(Solves to Kyle and Aaron's apartment where KYLE is putting some candles on the coffee table. There's a knock on the door and KYLE opens it to find ETHAN stading with a rose and a pissed off face)
KYLE (surprised): Ethan. Hi.
ETHAN (coming in): She's not there!
KYLE: What?
ETHAN: Kat is not home, she's out. Wanna know how I know? I sat on the her corridor for the past three hours 'till my ass got numb and she didn't show up. Do you know what it means? (KYLE shrugs) You won't get to be her maid of honor so soon!
(beat)
KYLE: I'm gay, I got it! And why aren't you waiting for her to come back?
ETHAN: I was going to, but then I heard Palmer opening the door and I thought she would see me sitting there and I'd have to explain everything.
KYLE: So you ran?
ETHAN: Kinda. My legs were also numb, I had to crawl my way out of there.
KYLE: That explains why you smell like floor wax. And why you're so shiny.
ETHAN: I should have left the rose, though.
KYLE: To explain your feelings?
ETHAN: No, the old lady next door asked if I was here for a threesome or something. By the way, she wants you to move your car from her spot.
KYLE: Okay, It says on my contract I have the right to use it! And just because she borrowed it two years ago for a week while we were in Florida, doesn't mean she suddenly has the right to park her junky car on it forever!! IT'S NOT HER SPOT!!!
AARON (from the bedroom): What is it, Kyle?
KYLE (to AARON): Is just a friend, I'm joining you in a second.
ETHAN: Your partner?
KYLE (smiling): Yeah, he just got back from Chile. He's going to take a bath, so...
ETHAN: Oh, so you have a few minutes to help me out.
KYLE: He just got back from Chile after 4 months apart. He's taking a bath.
ETHAN: I got that part.
KYLE: So... he just got back from Chile. After four months apart. From me. And he's taking a bath.
(KYLE stares, waiting for him to get a grip)
ETHAN: And while he's taking his bath, you can help me.
KYLE (more impacient): I don't see him in FOUR months. And he's taking a shower. And he's naked and wet.
ETHAN: Well, would be wierd if he was dre- WOW! (he flinches) Oww, I didn't have to know that.
KYLE: Yep, and you don't wanna know more, do you? So, lets get your coat.
ETHAN: I didn't take off my coat.
KYLE: Then I'll just kick you out.
(KYLE starts pushing ETHAN towards the door)
ETHAN: What? Hey! You can't kick me out! I'm needy!
KYLE: I'm horny! I won! You go back to her place and wait for Kat to come back.
ETHAN (scaping from KYLE's push): Oh, no, you can't do that. You started it, mister!
KYLE: Oh, I started it? How, exactly.
ETHAN: Lets remember our last episode from "The Ethan's Love Life Show", shall we? (mimicking KYLE - a very flamboyant KYLE) "The guy. Were you the guy? Turn him around. Oh, it's you the guy! Take this rose and go tell Kat you have deep feelings for her! Trust me, I'm gay, and that's how we roll!!!"
KYLE (offended): Okay, I am not that bitchy! And second, you gotta go...
ETHAN: Okay, lets quit this game.
KYLE: I'm sorry?
ETHAN: You can't kick me out.
KYLE: Oh, really? And why is that?
ETHAN: You, sir, have a major fail: you like pleasing. You can't make people sad nor angry with yourself. You like people to like you and to know that you care for them.
KYLE: Oh, and you think I can't overcome my necessity of pleasing people to spend the night with the man I love?
ETHAN: Can you?
(They stare at each other in challenge for a long moment)
KYLE: Oh, I hate you!!
(KYLE leaves for the bedroom)
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(KYLE and AARON's bedroom)
(AARON is unpacking when KYLE enters. He smiles)
AARON: Ol?
KYLE: Ol?..
AARON: Candles are settled?
KYLE: Yeeaah... you'll have to give me 15 minutes.
AARON: I know you're kinda perfectionist, but I don't think it matters if the candles are in order of size and color.
KYLE: It's not quite that. My friend, Ethan, he has some problems...
AARON (upset): Kyle...
KYLE: I know, I know, but it will only take me 15 minutes. 10 minutes, if I'm good. Please, he helped me a lot when you were away, and besides... the candles are not the way I want yet.
AARON (reluctantly): Fine. But keep in mind I'm holding your souvenier here with me.
KYLE (excited): What is it? A toblerone bar??
(beat)
AARON (sarcastic): Oh, yeah, that's sexy! Maybe I should bring you a KitKat next time, that will get me laid, for sure. (with a suggestive smile) Althought, people say chocolatte is an aphrodisiac.
KYLE: People also told me your aunt's pig tounsil soup was an aphrodisiac, didn't they? But, as an aphrodisiac, it does not work. Really. But since I kept throwing up every five minutes, it did make me thinner... (beat) Were you talking sexy and I totally screwed that up?
AARON: You did.
KYLE: Oww... (he tries a charming smile) How about back to sexy talk?
ETHAN (off): How about "back to Ethan"???
(KYLE and AARON stare at the door for second)
AARON: Let me guess, he's from third grade?
(KYLE nods)
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(NICOLE walks in the waiting room, where PERRY is. He gets up)
PERRY: How is he?
NICOLE: Stable. Poor thing, he's so weak and scared.
PERRY: I know, me too.
NICOLE: You are? Why?
(PENNY comes in)
PENNY: Where is my snack, blondie?!
NICOLE: Never mind, I got it.
PERRY (to PENNY): Honey, please, I didn't take your snack. You probably forgot it somewhere else. Or you ate it and can't remember.
PENNY: I'm out of change, my daddy's heart is pretty much blowing up right now and I'm hungry. What am I suppose to do with that?
PERRY (taking his wallet from his pocket): Well, would you feel better if I gave you some change for the machine?
PENNY: Now!
PERRY: Okay... (he struggles to get some change out of his wallet) You know what, why don't you just take the whole thing...?
(PENNY snatches the wallet off his hands and walks away)
PERRY: Okay.
NICOLE: I'm sorry Perry.
PERRY: I'm just relieved she didn't eat me. And how are you doing?
(They sit down)
NICOLE: Oh, I'm so confused, Perry. He needs my help and I feel so guilty.
PERRY: Honey, none of this is your fault.
NICOLE: I dunno...
PERRY: Nicky, the man did it to himself, he forgot to take care of his health. Sure, you're the wife, you're suppose to look after him. Sure, it was obvious he was about to explode like a bomb. Sure, you should have taken him to the doctor more often. Sure, you weren't there when it happenned...
NICOLE: Are you going somewhere, Perry?!
PERRY: All I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel guilty for all these things. You couldn't help it.
NICOLE: I know. I was not feeling guilty because of these things. I am now.
PERRY: You weren't? How could you not?
(NICOLE glares at him)
PERRY: I mean, great! You shouldn't! But then, what are you guilty about?
(NICOLE seems to struggle for a moment, then she turns to PERRY and sighes)
NICOLE: I was going to leave him tonight.
(PERRY seems really surprised)
PERRY: Get - out!
NICOLE: I know. I was gonna do it tonight, but then it all happenned and I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I stay and lie about my feelings? Should I be honest and go? Should I throw myself out of the window?
PERRY: Nicole, I can't make decision for you. But if you go number three, let me know from which window so I can place Penny under it so you can bounce back right up.
(NICOLE laughes)
NICOLE: I don't think he can take it if I leave.
PERRY: Bu you don't love him enough to stay, do you?
NICOLE: I don't know... (she thinks for a moment) I think I have to take a walk.
PERRY: Good, honey, go take some air. It will do you good. I'll coordenate things for you here.
(PENNY comes back)
PENNY: Change is over!
PERRY: Or I'll be praying for my soul.
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(Back to the CARMELLOS' home )
(KAT is still without her pants, walking around in anger as DUNCAN, LINA and RICHIE stare)
KAT: I can't believe it. Or worst, I can. When it comes to men, you always made the worst choices ever!
LINA: Why are you judging me? You were having sex with Duncan!
(DUNCAN sighs)
(TINA comes in with a wedding veil)
TINA: Lina, look what I found. Isn't it gorgeous? I think it will suit you fine.
LINA: Oh, this is beautiful.
KAT (to TINA): Don't you encourage her! She's not getting married!
TINA: Maybe she wants to keep it for helloween, then.
LINA: I am getting married!
KAT: To the guy that crushed your feet!
LINA: To the man I love!
KAT: WHO CRUSHED YOUR FEET!!!
DUNCAN: Ladies, why don't we all just calm down, take a sit and have a nice quick talk...?
KAT: Forget it, Romeo, mood's over!
DUNCAN: Damn it!
(DUNCAN sits down, defeated)
LINA: You know what? I don't care what you think, you have absolutely no moral to lecture me.
KAT: Oh, I don't?
LINA: That's right, you don't. You've never been married and the longest relationship you've ever been with started like 2 months ago after you stalked him. What do you know about commitment. Specially after that!
TINA: I think you'd be the that, son.
DUNCAN: I got it, mom!
KAT: Lina, when it comes to man, I know them. When it comes to man that are trash, I tried them. When it comes to Richie, who hardly fits in that cattegory...
RICHIE: Trash?
KAT: Man. When it comes to Richie, all I know is that he love you the way he drives: it's a careless and bumpy ride and, someway or another, he'll run you over.
RICHIE: Is this suppose to make sense? (KAT glares at him) Then again I am indeed a bad driver.
KAT: But if you want the opinion of an expert, fine, I'll get you one.
LINA: What about Mrs. Carmello?
KAT: Oh, no, smartass, she's already baking the cake for your wedding.
TINA: Is just a sample. You have no idea how complicated it is to pick the right cake. I remember when I got married I gained 10 pouns just trying cakes, alkmost couldn't fit in my gown. Or was it because I was way to much pregnant at that point?
KAT: I know someone who'll be perfect to help us. C'mon, couple.
(She opens the door and signs them out)
LINA: But Kat, you're...
KAT: I said NOW!
(LINA and RICHIE hurry themselves out. KAT leaves right after)
(DUNCAN sighes and leaves for the room for a second. When he's back, he's holding her pants up waiting for her to come back)
KAT (off): Damn it!
(KAT comes back, crosses the room in DUNCAN's direction, but passes him by and picks up her purse. She leaves again without her pants)
TINA: You may wanna go after her.
DUNCAN: Oh, my, oh my...
(DUNCAN leaves with KAT's pants. TINA is about to leave after him)
DUNCAN (off): STAY!!!
(TINA turns to the house and does so)
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