"Hold on," Twilight held up her hooves, her eyes clenched shut in disbelief, "You're a FATHER?! You have an actual living, breathing DAUGHTER?!"

Discord rolled his eyes and held up Screwball, "What more do you want me to show you to prove it?"

"I'm sorry, it's just..." Twilight bit her lower lip, "No offense, but who in the wide wide world of Equestria would want to marry you and have children?!"

Again, Discord rolled his eyes, "That's not the way Screwball came along, Twi. My powerful magic was how this little mischief maker was born." He nuzzled the "mischief maker" affectionately, causing her to giggle.

Twilight still seemed to be trying to wrap her head around the whole thing, "Discord as a daddy... I just can't see it..."

Discord got directly in the young alicorn's face, "You think I wouldn't make a good father, don't you?"

"It's not that!" Twilight quickly corrected herself, "It's just... I can't picture you as a father. You just don't really... Have that fatherly personality."

Discord bared his teeth, "You must be one of those ponies who think ponies like Filthy Rich are good fathers."

"Well I hear he's won the Father of the Year award five years in a row now."

"That's going to change this year..."

Twilight saw the mischievous glint in the draconequus' eyes, "You better not be planning anything."

"Nope! Quick question, where's Fluttershy?"

"She's in Vanhoover visiting her cousins. Why?"

"Because absolutely no one will be able to stop me when I hammer Filthy Rich and his demon child into the ground!"

"I sure do hope you mean that figuratively."

Discord bit his lower lip, "Er... Yeah, sure. That's what I meant."

Twilight narrowed her eyes, "So you want to know where the sign-up sheet is, right?"

"Have I not made it obvious enough?"

Twilight sighed, "It's at Ponyville High School in the gym."

"Then that's where I'm going." Discord put Screwball down in front of Twilight, "Oh, do me a favor and watch Screwball for me, okay? That's not too much of a job for you, is it Princess Twilight?"

Twilight groaned, "No, Lord of Chaos."

Discord did not pick up on her sarcasm, or either he was just ignoring it, "Well good. Ciao for now! Oh, one more thing," He got right in Twilight's face, his usual jolly tone lowering to an almost demonic, guttural voice, "If Screwy gets hurt while she's under your watch, you're dead, Sparkle."

Twilight was suddenly terrified of the spirit who usually only annoyed her, "Gotcha..."

Discord then went over to Screwball, crouching down to her level and gently lifting her head up in his mismatched hands. His tone changed to one that Twilight had never heard him use before, one that was sweet and fatherly, "Screwball, you be good for Aunt Twily, okay? Daddy's going to be right back after he signs us up for the dance and the award. In the meantime, you can get acquainted with Twilight and her friends!"

Surprisingly, Screwball seemed to like the idea, "Okay, daddy!"

"Great!" Discord stood up, turning back to Twilight and making a top hat appear on his head, just so he could tip it, "See ya later, alligator!"

And with a flash, he was gone.

Twilight sighed before turning back to Screwball, "So, your name is Screwball, righ-?"

However, Twilight trailed off when she saw Screwball glaring murderously at her. Clearly, she was one of those children who always used the "angel-child" act around her parent, then acted like demons towards everyone else.

"I don't like you." Screwball growled, her facial expression was eerily similar to Discord's when he was angry.

Twilight giggled nervously, wondering if this filly possessed powers like Discord, and if she could control them as skillfully as he could, "Um... If you don't mind me asking... Why do you not like me?"

"You were those evil ponies who turned my daddy into stone for the second time," Screwball explained, "I don't like you because of that."

Twilight realized she was treading on thin ice, "Oh uh... But we gave him another chance to redeem himself and never become a statue again! We don't plan on turning him to stone again so long as he doesn't turn evil!"

"Of course you'd say that," Screwball rolls her eyes, "But I don't trust you, stupid princess. He was never evil anyway. None of you stupid ponies could accept a little change in your life. One cotton candy cloud, and it's the apocalypse. I don't like any of you."

The young pony started to walk away, but Twilight knew if she lost her and couldn't find her, Discord would have her head on a stick. Or worse... Rearrange all her books to where they were completely disorganized and she wouldn't be in able of find anything.

"Screwball!" Twilight called, "Why don't I take you to back to my place? I live at the Golden Oaks Library. Maybe we can find you some interesting books!"

"Do they taste good?" Screwball asked.

Twilight stared at her, "What?"

"Do they taste good?"

"Uh... I'm pretty sure books don't have a taste."

"They do have a taste. Harry Trotter books taste more bitter than Chronicles of Narneigha books. Lord of the Horseshoes tastes like french fries. Horsey Jackson and the Olympians are the best tasting. I love eating those."

Oh Celestia, she eats inedible objects just like her father... Twilight thought. She gulped and forced a smile, "Well um... Maybe I can find some Horsey Jackson books for you to snack on, and you can tell me a little more about yourself."

"Do you have any ketchup to go with it?" Screwball added.

Discord appeared in the front of Ponyville High School. Rowdy high schoolers were milling about. The jocks were playing with a football, the nerds were discussing the latest episode of Star Trot: The Next Generation (strangely enough, Discord almost wanted to join them in their discussion), and the snooty popular girls were flipping their hair and trying to get the attention of the jocks (who were paying no mind to them).

Discord walked right through a group of the popular girls, who shrieked in surprise and started saying things like "Ew! It's that weird chaos freak!" or, "Why is he even here? Is he going to brainwash us so we act like the unpopular girls? Ew!"

Discord ignored them, even though the insults actually hurt him greatly. He continued on to the gym. While he was doing so, another jock practically tackled him while trying to catch a football. The jock fell flat on his rear and lost the football, while Discord simply stood there, staring at him distastefully.

"Hey, watch where you're going, moron!" The jock yelled. However, when he saw just who he was yelling at, he shrunk away in fear, "Oh my Celestia... I'm so sorry, great and majestic Discord sir! I didn't realize it was you! Please don't turn me into a burrito and eat me..." He chuckled nervously.

Discord simply rolled his eyes and stepped over the shuddering jock. Finally, he reached the door leading into the gym. All around, older adult ponies and high school volunteers were helping prepare for the daddy-daughter dance. Discord scanned through them and located the sign-up sheet over next to the stage. He smiled with triumph before making his way over and quickly signing his and Screwball's name on the sheet. However, as he was doing so, he was tackled by three small masses that knocked him over on his back. He looked down to see a yellow earth pony filly, an orange pegasus filly, and a white unicorn filly, all piled on top of him and giggling happily.

"Hi Mr. Discord!" The Cutie Mark Crusaders greeted him.

Unlike all the other fillies -whom he saw as little demonic brats- Discord actually liked these three, "Hello, my dears."

"What are you doing here?" Scootaloo asked him.

"Oh, signing myself and my daughter up for the Father of the Year award." Discord told her.

"You have a daughter?!" They all screamed in unison.

"I do indeed."

"How old is she?!" Sweetie demanded, "Does she have a cutie mark?! Does she look like you?!"

Discord chuckled at their enthusiasm, "Well, mentally she's around nine-ish, ten-ish, somewhere in there. She does have a cutie mark, and she luckily looks nothing like me."

"Awwww!" The three groaned in frustration.

"That means she can't join the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Apple Bloom complained.

"But maybe we can meet her at the daddy-daughter dance this weekend!" Scootaloo suggested.

"I bet she's just as cool as you, Mr. Discord!" Sweetie added.

"No one's as cool as Mr. Discord!" Apple Bloom argued.

Discord gently put the fillies back on the ground and stood up, "My dears, I'm afraid I have to get back to Twilight before my daughter does anything... Damaging."

The draconequus disappeared, leaving the fillies next to the sign-up sheet. However, as the chatted and giggled, a different filly pushed her way through them and looked at the sheet.

"What are you doing, Dumbmond Tiara?" Scootaloo asked.

"None of your business, chicken!" Diamond shot back, "Why don't you go lay some eggs or something?"

Scootaloo growled while Sweetie and Apple Bloom were forced to hold her back.

"Ugh!" Diamond groaned, "That dopey-looking freakshow and his brainwashed daughter signed up for the award! Why do they even bother?"

"I bet Mr. Discord's way better than your capitalist pig of a father!" Sweetie shot back.

Diamond scoffed, "Had to pull out your dictionary for that insult, huh dictionary?"

"Why you little-!" Sweetie started to lunge, "I AM NOT A DICTIONARY! YOU'RE THE DICTIONARY!"

Apple Bloom was forced to hold her back, "She ain't worth it, Sweetie Belle. Besides," She glared at Diamond, "We all know they cheat in the competition anyway!"

Diamond rolled her eyes as she walked away from the sign-up sheet, "Whatever. Dopecord and his weird filly can't compete with us anyway. He doesn't even know how to love his kid anyway! I bet she's miserable and wants to run away!"

As she walked away, Scootaloo asked her friends, "Want me to kick her?! I'll kick her if that's what you want me to do! I'll kick her into next week!"

Apple Bloom blew a raspberry, "There's no use. She's just gonna insult us and Mr. Discord more. But we know what she says isn't true. I bet Mr. Discord's a great dad!"

"Please stop..."

Screwball continued tearing out pages from Horsey Jackson and shoving them into her mouth, despite Twilight's plea.

"But it's too tasty to let it get all stale and crackly!" Screwball whined, tearing out another page and nibbling at it daintily.

Twilight facehoofed, "I'd really appreciate it if you stop eating my books!"

Screwball immediately glared at her, "Stupid alicorn princess! You can't tell me what to do!"

Twilight groaned and sat down in defeat, "I'll give her one thing, she's about as stubborn and rebellious as her father..."

Screwball suddenly looked up and smiled, "Daddy!" She then ran over to a bowl of apples sitting on a table.

Twilight raised an eyebrow, Does she call random objects her daddy whenever her actual dad's away?

Screwball peered into the bowl of apples. All of the sudden, the apples shuddered before out popped a familiar face.

"Greetings, equines!" Discord announced, "I bring you tidings from Apple World!"

Screwball laughed, while Twilight wondered how Discord was able to fit his very large and long body into a very small bowl of apples. She decided not to rack her brain for an answer, since it was Discord, after all.

"Now, where's that troublesome other half of me?" Discord asked, looking around from the bowl. He tipped the bowl over, allowing for the two mares to discover that he was simply a disembodied head.

"Oh! I know!" Screwball squealed. She ran over to a different book and ripped a page out. She started somehow unfolding an already-unfolded-paper like origami before it came into the form of Discord's body, except for the head, which creeped Twilight out a little.

The disembodied Discord head groaned, "Screwball, do daddy a favor and get his body reattached to his head, will you?"

Well that's something you don't hear everyday. Twilight thought to herself.

Screwball led the headless Discord over to the table. She then helped it feel for the head and put it back on the neck. The now-full-bodied Discord screwed his head back on and shuddered.

"Ugh!" He groaned, "I don't know why I still do that! It's so uncomfortable!"

Screwball giggled, "I thought it was funny!"

Twilight approached the two and changed the subject, "Did you sign up?"

Discord smiled towards her, "Of course!" He pulled out a sheet of paper, "Apparently, the contest this year involves the daughters writing an essay as to why their dad should win. Bleh... I'd prefer a cotton candy-eating contest." He took a moment to read through it, "And... The contest is completely anonymous. The judges will chose on how truthful the essay is, rather than how great the daughter claims their father to be. Basically, Screwball just has to write an essay and turn it in at the dance. Seems simple enough."

Twilight turned to Screwball, "Do you think you can do that, Screwball? I'd be happy to help if you have any trouble."

Screwball smiled, "Yeah, I can do it! I wanna show that stupid-looking what's-her-face that she's wrong about me and my daddy!"

"I believe her name's Diamond Tiara." Discord corrected. He rolled his eyes, "What a dorky name..."

"Yeah, what she said was really mean!" Screwball continued, "My daddy's not a monster! And I'll prove it too!" She pushed through Twilight, grabbed a piece of paper, and a pencil before she disappeared up the stairs to write her essay.

Discord chuckled, "That's my girl..."

Twilight looked back up at him, "You sure you want to do this? You know how judgmental ponies are nowadays."

"It's anonymous!" He argued, "They can chose Screwball's essay without even knowing it's her or knowing it's me!" He suddenly seemed let down, "Of course... The other fellow fathers would probably be very angry... Considering most of them don't really see me as a father..."

Twilight rolled her eyes, "You're just as much of a father than any of them out there, if not more! I'm sure if they read exactly why Screwball thinks you're the best father, I'm sure they would see you as a father."

Discord sighed, "You said it yourself, I don't even really have that fatherly attitude! What if that darned Filthy Pants and his bratty demon daughter win again? I'm not proving anything, except that I am nothing more than a mindless, heartless beast!"

"You are not," Twilight argued, "I will admit, you sometimes can be a little... Inconsiderate. But that's just your personality. From what I've seen, you are pretty good father. Don't stop thinking that just because Filthy Rich calls you a few bad names."

Discord smiled, "I suppose you're right. Thank you, Twilight."

"You're always welcome." She returns the smile.

"Do you mind me asking you a question?"

"What is it?"

"Got any Horsey Jackson books?"