Ch 2
*curligurl0896 is in bandages and crutches, looking for a remote that will fix her condition*
Curligurl0896: Ugh, this sucks. A word to the wise kids: don't piss Gaz off.
Gaz: Humph.
Random person: You shouldn't have mentioned that. And what about me? I mean, I'm not a character from this show.
Curligurl0896: Well, you did come here, so you're stuck here as well. Which means you get to be dared as well.
Random person: What? I didn't ask for this! I just thought this was a Taco Bell!
Curligurl0896: Seriously? How dense can you be? And what's your name anyway?
Random person: Well, that's what it looked like on the outside. And my name is Joe.
Curligurl0896: Joe? Your name is Joe?
*Person nods*
Curligurl0896: That's such a boring name! I can't believe you settled for such a boring name!
Joe: It's not boring.
Curligurl0896: Yes it is. And I'm going to change it. Change it to… Axel Sullivan Edwards IV! Yes, that sounds much better!
Joe: No, wait-
Curligurl0896: *presses name-changing button* Too late! You are now Axel Sullivan Edwards IV!
Dib: If you guys are done bantering, we, uh, got some reviews.
Curligurl0896: Oh, thanks Dib! *goes to check reviews* First up is Gir'sdoomsongofdoom, who says:
I sooo dare Zim to kiss Gaz, and Dib not to do anything about it. Regular dare.
Curligurl0896:Well, you don't have to tell me what kind of dare it is, but whatever.
Dib: No way am I letting that happen!
Zim: And no way will the Almighty Zim kiss a filthy human!
Curligurl0896: Just do it.
*Zim kisses Gaz on the cheek, then Gaz punches him in the squeedily spooch*
Curligurl0896: Okay! Next up is Psycopathic Robot 9, who says:
VEEEEEEEEEE- *crashes into a wall and falls off unicorn* NOT MAH UNICORN D:
Ok, Can I dare Zim and Dib to kiss? And for Gaz to dance with Gir? And the tallests not to eat snacks for a whole chapter? YES!
Zim: Ewww! Dib-sister I can understand, but the filth-beast himself? No way!
Curligurl0896: *zaps Zim and Dib with a romantic ray gun*
*This part is censored because Zadr is gross*
Curligurl0896: Okay, that's over. I wiped their memories, though, so they wouldn't be puking for ten million hours. Oh, and Gaz , dance with Gir.
Gaz: Never.
Curligurl0896: How about I give you full access to my Wii *points to Wii* for the rest of the show if you do this.
*Gir dances like a monkey and Gaz dances angrily while I play axel F*
*curligurl0896 presses a button and the Tallest's snacks disappear*
Purple: Hey! Those were our snacks!
Red! Yeah, our snacks!
Curligurl0896: Sorry, but you were dared to go without them for a chapter.
Ok, can I be a host? PURDY PLEASE?
Curligurl0896: Sure, but you have to pm me. And then we have to do the doc export thingy. Anyway, final-Wait, FINAL? That's it? Oh well, hopefully there will be more as time goes on.
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: And hopefully no one will dare me. Or they will dare you to change my name back.
Curligurl0896: I don't know why anyone would want to change such an awesome name.
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: It's way too over-the-top, that's why.
Curligurl0896: Whatever. Anyway, the last one is luke sky walker 41, who says:
okay here's a song dare I dare zim and a bunch of defective S.I.R. units to do be prepared from the lion king, then have him sing I got friends on the other side from princess and the frog with Dib as Naveen and gir as the butler because I can't think of anyone else, then have zim do in the dark of the night from Anastasia, than have Tak as Ursula do poor unfortunate souls than Zim and some defective sir units do secret of survival by wilde ride with dib as oh and a quick warning DON"T SEE THE MOVIE the song is good a bit short but good, than have tallest red sing hellfire from the hunchback of notre dame.
Curligurl0896: Well, that's a hefty list! *presses a button and a bunch of defective S.I.R. units appear* Zim, go sing Be Prepared with these defective S.I.R. units.
Zim: I know that your powers of retentionAre as wet as a warthog's backsideBut thick as you are, pay attentionMy words are a matter of prideIt's clear from your vacant expressionsThe lights are not all on upstairsBut we're talking kings and successionsEven you can't be caught unawaresSo prepare for a chance of a lifetimeBe prepared for sensational newsA shining new eraIs tiptoeing nearerS.I.R.s: And where do we feature?
Zim: Just listen to teacherI know it sounds sordidBut you'll be rewardedWhen at last I am given my duesAnd injustice deliciously squaredBe prepared!
S.I.R.s: Yeah, Be prepared. Yeah-heh... we'll be prepared, heh...For what?Zim: For the death of the king
S. : Why? Is he sick?
Zim: No, fool- we're going to kill him. And Simba too
S.I.R.s: Great idea! Who needs a king?No king! No king! la-la-la-la-laa-laa
Zim: Idiots! There will be a king!S.I.R.s:Hey, but you said, uh...
Zim: I will be king! ...Stick with me, andyou'll never go hungry again!S.I.R.s: Yaay! All right! Long live the king!Long live the king! Long live the king!It's great that we'll soon be a king who'll be all-time adored.
Zim:Of course, quid pro quo, you're expectedTo take certain duties on boardThe future is littered with prizesAnd though I'm the main addresseeThe point that I must emphasize isYou won't get a sniff without me!So prepare for the coup of the century(Oooh!)Be prepared for the murkiest scam(Oooh... La! La! La!)Meticulous planning(We'll have food!)Tenacity spanning(Lots of food)Decades of denial(We repeat)Is simply why I'll(Endless meat)Be king undisputed(Aaaaaaah...)Respected, saluted(...aaaaaaah...)And seen for the wonder I am(...aaaaaaah!)Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared(Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo)Be prepared!
Zim and S.I.R.s:Yes, our teeth and ambitions are baredBe prepared!
*Invisible audience cheers*
Curligurl0896: Yeah, it does that. Anyway, next song!
Zim:Don't you disrespect me little man!Don't you derogate or deride!You're in my world nowNot your worldAnd I got friends on the other side!Gir:He's got friends on the other side...Zim:That's an echo, gentlemen. Just a little something we have here in Louisiana, a little parlor trick. Don't worry...Sit down at my tablePut your minds at easeIf you relax it will enable me to do anything I pleaseI can read your futureI can change it 'round some, tooI'll look deep into your heart and soul(you do have a soul, don't you, Lawrence?)Make your wildest dreams come true!I got voodooI got hoodooI got things I ain't even tried!And I got friends on the other :He's got friends on the other side!Zim:The cards, the cards, the cards will tellThe past, the present, and the future as well!The cards, the cards, just take threeTake a little trip into your future with me!Now you, young man, are from across the seaYou come from two long lines of royalty(I'm a royal myself on my mother's side)Your lifestyle's highBut your funds are lowYou need to marry a lil' honey whose daddy got dough!Mom and dad cut you off, huh playboy?Now y'all gotta get hitched, but hitchin' ties you just wanna be from place to freedom... takes green!It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you needAnd when I looked into your futureIt's the green that I see!On you little man, I don't want to waste much timeYou been pushed around all your lifeYou been pushed around by your mother and your sister and your if you was married...You'd be pushed around by your wifeBut in your future, the you I seeIs exactly the man you always wanted to be!Shake my on 't you shake the poor sinner's hand?Yes...Are you ready?Gir:Are you ready?Zim:Are you ready?Transformation central!Gir:Transformation central!Zim:Reformation central!Gir:Reformation central!Zim:Transmogrification central!Can you feel it?You're changin'You're changin'You're changin', all right!I hope you're satisfiedBut if you ain'tDon't blame me!You can blame my friends on the other side!Gir:You got what you wanted!But you lost what you had!Hush...
*Invisible audience whoops and cheers*
Curligurl08996: Interesting song….
Zim: In the dark of the night I was tossing and turningAnd the nightmare I had was as bad as can be -It scared me out of my wits -A corpse falling to bits!Then I opened my eyesAnd the nightmare was...me!I was once the most mystical man in all the royals betrayed me they mad a mistake!My curse made each of them payBut one little girl got away!Little Anya, beware,Rasputin's awake!In the dark of the night evil will find herIn the dark of the night just before dawn!Aah...Revenge will be sweetWhen the curse is complete!In the dark of the nightShe'll be gone!I can feel that my powers are slowly returning!Tie my sash and a dash of cologne for that smell!AS the pieces fall into placeI'll see her crawl into place!Dasvidanya, Anya, your grace, farewell!In the dark of the night terror will strike her!Terror's the least I can do!In the dark of the night evil will !Soon she will feel that her nightmares are the dark of the nightShe'll be through!In the dark of the nightEvil will find herFind her!Ooh!In the dark of the night terror comes her!My dear, here's a sign - It's the end of the line!In the dark of the night...In the dark of the night...In the dark of the night...Come my minions, Rise for your master,Let your evil shine!Find her now,Yes, fly ever fasterIn the dark of the night...In the dark of the night...In the dark of the night...She'll be mine!*Invisible audience claps loudly*
Curligurl0896: Sheesh, how many songs are there? *Looks around* Well, we don't have Tak yet, but I'll bring her here. I think this is turning into a musical. *Looks at Axel Sullivan Edwards IV* What do you think?
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: I don't really care.
*Tak appears, and after a really long explanation and a few near death experiences (for curli, of course) she jumps onto the stage*Tak:The only way to get what you want is to become a human you do that?My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.I admit that in the past I've been a nastyThey weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witchBut you'll find that nowadaysI've mended all my waysRepented, seen the light, and made a switchTo thisAnd I fortunately know a little magicIt's a talent that I always have possessedAnd dear lady, please don't laughI use it on behalfOf the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)Poor unfortunate soulsIn pain, in needThis one longing to be thinnerThat one wants to get the girlAnd do I help them?Yes, indeedThose poor unfortunate soulsSo sad, so trueThey come flocking to my cauldronCrying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"And I help them!Yes I doNow it's happened once or twiceSomeone couldn't pay the priceAnd I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coalsYes I've had the odd complaintBut on the whole I've been a saintTo those poor unfortunate soulsHave we got a deal?If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters you'll have your man, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh. Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of I don't have-I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle! What I want from you is - your without my voice, how can I-You'll have your looks, your pretty don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!The men up there don't like a lot of blabberThey think a girl who gossips is a bore!Yet on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a wordAnd after all dear, what is idle babble for?Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversationTrue gentlemen avoid it when they canBut they dote and swoon and fawnOn a lady who's withdrawnIt's she who holds her tongue who get's a manCome on you poor unfortunate soulGo ahead!Make your choice!I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all dayIt won't cost muchJust your voice!You poor unfortunate soulIt's sad but trueIf you want to cross the bridge, my sweetYou've got the pay the tollTake a gulp and take a breathAnd go ahead and sign the scrollFlotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boysThe boss is on a rollThis poor unfortunate soulBeluga sevrugaCome winds of the Caspian SeaLarengix glaucitisEt max laryngitisLa voce to meNow, sing!Aah...Keep singing!*Roses and confetti are thrown at Tak from the invisible audience*
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: That invisible audience is starting to creep me out…
Curligurl0896: It's your turn again, Zim! With the SIR units.
Zim and SIRs:First you see us, then you don't.
Now you hear us, now you won't.
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Now you feel us, now you can't.
Are we real? Perhaps we aren't?
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Dib: Is it really such a nasty world?
Zim: Oh yes, a very nasty world.
SIRs: Nastier than you could ever dream of.
From up above, and from beneath.
Eyes and jaws, claws and teeth.
Ready to attack you you're a snack you'd better run!
Zim: Don't come walking in The Wild Wood if you haven't got a gun.
SIRs: Ha haha haha ha.
Every creature for survival has to look out for itself.
Got no nannies here or grannies dear to look after your health.
You're in The Wild Wood, and every child could tell you that you got no business to be here!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
First you see us, then you don't
Now you hear us, now you won't
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Now you feel us, now you can't
Are we real? Perhaps we aren't?
It's our secret of survival it's our secret of survival it's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
*Invisible audience cheers*
Curligurl0896: Finally, the last song! And Red is in it!
Red: How about this: I'll sing if you give me back my snacks.
Curligurl0896: You'll sing or you'll be sent to the Torture Room of Doom! *Points to a creepy-looking padlocked iron door. Screams can be heard from the door*
Red: Hey! You can't do that! I'm Tallest!
Curligurl0896: Well, I'm the author. Beat that.
Red: *does the Irken equivalent of rolling his eyes* Fine. *jumps on stage*
Red: Confiteor Deo Omnipotenti (I confess to God almighty)Beatae Mariae semper Virgini (To blessed Mary ever Virgin)Beato Michaeli archangelo (To the blessed archangel Michael)Sanctis apostolis omnibus sanctis (To the holy apostles, to all the saints)Beata MariaYou know I am a righteous manOf my virtue I am justly proudEt tibit Pater (And to you, Father)Beata MariaYou know I'm so much purer thanThe common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowdQuia peccavi nimis (That I have sinned)Then tell me, MariaWhy I see her dancing thereWhy her smold'ring eyes still scorch my soulCogitatione (In thought)I feel her, I see herThe sun caught in raven hairIs blazing in me out of all controlVerbo et opere (In word and deed)Like fireHellfireThis fire in my skinThis burningDesireIs turning me to sinIt's not my faultMea culpa (Through my fault)I'm not to blameMea culpa (Through my fault)It is the gypsy girlThe witch who sent this flameMea maxima culpa (Through my most griveous fault)It's not my faultMea culpa (Through my fault)If in God's planMea culpa (Through my fault)He made the devil so muchStronger than a manMea maxima culpa (Through my most griveous fault)Protect me, MariaDon't let this siren cast her spellDon't let her fire sear my flesh and boneDestroy EsmeraldaAnd let her taste the fires of hellOr else let her be mine and mine alone
HellfireDark fireNow gypsy, it's your turnChoose me orYour pyreBe mine or you will burnKyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)God have mercy on herKyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)God have mercy on meKyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)But she will be mineOr she will burn!*Invisible audience is silent for a moment, then starts clapping*
Curligurl0896: I actually was in a play for Hunchback once. I was one of the gypsies. Although that song was cut out, so I never knew about Frollo's thing for Esmeralda. Anyway…
Axel Sullivan Edward IV: Dare I mention that there's one more review?
Curligurl0896: Thanks! Decided to make yourself useful, then?
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: I decided that since I'm stuck here, I might as well do something while I'm 0896: *smirks, then reads final final review* Invader Ski says:
I dare Zim to sing the song 'Clarissa' (by MSI) to dib, but instead use Dibs name.I also dare gaz to take extesee (a drug)
Curligurl0896: Uhh, I think you mean ecstasy. Well, then… *hands Gaz ecstasy, which previously wasn't there before* Don't make me do too many of these dares. I don't want to ruin my reputation of being a good girl.
*Gaz takes the ecstasy, then goes back to playing Wii as if nothing ever happened*
Curligurl0896:*to Dib* Is your sister even human?
Dib: Trust me, I'd rather not think about it.*Zim jumps on stage*
Zim:Every single one of you goddamn bitches ain't never gonna know loveI'm telling you every single one of you goddamn bitches ain't never gonna know loveEvery little thing you do - rock myEvery little thing you do - fucking holeLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchIf you're so smart, explain this Dib- Pow!Explain this Dib, Dib, DibDie die dieExplain this Dib, DibEvery single one of you goddamn bitches ain't never gonna know loveI'm telling you every single one of you goddamn bitches ain't never gonna know loveEvery little thing you do - rock myEvery little thing you do - fucking holeLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchLittle fucking teenage bitchYou're so smart You're so smartYou're so smartExplain this Dib, Dib, DibDie die dieCome hold me Ferguson - come on and ride me nowCome hold me Ferguson - Well I said I got nothingCome hold me FergusonCome hold me FergusonCome hold me FergusonCome on come on come on ride it ride it powExplain this Dib, Dib, DibDie die dieExplain this Dib, Dib, DibDie die dieExplain this Dib, Dib, DibDie die dieExplain this Dib, Dib
*Invisible Audience cheers and throws confetti*
Curligurl0896: Well, that's it, then. Hopefully, it hasn't been too long. *Checks date on Iphone* Holy Crap! IT'S BEEN MONTHS! It's already 2013!
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: How did that happen?
Curligurl0896: Well, time is kinda wonky here. You can be here for what seems like a few minutes and end up being here for a century. Luckily, we haven't been here for a century. You see, people assume-
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: *groans* Seriously?
Curligurl0896: Yes, seriously. What, is there anything wrong with the fact that I've been rather obsessed with Doctor Who lately?
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: This is an Invader Zim gameshow.
Curligurl0896: Doesn't mean I can't reference other shows. Oh, and did I mention that I conveniently lost the name changing remote?u
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: How will I ever explain this to my mother?
Curligurl0896: I don't care about your mother. Let me finish my quoting.
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: There's no stopping you, is there?
Curligurl0896:*grins* Nope, I'm in charge here. Besides, it's the only way I'll end this chapter.
Axel Sullivan Edwards IV: You're a dork, you know that?
Curligurl0896: I think you mean nerd. In which case yes, I am. And very proud of it.*Clears throat and begins speaking in a faux British accent* People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a nonlinear, nonsubjective viewpoint, it's more of a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey wimey… stuff. *grins again* Anyway, that's it! Make sure to review!