That night, I masturbated several times. Reliving the memories of being inside her hot cunt and filling her with my seed. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me. I felt twisted. I didn't feel like myself. But at the same time, I was living it up. I fucking loved using her. I couldn't deny that. But now that all was said and done, what now?

I went to bed and got a very restful sleep and soon headed off early in the morning to go check on her.

She was as I left her, untouched by bugs and animals surprisingly. Maybe I wrapped the blanket up tightly enough? But as I unwrapped her, her face was still the same as it was when I felt her neck bones snap under my gloved hands. It was a look of surprise. It was a bit of a relief compared to her usual scowl.

I stood up, pondering what to do with her now. But first I would have to call in sick to work. After that, I would have all day to figure out my situation.

And so I called, and they understood, and now I had a whole 24 hours. I figured I ought to bring her back to the house to shelter her from the elements. And so began my trek back to the house. She was light as a feather but stiff so it was a bit hard to carry. And she reeked of piss and shit. I wondered why for a minute and then remembered when people go, their bladders do too.

So a bath was in order for my dear Natalia. It was a good thing she was in one piece and had not been stabbed or shot. I gave myself an inward pat on the back as I soon reached the house.

Now where we lived was completely rural. Our neighbors were a few miles away so that was a plus. We lived in a big house with woods in the back. Our little haven. Well, it was mine now.

I brought her in and immediately took her to the bathroom, setting her in the tub and undressing her. Her naked body was just as glorious as it had been with life in it. Her skin was lighter now. It had grey under her peachy flesh. I turned on the bathwater, hoping maybe the warm water would thaw her out a bit. She was cool to the touch now, like she had been outside without a coat. Her skin was a bit rubbery now as well.

As the tub filled, I took a sponge and began to bathe her, washing her neck and chest and back. Even washing her arms and legs and in between her toes. And then the sponge worked up to the space between her legs. I quickly lost the sponge and held my hand against her vulva.

She had warmed up considerably with the steaming water so it was almost as if she were herself again, apart from the greying of her skin. I spread her labia open and rubbed my middle finger against her clit. I started slowly and soon was rubbing her forcefully, at a pace that would have made her scream.

Goddamn, why was I getting excited? Why did that turn me on? Did war and death and fighting warp my mind that much? I did have to take medication for my PTSD but when I did, I felt completely sedated. Like I had no control. So I only took them when I got really bad. How long had it been since I took one? Oh well. The point of the matter was, I was getting hard even as I slipped a finger inside her, feeling her cool walls all around.

It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. Actually, it felt pretty good. Not as good as her hot, juicy pussy from last night but this was almost as good. And so I fingered her roughly. I shoved my goddamn fingers into her cunt with all the strength I had.

And I could almost hear her screams and cries of pain. Goosebumps rose on my arm and my dick was engorged with blood by now. I guess it was time I had a bath.

I couldn't wait to fuck her so I ignored the floating pieces of shit that she had messed herself with and hopped in anyway. I moved between her legs and was right outside her entrance when I thought of something.

She had never let me have anal before. And why not now, when she had no say in what to do and she needed to be punished anyway for shitting her pants. And so as I angled my cock down towards her shitty asshole, I was grinning like a maniac.

I shoved into her as hard as I could. The tightness was not expected and it burned at bit since she hadn't been lubed up. But all would be remedied as I moved slowly, growing used to the tightness. Holy shit, this was amazing. It was so much tighter than her pussy. I could almost say her pussy was gaping compared to this.

I went at a slow pace at first and gradually increased, not wanting another embarrassing moment like last night. I gripped her hair like reigns as I was soon throttling into her ass, having her face down in the water. It's not like she needed to breathe, right?

And I came. Harder than ever before. I came into her ass and I filled her to the brim with semen. As I pulled out, I saw my white goo drip down her taint and over her pussy. And I was hard again.

I fucked her again, shoving my shitty cock into her pussy, not caring about infection since she was fucking dead. And then it was that same old song and dance. I fucked her and I came. And now that she was filled like a jelly donut, it was about high time I get a real shower and finish washing her.

So I cleaned her up and took her to one of the spare bedrooms, laying her naked body onto the bed and kissing her forehead sweetly. I don't know why I did. But after I did, it felt like something was squeezing my heart. There was a sharp pain in my chest and it hurt so much. I coughed and choked for a moment, feeling myself tear up. Now the remorse had kicked in.

I got up slowly, still holding my hand over my heart as I gave a longing look to Natalia before heading off to turn the AC all the way down and then to my shower.

What had I done? I killed the only one who loved me really. She knew I had problems but she accepted them anyway and even helped me through them. She stuck through my side through thick and thin. And all she wanted was a child of our own.

My head hung heavy in the shower as the water pattered against my shoulders. Tears dripped from my eyes and I sniffed occasionally. I hurt her. So deeply and then I killed her. And then I even used her dead body for my own pleasure? My hands were in fists at my sides as I trembled violently. I cried out, falling to my knees and soon wailing in the shower, beating my fists against the porcelain.

How dare I. How fucking dare I.