He tossed for what seemed like the eighth time that night, not daring to get out of bed.
He hadn't left the apartment after nine since that day.
Six days ago he had come home looking withdrawn and according to Nishio- his roommate- he had 'freaked the living shit' out of him. It wasn't his fault that he had seen a potential rape scene unfolding before him. It hadn't been his fault either that he hadn't called the police like he should have.
He just had to keep telling himself that what he had done was what anyone else would do. He wasn't at fault. He had done what that white haired guy- Kaneki- had instructed. However that hadn't stopped him from searching for a white haired youth in every newspaper or news channel he came across. It was natural. He was just worried about what he had witnessed. He was also drowning in guilt but you know, that was beside the point.
He hadn't told anyone about what had happened and now he was starting to regret it. Maybe Nishino or Nishio would be able to make him feel better about himself. Maybe.
When he had moved to Tokyo he had had a lot of expectations. He had wanted to make a bunch of new friends, try new things, and see new sights. He wanted to study hard and make something of himself. He wanted to be proud of himself.
But how could he do that anymore knowing that he had abandoned someone like that?
Those eyes wouldn't leave his mind. They had been so, so angry.
His posture had indicated discomfort from its stiffness.
Why hadn't he called for help?
He turned again, sighing to himself.
No sleep for the wicked, huh?
How fitting.
After downing his third cup of coffee he was ready. The lack of sleep was overcome through the large amount of caffeine he had consumed.
He was his usual bubbly self, annoying his roommate, cooking up a healthy breakfast and getting ready to leave for his first day of Kamii.
Leaving the apartment an hour early he smiled. It was a pleasant day, and he could see a few students already on the streets. The sun was still not too high and the air was moderately cool. The amount of people outside was slowly increasing. Shop signs switching from 'closed' to 'open'. He waved to baby staring at him over her mother's shoulder and waited for the road signs to give him the all clear to cross.
Humming loudly, he practically skipped across when it flashed green.
The way to Kamii was about twenty minutes which he supposed was pretty good. He was happy to be able to get some exercise and sun in the morning. He may even find some interesting routes, explore some places.
The incident immediately flashed into his mind at that thought and his mood soured. No more exploring then.
The calming atmosphere he had been building for himself was ruined so instantly. He couldn't do that. He should be optimistic. There was no use messing up his life and plans just because of one accident.
It was weird to him. What he had seen had been scary, worrying, and possibly traumatic but he was someone that would be able to distance themselves from such an incident. Yet here he was fretting over it a week later.
Why did he care so much?
What would happen if it happened again?
If he saw anything similar again he would definitely know what to do, he decided. He would definitely stop it.
No doubt about it!
Smiling, slightly comforted by the thought, he resumed his humming and continued on his way.
"You should come out with us man!"
"Yeah, Hide, we found an amazing arcade."
He beamed at his new group of friends and nodded, replying in affirmative with a doubled amount of enthusiasm. It hadn't been hard for him to make friends in this place on his first day. His clothes alone had attracted enough attention alone. It hadn't been his fault he had a unique and bright fashion sense. He liked to dress positive. He liked to give everyone the impression that he was approachable in his stupid clothes. He also loved to stand out like a beacon. It would be easy to spot him.
Of course Nishio had said that he looked like he crawled out of the trash can and Nishino had asked him if he was posing as those American animated characters, the minions or something. Both the conclusions had made him wince, feigning hurt.
However, he had made friends.
"Ahhhh, I have a politics lesson, I'll see you later, Hide."
"See ya! I'm stuck here for Asian history." The blonde called back, waving animatedly, gesturing at the room beside where the group of youths had been conversing.
He entered the hall and absent-mindedly found a seat near the back, a spot which seemed good for observing his surroundings as well as having a decent view of the board. He pulled out his books, getting himself ready, smiling to himself.
Hopefully this class would go as smoothly as his others had.
It didn't take long before the lecture room started to fill up, and soon most of the seats were occupied by tired, sleep deprived looking students.
He was drumming his pen against the desk, waiting for the lecturer to arrive.
That was when he saw him.
The head of white hair.
The snowy haired man entered, paused, shyly looked around the hall and started making his way towards the first empty chair he saw. Which just happened to be the one on Hide's left.
Hide let out a breath of air he hadn't realized he'd been holding. This was too surreal.
The immense amount of guilt that had coiled tightly around his heart loosened up a little.
Kaneki was okay.
The relief was overpowering.
He gulped as he saw him making his way towards him.
He was wearing a black sweater and a dress shirt, first button done up. His pale skin was contrasting sharply with his clothes, making him stand out almost as much as Hide did with his bright clothes. He looked like an aesthetic picture.
The bleached blonde was startled when the boy actually sat down beside him, wrestling with his bag and spilling his notes over his and Hide's desk in his hurry. He murmured quiet apologies, tidying them, painfully unaware of who was seated beside him. Hide watched him from the corner of his eye, fascinated by his completely different persona to what he had witnessed a few days ago. He was acting so distractedly timid.
It wasn't what he had expected from him at all.
A few minutes passed and he was finally done cleaning his notes and placing them inside an old notebook. It looked ready to fall apart.
He took in Kaneki's odd dark fingernails and wondered if the boy was trying to follow those visual Kei trends- maybe he was trying to appear edgier; however looking at his body language and clothing style Kaneki appeared to be an oddly timid nerd. He looked like he wanted to sink into the ground.
Finally, finally, Kaneki glanced up at his face. And froze. Hide grinned awkwardly, waving his hand lightly. He really wasn't sure how to act in this situation.
Yep, I'm the guy who saw you being forced into something you weren't into. Or maybe you were into it. Yo!
Yeah, no.
Those grey eyes immediately grew hard as they rested on him, his face taking on an almost bored expression. Great. This was wonderful.
"Sorry about the mess," he had an amazing voice, soft, and almost lost in the shuffling of notes. It was also eerily distant.
Hide laughed, scratching the back of his head: "Hey, no problem man! Take your time." There was no reply, only a stiff nod and then Kaneki turned away, not looking up from his notes for the duration of the lecture.
He had to hold himself back from physically sighing in relief when the lecture ended. It hadn't been his fault that his desk partner had been utterly stiff and practically radiated his dislike through what seemed to be a hellish class to start with.
Kaneki was taking his time clearing his notes, and placing them neatly inside his less than acceptable notebook. Was it stapled together?
Still there was an intrigue to the other man. He cleared his throat, eager to make some sort of conversation.
"Hey, you need help with those?" he shot him a sunny smile as he said that. The best part was that he didn't even have to fake being bright with this guy, his expression was so bleak it made him want to be more cheerful. It made him want to make the guy happier.
"I'm alright, thank you." That was the icy reply he got, politely strained.
"Alright, name's Hide, I'm new!"
"Kaneki Ken. Nice to meet you." The expression on that pale face contrasted sharply with his words, his eyes scrutinising him dangerously. The word 'nice' had been dripping with an uncertainty, an odd sort of malice.
He opened his mouth to speak, say something along the lines of how he hoped they'd get along but Kaneki seemed to have other plans.
Which happened to be walking out of the lecture hall in record time. He was almost out of the room when he shot an annoyed glance back at Hide, then exited.
Well wow…
Hide wasn't stupid, he knew when he wasn't wanted. A part of him wanted to stick around, this part probably stemmed from guilt for being unable to help him before.
He wouldn't do that.
It was normal for Kaneki to not want him around, and while there was a slight intrigue, he definitely wasn't going to involve himself into anything that would mess up his life.
Not unless he had to anyway.
"Nagashit," the strawberry blonde called, impatience clear in his voice.
He let out a breath of air moving off his bed and lowering his headphones. Carefully placing his notes to his side as gently as he could manage he padded towards their small kitchen.
"Nishki-senpai, you did say you'd be nicer," he groaned half-heartedly, coming face to face with the older man. Nishki had his hands on his hips, his eyebrows raised in annoyance, a feral smile on his lips.
"I tried, it didn't work."
"Wow, your masculine build and rude way of addressing me has my heart going doki doki," Hide grinned, fanning himself.
"Shut up, you delusional fuck."
"Speak for yourself Nishki senpai, you can't touch this."
"You're literal walking shit."
"Is that why you look so flushed?" he mentally high-fived himself for his amazing pun. Nishki looked like Hide had killed a bug on his face. He had to hold back his laughter.
"I was going to be nice and give you this trash attempt at emo lyricism, but you can fuck right off," Nishki deadpanned, turning away from him,
"What?" Hide asked, his humorous mood fading slightly.
Nishki snickered at him:
"So now you pay attention." Hide quirked a dark eyebrow. "Yeah, I know about your bad poetry, lonely boy!" The strawberry blonde seemed to relish his comeback after the blonde's onslaught.
"Riiiight, so what are we talking about?"
Of course he knew what they were talking about. He had figured it out from the moment he uttered the words 'poetry', cause heck there was only one poetic thing that had any association with him.
He wanted to smack his head in frustration at his idiocy, how could he have been careless enough to actually leave that in his jacket. Well, he could have been careless. He had been careless. It wasn't entirely his fault. He'd stripped his jacket off after that first encounter with Kaneki in that alleyway. The yellow jacket striking him as impure- even though it had previously been his favourite. It had been tainted by that one incident.
He himself felt consumed by the heaviness, the un-attachment. He felt compelled to solve the riddle that seemed to be Kaneki ken.
Which was a big statement seeing as he hadn't had a proper conversation with the guy and knew next to no thing about him. Yet he felt him. The hurt. The anger.
He felt tainted by Kaneki.
"As if you don't know," came the curt reply.
"Ehhhh?" he squinted, trying to look as convincingly confused as he possible, earning a glare from Nishki. The older man now had his back turned to his eccentric roommate, who was chewing his lip thoughtfully. He made a mental note to remember how inquisitive Nishki could be- it seemed as if he had underestimated the man in the particular area. The strawberry blonde too seemed to be aware of Hide's observational skills. He shrugged, deciding not to give too much thought to it.
"Just take this shit and," Nishki thrust out the piece of card, the edges browned, without looking at either the object in his hand or at Hide, "Leave me alone." Hide took the piece of card gingerly, trying not to look too relieved or grateful. He opened his mouth to elaborate on the subject, but clasping the card and recalling the words etched onto it, his decided against it.
Closing his mouth with a snap, he made his way back to his room.
It was eleven pm and he wasn't inside his and Nishki's dingy apartment. He had finally managed to leave at night and all it had required was a little push. A literal push from Nishki who had thrown him out of their apartment so that he could spend time with Nishino- his girlfriend.
They were probably getting it on as he wandered the streets of the twentieth ward aimlessly.
He hummed to himself, a source of comfort in the silence of the night as he continued navigating through the area as familiar with it as he would have been had he been there since childhood. If it had been two weeks ago, his beloved earphones would have been clasped to his ears, music blaring loudly. However, now they rested around his neck, a simple pleasantry; an emotional trademark that he couldn't bear to rid himself of.
He couldn't afford to listen to music, he needed to stay alert. There was a potential chance that he would be caught up in a scenario where he might not be able to help someone, too caught up in his music to notice their distressed cries. He needed to stay alert. He couldn't ever put himself or anyone else in the situation in which he would leave them.
A slight breeze blew through the warm night making small posters on buildings, banners and leaves rustle lightly around him. It was watching everything that was deathly still come to life. It was strangely entrancing, and for a few minutes he was caught up in the strange exciting rush of discovering yet another fascinating aspect of Tokyo.
How amazing that something so small could cause such a reaction. A slight breeze could make such a vast amount of objects to shift and cause a difference to something as colossal as the night. Why hadn't he noticed these small things when he wasn't in the city? Surely the breeze would have had the same effect where he came from?
He mulled over it for a few seconds unmoving.
What made this breeze special? Was it how small the starry sky looked overcast by the bright city lights and the looming buildings? Was it that this breeze was only important because he felt certain emotions? Because the breeze meant something to him?
He slapped himself lightly, realizing that he was having midnight musings and it was terrifying. He really couldn't afford to zone out in the middle of the pavement. Especially not with the luck he had been having.
He started walking, quickening his step and entering the first open shop he found. Thankfully it seemed to be a homely looking coffee shop. Looking around he was surprised. It was odd to see a shop this nice staying open so late, even though they only had what seemed like two students poring over their notes as their only other customers. He could see a small convenience store open across from this place and an even smaller cyber café beside this place.
"Welcome to An- Hide?" a startled familiar voice greeted him and he snapped to attention.
"Touka?!" he spluttered. He barely had time to register his surprise as she smacked him with the tray she'd been holding. He grimaced, rubbing his head where she had assaulted him, trying to look as wounded as possible.
"I knew it was you! Shitty Nishki told me you moved here," she seemed a mixture of angry and happy. It resulted in her voice coming out in a growl. He scratched his cheek nervously.
"I- yeah, it's been wild so far. Sorry I didn't contact you earlier. Like I said it's been wild…" his voice trailed off weakly. His uncertainty catching them both off guard. He was acting uncharacteristically apprehensive and although he and Touka hadn't met for absolute eons she knew him well enough to catch on to that.
"Wild?" She shot him an un-comprehensible look, "Right, lets grab you some coffee Hide. You look like you need that shit."
He really did.
He woke up groggy, barely rested. His mind running over trivial things, his heart catching on to small shreds of memories from the previous nights.
His conversation with Touka had been vague.
He had briefly outlined everything, opting to edit out the Kaneki incident he witnessed and choosing to not mention his name as he jovially complained about his stiff desk partner.
From his side he hadn't had much to tell, not really. He used to talk to Touka almost twice a week, every week before he moved here.
It had been an odd friendship that had stemmed through their families. Touka's father and his own had gotten along immensely well, which had resulted in their two families constantly mingling. That had concluded with an unbreakable bond forming between the Kirishima's elder and the Nagachika's only child. A bond that stayed strong when Arata was transferred to Tokyo and then finally abroad leaving behind his two children. He came to visit on Christmas though.
He sighed, shoving his pillow over his head trying to squeeze in a few more seconds of sleep after yesterday's tiring ordeal. He shouldn't have stayed so long with her. He had promised to visit her again as soon as possible; however staying past five wasn't a bright idea in any sense.
Now here he was, chugging down coffee and preparing to make his way to Kamii. He wasn't looking forward to double Asian history with practically no sleep.