Reflections of Love – Chapter 2
Disarray
Some days have passed and Meredith was feeling a little better. She missed Izzie in the house but she couldn't complain about Alex. He was a good friend and he did what he could to help her. Cristina slept over some nights but she didn't talk about Burke or about her feelings. She just heard and talked about Derek like she was perfectly okay about being left in her wedding day. Alex seemed to feel nothing about Meredith. Seeing her beautifully naked only made his heart beats harder because she was hot. His heart will beat this way for anyone that hot.
Meredith had worked with Derek in some occasions in these days and although was hard to be so close to him she appreciated that he really gave her some space. He decided to listen to Alex's advice. When he asked her time and space she gave it to him and he was giving it to her now. Alex never told Meredith he talked to Derek and neither did Derek. She thought he accepted they were over. It made her sad because it was very painful to see a love fails especially one like they shared.
"Good morning" said him entering the kitchen cutting off her thoughts
"Morning" she said with her head lowed
"Are you okay?" he asked
"It's been one month" she said still looking down
Alex didn't know what to say because he truly thought Meredith deserved better. Since she met Derek about one year ago she was suffering. They had a couple of happy months in which he hid from her that he was married and since then it was downhill. He couldn't say it to her but he won't pretend that he was sorry it was over. He was sorry about her pain not about her loss which he considered a gain in this case. He tried to support her "It will be okay Mer. Things will be okay. You just need to give it time" he said. His attempt failed as she didn't utter any comment and just left the kitchen. From the living room she called him out "Do you want a ride?"
"No, thanks" he said taking some cookies and milk
She left the house and headed to the hospital. Meredith didn't know what to do those days. She didn't know what she was expecting from tomorrow. She wasn't fighting for Derek and she felt she shouldn't because the last year proved their love wasn't meant to be. But what's next? She didn't want to do inappropriate men but she didn't want another relationship either. She only had her job and she was hanging on this.
"Grey. You are with Dr Sloan today" said Callie when she entered the resident's locker
"Stevens, Dr Bailey; Karev Dr Shepherd; Abrahams Dr Rogers..." she said giving the 2nd and 3rd year residents their assignments for the day.
Izzie realized how damaged Meredith was and she felt bad for her. They barely spoke since Izzie moved out but it broke her heart to see Meredith in such pain
"Hey" Izzie said while Meredith was taking her stethoscope
"Hi" Meredith said quietly
"You don't look good" she said
"Yeah" Meredith vaguely said
"Are you okay?" Izzie asked brushing Meredith's arm
"It has been one month since we broke up" Meredith said with tears in her eyes
"Don't you think you still can make it?" Izzie asked
"I don't know Iz. We love each other. He told me I'm the love of his life but it seems like it will never work. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing is enough for him" she sighed
"I'm so sorry Meredith. I hope you both to figure this out." Izzie said
"I don't know if I want this to work out Izzie and this is another problem. I don't know what I want for my life" she confessed
The two friends stayed in silence for few minutes until Izzie breaks it. "I'm sorry Mer" she said
Meredith didn't show any reaction and Izzie completed "About our discussion the other day. I know you did the best you could for me and for George and I was selfish about Alex. You helped him out the same way you did to us. It is your house and you have all rights to do it"
"I didn't do it because it is my house Izzie. I did it because Alex is our friend. He is part of the family also. You are my family. Cristina, Alex, George and you are everything I have." She said wiping her tears
Izzie felt so sorry about it and embraced Meredith "You are our family also" she said and left
Meredith waited for her interns and headed to the 4th floor where Sloan would be within some minutes.
Mark was about to leave his office when Callie knocked the door and he said her to come in.
"Hey" she said sadly
"What's up Torres" he asked enthusiastically
"My lawyer will give in the annulment petition today" she completed
"Torres, you should be happy. George has never been man enough for you and you should be grateful" said Mark
"I know. It just hurts. I don't know what I will do about my life from now on." She said wiping her tears
"Hey. You are an excellent surgeon. You are a great woman and you are hot. You are the hot Latina chief of residents and no one can ever take this away from you" he said slipping his hand over her arm
"Yes, I guess you are right" she told
"Of course I'm right. I'm Mark Sloan" he smirked
She smirked on his presumption but deep inside she knew he was right
"Let's do this way. We get out tonight to celebrate that your lawyer will finally give in the papers" he said
"Mark, I really don't feel I can't do it. It is too soon" she said
"I'm asking you as a friend Torres. I will keep you away from my bed. So take or give it because I can't promise you this another day." He smirked
"As friends?" she asked unsure
"I promise" he told
"Okay" said her leaving the room
The day passed slowly for Meredith and Callie. That day didn't give any of the residents any hope about a better tomorrow. They could only think that they didn't have a clue on what to do about their lives. They were surgeons and this was the only thing they were sure. But somehow it wasn't enough.
"Grey. We are going to Joe's, wanna join?" asked Alex
"I don't think so. I should go home" she said
"Mer, you need some distraction maybe some tequila" he told her "C'mon with us. It will be good for you" he said
"I need to be there for Cristina. It has been a month since her almost wedding and she had the day off. I need to check on her." She said
"I don't need to be checked" Cristina said entering the room "I'm just fine. You are the one with the crap life. I came to hang out with you at Joe's and you have to go. Move your lazy ass from this bench and come with me. You've been such a whining baby and I need beer to make it bearable. I can't listen to you one more day without alcohol. So let's go to Joe's and be drunk" Cristina said pissed
They headed to Joe's and took a table in the back of the bar. Cristina went back to the table with 4 glasses of tequila.
"Get drunk sooner. So we can enjoy the night" she said to Meredith
"I'm not drinking tonight" said Meredith
"Seriously Grey. Give us a break and get drunk I can even pick you a nice guy. Do you do nurses? There is this new hot nurse and I saw him in the bar." Cristina said
Meredith roller her eyes and got some nuts to eat
In the other side of the bar were Mark and Callie. Her giggles could be heard all over the place. She was totally drunk and Mark was making very funny jokes about her divorce.
"Seriously Sloan we should definitely hang out more times. You are a blessing" said her giggling
"Torres I had a great time but I do think I should get you home. C'mon, let's go, I got the tab" he said
"No I don't want to leave, I'm having fun. I'm having fun like I didn't in a long while, don't ruin it" she said almost sad
"Okay, but I already paid the tab so you are having no more alcohol." He said
"So let's dance" said her pulling him
"Dude, Torres is on fire" Alex said completely ignoring George's presence
"Alex" Izzie said hitting his arm
"What? Look how she is dancing with Sloan. She is hot. They say in the hospital she is the hot Latina chief" he said smirking and sipping his bear
"I'm leaving" said George clearly annoyed
"Why? No George, we can sit in another table" said Izzie
"No, I'm leaving because I'm tired and I'm not on the mood to drink and watch my ex hot Latina wife" he said leaving
Izzie followed him giving disapproval looks to Alex
"So now the fun will start. Those two are just annoying" said Cristina drinking a beer
They were talking, basically Cristina and Alex did the talk, as Meredith heart almost stopped when she saw Derek entering the bar with a dark hair woman. She certainly wasn't any of the doctors or nurses of the hospital. He didn't notice Meredith's presence and sat in one table close to the door. He helped her with her coat and hair. They seemed to have a lot of fun and the woman giggled and slipped her hands over his arms many times.
Meredith looked to the shots of tequila in front of her and didn't think twice. She got one after the other and asked the waiter to bring her the more.
"Maybe now you'll be a little less annoying." Cristina said not noticing Derek that was sat on her back in the other side of the bar
"I guess you should slow down Grey" said Alex worried about his friend
"Seriously Alex, did you take Izzie place? I don't know what is the problem with you guys" said Cristina shaking her head
Derek didn't stay in the bar much longer. It was like he only went there to show her he was moving on. Alex stopped in the third beer as he saw that he will be the driver that night. Meredith drank 7 shots of tequila in less than 20 minutes and she didn't say a word since Derek left 5 minutes ago.
"What the hell is wrong with you Meredith?" Cristina asked "Okay, go ahead and do the McDreamy talking." Said Cristina very pissed off
"I don't want to talk about it. He is McBastard that is over the love of his life after one month" said her bitterly
"He is McAss" said Alex
"He is McIdiot" completed Yang
"He is McDouchebag. That's what he is" said Meredith smirking and getting another shot, her 8th
"He and Burke would make a perfect team. McFreakout team" said Cristina laughing out loud
"We are just too good for them. They got us and they didn't know what to do" Meredith said giggling
"Just because we rock in bed and let them crazy out of it" Cristina completed
"What if we are not ready to get married and be a cow with dozens of children?" Meredith said getting the 9th shot
"Yeah. They want us to wear bowl dresses" Cristina said
"Then they asked us to put them out of their misery expecting us to don't do it and when we do they look like little puppies." Said Meredith
"I'm sorry to ruin your great round of compliments to Shepherd and Burke but I will drive both of you home right now" said Alex letting the bills in the table and pulling both women by their arms. He gave both of them their coats and got them into his car. Cristina told she wanted to sleep in her place because Meredith is always sorry in the morning and it makes her even more annoying and whining. Alex let her in her apartment and led to Meredith's house. Meredith slept in the backseat and he had to carry her upstairs. She was already awake and in the moment he stepped out the last stair she stood up by herself and headed straight to the bathroom throwing up all contents of her stomach. After it she started to cry and sob continuously sat close to the toilet.
Alex went to his bedroom and changed his clothes to a tank top and pajama pants when he heard Meredith sobs. He came to check on her, her hair and her blouse had vomit and he took if off letting her on her top and jeans.
"C'mon Meredith. You need to take a shower. You look and smell like crap" he said trying to make her stand up. She didn't stop crying but she was calmer. He took her to her bedroom and asked her to took her jeans off and dress the cotton shorts he gave her. He went to her bathroom and turned on the shower. When he came back she was already in her top and shorts sat at floor with her head buried in her hands and her elbows on her knees. He called her but she didn't react. She was motionless in the floor of her bedroom. He carefully helped her to stand up and leaded her to the shower and started soaping her. Her skin was just soft as he imagined the other day. She was motionless but he could say tears were falling from her eyes. He had to wash her hair so he took the lavender shampoo and conditioner and after showering her he got her towel and wrapped it around her.
"Now take off these soaked clothes Grey and let's be clear here I won't do it ever again so if you want to drink your ass off, go ahead but next time you will sleep in your vomit pool" he said leaving her room
Meredith took her clothes off and got her pajamas. She sat in her bed and let the tears fall as she looked to nowhere.
Alex was coming from the kitchen to his bedroom when he saw her through the slitting door. He felt bad for her and went back to the kitchen to get her a mug of coffee
"Take it Grey" he said handling the mug to her
The smell of her conditioner spread over his nostrils and for the first time he realized how good it was. She got the mug but didn't make any move to drink it. There was a fight inside of him. A voice was telling him to leave her room and let her solve her problems on her own. Another voice told him she needed him. Probably something happened and neither he nor Cristina realized it. He couldn't decide whether he'd leave or not. He didn't do these things but Meredith was different. Finally he gave up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Meredith unconsciously bent her head over his shoulder and started to sob again.
"He… He… He… was… her… they… there" she babbled
"Shhh" he told slipping his index finger on her lips "He is an idiot Meredith that doesn't know how to be with a woman like you"
They stayed sat in the bed for some minutes until she finally fell asleep. When Alex heard the light snoring he carefully laid her down in the bed. His legs were by each of her sides when his knee slip in the bed side making him loses his balance. He leaned on his elbows and he was inches away from her. Once again he felt shivers in his spine. He could feel her warm breath in his lips. She didn't look very well anyway she was beautiful. He could see her fragility and vulnerability. He could almost feel her pain. He brushed her hair that was sprawled in the pillow and in his mind he promised he won't ever let Shepherd or anyone else to break her this way. He cared about her and he felt like it was his job to protect her just like she was china in his hands. She had nobody else. She was alone and broke and he promised he will take care of her. He kissed her cheek and covered her with the blanket before leaving her bedroom.
Disarray is a Lifehouse song A/N: I'm picking up only Lifehouse songs to this story for now. I appreciate your reviews... I didn't expect any as I know huge majority just shippers MD anyway I'm happy you liked and reviewed it, Keep it going I will update again next week because now I need to take care of Legends which I didn't update yet.