Chapter Two: Prelude 2
Location / Normandy / Captain's Cabin
Shepard woke up in the middle of the night. He stared at the ceiling window, watching the colors the Normandy created while in FTL.
He cannot remember the last time he had a good nights rest. He didn't like to fall asleep for too long because that's where all the people was at, in his dreams. But seeing them wasn't the problem. Waking up and realizing that he had forgotten that they were dead was. Some had died under his leadership. Mistakes, or sacrifices that he had been forced to make. Sacrifices that he had been forced upon because others didn't want that on their conscious.
Cold-blooded, ruthless these were only two of many words that he had been called. After a while though things got easier, Shepard had seen horrible things, done things that any normal man would think horrid, so he'd just stopped showing emotions altogether. Never letting anyone know what he was really feeling because if they did, they would see what a broken man he really is.
He was trying things differently with this new second chance of his. Having been brought back to life made him feel as if there was something to bring back in the first place. He had tasked himself to find it and figure out what it was. When he found out that what he was looking for came in the form of a raven haired woman. It had just made it more confusing figuring out what he was after.
Not being able to sleep properly he rose up from bed and walked over to the bathroom. Once inside he undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the cold water clear his mind.
Miranda Lawson was different. She was gorgeous. Those deep blue eyes, that dark hair that stopped just above her shoulders. Not a flaw on her skin...and that ass...God...
He turned the handle further, making the water even colder.
Her looks wasn't the only think that could kill. She was very intelligent but she was also very deadly. She was not to be underestimated. She was a woman to be feared if on the other side of the gun. She could bask in light and triumph in darkness.
Unlike so many others she understood that there was always someone who had to make the hard decisions so others wouldn't have to. She understood him and knew his reasons. She had told him once that she had expected him to be somewhat of an Alliance poster boy, but was surprised when he turned out to be more like her than imagined.
Shepard stepped out. Still soaking wet, all he could do was looking in the mirror, taking in his own image.
The scars looked more like cracks on his skin. On his chest, abdomen and running around to his lower back. His inner demons trying to claw its way out. Back to where they belong, on the surface. How poetic he thought.
How could Miranda possibly want this? He looked like a monster. If she found out how he really looked like under his clothes she would surely think him hideous and reject him.
That was actually one of the things he feared the most. That's why he couldn't be with her before the mission, that he would expose himself so bluntly would be too much for her.
Shepard was spellbound, Miranda was almost always in his thoughts. Albeit he didn't mind, it made him feel human.
"EDI?" Shepard called out.
After a few seconds the ship AI responded. "Commander the Normandy will not dock for another estimated fifty seven minutes."
"Yeah, well I need something to do. Tell the crew to get ready in thirty minutes or so."
"Yes Shepard." EDI responded. "Also this seems like a good time, want to hear the crew status report?"
"That will keep me occupied, shoot." Shepard replied whilst stepping out, going to his wardrobe and putting on some boxers.
"Thane Krios' condition renders him unable to stay effective for long." EDI began. "He requests departure from Normandy to see his son Kolyat."
"Want me to read his message?" EDI added.
"No need. Granted."
"Garrus ha-" EDI began before Shepard cut her off.
"Read me his message." He said. Dropping down to do push ups.
"Message to Normandy Commander." EDI started. "Shepard. I will be staying on Illium, I have some business with Liara. Its been a heck of a ride, Garrus and Shepard saving the world twice? Now that's something for the vids. I don't think I will be going to far away though. I will still be waiting for a replacement for my gun you know? All in all I request leave. Your turian Idol Garrus. Message ends."
"Let him have it." Shepard said.
"Jack left a voice message, do you want me to run it?"
"Just summarize it." Shepard voiced. He switched to doing sit ups.
"She says in the message that she has grown tired of the ship and its crew. She then further says that she might do some freelance or finding Cerberus people to torment. Jack also added that if you ever got tired of "bumping flesh" with the "cheerleader", you should go find her. Furthermore she ended with saying that she wants off this ship whether you like it or not." EDI summarized.
"The quicker she's gone the better." Shepard answered. He was starting to get fatigued, so he quickened his pace for a final round. "Anything...about...Grunt?"
"Until Clan Urdnot requests his presence, he wishes to stay besides you." EDI replied.
"That's my boy." Shepard said sounding pleased. He paused for a moment and took in a deep breath. "Just tell me the names of everyone that are parting ways, give them permission and tell me where they are going if you can." Shepard uttered. He stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for a response.
"Mordin, location Sur'kesh. Samara, location unknown. Zaeed, location Omega. Thane, location Citadel. Kasumi, location unknown. Jack, location unknown." EDI said.
"Jacob, Tali, Joker, Chakwas and Garrus are all staying on Illium but specified locations are unknown. Grunt is with you." The AI stated further.
"And Legion is probably confined to the Normandy for the risk of being seen. But that's nice though we have janitor walking around." Shepard figured out. "...wait a minute...you didn't say anything about Miranda. Why?"
"She did not clarify any sort of decision. Do you want me to read her message?" EDI's voice echoed around the room.
It seemed like time had stopped for him. He stood up and started pacing back and forth. All he could say was. "Yes."
"Message to Normandy Commander. Meet me. We have things to discuss. Message ends." The AI read.
"That's it?" Shepard sounded surprised. Well all that hype for nothing I guess...
"Yes Shepard. Is something wrong? EDI wondered.
Right...her sister.
"No." He lied. "Thanks for keeping me company EDI."
"Always Commander. Logging you out."
Shepard went to his wardrobe and threw out some civilian clothes on the bed. His long sleeve purple shirt, black pants and dress shoes. He put them on and headed towards the elevator.
He reached the door to her room. The door made that "pling" noise letting him know that it was open.
There she sat on the edge of the bed at the far end of the room. Hands on her lap, lost in thought, idly waiting. She was dressed to go. Black heels, jeans and a white blouse.
"Hi" She said. Looking over to him.
"Hey." He walked over to the couch and had a seat. "How's your back?"
"It stings and a little sore, but mostly it's fine."
"Glad to hear it."
"Thanks...for everything back there, if it hadn't been for you-"
Shepard gently cut her off. "Hey, don't mention it."
"Don't mention it?" She asked slightly shocked at his casual answer. "This is not something like: hey can you pass the salt? No, you saved my life."
"My meaning was that you gave mine back, and there is not really anyway to repay you. I am forever in your debt."
"No you're not. You give me too much credit."
"Doubt it." Shepard replied.
Great. I'm just rambling nonsense now.
Everything around them seemed to darken as if the spotlights were on them. They both felt it. The words awkward and silence came to mind but he finally said. "So...I take it you are worried about your sister?" Not really knowing how to approach the subject.
She didn't answer immediately. She replied. "Actually I've already taken precaution. As much as it might have looked like it," She cleared her throat. "it wasn't spontaneous."
"Your resignation I take it?"
She nodded.
"That's good." Shepard's voice sounded genuine. "May I ask how you made it look? Yet another relocation might be a little strange-looking don't you think?"
"That's what it was," She adjusted herself so she was more comfortable. "Let's just say...Mr Carroway got such an interesting job offer that he had to take...and bring the family with."
She smirked and he noticed it. He did the same. She was one of few that had that effect on him.
"So how does it feel...not being with Cerberus anymore?" He asked.
"Well I've been with them most of my life," She took in a long breath. "I just don't know where I am going next."
"I know the feeling." He replied. That absence of purpose, he knew it well. He looked in her direction, noticing the change in demeanor.
"I think I will go see Oriana," She started. Trying to prolong the inevitable. "make sure she is doing alright."
"uh-uh. Bet she will be thrilled." he responded.
She walked over and sat besides him. She said. "Shepard...about what I said...I...I wasn't thinking straight. It was a heat of the moment thing."
"Oh...so suddenly i'm Shepard now? Why are you so afraid to feel something for somebody?"
"you are the one to say...you were pretty clear where we stood when you turned me down." She said. She let out a sigh, not being able to meet his eyes. "For the first time in a long time...I put myself out there for someone, for you. Rest assured I won't make that mistake again."
"Miranda it's not like that. Just let me explain." Shepard tried.
"Then what is it like?" She said impatiently. "And don't lie to me..."
Shepard was lack for words, he didn't expect a response so quickly. He said. " I...I don't kno-"
"Is it about the scars?" She muttered.
Shepard let out a faux chuckle. "You don't want to go there..." he murmured. How the hell did she know?
"What are you so afraid of?" She asked. She sure was pushing for it. "I know I am not good with these emotional stuff but-"
Shepard cut her off. "Excuse me? But do you think I am?"
"No...guess we're not." Miranda said.
"Nobody knows Miranda," He muttered. Eyes looking forward. "you know I like you. Truth is that I don't know it, the feeling. I just don't know what to do, i am kind of lost here."
"The feeling is mutual."
"...I...just...I just didn't want you to think me as some kind of a monster."
She shook her head. "Don't you ever think that." She took his hand in her lap. "Let's face it John, we are not exactly good people but you are not a monster."
Their eyes locked for the first time in a while. He said. "You make this whole thing sound so absurd."
That made them both chuckle. She said. "Because it is...and here was I thinking that you didn't want me." She looked down to where she was holding his hand in her lap. She asked. "Are we kidding ourselves? Are we trying to find something that we know is not fit for the lives we live?"
"No. Our lives be damned if it wouldn't give us at least a try." he responded. He sure as hell wasn't kidding himself. This is what he wanted.
"…"
"..."
"Then show me."
She stood up, pulling him up with her. She started to slowly unbutton his shirt and Shepard didn't resist. When she was done she traced her hands gently over his scars and his toned body. She whispered. "This ain't so bad...i mean it must be a side effect from Lazarus, your scars haven't healed correctly. But let me look into it?"
"Okay."
Her gentle touch proved to be too much for him.
"Miranda?"
"Yes?"
This whole time he had been gazing into her eyes. She noticed it and met his. She didn't reject him. She didn't think he was hideous. He cupped her cheek with his right hand and leaned in to kiss her which she reciprocated.
Now he knew what he was looking for. He wanted to feel alive again. That feeling he got when touching her. his lips touching hers, it felt...nice.
They were like that for a few moments before Miranda slightly pulled away. Now their lips an inch apart. She looked down to see the bulge in his pants. she smiled mischievously and asked softly. "Did I do that?"
He chuckled.
"This is the most action I've had in a while, so pardon me." he said with an fake apology.
"Let's do something about that shall we?" she teased. She grabbed his crotch and started to kiss him with slow but deep kisses.
But before things could escalate Joker's voice came in and ruined the atmosphere they had created.
"Docking in five. Pack your things people. You know...if you haven't already." Joker said.
They both pulled away, breathing for air.
Shepard let out disappointing grunt. "He does that like...all the time. Continue this later?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Promise me to never keep things from me."
He smiled and started to button up his shirt again. "I promise that I will never keep things from you."
"Good." She walked over to her desk. Bending down a little exaggerated to pick up her small duffle bag from underneath, and at the same time teasing him a little with a show. She walked over to the door but stopped and turned around. She said. "I'm on my way to Oriana."
"So I've heard."
"And I need my personal bodyguard." She teased.
"Bodyguard ey?" He played.
"Besides, my sister is quite the Shepard fan girl. She'd kill me for not bringing you along."
That's because she doesn't know it all...
"Miss Lawson, It'll be my pleasure." He answered.
**Author's Notes**
I know I said main plot but I felt in order for my story to progress smoothly I had to get this mini Shepard background, and Shep/Miri thing out of the way. I kind of am trying to depict my Shepard as one who has a lot on his conscious but doesn't let it show. I'll try to make the chapters longer but at the cost of when it will become uploaded. Tell me how i am doing?
Disclaimer: I don't own Mass effect or any of that. i just do fanfic.