Notes: I've decided to continue this as a drabble series. The chapters will only be connected in as much as they are linked to the episodes.
Here be spoilers. This chapter is Oliver reflecting on things post 3x02. If you haven't watched the episode and don't want to be spoiled, please stop reading.
The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.
Something was different. Something wasn't right. Of course, everything became different and started to go wrong the moment a rocket propelled grenade blew up his first date with Felicity. But this was more than that. Oliver sat at his table pretending to assemble his arrows as he observed Felicity.
It had been a week since they buried Sara. Even after their fight and returning to QC to work for Palmer, Felicity continued to show up for her role on the team. A part of him was jealous that she'd returned to the company because in his head they were going to do that together. All summer he'd pictured celebrating with Felicity by his side as they reclaimed his family's legacy. Not once when he imagined returning to QC did he ever think of doing it alone, Felicity was always with him. Even though his feelings had been hurt, the board's selection of Ray Palmer had been a good thing. So far, Palmer had been good for the company and QC's stock price had made some gains. Oliver was pleased that his former employees had a little more job security under their new management. He was happy that Felicity was getting to do the type of work she loved and had studied for. She'd been wasting her talents at Tech Village and he knew she'd done that for him.
She said that she was doing okay, or at least that's what she told John. She didn't speak to Oliver beyond cursory greetings or to convey information about their evening activities. Gone were the casual touches and the flirty smiles. He knew it would happen after he kissed her and she walked away, he just didn't know it would hurt as much as it does. The only time Felicity still felt like his Felicity was when she was the voice in his ear as he prowled the city streets. She continued to babble in his ear while he rode his bike or while he sat on rooftops observing his targets. She still called his name gently and asked if he was alright after every physical confrontation. At the end of his patrols she still said, "Oliver, come home." But now when she said it the phrase was no longer her way of saying, "Oliver, come back to me." Now the words were a reproach. It was if she were telling him to return to his cave and wait for death. For more than a year, Felicity had been his home and now she was vanishing from his life.
His head flew up at the thought. Vanishing. Fading away. That's what's different. That's what's wrong. Felicity has been fading away right in front of him. Ever since Sara's burial, Felicity's appearance had become more muted. Instead of bright and rich hues, Felicity's wardrobe now consisted of drab olive green, dull grays and black. There were no splashes of color around her waist, on her feet or on her fingernails. The shades of shocking reds and popping pinks on her lips were gone and had been replaced with neutral nudes.
He didn't like it. She was color. She was laughter. She was passion. The woman sitting in front of him was none of these things. Now she was cold professionalism. She was retreating from him and he'd expected that, hell, he'd encouraged it by pushing her away. What had him worried was that she appeared to be retreating from herself.
He chided himself for his ego and self-absorption. Felicity was strong and a fully actualized individual. He could hear her tell him that it was his over-inflated male ego that made him think that the ending of their relationship before it started had caused a change in her personality. When she told him that she was going to get more out of life and not wait with him to die it was a response to Sara's death more than it had been about the way things had ended between them. Death has a way of refocusing one's attention on life. Except, if she was so intent on living why was she dressed like she was attending a perpetual funeral? If she were Thea he'd just chalk it up to trying out a new style. Maybe Felicity was trying something new, but it didn't feel like that to him.
Looking at her sitting in front of her computers dressed in a solid gray dress, surrounded by gray walls and dripping pipes had Oliver desperate to fill his lungs with fresh air. He could feel the walls closing in on him. He thought to himself, this must be what being buried alive feels like. Without a word, he ran up the stairs and out the side door into the night. Bending over at the waist he gulped for air. After a minute he could feel his head clearing, but he didn't want to return to the basement to face everything that was waiting for him and the one person who wasn't. The sound of the side door closing drew his attention.
"I'm heading home. Goodnight, Oliver." Diggle said as he walked towards him.
"Thanks, John. Goodnight." Oliver said, hoping he sounded more in control than he felt.
As John passed Oliver, he slapped a newspaper against his chest. Reflexively, Oliver took hold of it. The paper was opened to the classifieds. John had circled ten apartments that Oliver could probably afford. On top of the page John had written a note, So don't.
Notes: Thank you for reading.
So this chapter is the result of seeing Felicity in the olive dress when she accepted the job with Ray at the end of 3x02. I remember thinking to myself that she looked strange, but I couldn't put my finger on it. When I rewatched the episode it struck me that we've never seen her look so muted before. I couldn't decide if the decision was made to dress her that way because of the funeral or if it is a sign that Felicity is trying to reinvent herself. I know that a lot of people have remarked that it is the first time we have seen her in green and that it is her way of staying connected with Oliver. I've never been of the opinion that Oliver would want to see her in green - I don't think it's his favorite color. Green is the mask he wears, it is his camouflage - which is why I think we've never seen her wear the color before. Anyway, that's just my opinion.
This series may continue next week if something in the episode needles my brain.