"What's my next task?" queried Lucas, walking into the office with a large slab of ceiling still stuck to his back.

"You're already out?" said Master Hand angrily, "How did you get out?"

"Through the door!" said Lucas.

"But you were glued to the ceiling!" said Master Hand.

"So what's the next of my one hundred and seventeen tasks?" asked Lucas.

"You were glued to the ceiling!" said Master Hand. "How did you get down when you were glued to the ceiling?"

"After all, it is my lifelong dream to become a smasher and the quicker I complete my tasks-"

"Okay, your next task is to tell me how you got off the ceiling!!!" demanded Master Hand.

"Why, I had a chainsaw in my pocket!" said Lucas.

"Ah," said Master Hand, satisfied.

…

"Wait… but you were glued to the ceiling so how did you use a chainsaw?" said Master Hand angrily.

"Does that count as a task?" said Lucas. "…explaining to you how I got off the ceiling?"

"I lied," said Master Hand.

"But a promise is a promise," said Lucas knowingly.

"People lie, it's one of the truths of life," said Master Hand, sighing. "Just like the fact that the tooth fairy isn't real!"

"YOU LIE!!!" screamed Lucas, running into the nearest bathroom and vomiting into the toilet.

"Haha, I lied…" whispered Master Hand beneath his breath, stroking the dollar the tooth fairy had given him that very morning.

Task Two

Five minutes later…

"Well," said Lucas, wiping the last of the tears from his eyes, "I am ready to hear what my second task is!"

"Oh, just take out these five people," said Master Hand, tossing Lucas a hitlist.

"What?" said Lucas.

"Take them out!" said Master Hand, sliding a gun across the table.

"But why would I need a gun on a date?" said a perplexed Lucas, taking the gun.

"Oh, ha, ha, ha!" chortled Master Hand, "you're so witty!"

…

"Now do the dirty deeds, Lucas, or you shall never become a Smasher!" cried Master Hand.

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Lucas, running off to change.

Lucas ran in, wearing his best tie and holding a bouquet. "Is this appropriate clothing for a date?"

"Hahaha, you're so witty!" chortled Master Hand. "…but take them out now!"

At a fancy Chinese restaurant…

(Lyn, Peach, Zelda, Samus and Amy)

"So I say," said Lucas, about to reach the punchline in his astute gentlemanly voice, "…you'd better iron out those chairs regularly, Mrs. Gregory, lest you choke on your own foot."

Lyn, Peach, Zelda, Samus and Amy chuckled heartily.

"Why, Lucas, you have such wit!" said Lyn adoringly, stroking her goatee.

"Yes, you're such a charmer!" blushed Peach.

"Indeed, I don't believe any of us fellow women have ever dated such a gentleman as you!" declared Zelda.

"Yeah, you're pretty hot too," muttered Samus.

"I'm a freaking hedgehog," said Amy sweetly.

"Yes," said Lucas, absorbing their compliments silently, "when Master Hand instructed me to 'take you all out', for a moment it seriously seemed to me as if he wished me to – to kill you all!"

They all chuckled heartily.

Master Hand burst through the doors of the restaurant in a wave of fury.

"I did want you to kill them all!" he cried loudly.

Everybody gasped.

"Oh, okay," said Lucas.

Lucas picked up the gun and skewered all five women to death with it, with a single blow. This caused severe external bleeding, as the five women's various bodily organs flowed all over the floor, oozing a most violent shade of raspberry-crimson over the dainty-white floor. Indeed, the force of the impact sent several pieces of half-eaten lamb flying from the mouth of Peach, who died the most violently of all of them, because she had a stupid name. A waitress, immensely shocked by the events of the last five seconds dropped a lobster, which proceeded to start breeding on Amy's bloody carcass.

"Yes!" cried Lucas, pumping a fist, "I completed another task! I am well on my way to becoming a Smasher!"

"Yes, good work," muttered Master Hand.

"By the way," Lucas said, "why did you wish them all dead?"

"How did you get down from that ceiling?" said Master Hand.

"Fine," sulked Lucas.

"Fine," sulked Master Hand.

Ha, ha, ha, how randomly violent that was! I should certainly hope you enjoyed that chapter! Tiki suggested to me that I credit him for his assistance in the writing of this splendiferous chapter, but I refused, on account of not wanting to have this story into another Peach Viewer Mail! Yes, indeed!

Review, and give your suggestions for tasks Lucas must undertake in order to become a smasher!