I couldn't seem to sleep that night. I stared at the screen for so long; trying despritely to give the second Nikki Heat book a good, happy ending. It was a task that was impossible in the mood I was in. Gina had given me a call, but I'd let it go to the machine. Damn woman didn't give me a full day before trying to persuade me to start working on the old series I was working on before the Nikki Heat books.

It was ten minutes till noon, and I was getting ready to go to the station. She'd more than likely be out on an investigation… which was a good thing. I didn't want her to be there when I got the last few remnates of my time at the station.

It was a long drive, but when I got there I was happy to see that her car was gone. I hurried in, picked up my stuff dropped a note on her desk and hurried back to my car. I'd made it in and out without her there… that was good.

I was on my way back home when I passed her. My hand wanted to wave, but my mind kept it in check. My stomach flipped back and forth, and my heart felt as if someone had ripped it out and threw it to the ground. I stumbled to the porch and sat down on the bottom step.

I sat there head in hands, but the sound of tires made me look up. I watched her get out of her car and walk towards me.

"You look like you've been through hell." She spoke.

"Correction, I'm living in hell."

"You don't have to stay away from the station."

"Yes I do, look at what I do when I'm there. I'm a pain in your ass, a constant one at that. I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Okay, I guess I need to refrase that. I don't want you to stay away from the station."

"Beckett, I can't go back."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm tired of hurting the ones I love." I explained.

"Every time you've hurt me… it ends up doing me good. First with my mothers killer, then with the fake date. I've seen so much that I just can't not be around you. Your arrogant, a constant pain in the ass, and everything I want."

"What are you trying to say?"

"For someone who's good with words… you just can't seem to understand what I'm trying to say."

She got closer, closer till I could feel her breath on my face. "I guess I could show you." That was all it took. From there on I couldn't think of anything but our kiss. She'd been in on it the whole time and I'd never known.

"I'm still not going to come back to the station." I spoke when she pulled away.

"Yes you are."

"No."

"I'll come here and drag you there by gun point."

I smiled. Why was the thrill of this so much that I couldn't stand my ground. We sat there awhile watching the sun dip below the clouds.

"Would you like to come in. I'll mix up some drinks." I offered.

She smiled. "Sounds good."

"After a day like yesterday… a big bottle of vodka and a gun would ease the pain."

"Should I leave mine in the car?"

"You came here armed?"

"You never know when you might need it."

"Sometimes I feel I should be afraid of you." I teased.

We sat and talked over a few cocktails, and we became closer. She really did open up to me. It wasn't until I looked at the clock in the kitchen that I noticed it was so late.

"Its ten."

"Yeah, I guess I should be on my way home." I watched her stand and stumble.

"You've had a few, maybe you should stay here for tonight." I offered. "Just so you can sober up. I don't want you behind the wheel of a car."

"I'll be fine."

"You can barely stand straight, I think I have better judgement at the moment." She glared at me before dropping back down onto the couch. I put on a movie, and it wasn't a few minutes later she was curled up with her head on my chest. I didn't know if I was glad she wasn't sober for this or not. It would be the perfect opportunity to take total advantage of the situation, but I restrained from doing anything that would put me in the dog house again.

Half way into the movie I moved my shoulder, just to find out that she was out cold. She doesn't snore… that's a plus. I contemplated letting her sleep on the couch… but I couldn't see any use in it. So I heaved myself up with her in my arms and walked to my bedroom. I placed her on the bed, covered her up and went to the linen closet to find some blankets for the couch.

I didn't sleep very well, so around six I decided that I'd get up and make breakfast. I didn't notice she'd awoken until she stumbled out into the livingroom looking a little haggard. I saw the look on her face and knew what she was thinking.

"I slept on the couch." I pointed to the blankets that were still there.

"I'm sorry about last night." She spoke.

"Sorry about what part?"

"I shouldn't have had so much." She walked to the bar and took a seat. "I know I have a low tolerance to alcohol."

"To think, I got a buzz… and you… we you weren't totally wasted, just enough to make me think you weren't capable of driving home."

"Ughhh, I look like hell! How am I going to explain this to Lanie."

"Explain what?"

"Me not comeing home all night… looking like hell."

"Why exactly must you explain this to Lanie?"

"She's my neibor… of course she's going to notice my absence."

"You don't have to tell her you were here."

"I'm not ready for them to know about my feelings towards you."

"So that wasn't just a pretense."

"I meant every word of what I told you. Even the alcohol couldn't erase that." She sighed. "I'm just glad I don't have to hide it anymore."

"Only from me." I turned, "Unless you'd like Alexis, and my mother to know… and if you don't want them to know… well I guess I'll be spending a lot of time at your place."

"That won't work. Lanie will see that you are there."

"I guess then they'll find out when one stumbles upon it."

Things feel silent, and the curiousity grabbed me and pulled me under.

"When did you really know you had feelings for me?" I asked flipping the last of the bacon.

"To be honest… not until last night. I saw you with her and couldn't stand to see you with anyone else. As selfish as that may be, I was jealous that she had you, and I didn't."

"I see."

"What about you?"

"A few days after we meet. I didn't plan on liking you, I'm a very distractable person."

"So for you its been there the whole time."

"As if you couldn't see it."

She pulled in a deep sigh, "We should hurry, the station might come looking for me."

"Just let me finish breakfast, I'll give you yours to go… you can run home, change, and I'll see you at the station."

"Let me get there first."

"Call me." I smiled, and handed her a plate. She gave me one last parting kiss good bye and she was gone.