Life with Naruto
Chapter Two: the Ramen Arc and Other Random Fun
The line on the revolving door isn't mine. Uzumaki Orange isn't mine. The profile lines aren't mine…
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Naruto beamed at Sasuke.
"I go cross-eyed just thinking of you!" he said.
Sasuke arched an eyebrow.
"And what have you been smoking today?"
"Nothing!" Naruto defended himself, "I've just been eating ramen!"
Sasuke sniffed the bowl.
"Dobe, that's just uncooked spaghetti in rum."
"Oh," Naruto blinked in a confused way, "No wonder it tasted so funny, dattebayo."
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"Teme!! Where'd all the ramen go?"
"I threw it out."
"WHAT!?" Naruto's eye twitched.
"Naruto," Sasuke said, solemnly laying a hand on his friend's shoulder, "You have a disease."
"What!? Where? Oh kami why?? I'm too young to die!"
Sasuke scowled. "Shut up, I mean you're addicted to ramen."
"Your point?"
"I'm going to cure you!" Sasuke said with the air of one announcing the cure for bed hair.
"Oh great, I'm really gonna die, dattebayo…"
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Sakura walked into her teammates' apartment. Sasuke looked up and turned back to the TV. "Sup?"
"I just fought with Tsunade-sama," she said, "At the Hokage office. Unfortunately, my dramatic departure was completely ruined. Whoever said nothing's impossible has clearly never tried to slam a revolving door."
"Hn."
"Ramen…ramen…ramen…" Naruto rocked himself on the ceiling, expending kyuubi chakra.
Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"
"No." Sasuke told her.
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"Naruto…what are you doing?"
"I'm going to suggest Uzumaki Orange as color to Crayola!"
"…Uzumaki…Orange…?"
"Uzumaki Orange: a color to bedazzle your eyes, dattebayo."
Sasuke scoffed. "A color to blind your eyes, more like."
"Teme, go jump into a cliff."
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"I've got a new philosophy on life, Sasuke!"
"Oh?" the raven haired boy put down his magazine, "Glad to know. Wait—does it have anything to do with ramen?"
Naruto twitched; ramen deprivation was really getting to him.
"No."
"Let's hear it then."
"People are like slinkies: basically useless, but still so much fun to push down the stairs."
Sasuke frowned.
"Ok, how about this: life is like a pack of gum…I've yet to figure out why, dattebayo."
Sasuke sighed. "You've been reading fanfiction,net profiles again, haven't you?"
"I swear to drunk, I'm not God!"
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"Naruto, what are you doing?"
"I'm
building a castle, dattebayo."
"Out of…?"
"Air."
"Okay,"
Sasuke said slowly, "Dobe, you need a girlfriend."
Naruto sighed. "I need ramen."
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"OMG Sasuke look, ramen porn!" Naruto shrieked excitedly, pointing at the TV, where the Power Puff Girls were beating up Mojo Jojo.
"The hell is ramen porn?" Sasuke muttered, "You know what, pretend I never asked." Louder, he said, "Naruto, you're watching cartoon network…"
"Ohhhh yeahhhhhh babyyyyyyy…"
Sasuke's eyes widened. Maybe the whole cure-Naruto's-ramen-addiction thing had been a bad idea. Naruto was just saner with ramen.
"Dobe, lets go, we're going to get you some ramen. Fast."
"YES!!"
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"You're momma's so fat, Neji can't see through her!" Naruto yelled.
Sasuke gasped. "Take that back!"
"Make me, dattebayo!"
"Oh I will, usura-tonkachi," Sasuke growled.
-a few minutes later-
"Naruto, come take a look at my new Sims!" the Uchiha invited the blond.
"Hey, that one kinda looks like me! And…that one kinda looks like Sai, dattebayo!"
Sasuke smirked. "Watch what I can make them do."
Naruto's eyes nearly popped out. "Oh my god I take it back I take it back! Just make it STOP!"
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"Hey Naruto look at this spider—"
"AHHHHH!
OMG MOMMY ITS GONNA KILL ME!"
"—plushie," Sasuke
finished.
Naruto stopped screaming. "Oh."
"Yep." Sasuke smirked evilly.
"Teme, I will give you three thousand yen to forget about this."
"Make it ten thousand and we'll talk," the raven haired boy promised.
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Sasuke read the list Naruto had been working on while the blond took a potty break. He'd been working on it for an hour—Sasuke just had to know what could keep his attention for that long.
Neji- byakuganpervert69
Hinata- i-can-see-thru-ur-clothes-lol
Sakura- lee's cherry blossom
Lee- Sakura's Snuggly Buggly
Shino- ants-in-my-pants
Sasuke- temeseme
Chouji- fartmaster
Ino- fartmaster's fartmistress
Sai- The Human Slate
"Hey! I didn't say you could read that, teme!"
Sasuke turned to his roommate. "Temeseme you mean? Just whose seme am i?"
"I'unno, Sai's?"
"...I'm almost scared to ask. What are you doing?"
"I'm gonna change everyone's sns, dattebayo!" Naruto said, hands crossed behind his head.
"Sns?"
"Screenames," Naruto enlightened him.
"I see. Do you know any of their passwords?" Sasuke waved the list in the kyuubi carrier's face.
"…No…"
"Do you know what Sakura and Ino will do to you when they see their new screenames?"
"…Yes…"
"Do you still want to do this?"
"…No…"
"Good fox," Sasuke nodded, "Wise decision.
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"Inuyasha! Osuwari!" the brunette yelled on the TV. Of course, she wasn't on the TV, but rather in it. Or was it through? No, that wasn't right…
Prepositions confused Sasuke.
Naruto laughed as the dog demon was pounded into the ground.
"OSUWARI! OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI!!" she screamed.
"Idiot," Naruto scoffed, "That's what you get for messing with her. Kagome-san is almost as dangerous as Sakura-chan."
Sasuke glanced at the television. That was a female to reckon with. "So every time she says osuwari, he drops?" he asked with interest.
Naruto was pleased that he was paying attention. "Dattebayo," he nodded.
Sasuke tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"I should get you one of those."
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"Fear me!" Naruto yelled, popping up from behind the sofa.
Sasuke didn't even spare him a glance. "No."
"Fear me!"
"No."
"FEAR ME MORTAL FOOL!"
"No."
"Respect me!" Naruto screeched after a while.
"No."
The blond brooded over it. "Acknowledge me?"
"…" Sasuke didn't reply.
"FEAR
ME!"
Sasuke finally looked up from his iPod. "Ah," he
intoned, "I scream."
Naruto smiled happily. "Much better."
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"All things white shall turn pink in the age of Jashin-sama!" Naruto yelled, "Dattebayo!"
Sasuke woke up from his nap, startled. "Excuse me?'
"I think its gonna catch on and be the new hallelujah!" Naruto enthused.
"What…"
"I'm converting!" Naruto declared, "To Jashin-sama-ism!"
Sasuke's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Eh?"
"Jashin-sama-ism. I was walking in the woods and I met a sage in a pit. His words moved me deeply," Naruto explained.
"And what did this sage say?" Sasuke asked cautiously.
"Get me the fuck out of here you fucking moron or Jashin-sama will kill you fucking dead!" Naruto recited.
Sasuke closed his eyes and pleaded to the gods for patience.
"Naruto…you're an idiot."
"Jashin-sama will kill you fucking dead!"
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Hehehe hehehe…Hidan and his cursing problem and his deity…