Chapter 2
Her hunch had proved to be correct in the end.
Lisbon simply hadn't been able to find any sleep that night, so she had given up and driven straight to the warehouse, alone. If Jane hadn't intended to go and snoop around the building, then he wouldn't have left her apartment at all.
What she hadn't expected was to find Red John himself there. Thank God she had her faithful Glock and a Kevlar vest on, even if the lack of back-up plagued her mind. Contrary to Jane's beliefs, she was well trained to face this kind of situation. After all, it was what she had spent her whole career training for.
Now she was listening to the serial killer exchanging pleasantries with Patrick Jane, as if they weren't pulling guns on one other. What Jane had missed to notice in his anger was that Red John had just knocked the safety off his weapon.
The idiot was going to get himself killed if she didn't step in right now.
She had no choices but to shoot.
xxx
"You just used me, didn't you? To think that I've actually been worried about you…"
"I told you I needed to get to Red John!"
She nodded sarcastically. "Yeah, you simply forgot to tell me that you actually wanted to kill him."
"I had every right to kill him! He murdered my family!"
"No man has the right to kill another man."
He gave her an ironic smirk. "Looks as if you've done exactly that, don't you think?"
"A madman was aiming a gun at your head! What should have I done?"
"You should have let me kill him. Red John was mine."
Lisbon shook her head exasperatedly. "Red John didn't belong to anyone. You're not the only one who's lost loved ones to him!"
"Revenge was the only thing I had left," he told her bitterly. "Now you've robbed me even of that."
"You know what, Jane? Go to hell!"
"Fine," he snapped back in response.
With that, he turned on his heels and strode out of the building. All he wanted now was to put as many miles as he could between him and that woman.
What he was going to do with his life now, he just couldn't tell.
xxx
Lisbon couldn't remember the last time she'd been that furious.
She'd allowed Jane to pull wool over her eyes, like one of those gullible women she constantly had to deal with for job-related reasons. He'd planned to kill Red John all along, while she'd just deliberately shut her eyes to the truth.
How could she even think that a man who worshipped his dead wife so much might actually seek her company only for comfort's sake? Of course he had been using her, and she'd willingly let him too.
In the end she'd also had to shoot the serial killer dead, in spite of her belief that even the worst of criminals should stand trial before they eventually sent him on death row.
Lisbon knew she'd had no choice – Jane's rashness had ruled out any other possibilities – and yet she couldn't help feeling guilty over taking someone else's life. It didn't matter how utterly evil that someone might have been. She had still been the one to end his life and that plagued on her conscience.
All she could do right now was throwing herself back into work, and prove that she was still good at her job despite her repeated failures with Patrick Jane.
She deliberately chose to ignore the worried glances that the rest of her team – and even Minelli for that matter – kept shooting at her from time to time.
xxx
In the end he did take up drinking, now that he didn't have his revenge to focus on anymore. His beautiful Angela and Charlotte were gone forever. Red John finally being dead couldn't change that. He felt like he'd failed them. Not only had he caused their death, but he hadn't been able to fulfill the promise he'd made at their graves.
Red John had met his end at the hands of CBI Agent Teresa Lisbon. It didn't matter that he'd actually contributed to hunt the serial killer down. Sometimes, he wondered whether he would have felt differently had he been the one to pull the trigger. He wasn't quite so sure about it as he'd been a few months ago.
His mind wandered to Lisbon once more. What she'd yelled at him over Red John's dead body was actually true.
He'd used her. And he hadn't ever stopped considering how much he would hurt her by doing so. All she had done was trying to help him through his pain. He still thought about her soothing touches and caresses more than he was willing to acknowledge even to himself. He was supposed to be pining for his beloved Angela, who'd died too soon. How did it come that he could actually crave for another woman's company at the same time?
Go to hell, that's what Teresa had told him before they'd parted in bitterness.
Maybe he was going to take her advice this time. He reached for the bottle of sleeping pills he kept on the nightstand and poured its content into his whiskey. Then he downed the shot and laid back down on the pillow.
xxx
Nervously Lisbon wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. It was moments like this when she wished that she had remembered to keep a handkerchief – or at least, some tissues – with her at all times.
Her eyes skimmed over the two plain tombstones, as if she wanted to memorize the way they were engraved with those names.
Angela Ruskin-Jane.
Charlotte Anne Jane.
If there was going to be another one bearing the name of Patrick Jane on it – well, that would be entirely her fault. She had been the one to push him away. Of course, she had had her reasons for doing so, but that was beyond the point.
Jane's obsessive drive for revenge had actually been a cry for help and she had somehow missed all the warning signs. He'd used her, that was true; but he'd done it because of the grief and guilt that had been clouding his mind.
Despite everything, she could still judge whether people were good deep down or not. Patrick Jane was a good man. He was a good man who'd done something wrong and even that she could quite excuse – given the tragedy in his recent past.
She drew a deep breath and straightened her back. If Jane was going to survive, she would make sure he wouldn't try to take his own life anymore.
xxx
Jane didn't want to be rescued, but in the end, Lisbon had done so. When he awoke in a hospital bed, she was by his side. The look of concern was apparent on her face, and he had a shrinking suspicion that she'd been crying as well.
"Your hero complex is even worse than I thought," he croaked.
"Shut up, you idiot."
Yet he couldn't help but notice the hint of affection in her voice. He took a deep breath and averted his gaze.
"I'm not worth saving, Teresa."
She squeezed his hand briefly. "Everybody is worth saving. There's still good in you, Jane. No amount of mistakes can change this fact."
"Yeah, I just got my family killed, that's all. And please spare me a lecture on how morally wrong suicide is."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
A somewhat awkward silence fell between them. He wasn't so sure he wanted to take his own life anymore, but that didn't mean he was willing to acknowledge she had a point there.
"What I'm going to do with my life is my choice," he said defiantly. "And mine only."
Lisbon's eyes turned deadly serious. "You're right. However, I don't think that your family would have approved of what you tried to do. And besides, I think that your suicide attempt, and your obsessive behavior, has been a cry for help."
He raised an eyebrow. "Obsessive? Me?"
She simply glared at him, and deep down he had to admit she was right.
Angela and Charlotte wouldn't have wanted him to give up.
xxx
Jane was going to be released from hospital soon, and Lisbon was relieved at the news.
Being the trigger that had actually pushed him over the edge and prompted him to try and take his own life was bad enough. That didn't mean she'd wanted to see him – or anybody else, for that matter – turn into a murderer right before her very eyes.
Still, she felt like she owed him something and that was why she'd kept visiting him regularly, despite his feeble protests. As a matter of fact, she was almost sure that Jane was secretly glad to see her anyway.
She'd just had a talk with his shrink, and the woman had dropped a hint about how Jane needed someone to look after him in the first few weeks at the very least. Lisbon had seen right through Dr. Miller's words, and offered to take care of him for the time being.
It was the very least she could do for him after all. And she was well trained in looking after people, with her job and her previous experience as a surrogate mother to her three younger brothers.
xxx
"Damn it, woman. I'm not a kid of four. There's no need for you to constantly keep an eye on me."
She simply ignored his complaints and poured him a cup of strong black tea. When the doctors had finally released Jane from hospital, they had made it imperative that someone should be looking after him until he was fully recovered.
"Shut up, you overgrown child. Or would you rather have me call your psychiatrist?"
His stubbornness faltered slightly. He had no wish to see that woman again, nor talk about the supposed troubles in his childhood, for that matter. The concept that a man whose family had been murdered only a year ago should attempt suicide because his father had mistreated him seemed ridiculous. Even for a shrink, that was taking it too far.
"I'm not going to kill myself if you let me go. I promise."
"Do you really expect me to buy this?"
He shrugged and took a sip of his tea. Lisbon had finally learned to make it exactly as he liked it, with the milk put in first. It had taken far longer for Angela to acquire the same skill.
"Only if you want to."
During the last few weeks they'd somehow fallen into some sort of tentative friendship. That didn't mean they had stopped arguing or talking freely with one another; quite the opposite, as a matter of fact.
What neither of them was quite ready to admit yet was the fact that they both enjoyed it.
Teresa Lisbon was the closest thing to a family that Jane had had since Red John. Jane himself livened up Lisbon's dull life in a way. Besides, it was clear that she secretly enjoyed having someone to take care of. Her brothers lived halfway across the country, and she hadn't had a boyfriend in more than she even cared to remember. That was something that Jane had already figured out a long time ago.
Absent-mindedly, he began fiddling with his wedding band. He'd always been adamant that he would never commit himself to a new relationship after Angela, but he'd come to reconsider his decision of late. Perhaps he did need someone to look after him. And he guessed that there weren't that many women who'd be willing to take on such a difficult task.
When Lisbon sat beside him on the couch and reached out for the remote, he took hold of her hand instead. Their eyes met and an unspoken question passed between them. Then he rested his free hand on her cheek and placed a lingering kiss at the corner of her mouth. She smiled softly against his lips. It wasn't going to be easy, but they would eventually find their own way.
They just had to take this one step at a time. That was all.