disclaimer: every character mentioned below belongs to Stephanie Meyer, author of twilight, except for some...

Where I Belong

Chapter 2- Girl in Mission

I don't remember the last time I cleaned my home, if I knew I would find a navy-blue shirt lying inside my father's closet that belonged to him, than I would have probably done it a little earlier. I remember me spilling sauce in it, but I certainly don't remember how it ended up there. Nevertheless, I found one reason to smile. I almost expected paparazzi to come flashing down the house desperate to cover Isabella Swan's first smile in months, well it wasn't unlikely since everyone in Forks seemed overly interested in me.

I clutched the shirt closer to my chest and moved to my room. Even though it had been staying in Charlie's room for months, I swear I can still smell his scent in it. The honey like sweet odor that once my room would be filled with, now is only contained in this piece of cloth. All I have left of him now is this thing that I hold in my hand, I almost laughed at the thought of this cloth being more precious than any treasure of this world.

Before I could make myself think of anything else I heard our door bell ring, odd… our house rarely have the guests who bothers to actually ring the bell. The only guest that we have is Billy, who usually bangs on the door almost knocking the door out of its place. Well at least I am glad that I cleaned up the house, it won't go unnoticed.

I opened the door; my mouth would have touched the ground if only it were possible. The girl standing on my door was the last person in this entire planet I expected to be there standing next to me. Ellie, the only girl who even bothered to talk to me in Phoenix was standing in front of me. What was she doing here? I couldn't even muster myself to ask that question. How long had it been since I talked to this brunette girl? Too long, it wasn't until I saw her that I realized just how much I missed her. It all felt like a dream.

"Ellie… what…." Was all I could say, I was just too dumbfounded.

"Well… you surely know how to greet your guests don't you?" she said.

Hearing her voice assured me that I wasn't dreaming, and then I pounced on her with a huge hug. It was like a flood of all kinds of feelings that I was avoiding from feeling all along- pain, happiness, anxiety, nervousness, and I don't know what. It was a new sensation in my body, a change of air, after all the numbness I'd been through. It was not the pain, it was not the numbing feeling, and it was different.

I stiffened when I remembered why hugging someone felt odd to me, the reason behind all the pain. Ellie must have felt my oddity; she let her hands slide down and backed away to look at me from head to toe, just as I backed away to take a better look at her.

She had grown curvier from the last time I remembered. She was wearing a green knitted sweater and khaki jeans that complimented her curves. She stood about two inches taller than me and her brown loose curly hair fell to her waist in freedom. She used to hate having her hair long, what made her change her mind? Her chocolaty brown eyes -always reminded me of my own, were glinting a little drops of tears. She was happy yet she was hiding another bit of emotions in her face that I couldn't put a finger to yet. She was smiling in such a way that her smile would fade for a tiniest of bit but then again come to full length. Her smile was doing that the whole time she observed me, well the way she was staring me, examining me can be the better term for it. She was looking like she was looking at something that she disapproved all and all. Her expressions were confusing me. She walked past me carrying her suitcase herself, and entered our small living room.

"Look at you… Bella" she said pointing at the mirror, in a weird tone that I couldn't understand. I felt like she actually wanted me to look at myself, so I did.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror hung in the wall. I felt like I was staring at someone else. I hadn't taken any time to actually look at myself; I never felt the need for it. But that moment I saw what Ellie was seeing in me, a girl thin as a bamboo, skin so pale and wore out that it could easily be mistaken for an old lady, dark circles under eyes like it had been painted with blue ink. I looked repugnantly hideous. I couldn't remember the reason why I looked the way I did.

I thought I did everything I should do, but what was the reason that I looked this worn out, this tired, this stressed? I just couldn't remember. I looked at myself now with the same expression that Ellie was showing a moment ago, it was confusion. I was confused as to how did I let myself reach to this condition that I was in. When did I give anyone the permission to hurt me like I was hurt now? When did I let my guards down? When was the last time I ate because I was hungry? When was the last time I took care of me? What is wrong with me?

I asked myself these question again and again and again, until my head was spinning. I was clueless as to what led my life to where I was. I had no energy left then, all I wanted was to change myself into a better person but I felt all my energy drain out of my body and I couldn't stand anymore. I fell to the ground like I couldn't look at myself anymore.

Ellie came to my side at once, she held me like she understood what was going on in my head. Why did she come? I could feel my body getting cold, and I hated it.

"Bella honey, you're freezing. Let me get you a blanket. Where can I find one?"

She had arrived like what five minutes ago? And here she was taking care of me? I felt so bad for her. Isn't the host supposed to take care of the guest?

"No, I am fine. What are you doing here Ellie? How did you find me… here in Forks? How did you know where I was? How… what… why… when…I mean…" I stammered in confusion.

For a split second, I guessed that Ellie was a vampire. It was one of the after effects. After you spend more than half a year with one too many vampires, you suspect every other human to be a vampire. I immediately shoved that thought out of my head, Ellie was a friend who clearly was worried for me, and here I was suspecting her humanity. Such good friend I turn out to be.

"Bella, Renee told me everything. About you and that asshole who left you in the woods. She was so worried about you. She thought you were going to hurt yourself. I was so scared Bella, out of everybody I know, you're the most caring person I know. And when I heard that you needed help I wanted to be here so bad. I was out of my wits thinking about you, and when we got extra holiday, I just couldn't stop myself. "

"Extra vacation for what?"

"Oh… our school in Phoenix was caught on fire; most of our classroom was damaged."

"Oh my god, are you okay? Is everybody fine?"

"Yeah, everybody is fine Bella; well the one that needs to be taken care of is you. And I swear if I find that fucking retard than I'm gonna beat the shit out of him"

I frowned at her cursing. She was never the one to hold her mouth. I didn't want to talk about him yet. I wasn't ready yet. So I started in the easier questions.

"When did Renee call you?"

"Well I was the one who called Renee; I remembered your dream of becoming 18. Your big talks about the big eighteen, I wanted to wish you. But it took me days to find Renee's number and when I called her it was already October then, and… she filled me in on everything." She said a bit carefully.

A shot of guilt hit me, when I was younger, when I wasn't in love with a vampire, I had dreamt of being eighteen like it would be the day of my freedom. Ellie was the one I shared those dreams to and when the day finally arrived I had actually dreaded the day. I felt like I betrayed my own dreams. But more than that I was shocked that Ellie knew about everything .But how much did everything meant? I had to ask.

"Oh… so she filled you in about the break up?"

"No, I wouldn't say the break up. I would say the freaking brutality of that fucking bastard. Bella if he didn't had the brain to love you like you deserved than I think you're better of without him"

"Ellie, you don't know what you're talking about. You're dead wrong about him…" I said reflexively.

Whenever anyone talked bad about Edward, it came to me like a reflex action to defend him. My heart started beating rapidly as I allowed myself to think about that night, about him.

Ellie looked me dead in the eyes, and said, "No, Bella. I am right about him; you are the one who is dead wrong about him."

"What makes you say that?"

She gave a look that made me regret asking that question.

"What makes me say that? He leaving you alone in the woods in the night, he breaking your heart, he not having the fucking decency to give you a closure makes me say that Bella. Stop defending him. He's a damn jerk and it's about time you freaking open your eyes to the truth."

Well that was true. But still she didn't know Edward like I did. She had no idea what she was talking about. If she knew the whole truth she wouldn't be saying those things. And she would never know the whole truth, she couldn't. But then again, what would I prefer more? Ellie knowing the whole truth and wanting the same thing as me or letting her hate Edward forever more… For a split second I thought of revealing the truth about the mystical creatures called vampires, but I threw that option out of the window and decided to change the topic.

"So, how long are you going to stay?" I asked getting up.

"About two weeks, and believe me when I leave, you'll be in better health and in hell of a better mood. I am a girl in a mission, babe." She said as she went upstairs.

I was looking forward to spending the next two weeks with Ellie, the first after months. I could feel the change of air all around me, I could feel my anxiety. I allowed myself to be anxious after so many months of numbness, my senses felt intense.

(A/N: sorry about the grammatical mistakes, I am very new to writing Jacob/Bella story. i have a few ideas here and there popping in my head but it is going to take some time and I will try my very best to post this story regularly. Remember reviews are love and they are wanted, so please do review! it will encourage me to write more and keep it even more interesting... so please do review!)