All right, my style is completely different from Fluffy's, so there won't be as much texting (I promise I'll put as much in as possible) mostly because it's kinda hard to text while holding a shovel, even if you're a vampire )
Ok, to recap:
Bella is MyBoyfriendGlitters
Edward is SexyHunkaManCandy
Alice is BetOnMe
Jasper is RUHappyNow?
Jacob is ILuvUnicorns
Rosalie is BarbieGirl
Emmet is JustABigTeddyBear
Chapter 2: Fun with Shovels. Mwahahahahahahahaha…….
(Everyone is still laughing at Jacob's happy place when Esme comes to the door. She doesn't have an awesomeful phone, so she's talking and they're just texting and showing her their phones)
Esme: What in the world are you all laughing about?
ILuvUnicorns: they're laughing at my happy place! sniff
Esme: Never mind, I don't want to know.
MyBoyfriendGlitters: no, u don't…. shudders
Esme: Well, I hate to break this up….
SexyHunkaManCandy: no you don't, you just want emmet to stop laughing maniacally…
Esme: You're the mind reader…. Hang on a minute. Edward, show me your phone again. (he does) EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! WHY IS YOUR USERNAME… THAT??
SexyHunkaManCandy: I BLAME JACOB!! wait, i mean, I DENY EVERYTHING!!
Esme: (shuddering) Now I REALLY don't want to know… anyway, I need you guys to shovel the driveway.
(everyone starts texting at once)
RUHappyNow?: WHAT??
BetOnMe: esme! why?
JustABigTeddyBear: why now? the driveway's, like, a mile long!
MyBoyfriendGlitters: i can't shovel! i'll… i'll break a nail! or possibly something more vital….
SexyHunkaManCandy: this is child labor! ok not really but we've never had to before!
RUHappyNow?: duh - we've lived here how long? wait i'm NOT agreeing with esme……
MyBoyfriendGlitters: shovels… whimpers i won't survive the night….
ILuvUnicorns: i don't live here…. that means I don't count, right?
(Esme is completely confused by all the cell phones that everybody is shoving in her face)
Esme: Okay, okay! One at a time! (reading the screens) I need it shoveled because Carlisle needs to go to work and I don't think Emmet wants to give up his Jeep…
JustABigTeddyBear: NEVER!!
Esme: Car freak. Anyway, I know none of you have had to before, but it's just a driveway.
BetOnMe: a LONG driveway!
Esme: Yes, a long driveway, which is why all of you are going to help. (noticing Jacob trying to sneak away) Yes, you too, Jacob.
ILuvUnicorns: why?? i don't even live here! our kinds are natural enemies!
Esme: That doesn't seem to have stopped you from coming here and enjoying yourself.
ILuvUnicorns: uhhh….
Esme: Exactly. Now go buy some shovels or go delve into the horrors of the back of the garage, but I want that driveway shoveled before your father has to leave for the hospital!
(everybody grumbles, but they find some shovels and start working)
RUHappyNow?: well, this sux.
ILuvUnicorns: no kidding. i HATE this stuff….
BetOnMe: why? you're a big strong werewolf, it shouldn't bother u too much.
ILuvUnicorns: exactly, that's what everybody else thinks. but no one ever thinks about how big and strong the poor werewolf really is and how all this bloody snow keeps melting and running down his neck and how freaking hard it is to text all this while holding a shovel and
ATTENTION: OVERLOAD. WAIT 10 SECONDS BEFORE SENDING ANOTHER TEXT MESSAGE.
(Jacob starts swearing and shaking his phone. Everybody ignores him)
BetOnMe: dang and he was just starting to get good.
SexyHunkaManCandy: I'm not complaining.
BarbieGirl: eddie you really need to loosen up. capitals r UNNECESSARY.
JustABigTeddyBear: despite the fact that you ended that sentence in all caps.
BarbieGirl: ARE YOU CONTRADICTING ME??
JustABigTeddyBear: no not in the least just pointing out something that hopefully won't make you any madder at me than you already are right dear?
BarbieGirl: good. cause you know what happens when u contradict me…
JustABigTeddyBear: shudders unfortunately….
ILuvUnicorns: r u 2 done? cause i'd like to continue ranting…
(everybody texts at once) NO THAT'S OK
ILuvUnicorns: well, fine. no need to freak out on me….
SexyHunkaManCandy: phew.
BetOnMe: that was a close one
JustABigTeddyBear: aye
MyBoyfriendGlitters: aye?
JustABigTeddyBear: well we can't all ignore our scottish heritage!
BarbieGirl: emmet, you don't have a drop of scottish blood.
MyBoyfriendGlitters: you know that how?
BarbieGirl: not important.
RUHappyNow?: it smells different
(no offense to scottish people. Part of this conversation actually occurred, and it's funny to us)
MyBoyfriendGlitters: REALLY??
RUHappyNow?: well actually he doesn't have a drop of any blood in his body right now….
BarbieGirl: NOT IMPORTANT
SexyHunkaManCandy: yes miss capitals-are-unnecessary ma'am
MyBoyfriendGlitters: snicker
BarbieGirl: ANYway
JustABigTeddyBear: no i don't but that doesn't matter!
(do i know that Emmet's last name is actually McCarty, so he might actually be part Scottish? yes. do i care? no.)
RUHappyNow?: protect your nonexistent scottish heritage?
JustABigTeddyBear: FINALLY! someone who understands!
ILuvUnicorns: AM I THE ONLY ONE SHOVELING HERE??
(everybody at once again) YES!!
JustABigTeddyBear: now be quiet and keep shoveling so we can talk
ILuvUnicorns: NO!! I REFUSE TO STAND AROUND AND HEAR ALL THE MESSAGES COMING AND BE SHOVELING SNOW!!
MyBoyfriendGlitters: o wow
MyBoyfriendGlitters: he figured out how to use italics
(i have no idea if this is possible on a cell phone. frankly, neither do i care)
ILuvUnicorns: not to mention the fact that the freaking thing vibrating in my pocket is making me really have to go pee….
BetOnMe: o ew
BarbieGirl: DON'T DO IT WHERE WE CAN SMELL IT!
MyBoyfriendGlitters: which pretty much eliminates this state….
BarbieGirl: shut it
MyBoyfriendGlitters: NO
SexyHunkaManCandy: leave it, rosalie
BarbieGirl: FINE
BarbieGirl: i think i'll shovel just to spite you all
(everyone stares at her in shock for a couple minutes as she completely ignores them and starts shoveling snow on the opposite side of the driveway from Jacob)
BetOnMe: did she just…
RUHappyNow?: is she actually….
SexyHunkaManCandy: i don't believe it
JustABigTeddyBear: rosie, honey? r u ok?
BarbieGirl: fine. great, in fact
MyBoyfriendGlitters: …….r u sure?
BarbieGirl: yeah. though you might want to know that esme's staring out the front window at you with an expression that really doesn't speak so much of "I love my children" as "my children are going to be cleaning the entire house very soon if they don't start shoveling…."
(everybody but Jacob looks up very quickly, sees she's not lying, and starts shoveling just as quick)
SexyHunkaManCandy: (shudders) and here I was hoping that that would never happen again….
BetOnMe: too late
JustABigTeddyBear: vision?
BetOnMe: tomorrow. get out the scrub brushes, m'boyo…. we'll need 'em.
MyBoyfriendGlitters: bleep
SexyHunkaManCandy: ??
RUHappyNow?: YOU don't have anything to worry about
MyBoyfriendGlitters: but if esme goes on a cleaning rampage, how will i c eddie?
BetOnMe: wht r we, pineapple and cheese casserole?
MyBoyfriendGlitters: close. jk
RUHappyNow?: WHAT??/
(everybody is briefly stunned)
BetOnMe: gah
BetOnMe: jazzy don't do that!
RUHappyNow?: jazzy?
SexyHunkaManCandy: well, if i have to be eddie, at least yours is worse….
JustABigTeddyBear: HA HA you two have nicknames now…
RUHappyNow?: oh yeah emmie?
MyBoyfriendGlitters: HA HA
MyBoyfriendGlitters: i like it
JustABigTeddyBear: I DON'T
SexyHunkaManCandy: well that's the point isn't it?
ILuvUnicorns: AM I STILL THE ONLY ONE SHOVELING??
BarbieGirl: what do i look like, dog food?
JustABigTeddyBear: OOH burn
MyBoyfriendGlitters: ouch.
MyBoyfriendGlitters: that wasn't very nice rose
BarbieGirl: huh?
BarbieGirl: what did i say?
SexyHunkaManCandy: scroll up and look who that comment was addressed to
BarbieGirl: oh ouch.
BarbieGirl: i won't say sorry cause technically that was insulting ME
ILuvUnicorns: it still hurts (sniff)
SexyHunkaManCandy: wimp
ILuvUnicorns: AND PROUD
ILuvUnicorns: i mean, uh, that wasn't a nice thing to say edward
ILuvUnicorns: eddie
ILuvUnicorns: snicker
SexyHunkaManCandy: oh yeah jakey-poo?
ILuvUnicorns: YAY HE LIKES ME
ILuvUnicorns: o crap
(everybody stares in horrified shock at Jacob while Edward slowly puts his hand on the shovel)
ILuvUnicorns: ummm…. i was kidding?
(the moment is broken and Edward picks up his shovel and starts beating Jacob over the head with it, yelling "Freakish weirdo dog thing." Everybody laughs or stares in continued shock at the scene, while Jacob cowers under the blows and starts using his own shovel to defend himself.)
BetOnMe: OMG this is HILARIOUS!!
MyBoyfriendGlitters: how can u say that? 1 of them could get hurt!
BarbieGirl: oh don't worry eddie's indestructible
JustABigTeddyBear: yeah really
JustABigTeddyBear: even after that one time when we threw him off the cliff he was still ok
MyBoyfriendGlitters: YOU DID WHAT??
JustABigTeddyBear: o crapola
JustABigTeddyBear: i wasn't supposed to say anything about that was i?
BarbieGirl: no u weren't
(while this is going on Edward and Jacob have turned the fight into a full fledged "swordfight" with shovels, and everyone is laughing hysterically except the two guys fighting, who are apparently trying to kill each other. Bella meanwhile has passed out from the shock that her family threw Edward off a cliff.)
RUHappyNow?: somebody is getting this on camera, right?
BetOnMe: waaay ahead of ya
BarbieGirl: u saw this coming didn't u?
BetOnMe: just look at the screen name….
JustABigTeddyBear: u rock alice…
BetOnMe: (blushes) i try…..
(Edward notices Bella on the ground and drops his shovel in shock, Jacob hits him over the head and knocks him over, Edward picks up his shovel and knocks Jake out, then runs to Bella and starts trying to wake her up and not panic. Jasper is cowering with his head in his hands from the sudden onslaught of emotions, and Alice is still filming. No one notices Esme still watching out the front window, desperately trying not to laugh...)
--
All right then! Took long enough, I know, and it isn't even winter anymore, but we'll still keep this fic going. Remind everyone of the fun you can have with snow….. )
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!
Ok I'm done now. Fluffy's turn is next!