The funeral had ended. Families had said their goodbyes and expressed their grief. It's kind of hard whne tons of people come and and say "i'm so sorry for your loss, it must be hard." They really have no idea. Leaving a brother behind is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. The band was no longer. No one could ever replace Kevin. It was all my fault.
"Lets go man. We gotta go back to the house..." Joe said trying to hold back tears, "to box up his stuff."
"It's all my fault." i said.
"Nobody could have stopped this Nick. He was hit by a drunk driver. No one planned this." Joe said.
"No. you dont get it. Kevin was coming for me. I got angry and left the house. If i just would have stayed home, Kevin would still be here!" i started crying. Joe took me in his arms and held me tight.
"Listen, it's not your fault. things like this just happen." he said trying to comfort me. it wasn't working,
"I can't do it. This is too much."i said releasing my grip from Joe.
"what do you mean?" joe asked.
"just leave me. i'll be home later." i said as i started to walk away.
"Nick!" Joe yelled.
"Leave me alone!" i yelled.
Joe silenced. i kept walking. i don't know where, but i couldnt stay here. Anywhere was better than here. i kept walking until i came up upon a another family. I real family. They wre laughing and having fun playing in the rain. I had that, but then i went and got my brother killed. how could i be so stupid? i went passed the family and silently began to cry again. I couldnt do this. not now. i ruined everything. The band, the family, everything. I soon came upon my house and noticed people in Kevins room going through his things. They were being put in boxes. i walked up to the door and went inside.
"Oh Nick! i was worried about you!!!" my mom was crying.
"i told Joe i was walking." i mumbled.
"i don't care! go to your room and get changed. i dont want you getting sick." she yelled.
i walked upstairs and past kevins room. Joe was sitting on kis bed, holding a picture of the 3 of us from the beach.
"He was always so happy" Joe said.
"i know..." i replied.
"why Kevin? why not some other brother? why our brother!!?!" joe cried hard now.
"like you said. it's no one's fault." i said walking out of the room. i knew it was my fault. i needed someway to get over the pain. i walked into the bathroom and shut the door. i locked the door and slid down pulling my knees in tight. i let it go. i cried. Harder than i'd ever cried before. Crying wouldnt solve my pain though. i looked up and saw a small razor blade on the counter top. i grabbed it quickly and leaned over the toilet. i'd never done this befor, so i dind't know what to do. i quickly slid the blade over my wrist, letting the warm red liquid fall below. The pain stopped. Relief at last. i felt better. i quickly wpied up my arma dn flushed to the toilt with the remains of blood. i pulled my sleeve down past the cut and cleaned off the blade. i walked out of the bathroom to see Joe again.
"you alright nick?" he asked concerned.
"fine." i said walking back to my room. i walked in and sat on my bed. i thought about what i had just done.

Hey, it wasn't so bad.