Harley Quinn woke up the morning after that unfortunate incident with Selina "Catwoman" Kyle feeling like she had just been hit by a monster 2-ton ice cream truck. She had this terrible high pitch wailing sound vibrating in her brain, which Harley soon realized wasn't coming from her sore head. It was streaming out from the kitchen. Talk about stereo phonic sound. Fearing the worse (if Selina "Catwoman" Kyle knew where them were, who was to say that Bats won't make a housecall himself), Harley grabbed a bathrobe and ran down the hall.
She had just kicked in kitchen door, happy trigger finger on her dum dum gun when Pamela's hawthorns nearly took her head off. "HARLEY!!!!!!" screamed Pamela as she sought to contain the killer plant. It was bad enough that Selina "Catwoman" Kyle managed to get through her personal security system last night but losing Harley Quinn to her hawthorns was unthinkable. Unlike her babies, she couldn't grow another head for Harley ...........or maybe she could if she had to - that is if she really wanted to and she had the right equipment - that is. Pamela didn't think in negatives.
For the umpteen time in as many weeks, Harley Quinn saw herself flat on her back on the floor of Pamela's loft and not in a good way. "Baby, you okay?" cooed Pamela as her concerned face came into Harley's view along with that of Prof. Crane. "Come, let's get you up and see if you're hurt." suggested Crane. Harley had always thought that he was a brilliant man.
Fortunately for Harley Quinn, the hawthorns had missed scalping her by half an inch. So other than a bruised knee and a wounded ego, she was good as gold. Parking herself on the kitchen counter - Rosie was getting her usual Sugar Shocks ready - Harley watched as Pamela - with help from Prof. Crane - ran through an impressive presentation (with full audio visuals hence that terrible high pitch wailing sound) on Simple Tips for Plants; Improving Household Security - namely kill anything that moves and then kill it again. Pamela had apparently filled in Prof. Crane about last night's visit by Selina "Catwoman" Kyle.
Harley's attention for the rest of the day was divided between the Acromegliacs marathon in support of the Wayne Foundation for Childhood Literacy on the goggle-box - It's time for Acromegliacs and we're ugly to the max - and watching Pamela and Crane dirty dance across the floor - we kinda look like cows with big lumps on our brows we're Acromegliacs - and watching Pamela and Crane passionately discuss the Bhagavad Gita and its expounded philosophy of detachment in action - I'm Yucko, I'm Rondo, I'm Splat, we're Acromegliacs - and watching Pamela and Crane............................Who would have thought that the two of them would get on so well together. Gee. Harley Quinn was at this point beginning to feel that she had missed out on something important the last few weeks she was away. Prof. Crane had always been her friend first and Pamela - well - Pamela was special. It was kinda good that Crane and Pamela were obviously enjoying each other's company but Harley Quinn felt left out big time. It was like she couldn't communicate with the both of them no more. She was Martian and they were speaking Cantonese. She had become the third wheel of a third wheel twice removed.
It was the afternoon of the next day that Pamela Isley very generously offered to drive Crane and Harley Quinn up to Arkham (Prof. Crane was due for his progress review with Dr Leland) An offer that Prof. Crane enthusiastically and very quickly accepted to Harley's chagrin. She was hoping to have an opportunity to speak to Crane alone about Pamela - her Pamela. The ride up to Arkham was a continuation of yesterday's Pamela and Crane love out - they played word games (Pamela won the first round and Crane won the second so they decided it was a draw) - they sang songs from The Pirates of Penzance (Crane had a lovely voice) - they even stopped for ice cream - by the time Arkham was in sight Harley Quinn wanted to cry.
Dr Leland was of course delighted with Prof. Crane's outstanding progress and Harley was given heap upon heap of praise for her unfailing support by both doctor and her patient - praise which Harley thought was personally undeserved given that she had really done nothing special for Prof. Crane other than what most anyone would have done - the person which was really responsible for Prof. Crane's transformation was Pamela Isley. Her Pamela? or ..........the thought was too troubling for Harley to even conceptualize. A little while later when Prof. Crane and Dr Leland were preoccupied with mutually congratulating each other, Harley quietly excused herself and slipped out of Dr Leland's office to look for Pamela. Earlier when they had arrived at Arkham, Pamela had expressed a wish to walk undisturbed in the surrounding wastelands. A dangerous preposition for anyone other than Pamela Isley given the traitorous nature of the terrain.
Wetland conservation was one of Pamela's pet project amongst her other pet projects (the others being urban redevelopment, corporate sabotage and supporting extremist environmental causes). There was talk that Gotham Water (a subsidiary of Wayne Environmental Industries) which tapped the Arkham aquifer for Gotham's drinking water was considering an offer from an interested developer (Wayne Spa and Resorts) to convert the entire area into recreational lakes. Rainbow trout and paddle boats. The proposal had been tabled for study a few years back and the findings were horrific. Gotham stood to lose pristine wetlands of immense bio diversity. Still the hawks in City Hall weren't going to let the golden opportunity to bring investment and jobs back to Gotham go so easily, so the proposal slowly took a life of its own and one by one the detractors found themselves shot down and out in the cold. Money ruled big in Gotham.
Harley found Pamela standing by herself contemplating the shallow pools of blackish water. She was beautiful as she always was - the sunlight burning a halo in her wild cornstalk hair, her skin cool and pale (an inhuman study in alabaster) - her eyes terrible in their feral beauty. Where the wild things were there was no Pamela Isley only Poison Ivy. Harley loved Pamela when she was wild and untamed. A creature of the Green. She was most beautiful then and at her most capricious.
Harley Quinn had often heard Pamela Isley speak of the Green before, those early mornings when they were enclosed in each other's arms in a post coitus high. Pamela had told her a tale of a great plan to re-make the world and of Parliament of Trees eternally burning because of a deep betrayal by someone whom she once called a friend. Her eyes were wild then and full of grief for an eden never born - just as they were now.
Picking up the coat where it lay discarded haphazardly on the ground, Harley walked towards the back of the standing figure that was Poison Ivy. Gently but firmly she placed the coat back on Ivy's shoulders taking the opportunity to wrap her arms around the other woman's waist. Harley felt Ivy's body suddenly stiffen as her arms slowly tighten bringing their bodies into familiar contact. Nuzzling the shorter woman's neck with kisses, Harley's desire quietly called to Pamela's need across the Green, as their bodies soften and melted into each others.
Later that day, after Prof. Crane had gone for his dance class with a gorgeously dressed Sunflower, Harley Quinn found herself sharing some quality time with Pamela Isley, the afternoon's spat of jealousy all but forgotten. She was licking the sweat from the hallow of Pamela's neck, causing her companion to moan rapturously, their limbs entwined together, the sweat slowly cooling off their bare bodies making .................when Pamela's hawthorn suddenly went berserk - Harley could feel Pamela's lithe body go tense - her strong legs enveloping Harley - pulling her in tighter in a protective bear hug - as her snapping hawthorns sought out the unwelcome presence in the loft - it was all so deja vu.
"Ugh....That's way too much information" It was Batgirl and it was a business call. Batgirl wanted information on what Crane was doing. Why was he doing the Tennessee Waltz with Sunflower the sunflower. It was definitely so deja vu.
"And YOU couldn't just pick up the PHONE and CALL!!!!!!!! What is WRONG with you PEOPLE!!!!!!!" Pamela shouted her nerves slightly shot at the second interruption of her love life in as many days. Given that almost everyone and their grandmothers carried mobiles these days, you would think that at least one of the following had a mobile (a) Selina "Catwoman" Kyle (b) Batgirl (c) Batman (d) Robin (?). Harley Quinn was at this point trying her hardest to wiggle out of Pamela's bear hug (abs of steel, abs of steel). She definitely did not want to give Batgirl the chance to appraise her bare tush. After the last encounter with Selina "Catwoman" Kyle, Harley Quinn certainly did not want a reputation for being caught naked in situations with her bare tush exposed to all and sundry. Imagine what Mr J would think. Harley Quinn shuddered at the thought.
The word from Batgirl was Crane was up to something doubly dark and dangerous and Batman was tearing up Gotham trying to find out.
"And HE couldn't pick up the PHONE and CALL!!!!!! HELLO I'm in the PHONEBOOK. It's I-S-L-E-Y PAMELA!!!! Crane has dance class on Mondays AND Wednesdays. Check with LELAND" Pamela shrieked, sending her vines snapping in Batgirl's direction.
"You know how it is with him and phones. By the way, Harley nice tush." and Batgirl disappeared with a giggle into the dark before Pamela's vines could snap her neck
The mayhem continues in Chapter 3...............................