—
World [*] Apart.
—
.*.
("Things disappear.
Memories fade. Pictures fade. Buildings crumble.
Nothing will ever last.
I thought love did. I thought our love was different. That we'd last. But even that goes away to...
It didn't even exist.")
—i.
Hello.
.*.
The doctor told me that Monarch Programming is mind control. Well, in my case it was. I had a handler, and my handler would keep me under a coma to test some theories that her higher-ups had.
One of them is, Can humans be taught while their brain is unconscious?
"The Press are going crazy," my doctor tells me this afternoon while I was being taught how to walk. I did once. Walking, I mean. Or, at least I thought I did. My doctor is suprised that I could even comprehend a word he was saying. He tells me that I am special, that I am the last survivor of the 13 children who were used as lab-rats.
(The second is, Can humans be taught mannerism without even escaping their own minds?)
My doctor tells me that the others' brains could no longer be able to keep up creating a world to escape the trauma. Apparently, to be able to create what my doctor tells me is your brain's "emotional defensive mechanism" is that you need to put under serve trauma. After I was born, it seems my parents had given me up to these people and they had tortured me until I finally created my world.
(The third is, Can humans be taught to speak while unconscious?)
The only reason why I was able to keep up my world was because I was put under this procedure as an infant. The others were put while toddlers.
Next month, my nurse tells me, is the month that I will be put under the care of a family.
(The fourth is, Can humans be taught to adapt while under?)
.*.
"Long hair!" A young child cries. She is my new sister.
Her name is Aimi.
The man and woman showing me to their house is my new father and mother.
They are Mom and Dad.
The girl scowling, is my new sister as well.
Her name is Amu.
These people are from now on my family.
"Have a dream for your future" the doctor told me when he was showing the files of my new family. I tell him that that is an irresponsible line. I tell him that my dreams swelled, then bursts the day I came here.
.*.
I am in my room now, I've been in this room 105 times. It's 1:49 am right now.
We have nothing, I hear a hollow voice tell me.
I have a family now, I say to it. They like me. They are nice to me.
They'll disappear, I know they will, It says. Things disappear. Memories fade. Pictures fade. Buildings crumble. Nothing will ever last.
The doctor told me some things do, I say.
NOTHING STAYS, It hisses. NOTHING. Not even love.
I say nothing.
Pinch your cheek, and open your eyes, let's get out of this prison, It tells me. You have nothing here.
I have nothing. Ah... and there is nothing for me here. In Reality. That's right, this is Reality.
Escape, It whispers. Go, escape.
I hear hushed laughter. Numbly, I head to Amu's room. It's Friday, well, Saturday as of right now, really. She must have another friend sleeping over.
I slowly open the door. Giggles disappear. Movement is heard. Lights are turned off.
"Oh," Amu says. "It's just Nagihiko. Don't worry, Yaya."
A girl slowly crawls from a comforter.
"That's your new bro, right?" She says, giving me a little wave. "Nice to meet you."
I simply stare.
"Is he okay?" She asks, a little worried.
It's not her, It hisses. It's not her.
"Hey, Nagihiko, you okay?" Amu says.
"...not her." I close her door, and head to my room.
Disappear, It hisses. Disappear.
.*.
—
Dear Mom, Dad, Aimi, and Amu.
—
Disappear. Disappear. Escape. Escape.
I am standing someplace high. I do not remember where, or how I even got here. Frankly, I don't care.
Find her. Find her. Go. Go.
I close my eyes. I can hear them. People. They are like ants, crowding below me.
("Fuck, that guy's gonna jump!")
("Call the police!")
Find her. Find her. Find her.
("JUMP!")
—
If you find this, I am either dead, or severely injured.
—
Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.
("Shut up, asshole!")
I wonder why are they so many people out so late in the night.
("What? He aint gunna jump. He's got no balls.")
("What if that's a girl!")
I'm a boy, I know that much.
("Fuck that, this just some stupid stunt to get attention.")
("JUMP, ATTENTION-WHORE!")
Go. Go. Go. Go.
—
I do not hate life, and I do not hate myself.
I simply hate Reality.
I want to go back, and I think today is the day I will.
Thank you for your hospitality and kindness.
Sincerely, Nagihiko.
—
("The police are here!")
GO. GO. GO. GO.
("JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!")
Oh, it's a chant now?
FIND HER. FIND HER. FIND HER.
("OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE JUMPED!")
Hn.
Are you satisfied?
(The fifth one is, Can humans be taught how to feel while being unknowingly shut into a mind-prison?)
TBC.