Published February 7, 2010

"Sir, the king of Hyrule has sent a messenger," a Gerudo announced as she entered the throne room with a Hylian man tailing close behind. "He has come with a message."

"Yes, I assumed that," Gatondurf said from his golden throne. "What is it that you have come to tell us?"

The messenger went down on one knee, bowing his head slightly. "My liege has requested that our trade treaty be expanded to cover your special Desert Radishes. In exchange for this, he is willing to send you vast quantities of-"

"Remove the messenger's head and send it back in a box," Ganondorf interrupted from his own throne that was positioned beside Gatondurf's. "Chop-chop."

Gatondurf glared at Ganondorf before returning his gaze to the terrified messenger. "Ignore him. Continue with what you had to say."

"Y-yes sir. My king is-"

"Hold it!" Ganondorf stood up and leaned against Gatondurf's throne with a huge smile on his face. "In case you haven't noticed, I have authority here too. My authority is telling me to cut this guy's head off and send it back in a box labelled 'King's birthday cake, from your friends the Gorons'. Deny me this right and I will ensure that you regret it for the rest of your miserable, insignificant existence. I have experience at this kind of thing, and trust me, you don't want to make me angry."

The other king rolled his eyes. "You were angry on Tuesday and I didn't regret it."

"Oh really?" Ganondorf gave his ribs a light punch. Gatondurf almost flinched as the area throbbed in pain but refused to give Ganon the pleasure of watching him react. "I know that hurt. I stabbed you there. Repeatedly. Now where are the decapitators?"

"No decapitating." He faced the messenger. "We will discuss this later, you may go. I have a problem to deal with right now."

The messenger nodded and quickly fled from the room to Ganondorf's displeasure. He managed to keep a smile on his face despite this setback. In fact, the older king's smile grew. "Oh you'll definitely regret that." He broke into laughter and spun in the other direction, leaving the room. When the door closed his laughter was muffled, but still present. The laughter went left and up a staircase, then across a hallway that was above the throne room. It then ascended a spiral staircase, slowly fading in the same spot. The laughter turned to a cry of surprise and then screams before ending in a much closer crash. There was a moment of silence before the laughter started up again.

"You could always agree to split the forces 50-50," a Gerudo said to Gatondurf. "You know, take the international relations part for your own."

"And give him total military control? No, that's not an option."

Ganondorf's head poked into the room. "Did I hear something about giving me total military control? If so, I would gladly let you have power over anything else that you want."

"No!"

"Fine, fine, it does have to be a consensus from both parties to split. You're allowed your opinion on anything. But remember that I can have my own opinion as well, and it won't ever agree with yours..." He broke into maniacal laughter, closing the door between the two kings.

-The following day-

"I propose these." Ganondorf lay down a blueprint on the main table.

Gatondurf looked up from his own work desk and skimmed over the blue sheets. "What exactly is it?"

This is where Ganondorf grinned. "It's a five story spike launching death machine. Fourteen wheels, brakes to stop hill sliding, and capable of firing one hundred four foot crossbow bolts every volley. It can store up to twelve volleys at a time and takes two seconds to switch between them, letting me fire twelve hundred bolts in less than thirty seconds. Surprisingly mobile."

Gatondurf blinked. "No."

"Too bad, construction has already started." He pointed at a window which Gatondurf then looked out, his eyes widening as he saw the lower half of the five story spike launching death machine.

"How did you make so much so quickly?!"

"It turns out that when you're not there to argue with my orders, the Gerudo listen surprisingly well. I just told them to build this and they started construction immediately after a few threats and displays of power." He stuck his head out the window. "I want that thing done by sundown!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Can do!"

"Don't kill me!"

"See? The perfect workers."

-That night-

"You, make me something to eat," Gatondurf ordered a Gerudo to do.

"You, don't make him anything to eat," Ganondorf quickly added. The Gerudo glanced back and forth between the two king, conflicted.

"Make me food or you die."

"Make him food and you die."

The Gerudo screamed, running out of the room and jumping out of a window. She landed on the ground and continued running, going into the desert and disappearing in the sand.

"That really didn't help her anxiety disorders."

"I win."

Ganondorf went to inspect his death machine at sunrise on the following morning. Gatondurf, not trusting him alone, tailed him. The younger king ducked behind a large rock positioned in the middle of the clearing, listening carefully to the older king's words. "I see that the craftsmanship of the Gerudo has improved," Ganondorf commented to a nearby Gerudo as he ran his hand along an edge. "Not a single splinter yet."

"King Ganondorf, what exactly is this?"

"This, my loyal subject, is going to be what gets me ultimate power. I will storm Hyrule Castle with it and find those who possess the other two pieces of the Triforce. You should watch, it will be very entertaining."

Gatondurf jumped out from his hiding spot, glaring at Ganon. "So that was your plan all along!"

"It's been my plan for over one hundred years, I think that most people would have been able to predict it by now," Ganondorf half-heartedly commented. "We will move out in exactly three days."

"No, we won't! We aren't going to attack Hyrule!"

Ganondorf snorted, approaching him with anger in his eyes. "Give me one good reason that we shouldn't."

"Times have changed since your barbaric rule," Gatondurf angrily argued. "We're allied with Hyrule now and it is beneficial to us. First lesson of Kingship 101: don't kill the people who help you!"

"Ah, but one thing has not changed since my barbaric rule! Hyrule sucks and I am awesome, making your reason null and void. So with you having gained their trust now is the perfect time to invade with minimal opposition. In fact, I've already sent out a messenger to organise a meeting between myself and the king, to introduce myself to them," Ganondorf explained as he continued to inspect the death machine. "Oh, now I can light the bolts on fire! I like the initiative, people."

"Hold it!" Gatondurf grabbed Ganondorf by the shoulder and pulled him away from the death machine, forcing the elder against a wall. "You've been starting a war behind my back in the two days you were here for?!" Ganondorf happily nodded. He found a fist impacting with his stomach and fell over, swearing loudly.

"That's where you stabbed me you bastard, watch where you hit!" He lashed out with a head butt, pushing Gatondurf against the side of the death machine. "Don't interfere with- Wait, what am I saying? Interfere all that you want, it will just end up being hilarious." Ganondorf rose to his feet and jumped into the air, landing on the side of the wooden structure. Using some handles placed on it he began to climb it, laughing at Gatondurf the whole time.

"That son of a bitch," Gatondurf snarled under his breath. "I need to do something about this, once and for all!"

Who will end up being king? How will Ganondorf's invasion of Hyrule turn out? Will Gatondurf be able to get rid of Ganondorf or is the king of evil going to find a way to stay for good? Find out in the intense conclusion of A Tale of Two Kings!