Chapter One: How it all began
That stupid boy. Brilliant I must admit, but stupidly so. Doesn't make much sense does it? But if you'd like to peek into the recesses of an annoyed newly appointed Prefect's mind, who is on marauder clean up duty, do so at your own risk. What did he do? You ask. Stupid and brilliant? You may ponder. Well don't think too hard I'll tell you.
Marlene, Mary and I were in our favourite spot beside the common room window. I was posing for Witch Weekly. Mind you, I use the words posing very lightly…and for Witch Weekly for that matter. I was actually mimicking a series of very short silly poses, that a model on Witch Weekly had been showcasing on the cover. I had successfully sent Marlene into fits of laughter, which had caused a vexed Mary to snatch the magazine from my hands.
"So what if she's posing like that! It's all-" Mary argued.
"Her lips…you caught it perfectly Lily" Marlene cries.
"-it is ALL ABOUT" she persevered.
"Why thank you Marly dear, I am a superb actress you kn-" I joke, flicking my long red hair for effect.
"-that bass…is floating in mid-air" a rather dazed Mary comments.
Our gazes turned to, sure enough, a bass guitar floating in the middle of the common room. The whole room was silent, staring in anticipation. Moments later the guitar began to exude a sound, much like a rather accurate rendition of nails scratch the blackboard, you know, the just-in-case-you-haven't-heard-99-decibels-before edition. The Purebloods and Half-bloods looked especially fearful of the guitar, as guitars are not widely available in the wizarding world, with the exception of its use by some wizarding bands heard but not often seen.
"Silencio!" Frank yelled from the couch. This was the first course of action that did not involve the jamming of hands to ears, crouching, or the near-death style crawl to the dormitory stairs.
The guitar sound stopped, and everyone looked around incredulously. I squinted my eyes, looking around for the culprits, who would naturally take the form of the infamous Marauders. As I scanned around for a messy tangle of hair, a succession of slow claps and other forms of commendation towards Frank started. Frank rather shyly puffed out his chest, the gold of his prefect badge glistening under the candle light. I for one was not fooled. I knew there was more to come, and this was confirmed when out of nowhere Potter's head popped up against the door frame leading to the boy's dormitories. Potter caught my eye and winked. I growled audibly. He's up to something-I know it! Before Marlene and Mary could fully turn to enquire after the sound, Potter flicked his wand. The guitar was subject to a mid-air transformation into an unidentifiable purple goo, which then exploded, spreading itself everywhere. I screamed along with everyone else, but the worst is still yet to come.
The purple goo that had, strangely enough, only restricted its harm to the people to their arms. Although that's nothing compared to the mess it created in the room. The purple goo inched itself like a slug onto our forearms, shimmering slightly, and then being replaced by what seemed to be a message in purple ink. On my forearm, I was not very surprised to find this message: 'I'm irresistible…I know you're playing hard to get'.
Potter. Potter and his scrawl on my arm. Potter's unusually sudden interest in me, made evident in his embarrassingly loud proclamation in the great hall, is somewhat of a mystery to me. Marlene tried to reason that me being 'the perfect catch', for the admittedly handsome, tall and not to mention big-headed prat, was the reason for the "sudden interest". I use quotation marks as she literally
Potter's unusually sudden interest in me, made evident in his embarrassingly loud proclamation in the great hall, is somewhat of a mystery to me. Marlene tried to reason that me being 'the perfect catch', for the admittedly handsome, smart, talented, tall and not to mention big-headed prat, was the reason for the 'sudden interest'. I use quotation marks as she literally air quoted the words. Marlene was influenced by Mary's speech 'enemies to lovers', inspired by 'One Way to Get a Man: The Hard Way', courtesy of Witch Weekly. If you are speculating on my response to Potter's advance, it was a simple brief 'No', said at a normal volume, although it could have echoed, for the silence Potter's proclamation had created. Mind you he remains undeterred, with the message snaking the whole length of my forearm like bramble to prove it…not my ideal tattoo choice either.
The whole common room broke out into murmurs. Many sections started laughing. Including mine. Marlene's face slowly ascended the red chart, as she first peers at her message neatly sentenced on her forearm, and then Mary's, who's arm is now being examined by both her and Mary.
"Marlene! What is so funny?! Honestly those-" I complain, before being interrupted.
"Hear this! So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere. Ha!" A confident second year, holding his companion's forearm, pipes up. I blush in rage.
"If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut." A sixth-year yells from another corner. Now why couldn't the second year have got the clean one?
"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well-known six offender." A first year ignorantly yells loudly.
A routine yelling of 'My ears" punctuated the laughter that now engulfed the common room. By this point, the marauders could be heard collapsing with laughter on the staircase. Pettigrew actually stumbled into the common room, closely followed by Potter and Black landing right on top of him. This by now silences someone's attempt to make their 'My ears' joke heard and appreciated with their own round of laughs. I'm sure Remus was on a step silently chuckling, but he need not have kept his laughter in check. Nearly the whole common room were indulging in hearty laughter. The younger ones giggled at the supposed meanings of two of the jokes loudly exclaimed. The elder occupants of the common room laughed, both in appreciation of the jokes, and the spectacle created by the stumbling marauders.
At this point, I'd had enough. The thoughtlessness of the prank! The younger ones exposed to dirty jokes! Not to mention the mess created in the common room! I march out of the common room and descend the stairs in hope of finding an authority figure. About two minutes into my search, I bump into Professor McGonagall, who is, sure enough, on her way to said common room to inspect the spectacle the portraits have quickly gossiped to her about.
"Professor McGonagall, the Gryffindor common room-" I begin.
She provides The Fat Lady with the password and we both enter.
"Is a mess…" I finish. Frank can be seen attempting a clean-up operation along with Remus, the other sixth year prefect and the seventh year prefects.
All the other common room inhabitants seem to have been dismissed to their rooms, whilst the clearly failed clean-up attempt was occurring.
"How was this allowed to happen?" Professor McGonagall asked, in a deathly calm voice.
And then a succession of bizarre sounding, albeit true, answers came forth from the Gryffindor prefects.
"A floating guitar-" I began.
"Horrible noise" Remus continued feebly.
"Purple goo"
"EVERYONE! MY EARS!" the seventh year prefect yelled.
"What is the matter, Roberts?" Professor McGonagall answered sharply.
And then it hit me. Roberts was very close, in fact, the closest, to the guitar, when the noise began. Her pleas must have merged with the general complaints of the others and when she sought a more emergent reaction to her condition…
"Professor I think she has gone partially deaf" I concluded.
"Johnson go and take Roberts to the hospital wing" Professor McGonagall instructed, causing the seventh-year prefect to blush, nod in assent, and depart with Roberts.
"…Now. Who caused this mess? May I remind you that 10 points will be lost to each participant" McGonagall asked calmly enough, although she pierced each of the remaining prefect's eyes with meaning.
"I-"
"I don't-"
"I don't know"
These spluttered answers escaped the lips of the remaining four prefects, although all contained varying meanings. My 'I-' was the beginning of my strangely reluctant attempt at vocalising my suspicions. When a louder 'I don't', along with a very brief look from Remus, sought to stifle my explanation in an attempt to silence me. I grew slightly red at the connotations and became newly angered. I was about to continue when my voice was cut short by additional genuine responses of 'I don't know' from Frank and his partner.
"Well then since none of you are able to give the slightest indication towards the source of this mess… You four will all clean this mess-"
"But Professor McGonagall… I tried!" Frank spoke up.
Professor McGonagall took a piece of the goo from the sofa, first unsuccessfully with her wand, then successfully with her fingers, revealing the goo to be non-stick.
"-without magic, hand me your wands and proceed. I hope this experience will help you all to have better control of the common room. You may pick up your wands from my office when you are done." And with that, Professor McGonogall left, leaving me to glare at Remus with relative freedom.
And now I'm stuck here. In the common room. Picking purple goo. From all corners of the common room; Aided by the magically enlarged bucket to put the goo in and a ladder, which Filch was only too happy to provide. You can and will believe that this is the way I started my first term as a prefect to the infamous Marauders.
As I muttered my vows of vengeance, between picking and flinging the purple goo into the bucket, my arm, with the writing on it, began to tingle. I put the feeling down to heat sensations, you know the one, one might get from exerting themselves and the sweat entailed. After a minute, I sighed and I looked at the arm. The words changed from a thorn like spiral on my forearm to a sentence more arm reader friendly.
'Last night I almost had a wet dream. I just needed you to be as wet as you are now.'
Forget Gryffindor! Forget points! Potter is not getting away with ANYTHING while I have this badge on! Oh and I'll get Black, Pettigrew and…maybe even Remus too!
Author Note:
Links to the terrible jokes I found are here: /christopher-hudspeth/2013/09/50-terrible-quick-jokes-thatll-get-you-a-laugh-on-demand/. I made up the last one (I'm bad!). aannikaa I didn't expect a follower so quickly, it's very encouraging, thank you! VileMalfoys I can be very negligent went it comes to punctuation marks...it didn't help that I wrote and published it in the early AMs, but I edited so I hope it's a bit better. Thanks for commenting I welcome more!
I hope you guys enjoyed the prologue!Now Chapter One!