So, this story is going pretty well, it seems! :) I'm having a really great time writing it, I can't seem to stop! I already have about a thousand words of the next chapter written...
Thanks to all who have reviewed so far: FezzesRCool25, HestiaRue14, toavoidconversation, SuperFunkyGirl1, Arinlianette, and Mrs. 11th! :) Hugs for you all! :D
NOTE: Realising that I had totally botched up my timelines, I took out Johanna and Blight from the mentor roles and made up two new mentors. Chapter one has been fixed too.
You can see hints at some of my other fandoms through names I give characters... :P
Enjoy!
Deen and I cling to each other desperately for an amount of time that slips away from us.
"I love you," He whispers.
"I know. And I love you too," I say, "And that's what will keep me fighting."
I kiss him again and knot my fingers in his hair because it's strangely comforting. But there is a knock on the door, and after we ignore it, a pair of Peacekeepers wrench us apart. Deen shoves them off for a minute and pulls something out of his pocket before throwing it at me. I turn it over in my hands; it's a locket.
"To wear into the arena as your district token, so that you'll remember what's waiting at home for you when you're in the Capitol and Arena. It was going to be your birthday present, but..." He trails off as they are pulling him out the door, but he keeps yelling my name.
"I'll come back, I promise!" I cry earnestly after him. "I promise!" I repeat this with every ounce of breath that I have until the door is slammed in my face. Deen has been taken from me for what could be quite probably be the last time. The realization that I am being ripped away from my entire world, for the sake of intimidation tactic entertainment, is one that is just a little too much for me and my pregnancy-affected brain.
I crumble to the floor and let the tears fall out completely. My whole body curls around my swollen belly as my arms cradle it. I don't know how far along I am exactly, but my stomach's curve is definite enough to feel and see. I've simply managed to hide it well from the people in my District. Deen and I were in the middle of working out when we were going to tell our families. I suppose now they'll see it on the TV.
My hands rub my belly, around one of the two things I have left of Deen. This child, this life that Deen and I have created, deserves a chance to live...I can only hope that this notion might be one shared by others and give me an edge in the Arena. In the back of my mind I hear the door opening but can't bring myself to care. Who made up the etiquette that tributes had to be calm and collected, anyway? Perhaps I didn't want to be. I would be myself and no one else.
I feel a small pair of arms wrap around me and I look up to see the sympathetic face of Lara Castellan. The idea that this thirteen year old is so willingly comforting me moves me in a strange way and it breaks my heart as I realize that if my baby is to live, this innocent girl will have to die. For this reason I clutch her tighter.
"Malroy sent me to get you," She says after a minute or so, "It's time to get on the train." Slowly we get up and walk through the corridors until we get to the place where we board the train. Everyone is waiting for us inside, the two boys, plus Karena, Carlotta and Malroy. No longer feeling helpless, I feel my spine straighten and my expression turn to one of resilience. If I want to be a winner, I'm going to have to start acting like one.
Lara and I sit down and I do my best to tune out Malroy's speech on punctuality. I'm unsuccessful and eventually snap at him.
"You do not have the right to rip me away from the people I love, and then criticize me on the amount of time I spend saying goodbye to them." My words are met with wide eyed stares of surprise and Malroy's clicking tongue. He's not impressed but for a Capitol escort he is quite unimposing when the worst of the moment has already occured.
Behind him, Karena looks somewhat impressed by my defiance. She had always been against the Capitol in her own way (as demonstrated by her refusal to kill anyone in her Games), so it's hardly surprising.
Malroy himself simply raises an eyebrow, his usual cheery persona freezing into something cooler. "The Capitol will not tolerate disobedience or outspoken resistance. Think about that before you open your mouth again." With that he leaves the room. I return to examining my nails as Geff and the other tribute - who's name was still a mystery to me due to my lack of observance - strike up their conversation again. Carlotta, the ex-district 7 mentor who is now a brainwashed member of the Capitol through and through, bustles around in her ridiculous clothes trying to find the ideal place to sit before hiding herself behind a fashion magazine. Her long locks of blue hair are done up in wild braids that circle her head, and her make-up gives her the appearance of a scary painted doll. Why anyone could think it is attractive is beyond me.
Karena takes the padded chair by Lara and attempts to talk to her, and after a while I can see that Lara starts to like Karena more and more. Perhaps I would too, I simply wasn't in the mood for talking at the moment; it wasn't as though there wasn't going to be plenty of time for that in the Capitol.
I realize that Deen's locket is still hanging around my neck and that I haven't opened it yet. My fingers begin to tremble as they wrap around it and for ten seconds my hands are shaking so much that I nearly drop it. Soft hands that have traces of blisters long since healed cover mine, and I look up with a frown into Karena's kind face. Her fingers unclasp the locket in less than a second, and she returns to her seat without so much glancing down at what she has opened. The helpfulness of the gesture and the subtle respect for my privacy that came with it touches me somehow. I look up with gratitude shining in my eyes and she nods to acknowledge it before resuming her conversation with Lara.
My eyes drop to the locket now lying open across my left palm. Photographs are not common in Panem, but not unheard of either. Being the lumber district who supplies the wood to make the paper - photographic or otherwise - we get more of a share of photographs that most of the poor ones would.
This photo is one that I haven't seen before, but I remember it being taken. It had been in winter, on Deen's birthday, and Deen and I were wrapped up in thick winter coats like the rest of the District had been at the time. He's hugging me in the photo and we're cheek to cheek while both grinning like the pair of madly in love people we were at the time.
The other side contains a picture of him welding an axe like an idiot in a mockingly staunch pose as he stood in the trees of the District 7 forest. It's so wonderfully him; his dark curls are unruly as always and his grin is so cheerful that it almost pains me. I have a very strange sense of humour and Deen to this day is the only one to ever fully appreciate it. For me, this second picture is the definition of home.
I stare at the two photos in my hands before closing the locket gently. Becoming aware of eyes on me, I look up to see everyone looking at me. It hits me that I've started crying again at about the same time that I see Malroy has reentered the room. He pointedly turns away from me and talks to Carlotta instead. A strange sense of resentment for the man settles in my stomach.
Rising from my seat, I stonily ask where my room is. When I get the answer I storm from the room without another word, though snag two brightly colored minature cakes on the way out. Naturally, of all the times to do so, my baby has decided to be hungry now. I lie on the eerily comfortable bed and munch on the overly sweet and fine food before falling asleep.
When I wake, I am immediately seized by nausea and don't quite make it to the ensuite sink in time. Disgusted, I give myself a quick wash and change my clothes. All the Capitol fashions are too figure fitting but my clothes seem to have disappeared overnight. The thought is unsettling and I wind up staring at myself in the flimsy Capitol clothes in the mirror. The sleeveless green shirt is made of satin - I think - and while it's not ridiculously tight, it does nothing to hide the now obvious baby bump. I'm not huge and my mobility isn't affected yet, but there is no escaping the fact that everyone on this train, including Malroy Darsta, the man who acts like a woman, will learn my secret if I step out there. And I'm hungry, incredibly so, so simply hiding in my room isn't an option.
Am I ready for them to know? What will they say? What will I say?
I take a deep breath as I pull on the tight black trousers that make my legs itch and hang Deen's locket around my neck. I don't even look at the shoes, partly because the shoes that Capitol women wear are frightening and partly because I want to see if Carlotta and/or Malroy will say anything about my bare feet.
I stare in the mirror at myself and the frizzy mane of strawberry blonde hair that I'm sporting. No longer interested in my appearance, I deftly use my fingers to tie it in my usual two braids in record time. They calm me down a little...give me a sense of normality when everything around me is so alien and colorful.
Breathing steady, deep breaths, I exit my room and force my feet to carry me through the train corridors until I reach the door to the main dining area. Chatter is coming through from the other side; everyone appears to be strangely cheerful and sociable if the voices are anything to go by. I prepare myself for a moment before bursting in. I smile at everyone and for a few seconds it is all morning greetings and smiles.
Then the plate in Karena's hand drops to the floor and breaks, and one by one, everyone's shocked gaze falls to my slightly rounded stomach. I drop my eyes to the floor timidly and make my way to the table filled with food. Silence in the room is broken only by the clatter of serving silverware on my plate. This irritates me. A lot.
"You've all seen a pregnant woman before, so stop gawping at me before flies zoom into your open mouths," I snap. They all blink and awkwardly look away as I settle myself into the seat I had sat in the day previous. Lara is the first one to approach me and say anything. Her hand touches my stomach tentatively ad for some reason the physical privacy invasion doesn't bother me. The thirteen year old's gorgeous blue eyes watch me.
"It's Deen's baby, isn't it?" She asks simply, and all I can do is nod at her because I'm so unsure of what to say in my current situation. As she nods back at me and walks back to the table of food, I manage to form words to add to my nod.
"Of course it's Deen's baby. It was never not going to be his." The words make Lara smile at me as she bites into a blackberry muffin. She looks pleased for some reason.
Karena sits opposite me with a gravely thoughtful expression as she regards me. "If you're pregnant, why didn't anyone volunteer in your place?"
I avoid her gaze and munch on my jam toast while formulating an answer. "Deen was the only other person who knew about it. And his volunteering wouldn't have done me any good."
"I guessed," Lara blurts out awkwardly, "About a week ago."
I raise my eyebrow at her and she blushes before busying herself with more food. The unnamed boy watches me from a few meters away, some kind of fruit smoothie clutched in his hands.
"It's not so surprising, really," He adds, not unkindly, "You two are always together, going off alone into the woods."
My cheeks suddenly become very hot and I know that I must be bright red. "We gathered berries together," I said weakly, and he smiles with a teasing glint in his eye.
"I'm sure you did...I'm also sure that's not all you did." He then becomes very preoccupied with his fruit drink.
Carlotta is not taking the news so well; she looks purple. It's impossible to believe that she was once in our positions, yet I know that she was. "Well, my job is to keep you alive, and this new piece of news will change that drastically, so now we must plan when or if to reveal it to the public, how to do so, and-"
"I don't see why we suddenly have to put in all this extra work just because some girl couldn't keep her legs shut," Malroy interrupts, and Karena begins to choke on her food in surprise. I slowly turn my head to look at him, so angry in such a small amount of time that I can't form words, and I can feel my body shaking with fury as my eyes lock with his. His dark eyes are unfathomable with a hint of curiosity and smugness.
"Say that again," I dare him, and while he doesn't repeat his words, his eyes do portray a certain satisfaction. He's relishing the fact that he's gotten to me. I don't know how our mutual dislike has bloomed out of nowhere, considering that at previous reapings I've never had any notable feelings of dislike other than the natural repulsion that we feel for Capitol people. Either way, it's definitely there now and it is not going to help me along when Malroy is part of the team that helps me stay alive.
Still, it's nice to know that Karena and Carlotta are the ones who will be controlling the flow of gifts from any Sponsors I may get, and not Malroy. He's only an escort, after all, and as long as I remember that, I will be okay. Still, I have one thing to say to him.
"This baby is a gift. I love someone called Deen and he is the father of this baby. I'm not ashamed of what I have done, nor do I think I have any reason to be. If I get out of this alive, Deen, me, and this baby will be a family. Do not demean me through words because you believe it makes you sound impressive. It makes you sound cruel and pathetic." I hold his gaze for several intense seconds before going back to my toast and pointedly not talking to anyone.
A few minutes later Carlotta and Malroy leave together while discussing what angle to take on the publicity of my pregnancy. I know that it's important, and could determine whether this baby and I live or die, but in this exact moment I can't bring myself to care.
The unnamed boy sits next to me but I don't look up.
"Cadence," Karena says urgently, "I'm sorry for Malroy, he isn't always the kindest of people."
"He doesn't have to like me, or be kind to me, I just want to him to respect me and the fact that I'm a person too." I mutter, absently tracing circles across the silky fabric that covers my stomach. "Just...tell me some survival tips or something. Since that's kind of your job."
Karena nods. "Geff and Lara have both gone back to their rooms, so it looks like it's just the two of you! That is, if you want to join us, Dariand." There was his name. Finally.
"As long as Cadence doesn't mind," Dariand says with a shrug, and I can't help but look at him incredulously.
"Of course I don't," I said with a mild snort.
"Well, the main thing is to find food and water. Don't trust anything if you do 't know what it is, especially not fruit," Karena instructs seriously. "I nearly died during my Games because I ate berries that made me puke up all of my food. Nearly starved to death."
"Yeah, I remember that," Dariand says casually, "We were all really worried there for a while."
"Take something from the Cornucopia if it's near the outside and worth getting, otherwise just get the hell out of there and let someone else be cut down in the initial bloodbath. There's almost fifty of you in total, you can't afford to be careless in any way."
"I'm carrying a baby," I mention pointedly and quietly, "I'm not going to take my life or my baby's life lightly."
Sorrow and sympathy fills her eyes. "I know."
Later, when the other two are back, all seven of us sit down in another carriage to watch the recap of the reapings. It's even harder to keep track of the tributes than usual because there are twice as many, but people still stand out a bit.
A strangely small girl who could only be fourteen who rushes forward to volunteer in District 1. The other girl from 1 is her polar opposite and I'm already afraid of her.
A lean boy from 4 with a dangerous glint in his eye and oozing confidence in his step.
Suddenly they are showing our reaping, with Lara being chosen and the crowd being unhappy that a thirteen year old was picked. Then it's me, you can see how I freeze, and how Deen cries out. Our silent conversation as I'm walking up. I note with satisfaction how well the baby bump is hidden under my clothes.
I watch as I grab Lara's hand and the crowd cheers slightly. It shows Dariand being picked - Dariand Quinto - and then Geff Pallister.
More tributes roll past, and eventually we're onto District 12. I've always felt so sorry for them, I'm sure that some of them must starve out there. District 7 wasn't much but seeing the people from the coal district always made my heart ache with sympathy. The first girl looks so tiny and skinny that it makes me sick. The second girl read out had been standing with two other blonde girls, one of whom looked to be her twin.
The first boy drawn is a a twelve year old boy who looks as though he has never seen food in his life. I tear my eyes away from the screen and open my locket again to stare at Deen's face for several moments before closing it.
The last tribute to be reaped for our games is a boy, who looks about my age, give or take a year, and has dark curly hair a little like Deen's. He's good-looking, though very serious. I notice his eyes search the crowd and seem to find what they are looking for. I recognize the emotion in his grey eyes. It seems that I'm not the only one who is leaving behind someone they love.
I get up to leave but Carlotta grabs my arm. She smiles the first smile I've seen from her that actually has a trace of genuine compassion in it. The caring in her eyes is mildly disturbing, but I let her lead me out of the room.
"We'll be at the Capitol in a few hours," She said in her accent that was half-Capitol and half District 7, "And until we decide when we're going to present you as pregnant, because trust me, timing is crucial, we need to hide that bump of yours."
We arrive at my room and spend over half an hour deciding on what will work best. We settle on a pretty white blouse and a green skirt that sits high on waist, high enough that the curve of the skirt perfectly hides my stomach. I stare at myself in the mirror and see a girl who seems too normal and well-dressed to be me. The stockings don't help, but she let me wear my boots, which is comforting.
"Leave your hair how it is," She muses, "The braids are cute." With that she leaves me alone. I stare at the mirror again. My overall look makes me appear younger than I am, more like 15 or 14 than the 17 I really am. Not really ideal for someone who is pregnant, but my stylist will probably be able to cover me in make-up to bump my physical appearance and age up a bit.
I go back into the main room where everyone is milling about. We're all somewhat well dressed now, and Geff is sitting in a corner by himself while Lara and Dariand are together on the couch, and I join them.
"You look nice," Dariand notes, "You can't see the baby bump." I simply nod. Carlotta, however, picks up on his words.
"Yes, on that subject," She raises her voice, "Until it's revealed publically, Cadence's pregnancy does not leave this room, am I understood?"
Everyone nods and murmurs their consent and she smiles nervously before coming to sit down by us.
"Is there something else?" Dariand asks stiffly, and it's obvious he feels the same sense of betrayal that I do whenever I look at our mentor.
If Carlotta notices his indifference towards her, she doesn't let it show. "Yes, the matter of training, and whether you would like to train separately or together."
There is a brief silence before Lara speaks up. "I'd like to train with Cadence, if that's okay." Surprise fills me and I feel strangely flattered. It's a gesture of trust, what she's doing, whether she realizes that or not. I smile at her.
"Of course it is, though call me Cady, please," I reply, and look at Dariand expectantly, curious as to what he is going to pick.
"What about Geff?" He asks as he glances over his shoulder at the boy in the corner.
Carlotta holds a straight face. "He's asked to be trained alone."
Something hardens in Dariand's eyes and he leans back into the cushions of the sofa. After almost a minute of silence and his intense thinking, he speaks. "Then I'll train with the girls, if they'll have me."
Lara smiles and nods, and I do the same. Because while all alliances have to be broken at some point in the games, with 48 tributes, you would be an idiot to try and brave it alone. I already trust Lara, and I feel that I could grow to trust Dariand easily. He's got that aura about him that just makes you feel as though he's a good person.
Later, bright light streams through the windows and we realize that we're in the Capitol, the place we could only dream or have nightmares about in the past. We've seen it on TV, though, of course.
Lara grabs both mine and Dariand's hands before eagerly pulling us to the window. "Come on!" We appease both her curiosity and our own as we gaze out of the window. Hundreds of Capitol citizens are screaming with excitement, their painted faces alight with joy and their strange hair bouncing up and down as they do.
It's sickening, and I briefly consider stepping away from the window. As if sensing my doubt, Lara's grip on my hand tightens. Then she lets go and starts waving and smiling at the people outside. Realizing her tactic, Dariand and I follow her example. We smile and wave until our faces hurt and the frightening are out of our sight.
I wonder when Lara became the ringleader of our little group of three, and why the youngest would be the leader, but somehow it fits. This little girl will lead her elders forward by the hand and keep us safe.
"This is where it begins," I say, and the two of them smile grimly in agreement.
Here's hoping that was actually any good! :) Also, sorry for any typos, it was written on an iPod touch. I think you'll be able to expect reasonably fast updates on this, as I can;t stop myself writing it, and I'm on holiday. :)
Drop me a review to let me know what you think, please!
-MayFairy :)