The sound of the sizzling steaks permeated the otherwise silent porch as Shawn and Henry continued to stare each other down.
Finally, Henry broke eye-contact with his son to look at Detective Lassiter.
"Did you know Shawn had a lisp until he was seven?" He asked pointedly.
"Did you know my dad gets misty-eyed at Disney movies?" Shawn countered.
"Is there any more beer…?" Lassiter murmured, rolling his eyes.
Henry tossed him one from the cooler at his feet.
The detective immediately opened it and took a long, grateful sip.
After another interminable, painfully silent interval, he finally spoke.
"Henry, about fishing on Saturday—"
"Fishing?" Shawn shouted, almost dropping his own beer on the porch floor. "You're going fishing, too?"
"I'm sorry, Shawn." Henry snapped. "Did you want a full itinerary of all my weekend plans?"
"You have an actual itinerary?" Shawn gawked. "What does it say? 1- Be grumpy…2- Use vast array of obscure, useless tools to fix something I should probably just throw away but I'm too cheap… 3- Criticize Shawn…"
"A ball peen hammer is not an obscure tool, Shawn. Just because you don't know how to use one…"
"Dad. No one knows how to use one."
"I know how to use one…" Lassiter spoke up, realizing even as the words came out of his mouth that it was a stupid thing to say.
He suddenly had both sets of irate Spencer eyes glaring at him.
He just glared back.
"Well, I do."
"What?" Shawn groused sullenly. "Is there, like, a 'Useless Tool Trivia Day' at the Police Academy or something? Do they offer that course after 'How to Keep Your Shoes Really Shiny 101' and 'Creative Ticket Writing'?"
Now it was Shawn's turn to have two sets of eyes burning a hole through his skull.
Crap…he thought, realizing his mistake a moment too late.
I just united them against a common enemy…
…Me…
"You wouldn't last two days at the Academy, Spencer." Lassiter spat disdainfully.
"He'd quit before he walked through the door." Henry agreed, nodding. "He wouldn't make it past the haircut."
"No one's cutting my hair!" Shawn shouted, his hands instinctively covering the top of his head.
Lassiter and Henry both laughed, shaking their heads.
Shawn immediately dropped his hands by his sides, but it was too late.
They were mocking him.
Together.
"What the hell happened, Henry?" Lassiter asked, grinning.
"Don't look at me." Henry shrugged. "He gets that from his mother, too."
"Clearly." Shawn muttered. "She actually has hair."
But the two men ignored the barb.
"Steaks are done." Henry announced, loading them on a plate.
"Good."
Lassiter stood up and followed Henry into the house.
Shawn could hear them as they walked through the kitchen into the dining room, still talking about how disappointing he had turned out…
"God, that's all I need…" he rolled his eyes, following after them a minute later. "Two of them…"