I have been reading fan fictions for a while now, and this is my first attempt at writing one. I was always disappointed when the author wouldn't update quickly. Now that I am writing one, I understand the time that it takes.
Chapter 2
"You said you were taking a break. That you were making time for us! You're a huge success. There is nothing left for you to do. No more awards for you to win. What more do you need?" "Can't you see that this IS about us? This will give us stability. We can be together all the time and finally start our family. We can make a home there. It is everything we always wanted." "No, it's everything you've always wanted," and with that I grabbed my coat and stormed out of the apartment.
We were just talking in circles. I had been patient. I had waited while she built her career away from me. I had supported her and travelled to wherever she was performing whenever my schedule would allow it. I had been content to live a life through facetime, texts, emails and phone calls, but enough was enough. I was tired of being alone every night. For 7 years, we had lived this way, always holding on because she just needed to reach one more goal and then our lives, her life, could be normal. Just one more record, one more tour, one more award, one more movie, one more Broadway show. It was always just one more Callie, and then we can start our family in Seattle. I am tired of the one mores.
I was a bit early for my shift at the hospital, but I couldn't be in the same room with her. I needed a distraction, and work had always been that for me. I could pour myself into my research and surgeries and not have to think about myself. For 7 years, I have been giving everything that I am to this hospital, and have been rewarded with recognition and awards. My own awards, that were never important enough for her. I am only in the lab for a few minutes when Addison walks in.
"What are you doing here? Your shift doesn't start for another couple of hours and I know Arizona is home. What happened?" Whenever Arizona was in town, I would try to make sure that I had someone cover my shifts at the hospital or take time off. I wanted to spend as much time together as possible, because being apart was more common that being together. Addison knew that something had to have happened to pull me away from being naked in bed with Arizona right now. "Las Vegas happened," I say dejectedly. "She got offered a show at Caesar's Palace. She wants THAT to be our future. She wants us to pack and move to Vegas. Who even lives in Vegas? I have never met anyone who lives in Vegas. It's a place you visit and have a good time, not some place to raise a family." Addison seems to laugh at my comments. "I know a few people who live in Vegas," she says, "off the strip, it's just like any other community. I'm sure it could be a nice place to raise a family." She pauses and quietly asks "are you at that point? Has she said that she is ready to have kids now?" I stop to think. Had she actually said that? She said it would give us stability, that we could finally be in the same city and be able to fall asleep in each other's arms, and then she threw the family comment in at the very end, almost like an afterthought. Is that what I am? An afterthought?
"I don't know. Maybe. I think so. She said we could start our family. It all just seems so selfish. She thinks it's nothing for me to give up the life we have built here," "the life YOU have built here," Addison interjects. "She hasn't really been here. She has stopped over and vacationed, but she doesn't have a life here. You do." I know Addison likes Arizona and doesn't say this to hurt me, but she has been my person through this whole relationship. She has been the one to comfort me when Arizona had to cancel because she got a last minute gig that she couldn't pass up, or got a movie role, or some other type of opportunity that would help advance her career. Addison was the person by my side reassuring me that all this will work out in the end. She made me believe that Arizona and I could grow old together. Heck, she even had me convinced that Arizona not being at the ceremony when I received the Harper Avery Award was not that big of a deal. If she was losing faith, what chance did we really have?
"Mark, I haven't seen or spoken to her in 3 years. I'm not sure I am really the right person for this. Tim and her dad are there. She doesn't need me there too." Mark had called out of the blue. It was strange to hear his voice again. He and I had spent a lot of time together when Arizona and I were a couple. She would be off doing interviews or whatever, and Mark and I would go somewhere with the band and goof off. When Arizona toured Europe, I had hoped that we could go places like the Eiffel Tower together, instead it was Mark and I. For a long time, he was my line to Arizona.
"She needs you. She's been going through a lot of shit lately. If I didn't know any better, I would say it's like a mid-life crisis, although she's not old enough for that. I'm not saying get back together, I'm just saying go and help her through this, as a favour to me. I'm worried this thing with her mom will throw her over the edge." Mark had done so many favours for me over the years that I am not sure how I can deny him this request. He seems genuinely concerned for her, and if he is worried, then it must be serious. Plus a part of me wants to be there for Barbara and Daniel. When they had moved to Seattle 4 years ago, we got really close. If I couldn't be with Arizona, her family was the next best thing. Barbara would share childhood stories and include me in family gatherings. It was nice to have someone close by all the time. We had drifted apart after Arizona and I broke up. She had called a few times and invited me over, but it was just too hard for me to see her. I needed to forget Arizona, and to do that, I needed to be away from her family too. I could hear Mark waiting on the other end of the line, "fine, I will go and check on her." "Make sure she's sleeping. You know how hard it is for her to shut down at the end of the day. I will text you her hotel information and let you know when she gets there." And with that the conversation was over. I had agreed to see Arizona again, something that I worked hard to avoid for the past 3 years.
Hours passed, and then Mark finally texted that Arizona was on her way to her hotel. My nerves were getting the best of me. What should I say? How will it feel to see her again? What did Mark mean by mid-life crisis? Was she seeing anyone? Why do I care if she is? If she is, why isn't that person here with her? Every thought was running through my head. Maybe I shouldn't go?
No, I promised Mark that I would check in on her. That's all I will do. Just make sure that she is OK. How will I even know? Even when we were together she wasn't the best at telling me how she felt. What makes me think that I will be able to figure that out after 3 years?
After a lot of self-talk, I pull up to the hotel. Of course, she would be staying at the fanciest place in Seattle. I could already hear her argue that it was due to the proximity to the hospital, but I know Arizona. I know that she likes to bask in the wealth of her career. She only wants the best of the best, and this hotel is the best. It makes me giggle a bit to know that this is one of the newest hotels in my family's empire.
As I ride in the elevator, I practice what I am going to say to her. I'll obviously ask about Barbara. Maybe I should call someone at Seattle Presbyterian to get more details? I could do that tomorrow. I wonder how Tim and Daniel are holding up. I'll ask if there is anything I could do for them. OK. I need to breathe. Be calm. She is in your past. You are just doing someone a favour. It doesn't mean anything.
The elevator doors open and I am standing in front of her door. I need to knock. I need to raise my arm and tap my knuckles on the door but I don't think I can do this. Breathe Callie.
After standing there for what seems like hours, I finally pull myself together enough to knock. I can hear her walking towards the door and then I hear her stop. I know she is looking at me through the peep hole. Looking and trying to decide what to do. It's too late to run away now. "Open the door Arizona," I say almost in a whisper. And then she does.
She looks beautiful. I can't move. I am just standing and staring at her. Just seeing her brings back so many happy and sad emotions. She is still breath taking, but looks exhausted. I see the hint of a smile on her lips and I remember how those lips felt against mine. I want take her into my arms and feel her next to me again, but all I do is stare. And then she reaches for my hand to pull me into the room. Her touch electrifies me. I can feel the shiver running down my spine. Breathe Callie. Get control.
As soon as I start to ask about Barbara, she starts to break down, and I can't help but take her in my arms to comfort her. I wipe away her tears and am captivated by touching her cheek and watching her cry. Her eyes always become such a clear blue when she cries. "It's OK Arizona. Whatever happens, you'll get through it. I will help you. We'll be strong together," as I say these words I truly mean them. It's only after I have a second to think about it that I realize what I actually said. We are not together. This is not mine to get through. It is hers. My job is to make sure she gets to sleep. That's what I promised Mark.
I send her to have a shower to wash off the day, and for a second I feel like she wants me to join her. And for a second, I think that I will. But that is not why I am here. I quickly send Mark a text telling him that I have done as he asks. He reminds me that she needs to sleep. When I go into her bedroom to tuck her in, I have to stop myself from wanting to run my hands over her ivory skin. Arizona has always had the best skin, and just being in contact with it always gave me such a sense of comfort. It is hard to see all that skin again and not touch it.
As I go to leave, she reaches for my hand again "please don't go. Just lay with me. I always sleep when you're beside me." I freeze. I promised Mark I would make sure she sleeps.