I let out a small breath of relief when I stood by the window watching Miley and dad leave. Or maybe I should call her Hannah, the bitchy little wannabe pop star who gets everything she ever wants. I always get stuck in the backseat. I walked over to the dresser and pulled out my newest stash. I held the small bag in my hand and studied it. It looked a little different. I stood there and just gawked at it for the longest time. It was beautiful; it had small crystals hiding in the powder. It almost upset me to crush them. I've been up for two days since Miley found me smoking. My dad thinks im sick. Well guess what I am sick, sick of everything, sick of little miss perfect, sick of needing a high, sick of wanting the girl who has the only place in my heart but most of all im sick of breathing. Coopers getting on my fucking nerves. "What's gonna happen if you run out and you can't score more? What are you gonna do then?" he's always asking. Everyone wants to hound me about everything, Jackson this, Jackson that, blah blah blah. I pulled he small frame out of the drawer and set it in the light. She couldn't get any more beautiful. I checked the pack of cigarettes on the dresser. Shit I was down to the last one. I sparked it anyway. I led myself to the window and looked to beach. I always find myself doing the same thing. I grabbed the frame and crouched down, I tapped the crushed crystal onto the glass, and I released myself into the line. I felt the burn, I loved the burn. I put the frame back in its hiding spot and turned around to be face to face with the girl who ruins me.
"Is Miley here" she asked
"I-uh-no, no she's not" I answered quickly. I felt my mind speed up. I could no longer stand in front of her. I sort of paced around the room. She started talking again. I did a little jump to face her.
"Jackson what's been going on with you lately?" she asked
"I think I just have a little cold or something" I stuttered
"Don't give me that bull Jackson" she said in a rude tone
"Don't be such a bitch Lilly" I mimicked in the same tone
"Im not being the only bitch" Lilly yelled as she turned out of my room
"Lilly stop, come on I didn't mean it the way it sounded" I yelled after her
"Fuck you Jackson!" She yelled slamming the front door
God why does she have to get so testy? I just called her one little name and she goes ape shit on me. If only she knew what she does to me inside. I felt a pang in my heart as I realized I really must have hurt her. I turned back to the window; my cigarette was nearly burned out. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was choking. I tore the drawer form the dresser, my hand shook so bad I couldn't hold on to anything. I picked up the picture; I traced Lilly's face in the frame when everything turned upside down. The anger just boiled to the surface. I closed my eyes and imagined she was in front of me once again. I wanted to choke her. I wanted to make her feel real pain. I felt dangerous, damn near invincible. I threw the frame as hard as I could. I snapped out of my alternate reality by the sound of breaking glass. I looked towards the wall; I saw the broken frame and torn picture. "What am I turning into?" I asked myself. I wanted to hurt my sister; I wanted to hurt the only girl that has ever meant anything to me. I felt the nausea take over. I ran to the bathroom, I looked up and saw myself in the mirror. I didn't know who I was looking at. The eyes of that person were terrifying, swollen with the darkest circles, so dark you get lost in the blackness of his pupils, his skin was pale and cracked, his lips dryer then the sand on the beach. But im sure if you looked passed the physical things you could see it was still me. My brain itched for more of the sweet crystals, I felt through my pockets and found the small bag. I just tapped it out on the counter. I heard the foot steps making their way right to me. I tried to shove my stash in my pocket, I missed, and the toxic powder fell like snow on the bathroom tiles. I slammed to my knees trying to salvage my sweet escape. The foot steps grew louder as I swiped the tiles with my hands. I put as much as I could on the counter. Which wasn't much; a pinch or two, I didn't know what to do with it. I could only think of one thing. "I've only had a little today so far, it wont hurt me any" I thought as I felt the rush. The foot steps passed the door. I felt dirty, I felt used, I felt ashamed, but mostly I felt torn.
yeah i guess i'll continue this story. I know its diffrent. If you havent figured out what drug jackson's on its meth, crank, glass, whatever you wanna call it. Its got plenty of slang terms.