23. Let's go all the way tonight
"You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable, you're a vegetable," Blaine's mindless singing is cut off by Kurt's voice.
"I got it, Blaine, I'm a vegetable."
"Hey Kurt! I'm so glad you're here, I was thinking maybe we could totally do it! Maybe you could take some of my medicine and I've already taken some and we could just, like, just totally do it." Blaine is feeling awesome right now. The dull pulse in his eye barely even registers as pain. More like a memory of pain or a foreshadowing, but right now, he really wants to cheer Kurt up. Because Kurt is being sort of a bummer.
Kurt gives him a tight lipped smile and says "I'm gonna pass on that one Blaine, but how about you move over-"
"And we cuddle!" Blaine says with the enthusiasm of a small child who has been informed that they're getting a puppy.
Kurt nods and moves onto the bed. Blaine is more than happy to rest his head, which has steadily grown heavier during this exchange, on Kurt's chest.
A few minutes later, Kurt assumes Blaine has nodded off, when suddenly Blaine says, "You're a vegetable Kurt."
"I know Blaine, I know."
"Are you smiling now?" Blaine asks.
"I most definitely am."
24. No regrets, just love
Blaine really doesn't want to have any regrets.
And he's extra sure of that when it comes to picking a college. He'd always pictured himself going to Stanford, double majoring in music and something to be determined (that his father approved of).
But then Kurt came along and blew everything out of the water.
Blaine missed Kurt so much he transferred high schools for him. Again. Blaine missed Kurt so much, he flew to New York twice in one month. (Not something Blaine's dad was thrilled with, to be honest, but it was Blaine's money.) And now Blaine is really considering going to college someplace close to Kurt.
He's gotten into the habit of talking to anyone he can find about this. If they stand still long enough for him to say "Stanford" or "NYU," they get an earful. He's pretty sure Ms. Pillsbury ran away from him the other day. To be fair, he had cornered her outside the staff bathroom.
Blaine has gone through the motions. He's made his pros and cons list. He's come to terms with the fact that going to Stanford means No Kurt and that going to NYU means Yes Kurt (with a side of Rachel).
He's shocked when he steps off the plane in California in the fall of 2013. He really is, but he knows he'll never regret it. Because he'll be with Kurt forever, no matter the distance.
25. We can dance until we die
It's a simple ceremony. Just their families and their closest friends. Somehow Rachel convinces them that she should sing their wedding song. And it's funny, in that way that makes you kind of want to punch yourself in the face. Though Blaine and Kurt did draw the line at her writing a song for them.
Blaine is just happy to be in the Hudson-Hummel back yard, on what is probably the most glorious evening that Lima, Ohio has ever known. The air and the light dance as closely as he and Kurt do. Blaine feels poetic as the sun goes down, aided by a few glasses of champagne.
When he looks around at the people in attendance, Blaine is in awe by how much love he feels. Some of his old friends from the Warblers even managed to come and his roommates from college. All of New Directions class of 2012 are here and most of the class of 2013 too. Blaine, the boy who never had a real friend before he was 18, suddenly has amassed more than he could ever imagine.
He's sad that his dad didn't come, but he tries to think about other things as he dances with Sarah and his mom and then Rachel; and then the night away with Kurt.
26. You and I will be young forever
Blaine's alone in his bedroom when he hears the doorbell ring. He's been out of the hospital for two weeks and has pretty much been alone in his bedroom since then. Eli's parents decided that they're going to move back to California. So Blaine needs to get used to being alone. The good news is he doesn't have to go back to school for at least a month.
He hears his mom greet someone at the front door, though the exchange is muffled. A minute later, there's a knock on his bedroom door.
"Come in," he says. The face that pokes through the door is the last person he expected.
Jenna.
"Hey," she says, "I saw you come home from the hospital the other day and I heard what happened to you and I really wanted to come over, but it's been so long since I talked to you and I just want you to know that I'm sorry. About what happened to our friendship and about what happened to you after the dance. I think it sucks." It comes out in such a rush that Blaine needs a minute to take it all in.
"Hi, and... thank you," Blaine answers.
"Do you mind if I sit? Maybe hang out for a while?" Jenna asks.
It's not everything, but it's something.
27. You make me, feel like I'm living a teenage dream
From the first time the Warblers performed at last year's sectionals with Kurt on board, Blaine has felt balanced. He loves having Kurt in his corner, which was one of the reasons he transferred to McKinley. He needs the confidence that Kurt gives him.
When he dances his way down the concrete steps on the second day of school, he can't stop smiling. Kurt's practically glowing and Blaine feels like the epitome of cool. The cheerleaders are dancing around him and it seems like the whole crowd is just enthralled.
He doesn't notice until it's too late. The piano is in flames and suddenly the whole crowd is silent. They went from totally digging the show to offended in a heartbeat. He had nothing to do with this, but there are a lot of dirty looks coming his way.
This is not what Blaine had planned. This is the opposite of what Blaine had planned. The smell of lighter fluid and smoke will make him feel defeated for years to come, it makes him terrible company at bonfires and on camping trips.
But then, he feels a soft but strong hand snake into his own. And he remembers why he's here.
Blaine will try to edit out the flaming piano and concentrate on the performance that happened first and the hand in his own later. He'll concentrate on the dream.
28. The way you turn me on
Blaine really doesn't want to admit it, but when he first meets Sebastian he's initially attracted to him. Not like he's going to dump Kurt and elope with Sebastian or something, but he does find him appealing.
Blaine is 16 years old and he doesn't want to fault himself for being attracted to people besides his boyfriend.
Blaine works these thoughts over in his head while he chats idly with Sebastian over coffee. This is their second meeting and he still hasn't mentioned Kurt. He needs to mention Kurt before he starts feeling guilty. Blaine hates feeling guilty.
Blaine also hates how much he loves Sebastian's compliments. He's taken aback by most of what Sebastian is saying, he really isn't trying to be a bashful schoolboy. He really needs to start paying attention to this conversation and he needs to tell Sebastian about Kurt. He berates himself for not bringing his boyfriend up sooner.
And then Sebastian actually gives him a great segue and Blaine is nothing but relieved to finally mention Kurt.
Because talking about Kurt is one Blaine's favorite things to do, second only to actually being with Kurt.
Sebastian might be good looking, but he's smug, and quite frankly, he's just not Kurt. And he never will be.
29. I can't sleep
Blaine stares at the ceiling listening to an ongoing battle between his parents in the living room.
He's 10 years old, he's heard plenty of fights in the past, but somehow this one, this argument, there's such venom behind their words and he's scared.
He really doesn't want them to notice he's awake but he's really worried that Sarah is awake and scared too. The idea of passing by the stairs and them looking up and seeing him there is enough to keep him in bed. He's seen masks of anger on his parents faces before and wants to avoid having them turned towards him.
But again, he thinks of Sarah.
He sits up, making no noise. He moves his feet to floor, making sure to skip the squeaky board at the end of his bed. He slips through the crack in his bedroom door and in a moment of silliness he drops to the ground and army crawls across the hallway carpet. It sounds like his parents have moved towards to the kitchen.
He reaches Sarah's doorknob and slowly opens it. He finds her curled into a tiny ball at the top of her bed, her eyes wide and scared. But the second she sees Blaine, they soften.
He tip toes across the room and slides under her covers. Within minutes they're asleep and that's how their parents find them in the morning, curled together in a mess of Dora the Explorer sheets.
30. Let's run away and don't ever look back
Blaine doesn't mind Sam Evans in the least. But he reminds Blaine of someone. From the second Sam emerged from the curtain last year at Sectionals, Blaine felt like he was familiar. And every time he saw Sam after that he would try to figure it out.
Maybe it was denial. Or maybe it was self preservation, but as Sam started demonstrating a body roll, Blaine finally put it together.
Eli. Sam looks so much like Eli.
The night before the Sadie Hawkins dance, Blaine and Eli were goofing around in Blaine's bedroom. Eli was showing off a variety of "awesome dance moves," including such classics as the sprinkler, the ride on lawn mower and roll the dice. Then he started doing body rolls and Blaine couldn't stop laughing.
Eli did some of his moves at the actual dance, until some of the jocks started throwing rolled up dollar bills at Blaine and Eli on the dance floor. "Look at you two faggot whores dancing for money!" The cruel laughter rang around them.
They quickly moved away from the scene, but the damage was done. And Blaine felt dirty.
Looking at Sam, in this moment in the McKinley High choir room almost 3 years later, he's upset that Sam doesn't know better. And he knows there's no way to really explain to Sam what's wrong.
Sam's body roll was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Blaine sees red as he storms out of the room.
31. Don't ever look back
Blaine drives to New York with Kurt and Burt the week before Labor Day. Kurt didn't even have to ask him, because Burt was the one that brought up the road trip, pretty much the day that Kurt got into NYADA. Blaine is always so surprised with Burt's acceptance of him. Always so flattered when Burt wants Blaine around, during what could clearly be father/son time.
They leave Lima as the sun rises and the three of them take turns driving throughout the day, finally checking into their hotel in the city around 8 that night. Kurt can start moving into his dorm at the 9 the next morning.
Move-in day is spent in a frenzy and flurry of boxes and bags and suitcases. They go out for dinner and then the realization hits- Kurt is going to his dorm and Burt and Blaine are going to the hotel.
And it's time to say good bye.
Blaine hates being clingy. He doesn't even know how to be clingy. But he can't stop touching Kurt. He knows he needs to back off, give Burt his turn. So he does. They're all crying, but there's also a feeling of relief that they've made it this far, and the knowledge that this isn't forever. Love isn't dampened by distance.
Blaine and Burt drive out the city wordlessly the next morning before dawn, both of them trying their damnedest not to look back.
32. I'm a get your racing in my skin-tight jeans
"Good Lord, Blaine!" Kurt cried when he entered Blaine's room. "Did you steal those from Sarah?"
"No," Blaine says, with just a hint of defiance in his voice. "They're mine. I like them." Blaine is not particularly comfortable in such tight pants, but he's trying to dress a little trendier for Kurt. He's trying to lunge some of the tightness out of the jeans and he's starting to look an awful lot like Jonah Hill at the end of Superbad.
He misses his bow ties already.
"Blaine."
"Kurt."
"You really don't have to do this. I see what you're doing here." Kurt says, knowingly.
Kurt is often berating Blaine for not being himself, for trying to be whoever Kurt wants him to be. But that's Blaine's thing. He craves acceptance, like Tinkerbell needs applause. He's embarrassed that Kurt can see right through his charade.
"I just want … to look good for you. I want you to look at me and be, uh, attracted to me," Blaine says, awkwardly to his bedroom carpet.
"Blaine."
"Kurt."
"Blaine. You know I love you no matter what you wear, or how you look, or if you do ridiculous lunges of the Jonah Hill variety in front of your bedroom mirror. I'm going to have this put on an index card and then laminate it and keep it in my wallet for when you act like a moron."
Blaine makes a pouty face, but allows Kurt to slide the ridiculous jeans to the floor.
33. Be your teenage dream, tonight
Blaine is a little bit lonely his first few days of college. He'd gotten used to summer, which was bursting at the seams with people.
College is also bursting at the seams with people, but Blaine has momentarily forgotten how to act around strangers. People ask him where he's from and why he decided on Stanford and if he has any siblings. And he answers as best as he can, "Lima, Ohio. In the end, it was just where I wanted to go. A little sister." But he doesn't know how to reveal deeper pieces of himself.
"Fear of rejection Blaine" is taking over "Good natured, friendly Blaine."
He resolves to take baby steps. Smile at people more, greet whoever sits next to him in class, wave when he sees a face he recognizes from his dorm.
He can do this. He can do all this without Kurt. He's still Blaine, maybe even a better Blaine than he ever was before. He's healing; he thinks his heart and his mind are finally catching up with a body that healed years ago.
He finds himself loosening up, gelling his hair less, saving bow ties for special occasions. He whistles in the shower and falls in love with Palo Alto.
Kurt is still wonderful Kurt and Blaine misses him so much sometimes, but Blaine is living his own dreams for now.
34. Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans
Blaine is drunk, though he's not sure why, since he only drank one beer.
Dancing with Sebastian was ok, but when Kurt joined him on the floor it got way better. And he really wants Kurt. He's trying to figure out how to convince Kurt to have sex with him right now. Not here in the club, because that's skanky. But maybe in the car.
He doesn't want to leave yet though, so they dance until they're sweaty and Kurt has some water and Blaine finds another beer in his hand. Or is it the same beer? He only meant to have one.
Blaine feels confident and he knows Kurt just freaking loves him.
He decides to tell Kurt that he wants to have sex with him, that it's the perfect time, right now, right away. He tugs on Kurt's belt loops, dragging him down on the seat with him.
But Kurt doesn't relax into Blaine like he normally would. Blaine feels Kurt resist, he feels Kurt stiffen and not in the good way. (Bazinga! Focus Blaine, he tells himself.)
Kurt is really upset.
Blaine doesn't want to cry, but he's so close to crying and he can't cry in front Kurt. He's never cried in front of Kurt. He pretends to be mad, instead of hurt. He can't stop what he's about to say. "I'm sorry if I'm trying to be spontaneous and fun!"
Oh, Blaine, you're such a dickhead, he thinks to himself as he ambles into the shadows and finally let's himself start to cry.
your teenage dream tonight
It's a funny thing, the way life works out.
Blaine and Kurt lived in New York for several years after college. Blaine missed Palo Alto, but he knew that New York was where Kurt really wanted to be and Blaine could handle that. After a few years, they adopted a daughter and named her Elizabeth.
After becoming parents, they realized that all they wanted was to be closer to their own families and to have Elizabeth grow up with grandparents and cousins. So they moved back to Ohio, where Blaine took a job as an elementary school music teacher two towns over and Kurt was a stay-at-home dad and did some freelancing for fashion magazines.
Blaine often felt overwhelmed with joy at how easy and simple things became as he got older.
Everything wasn't perfect, obviously, Elizabeth went through a tantrum phase, Kurt would leave every light on in the house and Blaine always forgot to call if he was running late. But it was all so minute compared to the happiness.
Blaine had a nightly ritual. At first, Kurt thought it was weird and Blaine could tell it made him kind of uncomfortable, but Blaine couldn't help himself. He wanted to say something more than "I love you," he wanted to find something beyond "You are my world." He ended up on settling for two words that almost conveyed what he felt. He hoped Kurt understood.
Every night, after they turned off the light and curled under the covers, Blaine would say, "Thank you."
36. You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream
Blaine's doing his homework at the Lima Bean one Saturday afternoon. It's really crowded and he's starting to feel bad that he's taking up a table for four by himself. He sighs and starts to clean up his books when he senses someone standing next to him.
When he looks up, he sees a guy with really incredible hair and ridiculously pretty eyes.
"Do you mind if I sit over here?" mystery man asks, gesturing towards the chair opposite Blaine. "This place is packed!"
Blaine is really flustered. He nods in what he hopes is a cool way, but is probably more bobble-headed than he'd like to admit.
The guy smiles and sits down. Blaine tries to think of something, anything to say. What do people say to other people? Blaine no longer remembers how to speak English.
"Oh man, chemistry is the worst," mystery man says with a smile, as he leans across the table towards Blaine. "Seriously, I don't think I could take chemistry again for love or money."
To this Blaine laughs, in what he hopes is a casual fashion, but he's pretty sure is bordering on maniacal.
"I'm Blaine." Blaine finally remembers what speaking English entails.
"I'm Jeremiah," says mystery man.
Blaine knows that this isn't the classic "meet cute" he'd always hoped for, but he's pretty sure this is the man of his dreams.
37. The way you turn me on
"I like your hat," Kurt says breathlessly, as the last notes of Love Shack fade away.
"I like your tie," Blaine says, feeling ever so slightly lightheaded by the whole scene around him.
Blaine suddenly feels shy. He had planned out every moment of his grand entrance and serenade, but forgot about the part where he would actually get to talk to Kurt. Blaine loves plans and he wishes he had thought of something perfect to say to Kurt right now.
"I was worried I wasn't going to see you today," Kurt admits, rousing Blaine from his thoughts.
Blaine's surprised. He also forgot to take into consideration that it's 8:30 pm on Valentine's Day and he hadn't even talked to Kurt yet, save for a text early in the day.
"Kurt, I knew I was going to make it to this party for the past couple days, and I guess I didn't consider that you didn't know, even though I knew it was surprise. I'm sorry, I should have..." Blaine is shaking his head, babbling, not able to meet Kurt's eyes.
Kurt cuts into his apology. "It's ok Blaine. This display more than makes up for it. If you're trying to woo me, it's really working." Relief washes over Blaine.
"Did I perhaps even turn you on?" Blaine asks with a quirk of his eyebrow. (Good lord, he thinks, it's nice to have two functional eyes again.)
"Oh, indeed. That little thing, with the tie pulling? Let's reenact that on the way to the car. "
38. I can't sleep
Blaine is a little overwhelmed.
He kissed Rachel and it was … really fun. It was easy and fun. He'd never kissed a girl before, he never even really talks to girls. Maybe he thought he was gay but he's really just shy around girls. He thinks about this for the rest of the weekend, between the pounding of his hangover headache at least.
He desperately wants to discuss this with someone. When Rachel calls to ask him out, he says yes. And he's so glad that Kurt's right there, so he can bounce his thoughts off of him. But then Kurt is saying kind of mean things. And Blaine is getting really upset. He just wanted to talk to his friend about how he might like a girl.
Instead he just feels like an idiot, as usual.
He goes out with Rachel and has a lot of fun. But mostly finds himself thinking of all the things he wants to tell Kurt about the "date." He knows that's not what most guys think about on dates. Blaine has a sleepless night, worrying about his fight with Kurt.
The next day, when Rachel kisses him at the Lima Bean, his foray into heterosexuality ends rather abruptly.
He and Kurt make up. It's that simple because they're friends.
Blaine starts to think that maybe the next date he goes on needs to actually be with Kurt.
39. So take a chance
Blaine has something to say to Kurt but he's not sure how to say it. As usual, he turns the Warblers for assistance. They agree to help him out, which is more than Blaine could have hoped for, after the way some of Blaine's "big ideas" have backfired.
Blaine isn't much of a risk taker, but Kurt is worth it.
As the Warblers make their way across school grounds on the day of Kurt's transfer back to McKinley, Blaine is vibrating with nerves and excitement. He can't wait to sing for Kurt, but he's worried about being out there, in front of all the students. How were they going to react? Blaine is all too familiar with how cruel the world can be.
But he needs to do this for Kurt. Kurt deserves the grand gesture and with his fellow Warblers on hand, Blaine knows that he has the courage to give Kurt a proper send off.
Blaine gives his prepared speech and the sun is almost blinding, but that's a relief because no one can see the tears in his eyes. He begins to sing and immediately falls into his comfort zone. Looking at Kurt in the afternoon sun, Blaine knows that the risk was worth it.
He hugs Kurt and makes his way back up the stairs. When he turns around, he can already see that Kurt is where he belongs and where he wants to be. He mouths a silent "Thank you" to Kurt and realizes that Kurt has given him an awful lot to be grateful for.
40. And don't ever look back
Blaine's mouth drops when he sees Kurt on the spiral staircase. He can't help it. There's something about the boy who stands before him that awes him. After being momentarily struck dumb, Blaine feels the desperate need to touch this boy.
He offers his hand to shake, because that seems better than nuzzling a stranger's face. Which is the weirdest reaction Blaine has ever had to anything and is fully aware that it would not be socially acceptable.
Blaine hears some of the things he's saying to Kurt and his brain is contradicting almost every word.
"Rock stars, Blaine? We're not actually rock stars, we're a bunch of teenagers with a weird hard-on for Robert's Rules of Order."
He makes it through this encounter and it seems like the other boy, Kurt, is completely unfazed by Blaine's over the top word choices.
And suddenly Blaine has Kurt's hand. They're running down an empty hallway together and this feeling is rising in Blaine's chest. This feeling like this moment should be so awkward and yet it feels so right, in every conceivable way.
He knows who Kurt is of course and he knows he's here to spy. But there's something else that brought Kurt here today, Blaine can sense this.
Blaine wants to make Kurt's day a little better. But he also finds that he wants to make Kurt's whole life better. Blaine thinks that the indefinable something he's been looking for just arrived on his doorstep wearing a red tie and a shy smile.
41. Don't ever look back
Blaine's been trying to decide how to propose to Kurt. It's their 10th anniversary and it's time.
Blaine writes on a slip of paper "because with you, I am home" and secures it to the ring. He then placed the ring on their key plaque. When Kurt gets home, he'll tell him to look at the key rack and when his back is turned, Blaine will drop to one knee. Blaine is really proud of this plan.
While he waits for Kurt to get home, he sits at the piano and plays songs from their high school years. Blaine doesn't hear Kurt enter the apartment, until he senses a presence behind him.
"I was on my way home and I stopped to pick something up for you. You're the person who taught me about spontaneity and right now, I want to show you all I've learned," Kurt says, with an earnest expression, as he slowly drops to one knee and holds out a ring.
Blaine can't help but laugh and accept the ring from Kurt. He then says "Instead of saying yes, I'm going to direct you to our key holder."
Just like the plan, Blaine drops to his knee as Kurt turns and finds the ring.
When Kurt turns back around, he says "I can't believe we somehow simultaneously stole each other's thunder."
Kurt drops to the ground in front of Blaine, and Blaine tackle hugs his new fiance in a fit of laughter.
Life is good and Blaine will never look back.
42. My heart stops
During Blaine's senior year, Sectionals is held at Blaine's old school. The school he went to before Dalton. At this point, there aren't any students left there that would know or remember Blaine. The problem is that there are so many bad memories attached to the building that just thinking about going there makes Blaine's breath quicken and his heart stop.
He can't back out of singing for the competition. He's a leader now.
He's so scared though.
He hasn't told Kurt because he knows Kurt will be in the middle of exams and he doesn't want him to try to fly home just for Sectionals. Instead he turns to Tina. He knows he can trust her with this. And he hopes that she'll at least listen and lend him just enough support that he'll make it through.
She listens patiently as he lists his concerns and his fears and his confusion. He tells her that he's never been back there since that night and how it haunts him. When he's done she asks the one question he doesn't know the answer to yet.
"Do you want to confront or avoid the scene? Either way Blaine, I'll be right there."
And when competition rolls around, she really is right there the whole time. As they walk off the stage, Blaine is filled with adrenaline. He turns to Tina, and with resolve etched into his face he says "I want to confront it."
So they do.
43. When you look at me
When all their eyes turn to Blaine, he says, "I'm looking forward to marriage equality in all 50 states."
And he really means it. This is something Blaine genuinely wants to see.
But before he said it, his mind was racing.
He had a dozen other answers but he wasn't ready to share any of them with the group. He knows that he's far more entrenched in New Directions than he was even a month ago. He just isn't ready to share something as personal as Sam or Puck or Santana did.
But later, when he's alone with Kurt, he tells him his list.
"I look forward to marrying you. I look forward to my dad being proud of me for something, someday. I look forward to every sunrise run I take. I look forward to trusting some of the Warblers again. I look forward to having a home of my own and doing things the way I believe they should be done. I look forward to distancing myself from all the bad shit I dealt with, but not forgetting it. I look forward to believing in my choices. I look forward to having a career and being an adult. I look forward to singing everyday. I look forward to learning to play the guitar. I look forward to getting into college. But most of all, I look forward to loving you forever and you letting me."
Because these are the things that Blaine Anderson holds closest to his heart and are therefore the things he can't always share.
44. Just one touch
Blaine is propped up in bed the day after he came home from the hospital. His mom promised that she would get him a milk shake, but he exploded at suggestion of going with her. She's not sure she's ever seen him react like that to anything.
When she returns with the shake, she sits next to him on the bed. And tells him the most innocuous stories she can think of, mostly about something Sarah said or the day she watched their across the street neighbor try to fix his sprinkler system. She just wants to soothe him.
She wants hold him, but she's hesitant. During the months leading up to the... incident, she'd try time and again to rub his back, or pat his hand, or hug him, like she did when Blaine was younger. But he'd shrug her off, move away, run away sometimes.
Since the... incident, it's only gotten worse. He flinches under every touch. The doctors, the nurses, the hospital councilor, no one could touch him without seeing him wince.
But she's his mother, for God's sake. She needs to touch him. He's so stoic, he's been so stoic, no trace of her Blaine anywhere in his features.
She screws up her courage, (no mother should ever be nervous to touch her child) and she touches his hand. He doesn't flinch, but she hears a sharp intake of breath and he squeezes his eyes shut.
When he starts to cry, (finally, finally he's crying) he let's her take him in her arms.