks.
Carlton Banks?!
I laugh out loud or as Phoebe had learned recently from texting Mia: LOL. I can't believe it! No wonder he was rejected many times and no wonder he changed his name. I'm giddy with joy, this definitely is going to get me the position of editor, scratch that, I'm going for you Roach!
"I see you found something that peaked your interest" Noah tells me rubbing his eyes after reading the second novel he picked.
"Yeah" I beam at him. "This is gold" I show him the manuscript.
"Carlton Banks?" He laughs.
"Don't let the appearances fool you!" I take the novel back. "Sorry to tell you buddy but I've already got the editor vacancy"
He shakes his head.
"I don't know" He chuckles. "This story has caught me from beginning to end" He gives me the novel.
I scan through the pages. It's interesting in the first chapters but soon the characters start losing substance and purpose. I guess I would read it to know how it ends but it isn't the best story here. I read the author's name and find that he is a high school English teacher. Well, no wonder.
"Haven't you found anything else?" He frowns at my question and grabs the other manuscript.
"Yes, but I prefer that one" He is stubborn.
"Don't be silly. Look for more options" I grab another box for him.
"No, I'm fine" He moves his lips inward. "I will give…" He reads the author's name from the manuscript. "… Henry Bradley, the English teacher, a chance. I think he has something here. A pregnant teenage girl fighting to give her unborn son a better life? I don't know, it pulls something in here" He pats his chest where his heart is.
"Alright, no need to be sentimental" I lift my arms in surrender and he chuckles. "Besides as I told you, the job is already mine" I smirk and wave Buran's novel at him.
Since I only have fifteen minutes left before going to Hillary, I call first from the conference room to Buran. He agrees immediately to a meeting tomorrow morning. That was easy. I'm sure I had it easier than my assistant Alex. I gave the phone to Noah after finishing and arrange the boxes on the table before I leave.
"But sir, this is a great opportunity" I hear Noah struggling over the phone and since I have some time left, I decide to stay to help him.
"With a great editor like me your book could be published nationwide" Nice Noah. I give him a thumbs up and he smiles. "I'm sure you could get the time to come here. Where do you work? See! That's not too far from here" He closes his eyes.
Why is this guy giving him a fight? Your book could be published dude! It's a no-brainer. You jump at the opportunity. Ughh. I'm starting to dislike the teacher for putting Noah through trouble.
"What do I do?" Noah asks me covering the receiver with his hand.
I roll my eyes and on a piece of paper I write 'Screw him! Find another author!'. When I show it to him, he waves me off and turns to continue trying to convince the guy.
I think for a moment, what would Christian say. Inspiration hits me and I write it on another piece of paper. Noah reads it and nods.
"If you don't do this, then people will never know her story" He reads from the paper I wrote. "They won't know Leah's story" He adds.
There is silence for a moment and he frowns at the phone thinking he hung up on him but then he throws a fist in the air in victory. He finishes the arrangements for a meeting after my own with Buran and he hugs me.
"Thank you!" He laughs.
"You're welcome" I feel his enthusiasm and laugh. "Who is Leah?"
"The character's name" He says a bit embarrassed for hugging me. "The pregnant teenage girl. That's her name in the novel, Leah" He explains.
The next day, my meeting with Buran or still Carlton Banks goes smoothly and easy. He is very different from his future self, not the diva I've met. We work through his story which needs some editing but it's an amazing story. I told him I would call him as soon as I have the greenlight from Hillary and he left. This is exciting not the boring job of bringing coffee to Jack. I frown. He is supposed to come back one of these days. What should I do? I don't have evidence to get him fired. I miss Christian badly, he would know what to do.
What is keeping him from finding me?
The phone on my desk rings, distracting me from my darker thoughts and I answer it.
"Hello?"
"Miss Steele" Claire calls me. "There is a Henry Bradley here looking for Mr. Gibson"
"Who looking for who?" I ask her and she giggles.
"Please sit for a moment and I will call you, sir" She directs to someone and I can't hear well but a man agrees. "Listen Ana! There is a God's gift to women sitting in front of me looking for Noah but he isn't answering the phone at his desk"
The English teacher! Right!
"Hold on" I look over my desk to Noah's and I don't find him there. I look at my watch and see that he is late for his meeting. "He is not here yet" I tell her.
"That's a shame" She muses. "Do I make him wait a bit longer?" She says in a chirpy voice. "Or should I reschedule?" She says in a sad voice making me giggle.
I remember how Noah struggled to get this man here.
"Make him wait for a moment. I'm going to call Noah to find out what is keeping him" She agrees and I hang up to call Noah's cell.
"Ana!" Noah answers right away and sounds agitated. "Is Bradley there already?"
"Yes, that's why I was calling you. Why aren't you here?"
"My daughter got sick and I brought her to the ER" He tells me.
Daughter?! The kid looks like fifteen!
"Hummm… Is she fine?" I ask him still surprised by his revelation.
"Yes, she was already discharged. I'm just waiting for my mom to pick her up and take her home. I will go to SIP straight from here. Please, could you keep Bradley there until I arrive? It won't be too long"
"Fine" I growl. "Don't worry I will keep the English teacher here for you although I don't know why you bother so much with him"
"Just help me out Ana" He says frustrated and I realize I'm giving him more worries rather than helping.
"Sorry" I mutter. "Don't worry I will handle everything until you arrive" I promise him.
"Thanks Ana. I owe you one" He hangs up.
A daughter?!
I shake my head and call Claire to take Mr. Bradley to the conference room where I had my meeting with Buran. She is only too happy to agree.
I take my time before going to the meeting and go to Noah's desk to search for the manuscript. I begin to read and I have to admit it is a good plot but there is a lot of work to do editing. I'm sure poor Noah would drown with this heavy work. Finally, I check my outfit which is a black skirt and a white blouse before heading to the conference room.
I reach the door and find Claire smirking and leaning on the frame. I look inside and don't find anyone.
"Where is he?" I ask her.
"He went to the restroom" She chuckles and I roll my eyes. "All yours now" She giggles and returns to the reception.
Great!
I sit on one of the chairs and check Buran's novel that I brought instead of Bradley's. If he is going to give my friend trouble and then make me wait, he can't expect to have my full attention. It's his book that we are dealing with here. After a moment, there is a light knock at the door.
"Come in" I tell him without taking my eyes from Buran's novel.
I hear him enter.
"Sorry, I really needed to go" He chuckles and all the air leaves my body at once when I recognize that voice.
I lift my eyes slowly fearing that my mind is playing tricks on me now but I'm not mistaken. I find unruly dark copper colored hair and bright gray eyes in front of me. His lips curled in amusement at my lost expression, the same lips that I would hear sweet nothings from every night. He is here! I had lost hope but he is here!
"Hi" He smiles sweetly at me.
He is here. He is finally here.
"Christian" I whisper and see him frown.
Christian! You found me!
Note: What do you think? What do you think would happen next?
PS: I took the Bradley name from one of Koala Penguin's stories. If you are there reading, please know your hardcore fans hope you would return one day to FF.