Jay and Silent Bob

in

MARVEL MUNCHIES

Chapter 2

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!" A man in a black ski mask walked into the bank, aiming his shotgun at the bank terrified tellers, who had just witnessed a 500 pound man ram through a cement wall. Several men with guns filed through the new entrance, followed by an armored van, which contained about six more men. "Rhino, get through the safe. You goons take crowd control," ordered a man in a yellow checkered suit.

"Sure thing, Shocker," The Rhino said, getting ready to charge the giant metal door. Shocker supervised the operation as thugs shook down the tellers, and collected purses, wallets, and other valuables from customers. Just then, another crash shook the bank. The armored truck had exploded, completely demolishing what was left of the bank's outer wall.

"What the hell was that?!" Asked Shocker, squinting through smoke.

"SOOOO HUNNGGRRYY!" A figure jumped out of the rubble and clamped on the the villain, biting him on the neck.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Shocker!? What's wrong? I can't see anything!" said Rhino, rubbing dust out of his eyes and flailing around wildly. The figure then jumped onto his back and began bite into the other super-powered bank robber. "RRRAAAHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" The Rhino reached behind his back, grabbed his assailant by the arm and sharply pulled them off of him, actually managing to tear the attacker's arm clean off. The other bank robbers had by now already fled or were firing their weapons off blindly in the bank.

The smoke began to clear now. The Rhino stood, holding his wound, while Shocker rolled around on the floor, screaming in pain. The mysterious figure came back into focus. It was Havok, a mutant with the ability to fire plasma beams from his hands, and ally to the X-Men.

"Heh heh heh," Havok chuckled to himself, his mouth overflowing with blood and saliva, looking at where his shoulder had once been. "That was a mistake, friend," Havok fired a powerful plasma blast into The Rhino, blowing him back into another wall. "Now, why don't you take a time out, while I deal with your friend over here. Heh heh heh..."

"Shit man, I'm fuckin' bored..." Jay said dully as he flipped through the pages of a magazine.

"We could watch a movie," Dante suggested, holding up a stack of videos Randal brought over from RST. Jay snatched the boxes out of his hands.

"Gimmie that. Let's see here," Jay and Bob looked through the movies. "Spaceballs?" Jay suggested.

"No," Randal said, popping a cheeze poof in his mouth.

"Boogie Nights?"

"No,"

"Shaft Goes to Africa?"

"No,"

"FUCK!" Jay stood up, "I don't know about you'se guys, but I ain't just gonna sit around here and wait to die like a couple of depressed fuckin' chimps at the city zoo," Silent Bob nodded in agreement. "We're still human goddammit! Let's go out there and act like it! Me and Silent Bob are gonna go out there and kick as much zombie ass as possible!" Silent Bob was now staring at Jay with a scared look on his face. "What the fuck are you scared of lunchbox? We fight zombies all the time." Silent Bob shook his head in a 'no we don't' fashion.

"Well I'm going out there anyways. Shit, maybe I can get some pussy before the word ends," Jay headed towards the exit, reluctantly followed by Silent Bob. Jay stood halfway through the door, "And yo, I wasn't gonna say this, but you'se guys smell like shoe polish," and with that, they were out the door.

"Shoe polish?" Dante said out loud.

"Yeah," Randal replied, "How else was I supposed to make the sign?"

"Sign? What sign?" Dante asked, unknowingly referring to the large white tarp covering the windows of the Quick Stop that read;

'Out to lunch'

The street was dead silent. In the distance, a giant pillar of smoke could be seen coming from the city.

"Man, this is fucked up Silent Bob, where do we go now?" Jay asked as Silent Bob rummaged around inside his coat for cigarettes. He pulled out a flashlight, a half eaten bagel, and a directory for the Eden Prairie Center Mall before coming up with a red pack of Nails Milds. Jay's eyes wandered over to his companion's shoes, at the pile of hodge-podge he produced from his jacket.

"That's it!" Jay picked up the mall directory. "The goddamn mall man! That place is like, fucking impenetrable Silent Bob. You remember we tried to break in that one time, at Christmas, and La Fours brought down the steel shutters on your leg." Silent Bob cringed at the thought. "We'll go in, round up as many fine ass, big titted survivors as possible, smoke a blunt, and hide out on the roof until all this crazy shit is over, bong!" Silent Bob nodded his head. "Then move your ass tubby! We gots work to do."

"RRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHGGG!" The Rhino roared towards the sky. "I'm starving!"

"Shut up and keep walking," said Havok, walking beside him. "Where the hell are you going to put the meat anyway?" he questioned, pointing to the giant hole burnt through Rhino's torso.

"Heh heh, well at least I still have both my arms," the behemoth said, with an evil grin.

Havok's remaining hand charged with glowing energy, "Keep talking, unicorn boy, I'll blast you a new hole-" Rhino's giant arm stopped Havok in his tracks.

"You hear that?" he said.

"I didn't hear a goddamn thing Silent Bob, you're being fuckin' paranoid," Bob's hand clamped over Jay's mouth as he pulled him into a nearby alley. They poked their heads from above a cluster of trash cans and watched the street. Just then, a giant gray man with a horn and a hole in his stomach, and a shorter man in a tight black suit with spikey blonde hair with only one arm wandered into sight.

"We know you're here," Havok said.

"Yeah, come out, we only wanna talk to ya," Rhino yelled out, unable to hold back a hungry grin. Jay and Silent Bob looked back into the alley for a means of escape.

Dead end.

"Fuck, what are we gonna do now?" Jay whispered. Silent Bob put his arms up and shrugged...

...and accidentally knocked over a trash can.

OOoOOoooO... WiLL JAy aND SiLeNT BOb EscaPE? JOiN us NExT TiMe aNd FINd OuT! PleAsE ReView!