After devouring my head, I went on eBay (which I do not own) and bought a new one.
Back at Turbine, Heavy was having the time of his life whilst hiding inside a can of Bonk! Atomic Punch. He was waiting inside the can for the Scout to slide along and drink it, then he would surprise him and devour him, claiming him for himself.
"Do ho ho that slaps me on the knee." Heavy said merrily as he shuffled about in the can, to take a good spot for the unaware Scout.
And as if on que, the young bostonian was sliding across the floor and was now at the can. The Scout smiled as he picked up the can, and with a click, opened it. To reveal a wild Heavy.
"OHAFSAUYUJSJFNSAFAWFUEANBAGJ EUDRD!" Heavy exclaimed persuasively as he made his presence known.
Scout looked rather insulted, and spat in disgust. "You. Are. TERRIBLE." He said.
Heavy had other plans, and quickly expanded his head like the Sniper and devoured the Scout. Where he would remain for all eternity.
But suddenly, a Spy appeared! And he had one of the most ungodly looks on his face. But instead of fleeing, like Spies usually would at the sight of a Heavy, he went into his back pocket and presented... A sandwich.
Heavy announced his love for it by stating, "Sandvich."
Spy rejected his statement and responded with, "Prescious sandwich."
"Sandvich." Heavy complimented.
"Prescious sandwich." Retorted Spy with a hint of sarcasm.
"Sandvich." Heavy intelligently pointed out.
"Prescious sandwich." Spy Explained.
"Sandvich."
"Prescious sandwich."
"Sandvich."
"Prescious sandwich."
Becoming irritated with the language being used, the Spy was quickly devoured by Heavy, like the Scout. And if you looked closely at the corner... You could see a Staregineer... Observing you...