Happy new year, everyone! I hope you are all well, and I wish you a good year!
This will most likely be the longest one shot in this whole fic. It's soooo long. The next one will probably come at the end of the month and will also include the talk with Lane and Eikner at the end of this one shot in a slightly longer version. Thank you very much to alicheriee, itsallgleektome and IceTea (I think Cat could keep her mouth shut with something as important as this buuuut I also like it much better for Jade to go to Beck first; they are supposed to love each other and trust each other and everything. :) Hope, you'll keep liking this. :)) for your great reviews! Always enjoy everyone's feedback. :)
Now, I wish you much fun with this one shot!
They hold each other for a while after the decision, only then, Beck asks: "What's our next step?" How will they go about it if Jade will go through with the pregnancy? Will they decide whether they give it up for adoption next? Will they inform themselves how an adoption would work?
Jade looks unsure, like she has every time since they have talked about this. "I... I think we should tell our parents. At least my mother has to know."
Because she will be pregnant and her mother will, most likely, be the first to see and notice after the two of them. If he would want to, his parents probably never would have to know, if they give the child up for adoption. Jade doesn't have to come into the house; his parents don't like seeing her anyway, because they just don't like her. One of the reasons he moved out and into the RV, barely two months after they got together.
But... "My parents have to know, too." He will take responsiblitly for this and won't act like her pregnancy isn't on him, too. And while he's really scared of their reaction and he knows they can't just make everything okay again... They will be able to help them. Both their parents will try to ease the situation. "Maybe, they can help us make a decision."
He can read in Jade's face that she doesn't think they can help much, but she nods anyway and kisses him.
Then, she says: "I think I'll directly tell my mom over the weekend."
"Want me to be there with you?" he asks softly. This is a big thing, telling their parents about it. Maybe, she needs him there.
She answers: "There is a good possibility of her killing me, so... no. You can directly tell your parents, too."
He does want to tell his parents, but he knows, if he gets around to telling them before Jade will tell her mother, her mother will hear it from his parents. Her mother probably also will tell his parents if she knows first, but somehow he doens't care much about who tells them. He knows, Jade meanwhile would feel as if she betrayed her mother if she gets to hear it from someone other than her.
So, naturally: "I'll wait until your mom knows."
Maybe, he can still get to his parents before her mother does. And if he doesn't, it's also not a big deal.
Jade looks at him for a moment, then she kisses him again.
.
.
Jade truly is deeply scared. She didn't dare telling her mother on Friday, when she got home from work exhausted. It's Saturday now. Jade's little brother Jasper is at his father's. Her mother is cleaning the kitchen.
She doesn't notice Jade coming in and Jade doesn't feel like drawing her mother's attention to her as she watches her clean.
She knows, her mother could very well throw her out for this, for being pregnant. She has tried not to think about it while she has thought about an abortion, because she can't only not make a decision for Beck, but also not for her mother.
She's still scared like hell. As she has thought about telling her mother, she has only fallen asleep in the early morning hours; not like she has slept all that much the nights before. She honestly also hasn't eaten all that much since she knows about the pregnancy, which is for 18 days now. She knows she has to take more care of herself, she has to eat and sleep properly or it will hurt the baby, she has decided to give birth to.
But how can she eat and sleep when she's so scared?
She takes a deep breath as she tries to work up the courage to tell her mother.
She has no idea where she's supposed to go if her mother throws her out. Beck's parents certainly won't take her in and her father also wouldn't give a shit. Not like she cares much about what her father thinks about this, but... she does care about her mother.
She realizes that her mother's support in this is the most important for her next to Beck's. But why should her mother support her? How would Jade have ever deserved her mother's support?
If Jade would've just behaved well over the last few years, would've been the perfect daughter or at least a decent one, she certainly could forgive her even a big mistake like this, but...
Jade treats her mother like shit, always is out to fight her, never obeys her, always tries to get with her head through the wall. Why did she have to get those dumb piercings just three months ago for example? They weren't necessary and her mother explicity forbid them but sure enough, she faked her mother's signature because she wanted to have them. Her mother barely stopped screaming afterwards. If she just wouldn't have done it... Now her mother probably is already so sick of her and this will easily be the last drop for her mother to say that she can't do it anymore. That she doesn't want to have a daughter like her that always brings and makes trouble.
She swallows hard and takes another deep breath.
She still has to tell her. It's not like she can just disappear and show up again when the baby is born and given to another family.
"Mom," she finally raises her voice, not nearly as firmly as she would wish. "I have something to tell you."
"What is it?" her mother asks, without looking up. She can't have noticed Jade before, but probably assumes her just having walked in and isn't startled.
Jade takes another deep breath, feeling her heart beat like crazy. She can't do this. Why didn't she ask Beck to come after all? Beck would've been able to give her courage. But she thought she had to go through this alone.
As she doesn't say anything at first, her mother puts down the rag and turns around to look at her. Jade usually doesn't hesitate saying anything.
They look into each other's eyes for a second, then Jade lowers her gaze slightly, not being able to truly look at her mother while she finally says it: "I'm pregnant."
"No, Jade," her mother says, the color leaving her face, her taking the last step to one of the kitchen chairs and sinking down on it. "No. No, no, no, no, no. Please, be joking."
Jade isn't and her mother knows it by her expression: "God, Jade."
Jade feels like running away and sinking right here into the ground at the same time. Usually, the first reaction of her mother is screaming, no matter what Jade does. Sometimes, they talk afterwards and her mother gets to see Jade's point, but screaming always comes first. Suddenly, Jade realizes how comforting screaming can be, because that means her mother cares about her, that she is strong-minded, doesn't give in and has the energy, the will and the emotion to handle anything. This is bad. Her mother just falls together, suddenly looks incredibly broken.
And Jade almost feels like crying, but she won't. She won't cry. She's expecting a child. She has to be strong.
"How many weeks are you?" her mother finally asks.
"It should be ten now if the doctor is right," Jade answers.
"You've been to the doctor? God," her mother says. Maybe, she otherwise would've hoped like Beck that it wasn't true. But a doctor confirming... "Well, there's still time for an abortion."
That would be the smart way out, Jade is sure. But she has thought about this and... "Beck and I talked about it. We don't want to abort."
Her mother's face totally falls. "You don't want to...? What? You want to raise that child? How?"
"I'm not..." Jade is quick to say, but doesn't have the words. She knows herself, just as well as her mother knows, that she herself can't be a mother. She can't raise a child. Even if Beck might not yet understand it. She doesn't want her mother to think she is that dumb, that she actually assumes they have a real shot at raising a child. She needs her mother to know that she's smart after all, despite the accidental pregnany. "We can give it up for adoption."
Her mother takes a deep breath, as if that statement by Jade calms her down, then she softly asks: "How long do you know?"
"Two and a half weeks," she answers honestly and her mother seems shocked: "God, Jade."
As if she should've come to her directly, as if Jade would've ever dared that.
"Beck is with you on this?"
"He is," she says. He hasn't run away the second, Jade has told him.
Her mother nods, thinking, then she asks: "Do his parents know?"
"Not yet," she says.
"They have to get involved as well," her mother says, finally standing up. "We will drive up there right away. Let me call them first."
Jade watches her helplessly as she takes the phone and searches for the number of Beck's parents's home, she has noted down when Jade has started sleeping over there just at the beginning of this break.
Their parents also have talked on the phone once, have never met. Jade can't imagine them meeting under these circumstances. But this is how it will be, apparently. She doesn't want to go to Beck's parents at all. She already can imagine their judging glares too well. Though she could handle it, if her mother would just... Jade still doesn't know what she thinks and with her being sleep-deprived and not having eaten enough (and probably with being pregnant), it makes her sick and light-headed. But she'll have to get through this.
Though before her mother can dial, she suddenly thinks of something and says: "Beck should be able to tell them himself." Just like she was able to tell her mother herself.
Her mother dials, not even looking at her. "Oh, he will. Don't think I'll do it."
And then, she's already on the phone and Beck's mother must have picked up: "Hello, Mrs. Oliver. It's Ms. Anderson, Jade's mother. We really have to talk."
.
.
Sometimes, his parents call him on his phone to tell him to come inside for something, for a meal or to talk or alike, instead of just coming to the RV and knocking. When his mother calls him this Saturday and doesn't tell him why he's supposed to come inside, he already knows what it's about.
He takes a deep breath, before he leaves his RV and walks into his parents' house. Both his parents are in the living room, his father sitting on the couch, his mother pacing but stopping as he comes inside.
"Your girlfriend's mother just called," she says without greeting him like she otherwise always does smiling. "She will come over with her to talk to us. Do you know what this is about?"
Apparently, neither she nor his father can even slightly imagine what it's about. Well, it's time for him to tell.
"Yeah. I have to tell you something," he therefore says, takes another deep breath, knowing an explosion is going to come. "Jade is pregnant."
"What?" his father immediately asks, jumping up.
"Are you serious?" his mother asks. "Beck!"
"I'm sorry," he honestly says, because he is. He never wanted this to happen. He knows it must come as a shock to his parents – it has to him and Jade as well. He knows this brings everyone trouble.
"Oh, god," his mother says and shares a look with his father, before she asks: "Fow how long have you known?"
He has to think for a moment, then he shrugs: "Two and a half weeks?"
"Why haven't you told us sooner?" his father asks, not so much blaming him, more worried, as if he knows what it must have done to Beck to not have their help.
"Because Jade and I had to come to terms with it first," he answers.
His mother asks: "How many weeks is she?"
"I don't know. Ten?" She was already close to nine weeks when they have visited her doctor's. She must be ten weeks by now.
"Oh, Beck," his mother makes, while his father takes a deep breath.
.
.
Jade's mother has also called her father for him to drive to Beck's parents' house as well. Jade wouldn't have thought her father would do as he is told, as he also doesn't even know what it is about yet, but he apparently agrees to come.
Jade's mother asks her on the way how it even happened and Jade tries to explain. She still doesn't know what her mother thinks. They don't exchange another word on the way.
Beck's parents look at her judgingly the second she walks into their home, just like she expected.
Her mother and his parents shake hands and Mrs. Oliver says Beck has told her by now, what has happened.
Beck meanwhile walks up to Jade and they share a shy and careful kiss, never having kissed in front of their parents before, but they both feel like they need each other close right now.
"Jade told me they already have decided against an abortion," her mother now tells his parents. "Which is why I thought we should all talk about it. There will be a child."
"Thank you for calling us. We definitely have to talk," Mr. Oliver agrees.
And the same moment, Jade's father pulls up into the driveway. He also is let inside and introduces himself to the Olivers, before he sharply looks to Jade's mother as if she was to blame for something – because everything is her and Jade's fault. "What is this about?"
"Your daughter has something to tell you," she just answers and expectantly looks at Jade.
Jade takes another deep breath, feels Beck lying his hand on the small of her back, before she says: "I'm pregnant."
"You can't be serious," her father says.
She looks up into his eyes. "I am." She always feels like she needs her father to be proud of her. Right now, she doesn't care because there are more important people that have to support her right now. She's sure of Beck's support, but not yet of her mother's. And even Beck's parents are more important for her right now – if only for Beck's sake – than her own father.
"You won't have this child," her father strictly says, as if he could ever influence any one of her decisions if he says something pointedly enough.
"Apparently," her mother says, "the both of them already talked and decided against an abortion."
Jade's father glances to her, then to Beck, then looks to Jade again: "I don't care. You won't ruin your future with this."
Her eyes shift away. That's a valid argument, her future. She does care about her future a lot.
Beck's father coughs slightly and then suggests: "How about we all sit down?"
He leads them into the living room, where they all do sit down, Jade clearly hearing Beck's mother murmering: "This is a mess." Probably the first time, they are on the same page, not counting that both of them deem Beck pretty much perfect.
.
"How did it even happen?" his father asks, when they are all sitting, Beck and Jade closely together.
He looks at Beck strictly and... well, yeah, they have had the talk and Beck feels like he needs to defend himself.
It's Jade though, who tells quietly, obviously hating to have to explain to everyone, to her own father and to his parents, though usually her taking the pill shouldn't be any of their businesses: "I couldn't stomach my pill and got off of it for a while. We used condoms, but it broke one time."
"And you didn't take the morning after pill?" Beck's mother asks, obviously only directed at Jade, only blaming her.
Immediately, he takes Jade's hand in his again and clearly states: "Neither of us really thought about it. Theoretically, we knew something could have happened, but... well..."
"What are you planning to do?" his father asks.
"We aren't sure," Beck honestly says, sharing a glance with Jade. "We don't want an abortion. But we don't know yet if we should give it up for adoption or not."
"You won't keep it," Mr. West immediately says.
"Christopher," Ms. Anderson says, looking at Mr. West sharply. "Just... Let us think about this."
"I have to agree with him," Beck's mother says though. Great. Agreeing with Jade's awful father. Beck feels something going cold inside of him.
His mother continues: "My son won't be a father with fifteen."
Well, and that's just not her decision to make. Clearly, he says: "Firstable: It will only be born when I'm sixteen." His mother opens her mouth to retaliate, but he continues, raising his voice slightly to keep her from interrupting: "Second of all: I will be a father either way, no matter if we give it up or not."
"You will actually be parents," his father says softly, unbelieving.
Beck swallows. They will be. One way or another. This will be his child.
"But you can't take care of a child," Ms. Anderson says. "You still need to take care of yourselves."
Beck knows there's truth to that. Jade definitely knows as well, the way she squeezes his hand.
"You will finish high school and go to college," his mother says, looking at Beck.
Mr. West is looking at Jade just as piercingly: "You won't drop out of high school."
"I'm not planning to," Jade says, angrily. Beck knows that education is important to her and she must hate anyone assuming she wouldn't give a damn about it. Jade is smart and driven.
Beck meanwhile is triggered by his mother behaving so much like Mr. West, them suddenly seeming so alike, though his mother is usually so soft and loving and nice – well, except if it's about Jade.
He now makes clear: "We didn't tell you guys for you to lecture us, okay? We want your help for a decision."
"You of course will give it up for adoption," his mother says and his father actually gently touches her shoulder, before he explains to Beck and Jade: "That doesn't mean that you will never see the child. There are closed and open adoptions. It all depends on what you want. With an open adoption, you will meet the family and know exactly, where your child is. Though maybe, you prefer a closed adoption, to be able to totally concentrate on your own lives."
Beck hasn't known that before. Well, he has gathered that there must be different options for adoption, but... yeah, there is a lot to think about.
But not only adoption is an option. He squeezes Jade's hand, before he asks: "What's the other option?"
"Keeping it?" his father says.
"Yes. What would happen then?" Beck asks, looking around at all four of the adults in the room.
Now, Jade squeezes his hand again, obviously scared of the answer that they will get.
His mother leans forward, looking intently at Beck and speaking earnestly: "We wouldn't throw you out, Beck. We would support you."
Yes, that does relieve him, though he would've bet everything that his parents would be there for him. Not happily, but there nonetheless.
Ms. Anderson finally speaks up again: "If you decide to have it, you have to realize though that you will have to take care of it. Maybe, one or both of you will have to take a year off, have to postpone your dreams... We would have to talk to the school, definitely, to figure out how to procede. If you decide to keep it."
Beck and Jade exchange a look. Beck knows Jade is still scared like hell. But all of this does sound as if their parents are ready to help them. They won't have to decide this alone. Well... They will decide it alone but their parents will be with them all the way.
Finally, Beck's mother adresses not only Beck, but Jade as well: "Beck said you are ten weeks now. If you're definitely not considering an abortion anymore, you have time to decide. But I think the earlier you make the decision, the easier. Like us talking to the school. Or... If you want to give it up for adoption, you might want nobody to know. Maybe, you" – now she just adresses Jade – "can go somewhere else, as soon as you start showing, then. I don't know..." She turns to Ms. Anderson and Mr. West: "Do you have relatives where she could go?"
Mr. West has narrowed his eyes and doesn't react any further, while Ms. Anderson shakes her head.
Beck's mother continues: "I have a sister. She lives alone, in a village in Canada. I'm sure she's more than ready to take you in for a few months. Your family can visit all the time, Beck of course, too."
His mother actually considers them wanting to see each other as well – and wants to make it easy on Jade, her being able to not have anyone know about her pregnancy.
Jade has been with Beck to Canada just at the beginning of this break. She hasn't liked that certain aunt of Beck's – and his aunt hasn't liked her. But this is also something to consider. His aunt would be able to behave herself for those months; and Jade may be harsh and rough but she is also someone to understand when someone else does something for her, to appreciate it. She would be able to appreciate this.
Beck's father also immediately thinks it's a good idea: "She isn't one to gossip, so noone else would need to know about you being pregnant."
"That does sound good," Ms. Anderson agrees. "I'm sure there's something we can tell in school. If you don't want anyone to talk."
Beck and Jade share another look. Well, that's definitely an option. But Beck doesn't feel like he can make a decision like that this quickly – and Jade obviously also can't do it.
Jade's mother seems to see that and finally says: "Maybe, we should each talk about it some more in each our families and give Beck and Jade some time to think about this."
They agree on that.
.
Mrs. Oliver still gets to sigh and say that she never thought she would have to think about something like this, which makes Jade's mother answers: "Life is unpredictable." It somehow makes Jade feel extremely guitly.
They agree on actually all meeting again in a week, in hope everyone would have had a chance to think about everything until then. Their parents do make sure to say that they have during all of the pregnancy to decide, but considering Jade showing soon and them possibly having to talk to school, a quick decision would be best – and not changing it all the time. Beck's mother says so and Jade's mother obviously agrees.
After they have said good-bye to the Olivers and Jade and Beck have shared a quick kiss, Jade and her parents leave the house.
"I can't believe you let this happen," her father says to her mother, as soon as they are outside and the Olivers can't hear them anymore.
"I didn't 'let this happen'," her mother answers harshly. "But stuff happens, Christopher. Get in the car, Jade."
Jade would usually protest and tell her father herself to piss off, but she feels weak and dizzy and is glad she gets a way out. She quickly sits down in the car and closes the door. She watches her parents talk angrily to each other for a minute or so, then she closes her eyes and leans back into the seat, her hands finding her belly that holds a little baby. She takes a deep breath.
The talk about the adoption has made her a little more sick. She doesn't know if she can give her child up for adoption. But she also knows she can't be a mother. Can she be?
She doesn't open her eyes when her mother gets back into the car and without a word they drive back home.
There, her mother drops on the couch, kneading her own temples with her fingers. Jade keeps standing in the entrance of the living room and watches her. Her mother still seems... broken. She has been strong in front of Beck's parents, because that's how she is in front of others, just like Jade, but... Here she sits.
And Jade still doesn't know what her mother truly thinks, how much she must hate her for bringing her this new trouble.
After a long while, she softly says: "I'm sorry."
Her mother looks up, almost surprised. Jade certainly hasn't said those words to her in a long time.
And suddenly, she stands up and walks over to her and draws her into a hug, though they also barely hug, because Jade just doesn't go for that at all. This time, it feels amazing and relieving, especially when her mother gently says, still holding her close: "We'll get through this, Jade. No matter what you decide, I'm with you."
Jade breathes out a shaky breath, as she hugs her mother back in total relief.
.
Beck and his parents are in a long talk by that point.
After they have left the house, Beck watches Jade's parents talking outside, while his own parents have excused themselves for a minute to talk among themselves as well. He watches her parents and also her in the car, her eyes closed, appearing so helpless. Beck wishes he could just go outside, get to her, pull her into her arms. But then, his parents are already back.
It's his mother that asks: "You are sure that this child is yours, yes?"
His look immediately darkens. "I am." His mother can't tell him that she believes Jade sleeps with anyone but him. She's only fifteen, for god's sake, and a wonderful girl.
But his parents truly don't question it any further. Instead his father says: "Beck. We really trusted you." And that actually hurts him, because he naturally hates it to disappoint someone, especially his parents.
"I know," he says earnestly. "I'm sorry. We didn't mean for this to happen." They haven't planned it and therefore haven't betrayed their parents or anything.
"You'll give it up for adoption," his mother says.
He looks at her for a moment and he knows that probably would be the smart choice, but... is it really the only one? "Is there no way to keep it?"
"You want to keep it," his mother says surprised. It's not a question, more stated as if she has just noticed in his face.
"I really don't know yet," he says honestly though. "I just want to know what would happen with each scenario."
He wants him and Jade to really think through this, like they each have thought through the abortion. He wants them to make the right decision here and you can only make the right decision if you're informed, right? They were informed about the results of an abortion, which was enough in that case. With an adoption or keeping the child, he doesn't know how exactly they would go forward. Especially with keeping the child.
"Well," his mother says. "You will finish high school either way and go to college. We will support you. We also don't want you to give up on your dreams. But it will be much harder to achieve those if you already have a child at your age. Think about it. You can't just go audition all the time when someone has to look after the child. And you also can get to know your child with an open adoption if that's what you want."
"How would that work?" Beck asks interested and his parents get into explaining everything they know about open and closed adoptions, and eventually also talk about the option of voluntarily giving the child into foster care.
.
.
On Sunday, Jade's mother tells her very pointedly that she has to eat, when she just picks at her food for lunch. She glares at her mother because she can't tell her when to eat. Then she notices that her mother only orders her to eat because of the baby – that her mother actually cares about her and the baby, her mother is actually there for her. Not to mention that her seven-year-old brother is sitting at the table with them and she doesn't want him to ask what's up; which he very likely will do if they talk about it any more. So she does eat, though she doesn't feel like it all that much. But she immediately feels that it does her good, just like the night has done her good, in which she has slept surprisingly well.
On Monday, it's back to school for their Sophomore year. Jade doesn't feel like facing the whole school again, but she has to. And while she feels like she already grows bigger by the minute, she's sure noone else is able to see. And their friends have also not noticed the few times they have met since Beck and she know, though they must have behaved so differently. So, how should anyone notice now?
"Hey, babe," Beck greets her at her locker as she arrives. They share a kiss, before she answers: "Hey."
She opens her locker and needs a moment to remember her first class and what she needs for it. She might have slept better since they have told their parents, but she's still so damn tired.
Beck must've noticed, as he now asks: "Want me to bring you a coffee?"
Both of them have very recently started drinking coffee every now and then. Jade likes that Beck is able to see that she would like one right now. She already would've liked one yesterday, but her mother said that she would do better not drinking any coffee during the next few months. She has gone online after that and has looked up all the food and drinks she isn't allowed during the pregnancy and she hasn't remembered as much from her mother's pregnancy with her little brother. But it's a lot that she isn't allowed to have or should at least only eat or drink in small doses.
"No," she now has to answer, though she would definitely like a coffee.
Beck knows her well enough that he realizes that she isn't saying what she truly wants. He looks at her questioningly and she makes sure, noone is close enough to hear, before she leans to him and whispers: "I'm not exactly allowed to have one."
She glances down to her own belly. Beck's eyes widen. He obviously also hasn't known that. "Oh."
"There's a lot I can't have," she tells him and he tilts his head: "I'm sorry. Anything else, you would like then?"
She shakes her head. Him being there and worrying and understanding is already a lot. Him standing with her. Him.
She draws him into a kiss.
.
.
They go to dinner together on Tuesday, but they agree to not talk about it. They also want to spend the whole Wednesday together, in his RV, and there's noone that can listen there, which makes it a better place to talk. Not to mention that they both still need a little more time to think.
His parents have talked to him again on Sunday and on Tuesday morning and have mentioned on Monday evening, when he has randomly said that he's excited for all the school plays this year, that those plays also will be difficult to manage with a child in the mix.
On Wednesday after school, Jade and he finally talk about it, three weeks after she has told him she is pregnant. He can still barely believe it true.
They quickly decide that they don't want to give their child into foster care, after they haven't even thought about that possibility by themselves and Beck just having told her about it. But even if they keep being the child's parents then with the possible option of getting it back into their own home, while being able to finish school in peace now... It appears to be nothing whole for the child. It possibly will change homes regularly then, going from one foster family to the next, never having an actual home. They don't think that they want that for their child.
Then, Beck explains to her all the things he has gotten to know about the different kinds of adoption, as they still sit on the couch together.
"It will be weird to see it with another family," Jade says as they talk about an open adoption. Beck has also already thought so.
He doesn't know their child yet, but he can imagine it totally feeling weird, knowing it's yours, but seeing it with its adoptive parents, hearing it call someone else Mom and Dad.
Though: "I also can't imagine not knowing where it is and not getting to see it at all."
He wants to trust the system and knows there are thousands of great adoptive parents, but not knowing at all if the child has a good family? Not knowing at all how it feels, if it's healthy...
"I know," Jade says. "I need to know it's okay."
Okay, so they are on the same page. They have the same concerns. But how will they solve it?
He watches Jade putting her hands on her belly. He himself slowly moves his hand forward and is glad when Jade doesn't push him away, but takes his hand into hers, intertwining theirs fingers right over her belly, where there's nothing to feel as of now and yet, they both know, there's a child growing inside.
It's silent for a while, both in thought, then Jade raises her gaze to Beck again and carefully asks: "Have you thought about what would happen if we keep it?"
"I have," he honestly says. He has let his mind wander in every direction. "Do you want to keep it?"
Jade's eyes shift away from his again. "I can't be a mother."
But she has just asked him if he has thought about keeping it. She definitely must have then. She has thought about it, but obviously is too insecure. She thinks she can't be a good mother. Well, if there's one thing he wouldn't be worried about if keeping this child...
"I think you would be a great mother. You'll love this child to the end of the world and the way you love is everything," he softly says, because it is.
There are other things he would be worried about. How to manage school, college and their careers next to it, how to go about their dreams. How to generally be able to take care of a child. But they would learn that last one, with the help of their parents, who have promised their support.
Which is why he thinks: "You could do it. We could do it."
Jade looks at him unsurely, her hand squeezing his on her belly slightly. "It would have a better life somewhere else."
But she wants to keep it, the way she looks. She can't imagine giving it up for adoption, not knowing about the child at all or seeing someone else as its parents.
And he has considered it before himself, but now that he sees that she would want it, he suddenly feels much more sure about it himself. And if they would screw it up, if they would realize they couldn't manage in the first few weeks, they still could make another decision then, couldn't they? It wouldn't be perfect, but he thinks, no decision here is perfect. There will be problems ahead either way, for the child and for them.
"We don't know that," he reasons now. "It all depends, doesn't it?" Because even awful people sometimes adopt. It shouldn't be that way, but that is the sad reality. Just like it's the sad reality that they could majorily screw up themselves. Maybe, the risk is higher for them to screw up than for the adoptive family; maybe it would be better for the child to be adopted, but... It's their child.
"We would need our parents to support us," Jade says and Beck knows she can't like that thought. She likes to be as independent as possible.
But they are only fifteen. They still need their parents either way. And maybe, it is awful for them to ask their parents of this much help, but: "They would support us."
But he knows, also with all the support in the world, because his parents made sure he knows: "It would still be tough. We would have to see how to work our dreams around this child."
Jade bites her lip, looking at him. Then, she whispers: "We can't do it."
"Together we can," he says though and Jade looks so unsure and scared. But he's sure, if they both actually want this and put all their heart into it, they really can do it. And they will both put their heart into it. He knows she will and she has to know he does, too.
Though... her own father has never taken much care of her, has never supported her or even respected her. Maybe, that also scares her. As if he could turn out like him somehow.
He almost is offended, but he knows Jade can't help be scared. This is a scary situation, it's horrifying. They might already be a couple for half a year, but in the end it's also only half a year.
But he assures her: "You know I'll always take care of this child if we keep it. And you will, too."
Jade looks at him for another moment, then she suddenly lets go of his hand, putting her own hands in his neck and pulling him into a kiss.
He holds her by her sides as he returns the kiss fiercly.
When they break apart, they still stay close, she lies his forehead against his.
"What would we do with school?"
"We'll find a way. Together with our parents," he says. "I like the idea of keeping it. I don't know if we're actually able to do it, but... we can try."
Now, Jade moves slightly away again, but only so they can truly look each other in the eye. "You really think so?"
Beck looks right back, puts his hand on her cheek, strokes it with his thumb, as he smiles: "I do."
.
.
She is eleven weeks pregnant on Thursday and she thinks Beck and she have pretty much made their decision. They want to try. But in school, it scares the heck out of her again. She is scared in general, imagining being totally responsible for another human being, being their mother. But it also does scare her how much all of their classmates will judge. How much their friends will judge.
She hasn't really had friends before Hollywood Arts, but she suddenly realize that it means a lot to her to have them now, that she has actually gotten used to them and... loves them in a way. And they seem to like her the way she is, at least they are still around, though she would never pretend to be a different person for their sake. She somehow doesn't like the possibilty of them judging over this stupid mistake, them thinking she is stupid for not protecting, them... leaving her for some reason because she will be a mother soon.
She feels helpless and is still so scared, though it helps that she trusts her mother and Beck to stay. Beck possibly not forever to stay with her, because they are fifteen and now know each other for a year, are only a couple for eight months... but he will stay with this child and that helps a lot. She knows she can trust him that far, after he has looked into her eye and promised. She will doubt it over the next few months again every now and then, her hormons raging inside of her, but she doesn't know that now.
On Thursday afternoon, she watches her little brother. Jasper also has a father who takes care of him (Jade does, too, but her father never made sure to be able to take her when her mother couldn't, never left work early or anything for her, so she often had to go to her grandparents of each side when her mother had to work), but it's easier if Jade watches him for the few times their mother has such long hours that Jasper can't bridge the time from school to her coming home on his own or play with friends or something. Jade doesn't do a lot of the things her mother asks her too – she always watches Jasper when it's necessary.
Today, she might not really feel like it and her mother actually asked in the morning if she should call his father after all, in hope he could do it, because she must know that Jade is still deep in thought about the pregnancy, but she has said, she could still do it.
He has made his homework by now and she has allowed him to play on his playstation, while she sits on the couch, surfing the internet. She has actually already searched how other young mothers have done it, if there are mothers out there who raised a child while going to school.
By now, she just sits there, staring at her laptop, letting her thoughts run wild.
"What's wrong?" Jasper suddenly asks.
She startles as she looks up. He has put his game on pause and watches her. Just like him to notice, there's something up. He must have noticed already on Sunday, when he was back from his father. But he isn't nosy. Maybe, he's worried now, as Jade still is different after a few days.
She wants to tell him it's not his business for a moment, but... She will be pregnant and he will see it. Even if they wouldn't keep the baby and she would go to Canada while she shows... He would know, he would visit her as well. And she does want to keep it. So why not tell him directly?
"I'm pregnant."
Jasper blinks for a moment, then he scoots slightly closer to her. "You're gonna have a baby?"
"I will have," she nods. That's the reality she has to face. That noone else needs to know yet, though. "Don't tell your friends yet, okay?" Jasper has a few friends (unlike she had at that age) and she knows he, for some reasons, loves talking about her to them.
"Okay," he says, tilting his head, still watching her. His eyes gliding to her belly, then back to her face. Thoughtfully, he asks: "What will the baby be for me?"
"Your nephew or niece," she answers.
Jasper looks at her for another moment, before a bright grin goes over his face. "That's awesome! I always thought a little sibling would be fun, but this is fine, too. I can teach them everything they have to know. Maybe, we can share my playstation when they are old enough."
She has to smile. God, Jasper is still such a child and it's so easy if you're a child. It's beautiful in a way she can't describe. "That would be fun, huh?" she just answers.
But children aren't just so easy in their thoughts, they are also honest in a way a lot of grown-ups aren't anymore because of politeness or other stupid reasons. She hates it. And it may make Jasper the only person, who will answer honestly and will know.
Her smile vanishes, as she carefully asks, truly afraid of the answer and yet having to get it: "Jasper, do you think I can be a good mother?"
Jasper scrunches up his face amused. "You being a mother sounds weird." It does. She can't do it. "But you're an awesome sister, if that helps."
And for some reason, there are suddenly tears in her eyes, she quickly has to push back. What's up with her? She doesn't cry.
And yet, she sounds a little choked up as she truthfully says: "You're an awesome brother."
That makes Jasper grin brightly again. Obviously, he loves to hear that.
"Now, get back to your game," Jade tells him and Jasper promptly asks: "Wanna join me for the next round?"
She shrugs. "Sure."
.
.
Beck and Jade talk again on Friday after school.
"Are we going to tell them that we want to keep it?" Beck asks her.
Her hands find her belly, like they have done so often since she knows, maybe instinctively. "I guess so. You do want to keep it?"
"I do. Do you?" he makes sure. They haven't talked about it since Wednesday, but he's sure Jade would've called him at any time if she would've changed her mind. Just like he would have, after they pretty much made their decision two days earlier.
"Yeah," she also slowly answers.
"But?" he asks. There's something more to it.
She looks at him an shrugs slightly: "It's just hard. I don't know."
It is hard. He can't deny that.
Jade continues: "Do your parents have an idea about your decision?"
"No," he honestly answers. They have talked about it again yesterday and this very morning, but he has just listened to his parents again, to their concerns and worries and has it let go through his head. He hasn't told them he was already very much set on keeping the child. "I thought if we all talk again tomorrow anyway, I can also tell them that then."
"That's what I thought with my mom. Also lowers the risk of her killing me, with witnesses and everything," Jade claims, but there actually is a small smirk on her face. She knows her mother won't kill her. He feels like she hasn't been so sure about that before they have told them in the first place, but she knows now. Her mother will accept it and still be there for Jade. She is a strong woman – no wonder Jade also turned out to be a strong girl.
But as he could also understand both their parents killing them, he says smiling: "Probably, she can just do it. My parents will be too busy killing me to witness anything."
Jade's smirk gets a little wider at that and their lips meet for a kiss.
.
.
Both of Jade's parents come again to Beck's parents' home, with Jade, on Saturday, around the same time, they came over last week.
After they are all seated, it's Jade's mother who asks: "So, where are you at with your thoughts?"
Beck and Jade share a glance and Beck sees that Jade is more than willing to let him have the word on this one.
He takes her hand in his and takes a deep breath. Well, this is almost as tough as saying that Jade is pregnant at all. Keeping it... But he's gonna say it: "We think we pretty much made the decision. We want to keep it. To raise it."
"Oh, god," his mother immediately makes, sinking her face into her hands.
His father and Jade's mother seem just as shocked. "Are you sure?" his father asks.
Her father meanwhile shakes his head, staring at Jade judgingly: "You can't be serious."
"We are," Jade tells him defiantely, looking him straight in the eye.
Well, and her father really shouldn't complain in the slightest. Beck can already see him not being involved all that much.
But he's not going to call her father out right now. They have other battles to fight, so he turns to his own parents and earnestly says: "We need help though." Because they do. They aren't kidding themselves and pretending it will be easy and they can do it on their own.
"What if it turns out to be too hard?" his mother asks.
He shares another glance with Jade, as she quickly answers: "We can still think about giving it up for adoption then. But we want to try to make it work."
For a moment, it's silent, then Ms. Anderson raises her voice: "Okay. Oh, god. I guess that means, we have to talk to the school to make this possible. I have time on Monday. I will just go by and talk to the principle. You will be there, too."
She looks at Jade strictly. Obviously, she isn't to go to her class, her mother won't resolve this without her.
Well, but this isn't just on Jade, and Beck is almost glad when his mother says: "Beck should be there as well. If they keep this child, he will be concerned as well. And I'll arrange to have time off of work on Monday too, so I'll be there."
Jade's mother nods, obviously agreeing with that.
Jade's father meanwhile raises his eyebrows: "You are just accepting this?"
He doesn't, as his voice and expression tells. Beck is close to telling him to piss off. He has met him before and has already been angry with him that very first time, with the way he has treated Jade. He only can imagine it getting worse now and while he knows Jade doesn't need anyone to fight her battles... he really wants her father to know they won't deal with this.
But before he works himself up enough, Ms. Anderson says, pointedly, also not having any of her ex-husband's shit: "It's not like you can force her to give up her child for adoption. And we told them we would support them either way."
"I'm not supporting this," her father says in a cold voice.
"Surprise," Jade says quielty and dryly. Beck squeezes her hand in his.
"Christopher!" Ms. Anderson hisses. "We can talk about this among ourselves."
Mr. West purses his lips but doesn't say another word and Jade uses the little pause to grab into her pocket and pull out two pictures.
"By the way," she says and puts one of the pictures onto the table. "Here's the sonogram. Or rather... that's a copy I finally made and this is the original."
She holds up the other picture and her mother takes it out of her hand to look at it while Beck's parents take the copy to also get a look. Even Jade's father leans over to her mother to see it.
"There's really a baby," Beck's mother softly says.
Beck knows she's touched by seeing the picture. His father as well. He gets it. He was as well when they had that ultrasound.
"We already saw its heartbeat," he finally tells and his mother looks up to him, as if understanding something: "Oh, Beck."
Ms. Anderson is almost smiling. "Well, the first photo of our grandchild."
"Thank you for showing it to us," Beck's father earnestly says to Jade, as he gives her back the picture.
She pushes it further to Beck, while she takes the orginal back from her mother. Quietly, she says: "That's for you:"
They look into each other's eyes and Beck understands that she's sorry for having kept the picture to herself for so long. He has only seen it at the doctor's office, shortly after, and the night he told Jade she has to make the decision about the abortion by herself, two weeks ago. He honestly hasn't had time to even think about the picture during the last two weeks though. He loves to have it now, but he doesn't blame Jade for keeping it for herself – or for keeping the original now. It's a photo from inside her own body.
To show her that it's fine and that she doesn't have to be sorry at all, he kisses her softly, taking the copy into his hands, knowing he will carry it with him from now on, like he knows Jade has carried the original at all times and also will in the future.
"I think we will go then," Ms. Anderson now slowly says, lookig from Jade and Beck, whom she has watched, to Mrs. Oliver: "We will meet Monday morning at school, yes? We can probably agree on the exact time through these two."
Mrs. Oliver nods and they all stand up and shake hands again. Mr. West also shakes the hands of Beck's parents, then turns to Ms. Anderson though: "We're not done talking about this."
"You'll come home with us," Ms. Anderson pointedly tells him and... god, Beck doesn't want to leave Jade alone with Mr. West. Not that she will be alone, her mother will be there. And it's also not like Jade doesn't deal with her father alone all the time, she has visited him all alone regularly for years, and nowadays, her stepmother might be with them often, but not always.
But Beck can imagine all the awful words her father will say to Jade as soon as Beck's parents aren't there. He is extremely... Jade calls it honest and judgemental, Beck calls it cruel in his head. Either way... He also can be polite and knows manners, which is why Beck is sure, he hasn't said all the bad things on his mind in front of Beck's parents. He will in front of his ex-wife and his daughter – and would even in front of Beck, of that he's also sure.
And how can he leave Jade alone with that? Or even with her mother? He has to stay with her. This isn't all on her after all. He's just as involved and has to take responsibility.
That's why he also pulls on his shoes as Jade and her parents are about to leave.
"What do you think you're doing?" his father asks.
"I'm going with them," he plainly answers.
"You will stay," his mother says. "We still want to talk to you."
Like he cares. But Jade promptly puts her hand on his arm. "It's fine," she says. "I'll call you."
She knows why he wants to come with her. But she doesn't want him to, she doesn't need him to. She kisses him, then she leaves with her parents, with him staying behind, taking a deep breath. All of this still is a mess.
He turns back to his parents, who watch him. After a moment, his mother gently asks: "Are you sure about this, Beck? About keeping it? Is it her decision or do you actually want it?"
"I want it," he clearly answers. "I know it won't be easy. But we can't imagine giving it up for adoption at the moment."
He shrugs and sees his parents share a look. They definitely have trouble with this decision and he gets it. It's a really big one.
But... "Will you support me?"
Immediately, his mother looks back to him and takes a step closer. "We will, love. We always will."
.
.
Her father drives to her and her mother's home in his own car. They arrive at the same time and go into the house without sharing a word. She's glad Jasper is with his own father again, so he doesn't have to witness this.
They have barely closed the door behind them, her mother couldn't even get the thought of being polite and inviting her ex-husband to sit down, when he already says: "You won't keep this child."
Jade's hands find her belly. "I will."
Her father won't intimitade her. He never has. She knows he's not actually able to hurt her in any way. He may be harsh and rough, but he has never layed a finger on her, has never even threatened her with it. Of course, he could harm her by telling her he doesn't want her to visit him anymore, he doesn't want to see her again, but... she thinks her pregnancy alone can do that. It's not like her decision for or against the child will in any way change that he considers her stupid and possibly doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore.
"You're fifteen, Jade," her father continues. "You think you can really raise a child? And your mother and I will have to pay for it? Or are you gonna drop out of high school to work and pay for everything yourself? Nobody is going to employ a teenage mother who also happens to be a high school drop out. I thought you always wanted to go to college. How do you think...?"
"Christopher!" her mother finally interrupts sharply, while Jade has felt her inside freeze more and more. "It's enough. I also don't like this, but it's happening."
Finally, he doesn't glare at Jade anymore, but at her mother instead. "She will finish school and go to college."
"She will if we support her," her mother retorts. "If we push her out of our lives or make her unhappy by giving up her child, she won't be able to make it. You have to understand that people have feelings, that your daughter has feelings."
For a moment, it's silent. Then, her father looks back to Jade: "Jade, think about it again. You have to know this isn't the right decision." And he leaves, without a word of good-bye.
Jade's mother sighs, before she turns back to Jade: "Don't let yourself be pressured into anything."
Jade looks into her eyes and she can't help but say: "You also would like me to give it up."
She doesn't know what she wants her mother to answer, what she expects her to answer. She's sure, everything she can say to that will be wrong. If she denies it, she lies, and there's nothing Jade hates more. She needs her mother to be honest with her, especially now. But she also doesn't feel like she can hear her mother tell her now that she doesn't want her to keep the child, that she doesn't know how they will handle it.
And though Jade is sure, there are no right words for this one, her mother somehow finds them: "I would. I also would have liked for you to never get pregnant. Or for your father to be the man I once thought he was. But life doesn't always turn out the way you would like it to. And the only thing you can do, is to make the best out of it. So, we will. You will have this child and raise it to be a wonderful person."
Jade has to push back tears once more as her mother hugs her again.
.
.
Both their mothers make sure to only come to school when every student except Beck and Jade are in class. They don't think anybody has to see them; it's just unnecessary to already alert all the students to something going on.
Principle Eikner is taken by surprise as they ask to talk to him and Jade finally confesses her pregnancy once more. But he promises that they can make it work somehow, that he will talk to the teachers (only mentioning as of now that some student is pregnant without dropping Jade's name) and that they can come back to talk to him during lunch on Wednesday.
They agree on that and Beck and Jade quickly join their class after the talk. Principle Eikner said he would tell their teacher later that they had a talk, so that they can claim in front of their friends (Andre and Cat also being in the class) that they had no real excuse, as a talk with the principle would be a dead giveaway and they truly are not ready for that yet. Not if they still don't know how to go about it, how to handle it.
Jade drops hints about them having forgotten time as they made out when Andre asks (after having told him harshly that it's none of his business) and their friends easily believe that somehow. Though they have never before missed any minute of any class because they made out or otherwise were too involved in each other.
On Wednesday, they quickly go to Eikner's office again at the beginning of lunch and their mothers and Lane are already there. Beck knows his mother has had it easier to take time off this week, otherwise his father would've showed up instead – his boss is usually pretty relaxed about time off, as his father also does very good work.
Lane tells them that they can always come to him if anything is up, that that's the exact thing he's there for, while both he and Eikner explain that the teachers seem fine for the child to be at school with them, especially at the end of this school year. Everybody apparently wants Beck and Jade to definitely finish this year and they say they can think about how to procede after that, though the school already has different options: Jade or Beck taking a year off after that, the child going to daycare after the next summer break or Jade and Beck taking the child to school with them, not just as a newborn.
Jade would of course be in school for finals at least, which are already in June, after she's due in March, so it won't be easy, but doable in Lane's opinion.
Lunch break is already over when Beck and Jade go back to the parking lot with their mothers, too late for the next class already anyway.
"Okay, how will we go about it?" Beck's mother finally asks and Jade's mother looks over to Beck and Jade as she answers: "I think everything does sound managable. They seem to be willing to be very flexible about it. We should try everything to have Jade do her finals for Sophomore year, but the school also agrees there. And we have different options after that, which we probably have to review at the time."
Beck's mother nods thoughtfully. "Yes. Good. We keep in touch? We will be informed if anything is up?"
"Of course," Jade's mother says, then both of them say goodbye to their children and leave.
"What do you think?" Beck asks as they both watch their mothers' cars pull away.
Jade leans against him. "Maybe, we truly can make it work. It's weird that..."
She shrugs and Beck smiles, understanding: "That everyone is with us? It is."
And they share a kiss.