A/N: Yeah, this is short, but I've decided that I want to do just one entry per chapter. The short length of this entry just means that I'll probably be posting a third entry later on today.

Name:Cadman, Lt. Laura
Date:2006, January 16, 2246 hours

Well, I didn't accidentally kill Carson today, at least, but I did end up transforming. Damn it! Why did he have to do that? He knows what happens to me when he does that! I suppose I should have known. I leaned down to give him a little kiss on the forehead, and what happens? He stirred, woke, pulled me down on top of him, and was then insistent on kissing me passionately. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did immensely.

But it caused me to transform… again. I have no idea why, but every time I start to feel 'excited', for lack of a better and more appropriate word, that always seems to happen. In about thirty minutes or so from now, I expect to transform into a raving lunatic of a monster. Carson told me that he'd be here to take care of me when we met for lunch, so he must still be in the infirmary taking care of business. I know he's reliable and attentive, and he's always there for me when I need him, but sometimes I can't help getting worried. I guess it's because I just hate feeling like I'm a burden on him, and I hate having to rely on other people like this.

It's my own fault, I suppose. I was careless and stupid on that afternoon that I was bitten back in September. It had been a pretty good day up until my team went off-world with Colonel Sheppard's team. If it hadn't been me that was bitten, it would've been Rodney, so I guess I did something right. That planet was supposed to be uninhabited, and my team had really only been sent to help out with unloading and setting up all the equipment.

Rodney was mouthy, as usual. I think he might've been nervous about being assigned to a group with me, only instead of being grouped with Carson, who had not gone off-world with us, Colonel Sheppard himself had decided to accompany us. But really, why he should be so nervous about being in a group with me was beyond me. Just over seven months earlier, I had accidentally been trapped in his body because of a malfunctioning Wraith culling beam. So what? What was the big deal? Being placed in a group with me again isn't necessarily a bad omen.

Or could it have been a bad omen after all? I mean, that mission didn't exactly go well, either, being that I saved McKay's ass from a slavering, hungry werewolf monster and got bitten in the process. That moron should have been grateful, but did I ever even get a 'thank you for saving my life' from him? Hell no, of course not.

Not that the people whose lives I save are required to thank me for it; it is my job, after all. But if I see that ungrateful and self-righteous smirk on Rodney McKay's face one more time, I'll… I'll…

Never mind.

My appointment with Kate didn't go very well this afternoon. She kept asking me all these scary questions, like if I thought that my transformations could be unreasonably hazardous to the city's population or if I thought that my transformation cycle was stable enough to remain relatively predictable. Carson's appointment had been yesterday, and I'm thinking that something he'd said scared her. I have to admit that today's session has left me wondering if she could be pondering sending me back to Earth to some kind of institution, and perhaps try to justify this by claiming that she's concerned for my own safety, or if she really is trying to help me deal with all of this.

I think if I was forced to go back to Earth with this condition, especially if I had to go without Carson, it would literally break me. I'm starting to regret that I told Kate about any of this at all. She just doesn't seem to understand that I'm doing the best that I can with this, and that without Carson here to help me, I don't know if I could go on like this. I don't know if I'd even want to.

The door to my quarters just opened, and now Carson is sitting at the foot of my bed looking at me with that wonderful smile of his, waiting for me to finish writing. I suppose I should finish this up quickly, then, although I haven't begun to experience the precursor to my eventual transformation tonight quite yet.

Wait a minute. He's rubbing my feet now. Oh, that man and his wonderful hands… I'm sorry. I should probably write more, but I have to stop now or else Carson is going to see what I've written in a few seconds when I drop my laptop.