Chapter Author: Scarlett

A/N: So here it is Bella's next conquest! Mike Newton, now if any of you know the EB's you know we never keep him alive very long! Will he survive a good old banging from Bella? I would like to dedicate this chapter to my fellow EB's for allowing me kill Mike whenever I feel like it! I air hump you all!

This one is also for Waffle! 

Chapter 2

Mike Newton

Since her activity with Jacob last night Bella had been anxious to get back on the horse so to speak, she had already decided to target the boys at her High School. Mike Newton seemed like a good choice but there was a slight problem with that. She had overheard some girls in her history class saying that Mike liked bush. She wasn't sure if they meant the former President or a super hairy vag but she took it as the latter and that put tonight's plan of seduction on hold.

She went straight home and straight to her computer to do some research. She found exactly what she was looking for 'Big Boys Boning the Big Bush'.. Bella clicked play. Within 3 seconds she had her head cocked to the side and her mouth had hit the floor.

4 weeks later.

Bella stood in front of her mirror back combing her hair while examining the print screen on her computer. Ah it's just about the right length.. Now what to wear? Bella thought to herself while scanning her wardrobe. She wanted something with ease of access but there was nothing, that idiot Stephenie Meyer had filled her wardrobe full of khaki-cant-fuck-until-your-married-cause-you- look-like-your-on-a-permanent-safari outfits, so Bella made do. She took a pair of scissors and sluttified her khaki. She headed to her car/truck/wagon -whatever equipped with her new khaki-cant-fuck-until-your-married-cause-you -look-like-your-on-a-permanent-safari-gang-bang, outfit and her newly discovered porn moves, which she had practiced on her pillow.

As she pulled up to Newton's place, I can't remember the name of the store. She took a deep breath and teased her vag fro one last time. She had opted not to wear knickers for ease and the breeze, she had found over the past few weeks that having a big hairy bush was not only somewhat itchy but it also got a little heated so the breeze was essential for freshness. Screaming out fish fry was one thing but having your fandang smell like one was another.

Once she was satisfied she made her way to the front door practicing her slut strut just like the one in her porn film. Perfection Mike won't know what hit him. She entered the store and began scanning the isles to make sure they were alone. They were. She saw mike sitting at the cashier's desk eating what seemed like waffles. He had half left. I hope he's still hungry... I've got something for him to eat. Bella thought as she slut strutted straight up to him. Her skirt was so short you could see a tuft of her vag fro. Mike had clocked it too and sat straight up eyes glued to her crotch.

"H...H...H... Hey there B.. B... Bella" Mike stuttered.. He felt his crotch area man a tent.

"Hey Mike, ya know I heard an interesting rumour about you a few weeks ago... "Bella got closer and leaned into his ear whispering... "I heard you like bush... Big, big bush"

Mikes pants were about ready to explode. He began to talk but was interrupted when Bella pushed him off his chair to the ground whipping his pants off and straddled him like a bull rider, the half waffle on the counter went flying landing on Mikes head.

It only lasted several seconds before Mike completely exploded all over Bella's leg.

"Mike NO!!! Jesus I didn't even get to FISH FRY!... Its ok we can try something else! I saw it on this movie, you have to eat my like your waffle!"

Before Mike had a chance to answer, Bella had sat on his face and was screaming "EAT ME! EAT ME! EAT MY HAIRY FANDANG MIKE! YOU LOVE THE BUSH!! EAT MY BUUUUUUUUSH"

So Mike began to eat Bella and within a few mere moments Bella began to get excited and began bouncing up and down on Mikes face thinking she was about to reach her Harry Clearwater's Fish Fry.

Suddenly Mike stopped.

Bella stopped bouncing.

"Mike?" Bella lifted her big hairy bush from Mikes face and looked down.

He glared back up at her, eyes frozen, his mouth open and tongue out. He had some hair in his teeth and his face looked like a glazed doughnut.

Bella slapped him thinking he may have gone into shock.

"MIKE!.. Why the fuck did you stop? That's goddamn rude, you pathetic loser!" Bella getting angry that she still had not managed to reach her Fish Fry; punched him in the crotch.

Mike remained unmoved.

"I grew a god damn lady garden for you! I can't believe you're just going to ignore me! You're not even acknowledging that I'm still here... WELL FUCK YOU MIKE NEWTON!.. FUCK YOU! I'M GOING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES MY FULL HEAD OF HAIR!"

Bella stood up, punched Mike in the head and watched the now soggy waffle slide from his head on to the floor.

"You're pathetic"

As she got to her car/bus/truck – whatever, she went to step inside when she felt something fall out of her onto the floor. It was a piece of waffle. Eww. Discarding it like that didn't just happen, Bella drove home thinking about who she would 'do' next. I will reach my fish fry if it's the last thing I fucking do!

Inside the Newton's place, which I still can't remember the name of, Mike still lay behind the cashier's desk... not breathing... but looking happy and glazed.