A/N: Thank you to SpirkTrekker42, Lina03, and Guest for reviewing!
Questions
The message ended. Jim's mind buzzed. There was more inside the chip, but the rest was heavily password protected and he couldn't get through. He was okay with that though. He had a ton of stuff to sort through now. Feeling that he had pushed his luck enough for one day, he replaced the pendant on the wall and hurried back to his room.
There was no way he could concentrate now. It was obvious that man, who apparently was also named Jim, and Spock had been very close, and Jim was becoming more and more sure that the man was dead. He could have possibly died of old age, but maybe he didn't. Did the reason for all the phasers have something to do with that?
It was also obvious he had been in Starfleet, something Spock had been tight lipped about. Jim couldn't remember if he'd ever out right denied it, though. It seemed as though thinking of Starfleet pained Spock because of the Captain he had (probably) lost. Maybe that was why.
Also, what was the thing about Spock becoming an Ambassador? Jim thought that should have definitely showed up on a galactic web search. Why hadn't it? What was so secret about that? Had Spock been involved in some secret negotiations or something? But if Spock was such an important government agent, what was he doing here? Did he retire because of the Captain Jim's (probable) death?
The man had named a ship, Enterprise, and also had mentioned Spock's birthday. This made Jim realize that he didn't know what day Spock's birthday was. This was something he felt he could ask, and he made a mental note to do it. He could only assume that Enterprise he had mentioned was one of the older models. He had thought Archer had captained it, though. Maybe it was some secret ship the public didn't know about. After all, Spock's Ambassador missions had apparently been secret, why not the ship too?
Also, what was that word, t'hy'la? Some Vulcan word for friend? Jim resolved to find out. It probably would come up on a galactic web search.
The knowledge of all this about Spock made him feel small and insignificant. Who was he, compared to Spock? Spock had been on a command team on a secret ship, exploring the galaxy, and entrusted with top secret, important Ambassador work to alien planets. Jim, meanwhile, had never even left Iowa in his life before Spock came along and was just a farm kid in the middle of nowhere. Spock was a scientific, technological, engineering, and pretty much everything genius, while Jim was just completing fifth grade. What did he have to offer Spock? Clearly Spock seemed to think he had something to offer, but Jim was still flummoxed as to exactly what. If Spock was looking for companionship, surely he could find some Vulcan genius to keep him company? Would he ever have anything approaching the relationship with Spock that the captain did?
Jim certainly wasn't complaining though. Determined to make something of himself, he willed his thoughts to still so he could finish his homework. This he could do. He would make himself be the best student in school. That would at least be something. Any more researching on Spock could wait.
Spock called him to dinner a few hours later and they ate mostly in silence. Spock had explained that it was a Vulcan tradition to eat in complete silence, but he could speak if he wished. Jim was more silent than usual tonight, observing Spock and trying to be subtle about it. Right now he mainly felt bad for Spock and his loss of that man. Clearly he had meant a lot to Spock. Now that he was looking for it, he could see the lines of grief in his face and stance.
"Something on your mind, Jim?" Spock asked. Jim's mannerisms were consistent with when he wished to ask him something but didn't know how to approach him. He was very reminiscent of Kirk Prime in this moment.
"I was thinking...when is your birthday?" Jim asked.
Spock raised an eyebrow. He had not thought it was something so simple and innocuous as that. However, this Jim was much more insecure than Kirk Prime ever was. It was possible that was all he really wanted to ask. "My birthday roughly coincides with the 26th of March on your calendar," Spock explained.
"Oh," Jim said, a bit disappointed that it was so far away. "Happy Belated Birthday, then." He smiled. "Even if it is illogical." Jim's smile broadened as Spock's eyes lit up.
"It is illogical to celebrate something I had nothing to do with," he agreed, a smile threatening to break out on his face. "However, your well wishes are appreciated."
They finished their meal in comfortable silence. Jim had just returned to his
room when the doorbell rang. Spock got up and opened the door, hoping the person on the other side had more pleasant news than the last visitor brought.
It turned out, the person herself was the bad news. It was Winona Kirk, apparently here to take advantage of her visiting rights. Spock cursed inwardly at her timing. He'd hoped that Jim would have more time to adjust to the news of the appeal before she showed up again, but it appeared that was not to be. "Mrs. Kirk," Spock stated emotionlessly.
"I'm here to see Jim," she said unnecessarily and a bit rudely. She still had the strange behavior of not acknowledging Spock's existence unless she had no other choice, as she did now.
Fortunately his years as a diplomat made dealing with this situation easier. "I will fetch him. Please make yourself comfortable." He allowed her inside reluctantly. The alternative was to send Jim to Winona's house, which he did not wish to do.
After sending Jim out to visit Winona in the living room, Spock went to meditate in his room. He did not like this feeling of 'throwing him to the wolves', however, he had found that his presence only aggravated the situation between Jim and Winona, so he kept out of it. His Vulcan hearing would alert him if anything of concern were to happen.
Winona sat on the couch, so Jim took the chair, trying to keep as much space between them as possible.
"Hello Jim," she said.
"Hi," Jim said awkwardly. It was rare that he'd ever had a real conversation with his mom that didn't involve her ordering him around.
"Did you have a good day at school?"
"Yeah." Then, for lack of anything else to say, he told her about Riley, and how he was going to Tarsus IV.
"I've heard of that project," she said. "Would you like to go, Jimmy?"
Jim wasn't sure what to say. The honest answer was yes, but Spock didn't seem to think it was so good. Since Spock had apparently been some sort of secret agent, he probably had access to lots of information that most people didn't and knew stuff the general public did not. So Jim settled for, "I think it would be fun to help colonize a new planet."
"Well, maybe we can! Starfleet has programs - "
"Mom," Jim interjected firmly. "I'm not going to another planet with you."
"Don't be silly. How else do you think you'll end up going?"
She did have a point. Spock sure did not seem inclined to go star hopping anytime in the near future, due to grief, Jim thought. "I'm staying with Spock," Jim replied firmly.
She did not seem fazed by this. "We'll see."
Jim gave her a stony glare.
After about fifteen more tortuous minutes of stilted, awkward conversation, Winona finally took her leave. Feeling drained, Jim went to Spock's room to let him know she had departed, and also to tell him goodnight.
After Spock gave him his usual hug, and kiss to the temple, Jim felt better and less unsettled by his mom's disturbing behavior. Spock gave him a final squeeze, Jim hugging back and giving a small smile, before leaving and climbing into bed. When he slept alone these days he usually had nightmares. He sure hoped tonight would be an exception. He closed his eyes.
Jim found himself in a strange room. He had a vague feeling that he shouldn't be here. He should be at home, with Spock. He started walking around the house, and it just seemed to get bigger and bigger and emptier and emptier the more he looked. Starting to feel frantic, he finally found the door to the outside and stepped out.
But the sky was the wrong color. He wasn't even on Earth anymore! He started to search around for someone, anyone, or a comm, but there was nothing. He looked back, but he could not find the house. He was lost, and alone. Panic welled up in him. What would he do now? He was abandoned, forever, helpless...
Abruptly Jim shot up in bed, panicked and breathing hard. It dimly registered in his brain that he'd been dreaming, but the fear was real and overwhelming. He shot out of bed and headed for the living room. Spock, he learned, did not sleep much, so he expected him to be there, meditating as usual.
He was. Jim relaxed marginally at the serene figure sitting on the meditation mat. His new dad opened his eyes as he approached. As the blind urgency of his panic wore off, Jim grew more hesitant and a bit embarrassed.
Spock interrupted his thoughts. "You had a nightmare," he stated calmly with a hint of empathy.
"Yes," Jim admitted, stopping a few feet away from him and sitting down. His breathing was slowing down to normal now.
Spock regarded him thoughtfully. "It is understandable. You are experiencing some major changes in your life." He paused a second, considering, then said, "You fear being alone. Logic informs me that recent events have done nothing to ease that fear."
Jim's gaze sank to the carpet, reliving the dream, and he nodded, withdrawing into himself slightly.
"I am due for some sleep. I do not want you to feel alone." Spock stood. "Come with me."
Jim followed Spock into his bedroom. Spock climbed into the far side of his queen size bed, saying, "Make yourself comfortable, Jim."
Jim stood a moment, unsure. Someone his age should not be sleeping with his parents anymore! Yet, the idea of being alone again was scary and the caring affection and consideration Spock was showing with this gesture was compelling and irresistible. Quite frankly, (pun intended) he could not remember ever being offered this.
Jim climbed in and snuggled up to Spock as close as he dared. In the privacy of his own mind, he allowed himself to savor the moment. Just being with Spock was reassuring. He didn't think he'd have any nightmares now. He'd never admit it, but he loved snuggling. Spock liked hugs, so maybe he liked this too? He sure hoped so. He hadn't seemed to mind the night before, when they accidentally fell asleep on the couch.
When Jim woke up the next morning, he found that he'd migrated a bit in his sleep. He was now snuggled into Spock's chest, and one of Spock's arms was loosely draped over him. Jim did not move, despite his embarrassment returning. He would stay until Spock decided to get up. He felt quite comfortable.
Spock, meanwhile, was awake and perfectly aware that his young charge was too. Through their touch, he could discern vaguely some of Jim's contentment. There was no logical reason to move at the moment. He could give Jim more time.
However, it was not meant to be. After a few more minutes of bliss, his comm buzzed. Very few people had his comm number, so it must be important. He gently lifted Jim off himself and onto the bed, allowing Jim to think he still believed he was asleep. There was no logic in making him uncomfortable. Then, he grabbed the device and went to a storage room to talk.
Jim lay in the bed for a few more minutes, reluctant to get up. He had no real reason to, since it was the weekend. But he got up and started brushing his teeth before Spock finished with his call.
"That was McCoy," Spock informed Jim when he came out to eat breakfast. "He told me that the appeal is to take place next week."
Jim nodded, a bit of his blissful mood disappearing.
"We are not to attend," Spock stated. "It will be my lawyer, McCoy, Winona, Winona's doctor and lawyer, and the judge. They wished it to be as private as possible due to the matters being discussed. I am not privy to them."
"Does that mean it will be decided next week?" Jim asked.
"It may. However, I have found that legal battles can have many twists and turns, so do not 'bet on it.' "
They were silent for a few minutes before Spock spoke again. "My weekend is free. Is there anything you wish to do?"
Jim shrugged shyly. He could think of lots of things, but he found he could not get the words out.
"Have you ever been riding, Jim?" asked Spock.
"You mean, horseback riding?" Jim wondered, perking up.
"Yes, that is what I mean," clarified Spock.
"No, I haven't, but... I would like to," Jim admitted.
"Then, if you would like, we can do that today." Spock's eyes glimmered with pleasure as Jim's entire countenance lit up with joy. It seemed this would sufficiently distract Jim from the matters at hand and would be well worth his own discomfort with riding.
After making the arrangements with a local dude ranch, Spock took Jim to a local tack shop so he could buy the proper riding clothes and boots. Jim almost seemed to forget Spock was there as he roamed the store, taking everything in. It was obvious he had never been given the chance before, and Spock was more than happy to amuse himself with the ads and notices on the bulletin board while Jim made his choices.
In the end, Jim got jeans, western boots, western chaps, and, at Spock's insistence, a helmet. Jim cringed when he heard the total, but Spock waved it off. This was pennies compared to the other things Spock could afford, and when they left the store, Spock told him so. Jim still looked doubtful, but accepted his things and thanked him with a shy smile.
After Jim got changed, they headed out to the dude ranch. Jim could hardly keep still, he was so excited. By the time they got out of the car, he was practically vibrating. Spock had to employ a few Kolinar disciplines to keep from smiling, the urge was so strong.
Tied outside the barn, there were three horses saddled and waiting. A beautiful, long legged black one with a star and snip was closest to them. The next one was a black and white painted horse, who was probably more of a large pony because of his smaller size. The third was a chestnut bay with one white sock. Jim recognized the dished face, which meant he had to be at least part Arabian.
A lady walked out of the barn when she saw them. "Hi, my name's Jennifer," she said, reaching out to shake Spock's hand. She stopped when she saw Spock's ears. "Oh, she said, staring in shock for a moment, dropping her hand. "Sorry." She did a hilarious attempt at the ta'al, and Spock had to make further use of his Kolinar disciplines as he returned the gesture. "I am Spock, and this is Jim."
After a rather obvious check on Jim's ears, Jennifer shook his hand, a bit flustered. "Nice to meet you, Jim," she said.
"Nice to meet you," Jim returned politely.
"Let me introduce you to the horses you will be riding. I picked Beacon here for you Spock. He's a Tennessee Walking Horse, so his gaits will be much more comfortable and easier for you to ride. This horse for you, Jim, is Cricket. We're not sure what breed he is, but he takes great care of kids. My horse is Cheyenne, a National Show Horse, which is half Saddlebred, half Arab."
Spock stroked Beacon's neck, a somewhat doubtful expression on his face. He had never ridden a gaited horse before, and he sure hoped it was as much as an improvement as Jennifer seemed to think.
Jim approached Cricket in awe. The only time he'd ever been around a horse was when he went to the fair once when he was really young, and he barely remembered it. The pony stood there, his eyes half closed, not in the least bothered by Jim's thorough petting.
Jennifer, seeing this, gave him a few minutes to explore and bond with his horse. She thought it was real cute, and she was happy to see that he didn't treat the horse like a motorcycle, which many kids tended to do.
Another thing that was cute was the Vulcan. She certainly had not guessed he was Vulcan on the comm. It had never crossed her mind. Vulcans tended to be found more in the big cities, not in rural areas like this. It was obvious that Spock was not particularly thrilled about riding, but was doing so on behalf of Jim, who he had called his son. She could only assume Jim was an adopted son, since there was little resemblance between the two. Jim obviously had no Vulcan traits. She had not known Vulcans were so sweet. He wasn't bad looking for his age, either. Jennifer was no spring chicken herself, and she wondered if he was taken.
Deciding it was time to start, she approached Jim first. "Are you ready?" she asked.
He smiled and nodded eagerly.
"Okay, on the count of three I'll boost you up!" Nothing could eclipse Jim's smile as he settled on top his pony. Once she made sure Jim was set, she turned to the Vulcan.
"Do I need to boost you up too?" she asked flirtatiously.
Spock raised his eyebrows slightly. Apparently this woman thought he 'had it going on' too, if he understood human behavior correctly. "I will manage fine on my own. However, if I do need that, I will let you know." He hoped that was the correct response.
She smiled and waited while he got on. She untied both of them and got on Cheyenne. "Okay, follow me! Try to keep the horses at least a horse length apart, unless you ride side by side."
Jim opted to ride side by side with Spock as best he could. Sometimes Cricket had to trot to keep up with Beacon's long legged stride. Spock could appreciate how Beacon's gait was indeed an improvement over his past experiences.
Jennifer regaled them with stories about their horses throughout the two hour trail ride. She was very curious about how those two ended up together but did not ask. It wasn't any of her business.
Jim enjoyed every moment. It was just as fun and wonderful as he'd always imagined. He was way too preoccupied to notice the kinds of looks Jennifer was giving Spock, though he did wonder about more of her flirtatious comments. Did she like his dad? He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He liked having Spock all to himself. He didn't think he had anything to worry about, though, because although Spock responded kindly to her, he didn't think he was taking it very seriously.
The ride ended way too soon as far as Jim was concerned. He reluctantly let Spock help him down. At Jim's disappointed expression, Spock told him, "Jim. We can come back soon, if you wish."
Jim brightened a little and nodded. Jennifer watched the exchange with a big smile. Boy, would she ever have a cute story to tell her friends now! It sounded like she would get to see Mr. Vulcan Sexypants again soon too. She couldn't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, with her horses, good weather, and a hot guy being cute with his son.
Spock listened to Jim chatter excitedly about the ride the whole way home. Spock admitted to himself that it hadn't been that bad this time. Riding that unicorn hadn't been the best first experience, and it seemed that gait made all the difference. Perhaps later, when things were more settled, he could take Jim riding at his uncle's.
When they arrived back in the garage, Spock turned to Jim. "I will make you a deal," he said. "If you shower and change, I will take you out to eat wherever you like."
"Really?"
Spock raised his eyebrow comically. "Really."
"It's a deal!" Jim shot out of the car to the bathroom.
Spock decided to go a round in the sonics himself. As he did, he mused that Jennifer probably wouldn't have minded joining him. He felt satisfaction at more evidence that his age hadn't diminished his attractiveness any. Perhaps if Jim Prime was still here, he would agree. However, that was not important, or logical to dwell on right now. He could not drag her into his current situation, even if he wanted to. It was too dangerous and complicated.
Jim was ready in record time and impatiently shifted from foot to foot as he waited for Spock. His dad came out a few minutes later, looking calm and presentable as usual.
"Jim, would you like to invite someone to come with us? Dr. McCoy, perhaps, or your friends from school?"
Jim thought about it for a minute, torn. He loved having his dad all to himself, but he also loved his new privileges of being able to invite friends to do things with him. "How about Dr. McCoy?" he asked finally. He thought Spock would have more fun if Dr. McCoy was there, and Jim liked him too.
Besides, the only time Spock seemed to really let anything slip was when the doctor around. Maybe he'd find out more about Spock's past. Maybe then he would understand what connected them, more than the words on the adoption paper. Maybe then, he wouldn't feel so alone, if he could just figure this out.