Title: Failing
Word Count: 772
Rating: T for language & innuendo
Pairing/Characters: Sirius, Remus.
Summary/Notes: A ficlet - probably a moment shared by these two all too often.

"Remus?"

"Mmm."

His nose was buried in a book as always, and he didn't even look up when Sirius used the extra-special-sugar-coated-with-a-cherry-on-top-you're-my-best-friend voice. Sirius pouted.

He crossed the Common Room so that he was closer to Remus, who was perched on the edge of a voluminous scarlet couch, surrounded by books and papers. Leave it to Remus to do homework all weekend. They'd had to have endless fun torturing first years without him.

"Failing Herbology again?"

Sirius winced. "How'd you know?"

"The midterm's due on Monday." Remus looked up from his pages and peered at his friend through locks of unkempt reddish-brown hair. "Seeing as today's Sunday, I deduced. Plus, you look like you've just been shagged," he finished with a sniff, returning to his work. "You always shag someone when you're failing."

"Oh, please. Since when have I ever done that?" Sirius crooned as he flopped onto an old armchair, putting his feet up on the table with an air of comfortable defiance.

"Hm. Let me think about that," Remus said, shutting his current book, Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles, with a crisp whump. "There was Charms, with Lucinda Clearwater, and History of Magic, multiple times, with Beth Stout, Regina Oswald, Gemma -"

"Jesus, Rem!" cut in Sirius, looking upset. But his face cracked into a smile, seeing he had his friend cornered now. "I had no idea you paid attention to my sexual exploits."

"Rather hard not to," Remus said lightly, scribbling something down so furiously that Sirius was sure he'd tear the paper. "You never let us hear the end of them."

Sirius barked out a laugh. He knew when he was beaten. Besides, he wanted to stay on Remus' good side. Pulling his most charming look across his handsome features, he opened his mouth, scrambling for the right words to use -

"No," said Remus simply, looking up and holding Sirius' gaze for several moments. Sirius exhaled slowly, plastering a look of understanding pain across his face. Better change tactics.

"I don't look like I've been shagged," he mused, looking himself over. Crooked tie, loose belt, a rouge smudge on his collar. He ran a hand through his shaggy dark hair, giving his head a narcissistic toss, looking pleased with himself.

Remus laughed. "You don't? You have a hickey, too," he added, chuckling still, mocking him. Sirius harrumphed in reply, folding his arms and looking cross. Remus could rain on anybody's parade. This wasn't going well. Sirius needed to find something to pull against Remus, and he needed to find it fast.

"At least I've been shagged this year," Sirius said in an offhanded tone, glancing over at a group of twittering fourth year girls. He gave them a wink. Remus sighed, exasperated. But nothing more. "Come on, Loopy," said Sirius, looking back towards his friend, "What the hell am I going to do? And if you say 'sleep with the teacher', don't worry, I've already tried that."

Sirius had to dodge four heavy tomes before Remus spoke again. "I - suggest - learning - the - material!" he grunted, punctuating each word with another thrown book. "I'm not writing another essay for you."

"Bu -"

"NO."

Sirius sat down next to Remus this time. His hand strayed to a navy-bound book with faded gold lettering.

Animagi And Advanced Transfiguration.

Sirius pursed his lips and leafed through it casually, deliberately ignoring Remus. He'd stiffened, and though he was pretending to copy down the numerous uses of a bezoar, Sirius could tell that his choice of pleasure reading was getting to him. Sirius finally put the book down with a tired little sigh, and made to go upstairs. He was stopped by a loud exhalation behind him.

"Sirius."

"Hm?" Sirius answered in the most innocent little voice he could muster.

"Give me the damn Herbology book."

Sirius looked taken aback, but on the inside he was dancing. "Oh, no, it's alright, Loopy. You have a lot of work to do. I mean, it's alright if I ... fail ..." He let the last words come out in a soft whisper, looking sad and listless. Remus made a noise that can only be described as a growl.

"Give me the book."

"It's okay, you don't - "

"Sirius!"

"Alright, fine!" Sirius threw up his hands. "Five pages, double spaced -"

"Yeah, I know the assignment." Remus looked deflated rather than annoyed. Guilty.

Sirius left the common room confused. He'd gotten just what he wanted: but the victory was bittersweet.