For this episode, the musical guest is Ariana Grande and Jeanette McCurdy just makes a cameo appearance.

(BFNN logo appears.)

Announcer:You're watching BFNN on NBC.

(A newsman and news woman are shown.)

Anchor#1:Good evening, New York, I'm Jack Henderson.

Anchor#2:And I'm Valentina Kudrow.

Anchor#1:And here's what we've got. At exactly 8:37 PM last night, Jeanette McCurdy and Ariana Grande were witness to a crime which occurred right outside of the studio where they film the show Sam And Cat. Veteran reporter Herb Welch is on the scene, who today is celebrating his 60th year with the network.

(The screen is split to reveal Herb Welch.)

Herb Welch:Hello Jack.

Anchor#1:Hello Herb. Now, can you tell us what Jeanette and Ariana saw?

Herb Welch:I got a couple girls right here. Jenette McCardy and Arana Grand.

Jeanette McCurdy:It's actually Jeanette McCurdy.

Ariana Grande:And Ariana Grande.

Herb Welch:Whatever. They're the same thing. Just tell me what happened.

(Herb Welch hits Jeanette McCurdy in the face with a microphone.)

Jeanette McCurdy:Well, we were leaving the studio and we saw some guy breaking into a car. They may have seen us, but we're not sure.

Herb Welch:What's your favorite sports team?

(Herb Welch hits Jeanette McCurdy in the face with a microphone.)

Jeanette McCurdy:What?

Herb Welch:Your favorite football team. What is it?

(Herb Welch hits Jeanette McCurdy in the face with a microphone.)

Jeanette McCurdy:I guess the California Golden Bears.

Herb Welch:Well there you have it. California Golden Bears, still going strong. Back to you, Jack.

Anchor#1:No no no. Herb. Stay there, Herb. Hold on a second.

Herb Welch:What?

Anchor#1:Do they have an idea as to what the thieves look like?

Herb Welch:What?

Anchor#1:Do Jeanette and Ariana have an idea as to what the burglars looked like?

Herb Welch:I don't know what they looked like.

Anchor#1:I know you don't know what they looked like.

Herb Welch:Then why are you asking me?

Anchor#1:I'm not asking you. I'm asking you to ask Jeanette and Ariana.

Herb Welch:Hey, don't you tell me what to say, you coat rack. Who stole the car?

(Herb Welch hit Jeanette McCurdy in the face with a microphone.)

Jeanette McCurdy:Well, if I recall correctly, the one who...

(Herb Welch started lowering the microphone, so Jeanette McCurdy had to duck to talk.)

Jeanette McCurdy:...drove had a red bandana on and some jeans a few sizes too big...

Ariana Grande:No. He...

(Herb Welch hit Ariana Grande in the face with the microphone.)

Ariana Grande:His pants were too small.

Jeanette McCurdy:No...

(Herb Welch hit Jeanette McCurdy in the face with a microphone. The two started bickering and Herb Welch kept hitting them in the face with the microphone.)

Anchor#1:Herb! Stop that Herb!

Herb Welch:Huh?

Anchor#1:Stop that!

Herb Welch:Hey, I have a question.

(Herb Welch moved in to hit Jeanette McCurdy with a microphone, but Jeanette McCurdy took it. Then, Herb Welch hit her in the face with another microphone.)

Anchor#2:Herb, do they think the studio knows about the theft?

Herb Welch:Ah, did you see the baseball game last night?

Anchor#1:Hey, come on Herb. Valentina asked you a question.

Herb Welch:I think she should go back to Bath And Body Works.

Anchor#1:Herb, answer her question.

Herb Welch:I'm not taking reporting advice from Martha Stewart.

Anchor#1:Oh, come on Herb!

(Jeanette McCurdy grabs the microphone.)

Jeanette McCurdy:Hey, you know, we came on the news to talk about the crime we witnessed last night.

Ariana Grande:We are very afraid for our personal safety after this crime we witnessed. We don't even know if he saw us or not.

Production Assistant:Hey, Dan Schneider wants you girls on set.

Jeanette McCurdy:It's him!

Ariana Grande:It's the leader of the guys who stole the car!

Production Assistant:No I'm not!

Herb Welch:And that's the news. Stay tuned for reruns of Full House, back from when sitcoms were good.

Anchor:No no no Herb, stay there. Talk to that man.

Herb Welch:OK. Come ere. Come ere. Got him. Where you from?

(Herb hits the Production Assistant in the face with a microphone.)

Production Assistant:I'm from Texas.

Herb Welch:Oh, a Texan, huh? Remember me?

(Herb Welch attacks the Production Assistant with his microphone.)

Anchor#1:Herb, what are you doing?

Herb Welch:Texas ruined me!

(Herb Welch continues to attack the Production Assistant with his microphone.)

Anchor#1:Herb! Herb! Stop that Herb!

Herb Welch:Whoa. What happened?

Anchor#1:You blew the story Herb! That's what happened!

Herb Welch:Hey, that's ! Brian Williams would be rolling in his grave if he knew how you were treating me!

Anchor#1:No he wouldn't because Brian Williams is still alive.

Herb Welch:You lied to me, you son of a-.

(Herb Welch begins attacking the camera with his microphone.)

Anchor#1:OK. OK. Cut him off please. Cut him off.

(Herb Welch gets cut off.)

Anchor#1:We once again apologize to women, children, and to everyone else for what Herb Welch has done. Up next, a report on a scandal taking place at a Krav Maga dojo.

(Anchor#1 is handed a slit of paper.)

Anchor#1:But first some very sad news. We report that our own Herb Welch died five seconds ago. This is a picture from his first report back in 1953.

(An old picture is shown with Herb Welch still old.)

Anchor#1:We now cut back to where Herb died.

(It cuts back to Jeanette, Ariana, the Production Assistant, and a dead Herb Welch.)

Jeanette McCurdy:This is all your fault!

Production Assistant:My fault?

Ariana Grande:Yeah. If you didn't steal that car, he wouldn't have come down here and died.

(As they bicker, Herb Welch gets up and starts attacking the Production Assistant with his microphone.)

Ariana Grande:What the?

Jeanette McCurdy:You were dead.

Herb Welch:Herb Welch is immortal!

(Herb Welch continues to attack the Production Assistant with his microphone.)

Anchor#1:OK. Cut away please. Cut away from him.

(The BFNN logo shows.)

Hope you enjoyed. Review and favorite.