Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity
act 1: (ab)normal days
chapter 1: welcome to hell
When I came back to, I was in a classroom. The blackboard had a crude drawing of something (whatever it was had a creepy-ass smile) on it, which is the first thing I noticed. The second thing I noticed was that there were metal plates on the windows. Well. Either they're keeping something out, or keeping something - likely us - in. I took a step out from the desk I had been propped up in, and pulled at it. Yep, definitely unmovable. With that, I looked around the room, and then looked up at the blackboard again. Looking closer at it, I could tell that there were words erased previously.
'Go to the Auditorium!' It was the only thing that seemed relevant to me, and perhaps everyone else was there. Everyone else. Exactly what had happened? One minute I was outside with my friends, the next I was inside a dark and dank classroom, alone. There was some gap there. Did they use something to knock me out immediately? What could knock me out that easily? Even then, I had a headache, but I wasn't bleeding. Unless whatever it was that knocked me out had remarkable catching skills, I'd have to be bleeding due to the pavement. But no, not a scratch on me. That was something I had to keep in mind.
After I exited out of the classroom, glass windows were visible, but even they, despite the pictures, had metal plates behind the glass. The pictures were normal things. Stars, colors, that sort. As I proceeded to the auditorium, however, there was one stained glass window that was a bit...off. It was normal and colored, sure, but it had a red streak through it that didn't look natural. It looked like...blood. But I reached over and touched it, and none of it came off on my fingertips. It'd be brown-ish if it were old and therefore more sticky, but no, this was fresh, if it really were blood. Then why couldn't I feel it?
It was unsettling, to say the least. Perhaps there were maniac nuns who wanted to kill us and use our bodies for rituals once we came 'of age'. That's obviously sarcasm, but considering we were near South Park...anything was possible. As I found the auditorium, I pushed open the door, and sure enough, inside were a load of kids who looked my age. My classmates, I assumed.
The auditorium was big. It was like a professional theater, with a huge stage, two sets of balcony seats ascending, rows and rows of chairs...it was bigger than anyone needed in a school, at least. All of it was red and gold. As I said, pretty average. With a quick glance around at the present students, I could pick out a few. Wendy was here, which wasn't too surprising - she's just as smart as me - and her friend Bebe was beside her. Jimmy was in the back, talking with Tweek and Craig. Nichole was up front, sitting next to Clyde, and one of the goth kids was a few seats over, puffing on a cigarette (I think her name was Henrietta?)
"Nice to see ya finally made it." Turning around, I noticed that Cartman had snuck up behind me, Kenny, Stan, and Butters following after. "So, I'm guessing that you know jack shit about what's going on, just like us? Or are you in on this little scheme, Jew? I wouldn't put it past you-"
"No. I don't know anything. I just woke up in a classroom, saw that the blackboard told me to go to the auditorium, and here I am. Did the same thing happen to everyone else?"
"As far as everyone's said? Yes. It happened to me, at least. Can't say it's not suspicious." Cartman curled his lip up, one of those traits he had when he was thinking particularly hard about something. "The room I was in was...pretty average. It looked like a normal classroom, but there was reinforced titanium plates on the windows, and...well...when I checked my pocket, my iPhone was gone. No computer in the classroom, either. They had an old phone in there, but the line was dead. I couldn't dial out. Not even 911. Something's going on, and it can't be good. I advise none of you to take your chances. Either this is a gigantic prank and the faculty are to be feared when it comes to pranks, or we're not in for a normal education."
"...Y'know what the funny part is?" Kenny spoke up, digging into his pocket, and pulling out a switchblade. "I had this, and they didn't take it away. And yet they took our phones. So apparently phones are more lethal than blades. Who knew?"
"I saw one of the goth kids smoking a cigarette, too. Don't they usually confiscate lighters?" Stan interjected.
"..." Cartman looked down, his eyes narrowing. "...These items all have something in common. They can be used to-"
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION, STUDENTS! THE INTRODUCTION CEREMONY WILL BEGIN IN 5 MINUTES! PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS, AND LISTEN UP!" That was odd. The voice sounding off from the intercom was childish, cartoonish in a way. Butters did as told, and took a seat. Stan followed suit, then Kenny, then Cartman, and then I sat down. Cartman was looking up at the stage intently, while Butters had curled himself up a bit, clearly afraid. Kenny was...filing his nails with his switchblade, and Stan was staring at him in disbelief. I was far too used to Kenny's reckless endangerment by now; it'd stopped being a real big deal years ago.
It seemed as though the auditorium was filled with anticipation. The tension in the air was almost overwhelming. And then the stage curtains rose up, revealing a single podium with no one behind it, causing confused expressions. However, just as we had thought that the announcement was a joke, a-was that a plush teddy bear?! A plush teddy bear landed on top of the podium. "Today marks the start of a new school year, and as a result, I'll introduce myself to you freshmen! I'm Monokuma, your headmaster!"
...Seriously?
Peeking at the others, I could tell that Kenny had stopped taking this seriously. Stan was confused, Butters was a mix between 'aww it's so cute' and 'what the hell', and Cartman...Cartman seemed to be taking it just as seriously as before. Figures, with that whole episode when he outgrew his toys. Actually, that was kind of similar. Did he have something to do with this?
"Welcome to St Charles Academy, ya little buds of hope! I'm sure you're all very excited, but we've gotta get the basics through first. Ahem." The plush stood up, rubbing its chin with one paw. "Right, right! As you all can tell, this school was made with the best of the best! We spared no expense for you little bastards to make your school years as enjoyable as possible." Bastards? "Of course, this is naturally because your time here will be...indefinite."
"...What do you mean, indefinite?" Wendy questioned.
"Indefinite means you're not getting out. Ever. If you need a dictionary, I have one right here." The bear answered in a smug tone.
"So, the metal plates are to keep us in?" She added.
"That's right. You can scream and scream all you like, but no help is coming, so don't even think about counting on the police to get you out...but, y'know, there is one way to get out-"
"Explain."
"It's a special rule I made up called 'graduation'. If a student breaks order, that student alone will get to leave school grounds."
"...What do you mean by that?" Cartman spoke up.
"Oh, simply...there's only one way to break order, and that is...the act of killing another person." The bear revealed a claw. "Clubbing, stabbing, beating, beheading, staking, baking, impaling, shooting...the method doesn't matter. Only someone who kills someone else can leave - and only if no one finds out the culprit. If the culprit is deducted, they will be punished. However, if the culprit evades capture, everyone else will get punished instead."
Cartman nodded a bit, looking more...intrigued than anything. "...Interesting. The perfect murder..." He mused to himself, then glanced around at the faces in the room. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing that I was: no one could really be trusted at this rate. The bear noticed the distrust spreading upon everyone's faces, and giggled.
"Upupupu. Jeez, already such mistrust and hate...what wonderful despair you all have. I look forward to seeing how you all take our new gruesome school life. See you later." With that, the evil plush sunk into a trap door, and the room was filled with an overwhelming silence.
"...You...you all won't kill each other...right?" It was finally Butters, of all people, who spoke up and broke the silence.
"Of course not." Stan replied, and I nodded. Kenny seemed to agree as well, from his expression. However, Cartman was a different story.
"On the case that this isn't a prank, I promise nothing." He stated. "If I need to do something, it'll be every man for himself at the end. Even if I'd prefer to not kill anyone, who's to say I won't have to? We don't know what's going to happen. That's why you really can't trust everyone on their word...hey, at least I'm being honest."
As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. We didn't know what would happen, but Kenny rolled his eyes, took his mittens off, and then grinned. "Well. We'll just make one of those promises like we did when we were younger." He spat into the palm of his hand. Stan followed suit, and so did Butters. I began to follow suit, but, of course, fatass was hesitant to do anything. "I...that's disgusting." He frowned.
"Dude, you're the one who is overly proud of his farts." Stan stated, deadpan. Cartman fidgeted, then shook his head.
"I'm still not gonna do it." He said, and that was when Kenny reached at his hand, started to pull off his mitten-and he flipped. He pushed Kenny away, roughly, shaking his head and pushing his mitten back on. "I SAID...I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO FUCKING DO IT, YOU POOR SACK OF SHIT! DON'T TOUCH ME! EVER!" At Kenny's mildly surprised reaction, he fidgeted again, and then ran off.
I could've sworn he actually looked...afraid.
Kenny sighed, shaking his head. "Someone's on his period." He stated nonchalantly. Those sort of freakouts were nothing new - they happened all the time when we were younger, so it's not like it was much of a shock. But even then, it was usually just a bratty temper tantrum. This one seemed like genuine anger. "He'll be fine later." Kenny brushed it off, then looked about the room. Most everyone else were silent, either looking at the ceiling, or at the floor. Some were picking at their nails, or biting them. All nervous. Except Kenny, being the oddball that he is. "So. Hi. My name's Kenny McCormick. Super High School Level Unknown. And you all are?"
"Wendy Testaburger. Super High School Level Activist." Wendy was the one to continue it. "Nice to meet you."
"Hi, I'm Stan Marsh, and I'm Super High School Level Quarterback." Everyone was saying these things with such confidence. Jeez. Kenny nudged Butters in the side, and Butters gulped.
"B-Butters Stotch is my name! And I'm...'m...Super High School Level Tap Dancer."
"Kyle Broflovski. SHSL Basketball Player." There. That's done with. I listened to the rest of the introductions quietly.
"Craig Tucker, SHSL Pianist. Don't ask, it's a family thing. The guy sitting next to me is Tweek Tweak. SHSL Paranormal Investigator." I knew them pretty well, although neither were too fond of my friends and I. It's not too surprising that Tweek got to be a paranormal investigator after that underpants gnomes incident, although Craig's talent did surprise me a bit.
"My name's Rebecca Marshall, but you can call me Red! I'm the SHSL Hacker." The redhead waved from behind a laptop. Well, she shows off her talent, at least...
"W-Wow, what a great c-class. I'm J-Jimmy Valmer, and I'm the Super High School Level C-Comedian!" Not surprising at all that Jimmy got in for his comedic talent. He still had that stutter, though.
"Bebe Stevens. SHSL Prosecutor. Good to meet you all." Really? Bebe was here? And she was a prosecutor? I'll admit, I didn't pick that out as a talent she'd have, but...
"Heeeey!" Well, that's one I didn't notice. A blonde in a Hooters t-shirt raised her hand. "Mercedes Apollo. Super High School Level Playmate." Those words caused Kenny to grin quite widely, and mouth the words 'told you so' towards me. Not that it mattered too much.
"Annie Nelson! SHSL Mystery Novelist! And this is my sister, Patty, SHSL Party Planner!" The two girls sat close together - I knew their faces, but I hadn't really talked to them that much. Didn't Cartman like that Patty girl a long time ago? That's probably a bad sign, but she looked pretty harmless.
"Nichole Jamison. SHSL Painter." Oh, so Nichole was here? Sweet. Though I didn't see Token anywhere...pretty odd he didn't get in, but whatever. Maybe she still likes me. That'd be nice...and unlikely.
"Clyde Donovan - SHSL Hunter." Clyde of all people was a hunter. Well, he did have a competitive spirit...
"...Henrietta Biggle. SHSL Poet." The goth girl was the last to respond. She frowned, then took another puff of her cigarette. "It's not like it really matters. All you conformists will just leap at the chance to kill the one non-conformist here and get free. I'm an open target, really." She snapped.
"I...don't think anyone has any intention of killing anyone." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "And if they do, then they should get that thought out of their head, because I'm not letting anyone kill anyone. Everyone is going to stay safe, and we're going to wait it out until our parents get worried. They'll wonder why we haven't written to them, at least. Mine will."
"Mine could give less of a shit." Kenny chimed in. "And I'm not exactly up to a massive debate here, but...as you all should remember, every single adult in South Park is an idiot. No excepti-well, no, there was one exception, but he's dead. Triple dead."
"...Well, if anything, I'm going to make sure that we all stay safe until we figure something out, or something happens." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "Who's with me?"
"I'm with ya." It wasn't surprising to see Stan take her side, considering their past relationship. Wendy seemed pleased, but when no one else spoke up, she shook her head.
"Fine, then it'll be Stan and I watching over all of you to make sure that you don't go insane." She stated. "First, someone go check on Cartman. He should be here when we set up some ground rules as well."
Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. Butters could probably handle i-
"Kyle, can you go handle it? I kinda need to talk to Butters for a bit." Stan asked. I breathed out, then shrugged.
"I'm the worst choice for this situation, but alright. I'll go check on fatass." With that, I got up, following in the direction that Cartman had run off in...down a hallway where there were names on the doors. It was probably our rooms. Knowing that much, I walked towards the room that had 'Eric Cartman' written on it, and knocked.
There was silence, and then a small click of a lock as the door cracked open a bit. "..." Cartman stood at the other side of the door, frowning. "What, what the fuck is it, Jew?"
"We're setting down ground rules, and we kinda want everyone there. That includes you."
"Pssh." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, Wendy's taking charge and Stan's being her little bitch." Apparently I was half-smiling or something, because he snorted, and opened the door wider. "Knew it. Alright, alright. They need a real leader there. A Super High School Level Leader." He slipped on his mittens, walking out and closing the door behind him. "Otherwise known as me. C'mon, Kyle, let's go." He took off ahead, and I followed suit. That was easier than expected - of course, I didn't expect what came after to go well.
Cartman slammed the doors to the auditorium open as he walked back in. "Alright, hi. In case you didn't know, I'm Eric Cartman, and I'm SHSL Leader."
"...Leader? That can't be a real title-"
"As much as you won't admit it, Wendy, I have a way with people." Cartman marched to the front, and pushed Wendy aside. "Right. Step aside, this is my territory now." Wendy scowled, but said nothing, taking a seat again.
"Okay. So, the information that we have so far is that we're trapped in this school. Windows have metal plates, and I just went to the door and it's...it's like a vault door, it's locked. There are two hallways, one for boys rooms and one for girls rooms...oh, and the last thing I remember is that there's a second floor, but it's shut off. Can't get up there." He'd done some wandering around while we were discussing things, apparently. "There's also signs pointing to a cafeteria and to a gym, but I didn't check those out. Let's just say that it's typical layout so far, nothing too strange. That's the concerning part. It's a typical layout, so we all know how it generally works and there are damn well easy ways to hide bodies. Especially if you do it while people are sleeping. Here's our first makeshift rule, the night time rule. Once it becomes night...let's say around...10 PM, no one leaves their rooms for any reason. The rooms are pretty close together, so if anyone leaves, we can all easily hear the click of a lock and easily catch whoever it is trying to murder someone. Then we'll know who can't be trusted - but it should be simple, provided you all listen. Any objections?"
The room was quiet. "Good, we're all in agreement. Anyone else have anything to contribute?" Butters raised his hand. "Yes, Butters?"
"I just noticed this thing on the floor in front of me." He held up something that looked like an iPad - the screen was entirely blue, and there was the school's logo behind it. "The screen says it's an electronic student handbook. Does anyone else have one?" Looking down at the floor, it was evident that wherever someone sat, there was a 'Electronic Student Handbook' for them. I reached down and picked mine up, tapping at the screen. Looking through it, it had a small list of rules, a map that showed the basics of the first floor, and short biographies on all of the students. I scrolled to my own.
Kyle Broflovski
SHSL Basketball Player
Likes: Studying, video games
Dislikes: Arrogance, manipulativeness
Short, but they got pretty much everything right. It seemed everyone else were generally baffled as well. "How do they know this stuff?!" Butters gasped.
Cartman reached his hand up to his forehead, pinching it. "Du bist ein volltrottel..." (I think? I don't speak German.) He muttered under his breath, then went back to his normal speaking voice. "They have our school records, therefore they have all of this stuff. If we've ever done anything at school, they know about it. At least from what our teachers have written down."
Kenny immediately started laughing. "Pffhahaha, must be a long one on me."
"Your likes include sex, drugs, and dangerous stunts for money." Stan read off. Kenny nodded.
"Yep, they've got that right."
"But since we have the ground rules set down, we don't have to be too concerned. Just keep on your guard." Stan added. Everything seemed to have calmed significantly. It was possible that we had some free time on ha-
"Hey, you know what we should do?" Patty suddenly spoke up. "Have a party!" She announced cheerfully. "It's our first day, after all, and it'll help us all get along!" She clapped her hands.
"That actually sounds pretty fun." Butters smiled. Kenny immediately hopped up.
"I'm going to go find the secret stash of alchohol." He commented.
"How do you know they have one?" Stan asked, and Kenny snickered.
"Pssh, I don't. But almost every school in America has a secret stash of booze & drugs. Every single one I've been to. They don't even lock it up." With that, Kenny departed. Wendy sighed, then followed after Kenny, commenting something along the lines that she was going to 'keep him out of too much trouble.'
Cartman had rushed over to do whatever he could for Patty. Admittedly, that was pretty hilarious - he still liked her, I guess. Patty was edging away from him, and more towards Butters, who seemed a bit confused at the whole situation. A few minutes later, Kenny walked back in, singing loudly, carrying a sack full of beer he'd found from...somewhere. "WATER HOSES AND BATONS, THAT'S THE REAL GAME THAT'S ON- c'mon, guys, you know this one!"
"I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT WHO WINS! ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE!" Patty and Kenny had almost too much energy. It was almost like what happened before meant nothing, really...it all seemed like everything was back to normal. The energy was pretty contageous, actually, and it wasn't long before everyone was starting a medley of songs we heard from our childhood...it felt really good, actually.
"...Y'know, it really is weird." Stan had walked over next to me, and watched everyone else. "It's almost like everyone forgot that we're in a life-and-death situation. I mean, yeah, we've gone through a lot worse. Zombies. Mecha-Streisand. Cthulhu. But...problem here is that I don't think we're even knee-deep into it yet." He sighed. "Whoever it is that's keeping us in here, I'm sure...I'm sure that they won't just stop at announcing that that was our only way of escape. They're going to enforce it. Put something more on the line. That's what we have to worry about." He...really did have a point. That couldn't've been the last of it. I knew that much. "But...for now, hey, it's the first time we've seen each other in a while. Wanna enjoy it?" He motioned towards the circle that the rest of our classmates had made. I nodded, and we both dashed into it.
"It's like a bad movie, she is lookin' through me, if you were me, then you'd be screamin' 'someone shoot me,' as I fail miserably tryin' to get the girl all the bad guys want!"
And that was the best night any of us had had in a long time.