Hullo guys !
So, here is the next chapter... sorry for the wait, but I was busy and I had not even a minute for me.
Thanks to CeruleanAlphabet for the review ! I'm really happy that the prologue made you laugh x)
Thanks also to the ones who put this story on alert !
Don't hesitate to leave reviews x)
.
.
Chapter One : Where Everything Starts To Be Furiously Fucked Up, and Where Itachi Is Just Fucked.
.
.
Itachi blinked. So did Kisame, who just arrived and looked incredulously at the scene.
"Itachi," whispered the nunkenin, "your ass is naked."
"Shut up Kisame," was the answer he got from a petrified Uchiha.
Vexed, the blue ninja crossed his arms and mumbled Yeah let's say shut up to Kisame and not warn him when there is a rape-party, after all he's just your partner that's not as if he was important, before being silenced by a pair of very, very angry red eyes.
Itachi then glanced at Kazuko. Then Pein.
"What is she doing there ?" He repeated.
"She told you," replied his leader. "She's the new cleaning-lady."
"A cleaning-lady," said Itachi, words rolling in his mouth with the taste of absolute despair. "We have a cleaning-lady. Since when ?"
"Since I am fed up with the mess there is here !" growled Konan. "You guys never clean anything ! You think that because I'm a damn woman I love washing your pants ? Well, I don't. And this is why we have a cleaning-lady."
Pein nodded with conviction. "That's why."
Itachi looked at Kazuko, who had been very occupied in trying to put her underwear on without everyone seeing… well, what underwear were made to hide. She glanced back and grinned.
"I even have a uniform, and a feather duster and everything ! That's so cool, right ? I mean, I've been trying to find you for four years, and then BAM, I can have a great job AND you ! Isn't that, like, terrific ?"
Konan smirked, and Itachi could have sworn that she was completely enjoying this. Why, Konan ? Why are you doing this to me ?
"Kazuko came here, we talked a little and I happened to look for someone for the job so… anyway, Kazuko is here to stay !"
Itachi wasn't sure what would have been more painful : being stabbed by a thousand needles in his genitals or hear that. But he had to know :
"Stay… for how long ?"
Konan 'hmm'ed.
"Something like life-long ? That's what we said, right, Kazuko-san ?"
Kazuko nodded.
"Yeah. My contract says that I'm here 'till I die, slash, run away from you in which case I also die since you will catch me and kill me, slash, and something about being resurrected by sacrificing Zetsu and two rabbits in which case I'll be free since I'll basically be a zombie and therefore trying to eat you."
"I want to say that I don't like that part of the contract," said white Zetsu. "But the killing-thing seems nice," added black Zetsu. "Can we eat her if she dies ?"
Pein questioned Kazuko with a look. She shrugged.
"I guess yes. I mean, it's like recycling, right ? Nothing bad with recycling."
"I agree," "Nothing bad with recycling. Totally."
"Did someone already told you that you might have a problem with your vocal cords ? You have different voices. But maybe if you eat honey… ever heard of a grog ?" Enunciated Kazuko with worry.
"That's because we are two in one body," answered with Zetsu. "Is there human flesh in that grog ?" Asked black Zetsu.
Itachi stared at the scene, feeling sick.
"A cleaning-lady, " snorted Deidara. "You're what ? A former cleaning-lady that did bad job, ran away from your employer and became a nunkenin cleaning-lady ? How ridiculous is that, yeah !"
"Well, basically-" began Kazuko.
Itachi's blood became fire as he used his Sharigan to put her under genjutsu. It was out of question that anyone knew she was a former ANBU, even if it was only thanks to the joys of camping. Konoha would never recover from the grotesque of that.
Pein suspiciously eyed Itachi, but said nothing. Meanwhile, Kazuko was still speaking –except that no sound came out of her mouth. She eventually finished, and regained her speech :
"And that's approximately everything that happened before I came here !" She frowned. "Hey, now that I think about it, it was pretty cool –but not as cool as being with you, Itachi ! I soooo missed you ! But now I'm here ! We're going to be together, between Best Friends Forever again, except that there isn't Shisui to be with us since you killed him but whatever, and that's gonna be so GREAT ! We're both grown up now so that means we're going to do loads of things that children can't do-"
Itachi shivered and had a very bad feeling.
"Like buying beers and all ! You're even going to flirt with girls ! That's, like, totally terrific ! And I'll be flirting with guys and we'll have double dates between couples of Best Friends Forever ! IT'S GONNA BE FREACKIN' AWESOME !"
She stared at him, obviously waiting for an answer. As she had always done.
"What about eating ramen ? Uh ? I heard that ramen is terrific ! Whaddya think ?"
"Hey, and if we didn't go on mission ? I heard that there is a festival in Konoha ! Waaaaaaaay cooler than protecting a stupid merchant !"
"Look at that ! I got a new jutsu ! It's called rock-throwing no jutsu ! STOP LAUGHING SHISUI ! Eh ? Look, Itachi ! Super-awesome, right ?"
Always.
And, like always, Itachi didn't have the heart to just kill her. And that is why he said :
"Yeah… cool…"
There was a moment of silence. And then he realized what he had just said.
Damn.
Konan blinked, then whispered to Pein :
"Has Itachi-kun just used the word cool ?"
"I… believe so."
"Maybe we should leave that room."
"I agree."
They left, quickly followed by the rest of the Akatsuki, except Itachi, who was actively cursing himself.
Damnit ! I act as if I was thirteen ! I have to get a hold on myself !
A rock came lightly poking him. Kazuko grinned.
"I'm so happy to see you after all those years ! We're going to have so much fun here, don't you think so ?"
Itachi looked at her. Then, he walked out of the room, still without pants, and began to carefully bang his head against the wall of the corridor.
.
TBC...
CeruleanAlphabet : I gladly accept your offer x) just send me a pm with your mail address and I'll send you the next chapter x) and if you have an msn address or something like that, we can also talk U.U (wow, that was, like, totally pedobear-ish)
Itachi wants YOU to leave reviews ! (Itachi : Actually, I don't. Stop using me for this ridiculous stuff, woman.)
He's just kidding. Review, guys !
Have a nice day !
Hellfell.