Your feelings are your martyr

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson is copyrighted by Rick Riordian

You know, fighting monsters, going on quest. It used to be fun. Now it's just something I do. Killing mosters on the other hand…yeah, that's the shit. Drugs aren't always chemicals. They're anything which changes your mind and makes you addicted.

And fighting is my drug. Now…try to figure out what's my disease.

"Come dude." I said, knocking on the Ares Cabin. "We got work to do."

"The saving the world kind or the actually rewarding kind?" asked Herman, picking up his sword and a spear.

"The kind that gets me action." I said.

"Not interested." Said Herman, putting the sword down.

"It involves killing."

"I'm there."

We walked to Camp Half Bloods magical borders….now, we weren't supposed to leave. We also weren't supposed to convince Mr.D plaid was back in fashion but we did that.

"So….what are we hunting?" asked Herman, looking across the open fields. The monsters knew they couldn't get in, but bless them that didn't stop them from trying.

" Any monster with blood that cures lizard bite." I said.

"Yep. Lure time." Said Herman, switching on his cellhones. He had three. Monsters could track you by your phone number. Any monster who tracked Herman's phone either runs or kills itself to save time. The minor ones anyway. The nastier ones then start a stampede to try and get revenge.

Thing is, we don't fight fair. When we're fighting harpies or hellhounds, we take em on one on one. But something large like a hydra? That's the kinda fight where you decide if you're gonna fight fair or are you going to live. And we found the choice awfully easy.

You can poison they're food….blow them up…wait till they sleep and kill them. But the main thing is…they're used to hunting, not being hunted. They're used to half bloods who run. Not half bloods who wait patiently for hours until they fall asleep and then cut their throats.

"Who are you calling?" I asked, scanning the horizon.

"Mr.D." said Herman. "Good day……." He said, in his best formal voice.

"Hello, this is the Mr.D. Not D as in tenacious, but D as in my initials." Came the voice from the phone.

" I am an investigative reporter invasive….agating your camp. I was wondering if I can pop in sometime and you know, just spread the knowledge of what I see across America." Said Herman.

"Um…that would be hard. Our children have um….special needs….and odd habits." Said Mr.D.

"Do you mean that-"

"I mean they're all retarted. But I love them all, you can count on it!" said Mr.D, sounding like a loving parent. I am impressed!

" Really?" asked Herman. "Then why did your camp order 300 thousand galleons of lava?" What? You didn't think they dug 90 kilometers downwards into the depths of the earth right? What do you think they are, gods or something?

"Um…..we had a bake off?" asked Mr.D.

"And why do you need raw steel, copper and bronze?" asked Herman, relishing the ridiculousness of what he was saying.

"Oh. That's for the forge where they…um…make wallets and birdhouses?" Said Mr.D.

"I think you're lying." Said Herman slowly. "I think I, along with several camera's AND people who will point the camera's at things should come to your camp and take…pictures….and videos…and put them on YouTube. THEN THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR CAMP WILL BE KNOWN!"

"NO!" Yelled Mr.D. "Don't! The truth is….they're all my children! Check they're birth records….you will see they only have one parent…all of them." He sobbed.

"Um…." Muttered Herman, looking at me for support. Looks like the D had some tricks up his ass after all. " What about the ones who have one male parent?"

" They aren't really male! They are cross dressers. GOD DAMN VERY ATTRACTIVE CROSS DRESSERS!" He rage sobbed. This was getting bizarre.

"Um….your face hermit, what now?" I yelled, taking the initiative.

"Oh well." Said Herman, ending the call. "Looks like some found us." Ah. Yes. A fenris wolf. Nasty things. Twice the size of normal wolves and teeth that….well let's just say they need to floss a lot.

"One we can handle…." I said. "But don't they hunt in packs?"

"Yeah they do." Sighed Herman. "But why would a wolf that's adjusted to freezing cold be down here? It's mid summer."

"Fuck. You think it's scouting for Luke's army?" I asked. Luke…ah Luke. Really, I admire the guy. You need a shit load of guts to defy the gods like he does. The betraying all his friends part…well, he thought we were betraying him didn't he? Choosing to remain eternal pawns. And yet…he's the one Annabeth loves. I don't get it, nor do I wanna get it.

All I know is I'm going to be the one who kills him.

"Probably." Said Herman. "But I'd figure he'd attack at winter, most of the campers are gone then…if he's planning to attack now…well then he's aiming to take us prisoner or sacrifice us or something."

"Or his army is so large he doesn't think we stand a chance anymore." I said.

"That too." Said Herman. "And these heroes can barely fight. Unless we stop these damn things we're going to have a couple of thousands monsters on our case."

"Yeah…us against a couple of thousand…." I thought about it. "It'll take us weeks to kill them all." I said with a grin.

"Yeah. We won't be able to play Mortal Kombat for a while." Said Herman. But neither of us were really into it. If we don't stop Luke attacking, we're dead…

The wolf howled and started pawing the ground. "He's calling his pack." I said. "He can't decide which of us to attack first."

Herman threw his spear. His accuracy was pretty good but the wolf was very fast. "Damn." He said. "Thing is strong enough to just play with us until his buddies get her and then rip us apart."

"I know." I said, unpenning Riptide. Time….yeah. I attacked, running straight at the wolf and slashing at its mouth. It literally jumped over my sword and landed at my side. I slammed at it with my shield where it jumped and launched itself off my shield with its hind legs, throwing me down.

" Woah." Grinned Herman. "That's one bad ass wolf." He slashed at it's head, which would've decapitated it if it didn't just to the very improbable. It turned, letting the side of the sword hit it. Herman almost let go of the vibrating sword. "It didn't even feel it!" He yelled.

I grinned, jumping and joining the fray bringing my sword down on it in a straight cut. It tried to do the same….but unfortunately…Riptide was different than Herman's sword. "It's a double edged sword." I said, grinning. "And both edges are pointing at you." A think trickle of blood started to drib from the wolf's back.

"Ok…" said Herman. "I'll hold it still, you collect the blood in this little cup."

"You're going to hold down 300 pounds of wolf muscle?" I asked, feinting at the damn thing. "It's biting my god damn sword! It's actually holding it in it's fucking teeth!"

"What is this wolf?" asked Herman, hopefully being rhetoric, most likely being idiotic. He jumped unto it's back, and tried to stab it, but it threw him off. He swung the sword one handedly at the wolf's paws.

And I saw my chance. It turned and I moved quickly…that, feinted at his shoulder…and he turned obediently…only to find the sword right through his mouth. It whimpered.

"Why doesn't it just die already?" I asked, taking the cup out, letting the blood spew into it.

"That's just it." Said Herman, horrified. "I don't think it can." He pointed at the wound. "Look…monsters reform from the chaos under civilization right….it's already reforming…"

"But….that's just in the underworld…" I muttered, trying to ignore the sight of the wound healing and being ripped open over and over again.

"Tell it to the regenerating wolf with your sword in its throat." Said Herman. Damn….this is bad. The camp is screwed if we're right.

"If Luke found a way to let his monsters regenerate really fast outside of the underworld…he'll be invincible. Why doesn't he just attack?" I said. The wolf's whimpering was getting hard to stomach….it didn't want to live….it wanted to die…but it couldn't.

"I think…it's new..." said Herman. "Or we got a throwback or possibly an evolved monster here. "Or Luke has started some really weird experiments our discovered some new magic."

"Kill it." I said. "Cut its head of or something but at least stop the damn suffering." I did not like suffering…

"Ok….." said Herman, rising his sword. He brought it down. I pulled out just before it severed the wolf's head.

"Reckon it'll regenerate its head?" I asked. This was getting to me…I'm used to things dying when I kill them…

"Don't know, don't care." Said Herman. "All I know is, this thing has a pack and we better run before all of them come."

"Yeah…" I agreed. "So Luke is now seeking to build an army that's innumerable and invincible…why? He could've won this war a long time ago."

"Our reputations probably got around." Said Herman, grinning slightly before looking worried again. Damnit….we can't even joke around with quickly seriousing the fuck up.

" I don't think we should tell Chiron." I Said grimly. "He'll start setting up quests, getting that mummy involved, the Gods will be informed, and we'll have a chain of idiots a mile long…." I stopped….the idea had a certain appeal.

"Yeah….we should deal with Luke on our own." Said Herman, yawning as we entered camp half blood's borders.

"On second thought…" I said, grinning. "We'll tell Chiron, get everyone shit scared, make them send out a quest and everything then slip out on our own. Luke'll have twice as many targets and if….I mean when we fuck up someone else might still be around to fulfill the quest. " You might realize that the plan has a hole….what happens if we're picked for this quest?!?! Well, on the last quest me and Herman got send on, we interpreted the oracles words to mean visit all brothels in the US of A and we were gone for 4 months, pretty much forgetting about the quest and needing several ambrosia injections. Since then…well, Chiron got hesitant when considering me for questing.

We arrived at camp just as dinner was underway. "We have to be subtle…" said Herman. "Hey all!" he yelled. "You are completely fucked! And your dads are cross dressers apparently.

"Oh yeah." I said, beckoning the new girl/meat. "Here's your blood."

Wow. First time there was pandemonium before I removed my shirt.