Prompt: Lots of news on the two upcoming films, and LiveJournal's Writer's Block question--"If your life was made into a movie, what type of movie would you want it to be? Who would you choose to play yourself? Who would play the important people in your life?"

A/N: This is the part where it starts getting ridiculous ;)


Personally, I'm still not sure what to think about these films--I've decided not to judge until I've seen them.
...All right, I'm judging a LITTLE. But the point is, I then started to think about what the characters themselves would think of the casting.

"Sacha Baron Cohen?"

I sighed. "Holmes, you've spoken of nothing else for days. I'm as sorry as you are, but there's nothing we can do."

Despite my protests he continued to pace, his eyes flashing. "Then what, Watson, what? I am to sit back and allow this man to make a mockery of myself and my profession? It was bad enough with that Downey Jr. fellow--a good enough actor, perhaps, but "all action" indeed. But this is an obvious parody, a deliberate attempt to drag my name through the mud!" He slammed his fist into his palm. "If only that Rathbone chap were still around..."

"Absolutely not," I countered. "Nigel Bruce did a horrific portrayal of myself--from the way he acted, every audience must have seen me as some sort of bumbling oaf. With this Baron Cohen film, at least the humiliation will be spread over the two of us."

He smirked. "It is true, he is not the one I would have chosen to portray your character to the masses, my dear Watson. But surely you agree that Rathbone had the right idea?"

"I suppose he did, Holmes. But no one will get it exactly right, you know. It just wouldn't be interesting enough. If it was up to you, it would be a purely informational film on the science of deduction."

"Quite right," was his indignant reply, "and that is as it should be. However, they seem bent upon making me out to be some sort of action hero, or a comic laughing stock."

I shook my head. "Holmes, nothing for entertainment purposes could be as scientific and informational as you would like. And before you say that your cases should not be used for entertainment purposes, you must realize that very few people would have any interest in such a film. This is purely appealing to those who wish to see your work in a manner that they understand."

"Still, that is no excuse for casting Sacha Baron Cohen--"

"I know, Holmes. And Will Farrell, no less." I snorted.

"I wonder who will see us as we really are after this?"

"We still have a large assortment of real fans, Holmes, never fear." I thought back to the vast assortment of fanfiction that had been, and was still being, written. "I don't doubt that some of them are rather miffed at this as well. Some of them are probably writing sarcastic fanfiction about it as we speak."

Holmes' mood did not lighten. "It is a grim predicament, Watson. Our names have been dragged through the mud time and again--yours more than mine, I suppose," he aknowledged to my raised eyebrows and silent mention of Nigel Bruce. His eyes took on an almost wistful sheen. "If only we had..."

I nodded in mutual regret. "Jeremy Brett."

"What a man," said Holmes, genuine admiration shining in his eyes. "What a remarkably talented man! If there was ever a man that understood my complexities, it was he."

"Not to mention his determination," I added.

"David Burke and Edward Hardwicke were magnificent in their roles, too," Holmes noted, still caught up in his remembrance. "If only their talent could be reflected in today's film portrayals! but sadly, it seems, we are left with the parodies and the action heroes."

"Well, my dear fellow, you may take comfort that no matter who else butchers your character, there was once Jeremy Brett," I said with a smile. "And I believe he shall remain the definitive Holmes of the screen in the minds of the true fans for many years to come."

He nodded, his eyes finally losing their indignant flame, and lit his pipe. "Let us hope so, my dear Watson," he said solemnly. "For both our sakes."