Wah! Disclaimer! I am the disclaimer ho! SO! I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons. Squaresoft, being the ultimate Godliness they are, owns them. Ten asked (actually…TOLD me) to write this one (Gee…thanks TEN!). But all art spawned from this (which I shall draw) will be mine. It will be fan art! It will be Insanity in Overdrive form! So, if you see those pics at my site, don't steal 'em…. Or I'll send the 'masochist Ifirit' and a 'sarcastic Bahamut' after you, daa!
And like my last chapter, I've 'hidden' two more FFX characters in here. Guess who they are... ^___^ daa! More bonus points can be redeemed. And to answer the question, what do bonus points do? Umm… they sparkle and look pretty.
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Aeon Tag
7/29/02
"I'm an AEON!" Someone screamed, echoing down the long hall of what is commonly called 'the loony bin'. Ex-dealer Kit was now bound into a straitjacket (thus fulfilling her lifelong dream) and drawing on the walls with a piece of chalk between her toes. After the whole 'aeon poker' thing, what little sanity that hadn't been destroyed by the summons was used to draw elaborate wall murals. See, there's one representing the fight of good vs evil. One as a tribute to fallen angles. And one as a warning against playing poker with homicidal, flaming, masochistic aeons….
"Kit have visitor." The large guard said, his white hair falling in front of gold eyes. "Says she's 'Ten'. Does Kit want to see Ten?" He asked, deliberately picking out his words.
"Ok Mr. Lionman! Send her in!" Kit grinning, rolling around on the floor.
The guard sighed. "Name is not 'Lionman'." He rumbled.
"Oh. Sorry Mr. Lionman!" She said, either ignorant or …well… she was insane…
So the guard escorted Ten into the rubber room, which caused the once skillful card dealer to roll over to her. "Kit! For Yevon's sake! What happened to you?" Ten asked, tugging Kit to her feet. The ex-dealer turned to stare straight at Ten.
"Aeons…" There was a soft pause. For about 3.5 seconds until Kit shrieked at the top of her lungs. "HIT ME!"
Ten stumbled backwards from shock (and the volume she was able to scream it with), and then carefully reached forward to pat Kit's head. "There there. No aeons here." She said, glancing back at the asylum guard. "And no cards. You'll never have to deal cards again." And to her surprise, Kit deflated with relief, leaning against the wall.
"Thank you! I was so afraid they'd come back!" Kit shuddered. "So… much…. Boom." The blond nutcase shuddered. "Hey Mr. Lionman! I'm all better now!"
The guard looked over his shoulder into the room, his ear twitching with irritation. "Good. Nut can go home." And he went to get the paperwork for Ten to sign.
…….
"Hey Kit. Was it just me… or did he have a tail?"
"I like Cheese!"
"Never mind…"
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Meanwhile, on another plane, a shapely blue woman was putting silver 'thingies' back into her hair. She huffed indignantly, recalling all the trouble she had to go through to recover her jewelry from the ruined Vegas casino. Oh, Yuna was not happy they had gone out like that, and even less happy about that explosion (which, for the record, was SOOO not her fault).
"That stupid, Ifirit. Ruining all my fun." Shiva sighed. It had been a long time since she had been able to have fun like that. Why, the last time was back when she was just a little aeonling. Ahh, she could remember, days playing 'taunt the mortal' and tag. While Shiva's tastes had refined, she found herself missing those days when she could just let go.
"HIT ME!" was bellowed somewhere nearby, followed by a 'boom' on the super sonic scale, and then a very loud, "THANK YOU!" It sounded like Ifirit and Bahamut were at it again.
Sitting in one of the vast fields of nothingness in their plane, Youjinbu sighed. "Damn, and just when that card game was getting interesting. For a human, you must admit, that Las Vegas casino dealer did keep up with us for a while. I mean, before her utter psychological breakdown." His dog barked.
"Ifirit liked angry Blond." The fire elemental rumbled, a very large lump forming on his head. "She funny and loud."
"And she could catch fire with the best of them." Bahamut stomped up to them, his wings flaring. "Such a shame." His voice was loaded with sarcasm. And a sarcastic Bahamut is probably something you don't want to encounter.
A long pause filled the plane as the aeons waited to be summoned. The Ifirit raised one massive fist and slapped Youjinbu upside the head. "TAG!" he shouted, his breath causing one of Shiva's scarves to catch fire.
"Ow!" Pretty much summed it up. Youjinbu's hat slumping forward over his eyes. "Oh Yevon, not again." The aeon sighed, watching as the Ifirit left large, flaming footprints all over. Shiva covered her eyes in shame of their fellow aeon and Bahamut ignored them all again.
That is, until "AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" sounded throughout the plane. Youjinbu tripped over his dog when he jumped to his feet and Bahamut's tail smacked Shiva in the leg (who froze him in return). Seconds later the Ifirit came thrashing back, this time with Valefor latched firmly to his…err….tail side. While the fire elemental may have a masochistic side, having your tail removed by another aeon isn't quite fun. "Off! Off! Bad Valefor! Off!"
Youjinbu grinned. "Good girl, Valefor! You can let go now." And the winged elemental dropped from Ifirit's rear. "What, you just gotta know how to talk to her." Youjinbu shrugged under Shiva's stare, petting Valefor's head.
But apparently the four aeons weren't the only ones who were bored. Valefor whistled. One of Bahamut's ears twitched. "What? Now you want to go out to the mortal plane too?" He blinked. Valefor whistled in affirmation, and the aeons all exchanged a look. Bahamut heaved a mighty sigh, nearly blowing the Ifirit's head off. "Ok, fine. We'll go, again."
"See crazy Blond again?" Ifirit asked.
"Sure. Why the hell not." Bahamut shrugged. But the Ifirit's eyes had taken on a purely homicidal look.
"HELL FIRE!" He roared, causing all the aeons on the plane to dive for cover as he glowed a menacing red.
Shiva lifted her head from her arms. "BAD, bad Ifirit! No ice cream!"
"Awww…."
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"There! I've signed it all!" Ten sighed, putting the papers back down. Kit was staring at them from eye-level, which means she was on the floor again. "Now can I take the nut home?" She asked the guard. A massive fist picked up one of the sheets as he looked it over.
"All in order. Take nut and go."
"I'll miss you, Mr. Lionman!" Kit shouted as Ten dragged her to the door.
The guard sweatdropped mightily and swung his 'nut bopping stick' over his shoulder. "There goes one mighty nut." He mumbled.
So Ten, the best friend of crazy-ex-dealer Kit, helped her out of the asylum to freedom. "Um, Ten? You can take off my straitjacket now, daa." Kit said, struggling slightly. Ten merely smirked, leading the 'nut on a leash' to the car. "Ten? Hey?" And of course, she was ignored.
Mainly, this was because of the gaping --almost burning-- red hole that had formed in the air. The two girls watched it for a moment before Kit suffered a slight flashback. "AHHHH!! AEONS!" She yelped, diving under the car until only her feet were visible. Ten blinked, mouthing 'aeons' before looking back at the strange light. So she really didn't know why she was surprised when a giant Ifirit came bounding out on all fours, like some sort of flaming 'puppy', in Kit's crazy words.
"Crazy Blond!" The Ifirit bellowed, searching for someone. Another aeon stepped out from the portal, glancing around the parking lot. This one was what Kit (in her 'nut' form) would call an 'air puppy'. It was a giant winged bird, with strange crests. Valefor gave a low whistle and began to flutter about, happy to be out of the other plane.
And with an almost astounding flare of power, three more stepped through, fighting of who would be next. The aeon at the front of the group was Shiva, followed by a pushing Bahamut and then Youjinbu (and his dog). Ten's mouth fell open and she pointed right at them.
"A…ae…aeons!" She gasped.
"Oh, remarkable grasp of the obvious she has there." Bahamut said sarcastically, earning a jab in the abdomen from Shiva.
"HIT HIM!" Ifirit commanded, but instead earned himself a whap upside the head by a flying shoe. Now shoes generally don't jump up and fly around until they hit someone, so he came to the conclusion it had been throw. Now he just needed to ask by who. Shuffling over to a car, he stopped by another shoe that looked like it's match and a sock that had a face drawn on it like a puppet. Of course, to the Ifirit, this sock puppet probably knew who threw the shoe.
"SOCK!" he bellowed in his most polite tone. "Ifirit looking for Crazy Blond and Shoe Throwing Nut. You seen?" Sock vanished under the car and the other shoe began to follow. Giving up on Sock and Shoe, Ifirit went to question the other human, the one staring at them in shock, wonder, and possible confusion on how Shiva got her clothes do to that.
Ten turned quickly to see the massive Ifirit looming above her, but for all her credit, she didn't bat an eye. After all, she'd seen Kit BC…Before Coffee… "You seen Crazy Blond or Shoe Throwing Nut?" He boomed. Now volumes of this level Ten had also come across, mostly at concerts or while sitting in what used to be known as the Ghetto Mobile.
But it was the question that threw her. "Crazy Blonds? The worlds full of 'em!" She waved her hand, making her way over to the car Kit had vanished under. "Shoe throwing nuts…they're a bit harder to come by. But here's one!" Grabbing onto the back of the straitjacket, Ten gave a mighty tug. And behold, there was the Crazy Blond Shoe Throwing Nut…er… I mean, Kit!
The Ifirit lumbered closer, leaning slightly over the now twitching 'crazy blond'. One of his giant hands came down, patting her on the head. Kit looked up, mildly confused and slightly nervous. And then *~WHACK~* "YOU IT!" And then he bolted.
@_#… "ow." Pretty much summed it up nicely. Kit rubbed her new black eye… with her foot…
"I think he likes you." Ten smirked.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The pained expression on Kit's face vanished and she launched herself out of Ten's grasp to cling to Valefor. Well, more like 'lean heavily' on Valefor. After all, she was still in the straitjacket. But Valefor whistled shrilly, diving away.
"Haha! Valefor's 'it'!" Youjinbu smirked, which was barely visible under his large hat. And with that, the aeons scattered, leaving two bewildered humans sitting on the ground.
Kit whimpered, shuffling up to Ten and leaning against her legs. "Ten. What just happened?"
Pushing her auburn hair back and smirking, Ten responded, "Tag."
"Are we all gonna die?" Kit watched as Valefor tried to catch Youjinbu (or his dog).
"Well, knowing your luck, you're not going to die." Ten stood up Kit, rather than see her use her face to get off the ground. "Just probably get severally maimed or have another mental breakdown."
"WEEEEE!" Kit squealed. And then ran off to hide.
Apparently Valefor gave up on Youjinbu, deciding Shiva was a much more interesting target. The winged aeon swooped low, her taloned feet colliding with the ice elemental's shoulder. Valefor whistled, twirling to the ground and running off. Shiva stopped, crossing her arms as sighing.
"Well, that's fine with me. We're playing freeze tag now." The blue summon grazed her hand over her hair. Then she cleared her throat. "Oh my Yevon! My top came free!" She shouted. Five heads popped up (and a sock) from their hiding spots. Almost flying across the ground, Shiva swung her hand out, catching Youjinbu with a blizzaga. "You're 'it'." She nearly purred, then walked off. After all, no tag backs.
Youjinbu took a moment to unfreeze from Shiva's 'oh-so-nice' blizzagra. Of course, he had some help from the Ifirit. The human they call 'Card Dealer' or 'Crazy Blond' suddenly bolted out in front of him, trying to get to a new hiding spot. Her sanity obviously taxed, and yelling "HIT ME!". And this was the call of the Ifirit, so the fire summon sent a very large fira in Kit's direction (which she clumsily dodged). The blast of fire instead crashed into the ice statue that was Youjinbu.
So a partially frozen, burned, and very stiff Youjinbu shuffles after the last person he saw run past; Kit. The nutcase had a feeling this would happen, so she was conveniently using Ten to hide behind. The cinnamon-haired human glared at Kit, and then with a smirk, shoved her out of her hiding spot. Unable to use her hands to balance herself (since she was still bound in the straitjacket), Kit nosedived straight into the dirt.
Sweatdropping, Youjinbu looked down at his dog. "I'll let you handle this." He sighed, tagging the dog to make him it. The dog nodded, and then bolted for Kit, his tongue lolling out.
But before he got there, Kit pulled herself to a kneeling position and was glaring madly at the dog. "I'LL BITE YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!" She growled, grinning wide enough to show all her teeth. The large dog came to a skidding halt, staring at the bristling blond with confusion. He vaguely remembered that she had said that right before she went nuts. Deciding that getting bit by a nutcase wasn't high on his priority list, he changed directions and headed for the human she had been hiding behind. Brushing into Ten's legs, he barked, stating that she was now 'it'. She sighed, brushed a long strand of brown hair back, and set off.
So a new chase began, the Aeons nimbly dodging swipes from each other and the humans (or in Kit's case, one of her feet). Somehow, Ten managed to tag the Ifirit and only got charred in return. The giant flaming elemental summon turned and pounced on the first person he came across, his hand tagging out.
"Kyaa! Pervert!" A female voice shouted, followed by a loud slap. Shiva growled, arms crossed protectively over her chest. Ten was snickering. Yet more tags were exclaimed, one of them giving Ten a strange handprint across her backside (which made her punch Youjinbu). Of course, the Ifirit was once again it, seeming to not understand the finer art of 'evasion'.
The Ifirit stomped around the parking lot, looking for one of the other aeons. Turning about, he noticed Bahamut sitting on a blue Caravan, crushing it like a trash compactor. With a rather homicidal grin, Ifirit also noticed that Kit was hiding behind Bahamut in the tangle of his wings. She was chewing on her jacket. If he played his hand right, he could tag both.
Charging forward with the power of a large flock of chocobo (or possibly a team of very maniacal blitzballers), the Ifirit roared as he approached the lord of the aeons. But Bahamut snapped his head around, fixing an angry ruby glare upon him. Now the little common sense that the Ifirit possessed came into play and he screeched to a halt.
"AEONS! AAAHHHHH!" Kit suddenly yelped, suffering from yet another flashback as Ifirit charged. And with that, she jumped up and wrapped her newly freed arms around Bahamut's head and eyes and clung to him.
The large dragon summon sprung to his feet, shaking his head. "Get off me, mortal!" He boomed, wings flaring. But the nutcase simply clung on, babbling incoherently. Bahamut slammed forward, bowling into the Ifirit in an attempt to get Kit off. It failed. The Ifirit was knocked into the ground, creating a small crater (or a large hole).
"AAARRHH!" Bahamut roared, his tail overturning a row of cars with a sonic wave. "You nutcase! How did you get out of that jacket anyway! Get off there!" He thrashed, crushing a volkswagon bug with one foot.
"I chewed it! Kit have very sharp teeth!" Kit howled, then grinned maniacally, her long straitjacket sleeves hanging in front of his eyes.
Shiva shuddered. "It's like a mini form of Anima." Then she snagged Ten off the ground to prevent the human from becoming what aeons liked calling 'a meat pancake' as Bahamut's foot smashed down. Valefor, already airborne, watched the scene below.
"GODZILLA ATTACK!" Kit shouted as Bahamut crushed yet another car. "Run! Run for your lives! Godzilla!….. RRAAAARRRWWW!!" Youjinbu sweatdropped as Kit took the role of acting out both 'Godzilla's lines, and the frightened aeons. Bahamut stepped on a motorcycle "Ohh! That was a shiny one." She noted as the aeon continued his rampage, trying to get the human off.
The other aeons, and the human, watched from a tall pile of now destroyed cars. "Wow." Youjinbu murmured. Valefor whistled.
There was an awkward pause. "Is your friend…always like this?" Shiva asked.
KA-BOOOOM! *RUMBLE*
"BWHAHAAA! I'm an aeon!" A lunatic, shrill voice shrieked.
"Well…," Ten paused. "Would you believe she 'just got better'?" There was a dull stare from the other three aeons.
CRUNCH! *WHACK*
Sweatdropping, Ten rubbed the back of her head. "Ok, yes, she's always been like this. She'll only behave for a paycheck. That's why she was at the casino."
"MEGA FLARE!" Bahamut shouted, and everything around them became a dazzling white.
"Weeee! HIT ME!" Two voices shouted, before being engulfed with the attack.
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There was a knock at the asylum door, which the large guard went to answer. For the past hour, what sounded like World War III raged outside, and no sane person was about to see what is was. (But the fact that the guard was probably the only sane person in the building really didn't matter). One of his gigantic hands unlatched the door and he tugged it open. But what he saw surprised him to the very limits.
Standing at the door was a heavily muscled red head --the driver of the vans the asylum used-- holding two girls. One of them was someone the guard was praying he'd never see again. It was Kit, and she was giggling madly, both of her eyes blackened and her clothes scorched. The other was the person who had checked the nutcase out earlier. It was Ten, and she was trembling in the red-head's grasp, fingers buried into his shirt. She had several small bruises on her, and her hair was a frozen in some places.
"Got two girls for you, ya." The red-headed watchman said. "They were in the parking lot and it looks like a battlezone out there, ya." He laughed. Ten snapped her glare to him, frowning. Kit giggled, and then screamed 'I'm an aeon!'.
The asylum guard leaned down, his white hair falling forward again. "Not expect to see this nut again." He said to Kit. The blond nutcase grinned, flashing all her teeth, and then began to claim she was an aeon again. "Insanity must be contagious, her friend got it too."
"Can I stay here for a bit?" Ten asked. "You know, just to make sure Kit is safe….and I'm safe… and there are no large….flaming….aeons." Ten's eyes began to glaze over and she shivered as the guard helped her into a straitjacket. "Hey, then can I stay with you for a bit?" She leered at the red-headed driver, who now looked distinctly uncomfortable. Kit looked blissfully happy from within her own chewed, burned straitjacket.
Ten was still latched to his side, her head leaning against his arm and a smirk faintly visible on her lips. The red head's face was reddening slightly as he handed the two girls over to the asylum worker and then wiped his nose. "The policeman out there says they were ranting about 'aeons' and 'tag' this time, ya." He looked at the guard.
Hoisting both of the girls to their feet, the loonie bin guard ruffled his blue fur slightly. "Yes. Yuna will want to know about this. Two nuts attract much trouble." He rumbled, and then escorted the girls inside.
"Bai bai, Wan-chan!" Ten smiled at the red-head, her long hair falling over her shoulders.
"My name is not 'Wan-chan', ya!" He sighed.
"Oh… sorry, Wan-chan! Love ya, bai bai!" Ten grinned, finally being dragged back into her room. The burly driver watched in amazement as she was escorted down the hall.
"Mr. Lionman!" Kit's voice echoed down the hall as she greeted the guard and the other patients.
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Meanwhile, in another plane.
"OW!" Shiva winced, pulling out splinters from her flawless blue skin. "Bahamut." She warned, in a low voice. "Next time you are trying to dislodge a human, please… REFRAIN FROM GOING OVERDRIVE!" She yelled.
Ifirit was unconscious, but looked very happy about it. Youjinbu's favorite hat had been totally destroyed, and Valefor's whistles sounded a little flat.
"Let us never speak of this again." The dragon lord mumbled, rubbing a large lump on his own head.
"Humans…. They are out to get Ifirit!" The Ifirit shuddered from his sleep. "Weeee!" He said, similar to Kit's high pitched cry. The aeons all looked at him with wide eyes.
"Does anyone know where we can get a straitjacket large enough to fit him?" Shiva called out.
The End (YOU'RE IT!)