~Shattered~
Never again.
That was what I told myself the first time it happened.
Never again.
I promised her, I promised!
Never again.
That was then. I was so foolish...
Never again.
I wasn't there when she needed me.
Never again.
I wasn't there when she cried in agony, defenceless against the enemy.
Never again.
I never knew two words could be so untrue.
Never again.
So, so untrue...
...
I was only seven moons old when my mother died. Sootfeather, the lovely, caring, beautiful mother I knew, disappeared as quickly as a wisp of smoke. As I stood there, watching the life bleed out of her on the now-empty battlefield, I promised.
I promised her I would take care of my little sister, who was only two moons old. I promised her I would never let harm come to her as it had come to Sootfeather. I promised her never again.
I never knew those words were such lies at the time.
...
Sootfeather wasn't supposed to be on the battle patrol. She had a two-moon old kit to nurse. But how she managed to convince Havenstar to bring her along to fight against ThunderClan? I do not know.
My mother was always a brave cat.
...
Petalkit was the greatest sister a cat could ever wish to have. She was energetic, joyful and extremely determined, just like our mother.
Petalpaw never backed from a single challenge, and always ended with the best results at any assessment. She was the best apprentice ShadowClan had ever seen.
Petalstorm–
...
I loved her.
I loved her so much.
...
My dear sister, oh! StarClan... What have I done?
Petalstorm, my brave but oh! so foolish sister...
I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most.
...
"Petalstorm!" I shrieked as I saw her slender pale ginger body fall to the ground.
Time seemed to stop as I ran, ran as quickly as I could towards my fallen sister.
"Petalstorm..."
I sobbed as she turned her bleeding head towards me, the sounds of the battle still ringing in our ears. But I was oblivious to whatever was happening around us. Petalstorm was the only one I cared about.
"Fl–Flareheart," she choked, spiting out blood in the process.
I could only watch in agony as the life drained out of her, as she desperately tried to utter a few last words to me.
"Shhh," I whispered, feeling tears running down my face, "don't talk."
But Petalstorm continued anyways, as I watched her agonise with wide, horrified eyes.
"Flareheart," she managed to murmur. "It–it's not yo–your fault, I–"
"Please Petalstorm," I cried. "Don't waste your breath. I have to get you back to camp, where Sorrelfur will heal you."
I knew it was too late, but I still wanted to convince myself she had a chance to live. She had to live! She couldn't die! Not now, at the peak of her youth...
"No, Flareheart," continued my sister, her eyes closing as she inhaled for the last time. "I love you," I heard her murmur as she exhaled.
Her body shuddered, and she went still.
Petalstorm was dead.
"No... NO!" I screeched to the sky, thrusting my head towards the night stars. "You can't be dead! Petalstorm, please..."
But no answer came from her. It really had been the end.
"I love you too," I rasped, choking on my words as the tears slid down my face more and more.
Silence greeted my words.
...
"Flareheart, it is time to say goodbye."
I turned around slowly at the sound of Sorrelfur's voice, my eyes hollow from having stayed away all night, pressed against my sister. She had been laid in the clearing as if she was sleeping, but the scent of rosemary and mint didn't hide the overwhelming scent of death that hung on to Petalstorm. And her body...
It was cold. As cold as the heart which was beating inside my chest, no warmth flooding into it anymore.
"Okay, Sorrelfur," I croaked, my voice as raw as if it hadn't been used since last leaf-bare. "I'll miss you, little sister," I whispered near Petalstorm's ear, so that no one would hear me.
Our three elders then padded towards her body, and lifted it carefully, putting it on their frail shoulders.
The only thing I could do was watch as Petalstorm's pale ginger body was taken out of camp, her dragging tail disappearing through the entrance of the camp.
...
For at least two seasons after the battle with ThunderClan, the death of my sister hung on my mind like the moon in the sky. I felt guilty, guilty for her death. And most importantly, I had broken my promise to my mother, the promise never to see harm come to Petalstorm.
I was so wretched and miserable that, one day, Havenstar decided to bring me to the Moonpool.
I think I owe her my life.
...
"Just lap at the water," murmured the white ShadowClan leader, as I leaned towards the Moonpool.
Slowly closing my eyes, I did as I was instructed, and only heartbeats after having drunk a few drops from the pool, I slumbered into sleep, feeling my limbs grow limp as I lost consciousness.
I woke up to find myself standing in a moonlit clearing, surrounded by four great oak trees.
"Flareheart."
I flipped around and stared at the speaker, mouth opening slightly as I took in what was just happening to me.
"Sootfeather..." I choked, sensing that tears were threatening to roll down my face for the coutless time these moons.
My mother padded towards me, eyes full of love and concern.
"Oh, Flareheart," she whispered, "what have you done to yourself?"
...
I saw Petalstorm that night.
My dear sister, whom I loved so much, and whom I still love, even after all this time.
She made me realise the importance of life.
...
The only thing I could do, she said, was to live the happiest life I could.
Because she had lost hers.
...
...
...
It is time for me to join StarClan now, I can feel it.
Countless seasons have gone by, and I have witnessed more than many of the cats in the Clans.
"Petalstorm," I murmur, before closing my eyes in the living world for the last time.