Chapter 2

It was fall and it was cold.

Loki made his way quickly down the stairs of the high school, being jostled as he went. He huffed out a breath and pulled his backpack more securely over his shoulder. "Loki!" someone called excitedly. When Loki looked up, he was unsurprised to see Thor making his way towards him. He was surprised to see that he was alone.

"Hey," Thor said breathlessly, coming to a stop in front of Loki and completely ignoring the dirty looks of the other students. Loki dutifully stopped to avoid running into Thor, and the end-of-school crowds parted to go around them.

Loki was fourteen and in his first year of high school. Thor was a sophomore, nearly sixteen, and in classic Thor fashion, had completely skipped the gangly, awkward stage that Loki was currently stuck in. Thor's grin was bright enough to make even his teachers smile back, and he had more friends than Loki suspected he knew what to do with. He no time for anyone but his friends. This didn't surprise Loki, but it hurt, so he ignored it as much as he possibly could. Thor grinned at him and Loki raised an eyebrow, pretending to be unimpressed. To him, after all, Thor was just his brother.

"What."

"I'm going to Jane's house after school, so tell ma and pa I might be late for dinner, okay?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"See you later!" Thor dashed away again. Loki watched him go, and then pushed a dark curl of hair out of his eyes and resumed his way down the stairs. He tried to crush his disappointment. After all, he should be used to this by now.

He made his way to the carpool and slipped into the backseat of their father's sedan. "Where's Thor?" Odin asked.

Loki pulled the door shut with a slam and set his attention on buckling his seatbelt. "Jane's. He'll be late for dinner."

"Ah." Odin pulled away from the curb. Loki watched the school turn into an empty field, then a used auto parts store, then a neighborhood.

"How was school?"

"Fine." They didn't say another word during the drive home.

When they got home, Loki, being the studious child he was, curled up on the couch in the living room with a collection of Victorian erotica with an innocuous title that he had found in the library. He had told his parents it was a book for school. It wasn't.

At nearly 6:30, Jane's car rolled into their driveway. Both Thor and jane had driver's licenses, but neither of them was technically allowed to drive other people yet. When they walked in the door, Loki lowered his book and narrowed his eyes at them. Jane was smiling, Thor was grinning, and Odin and Frigga welcomed Jane to dinner as though she was a third child rather than a house guest who had probably just broken the law by driving their true-born child home. Loki scoffed, and then looked at Thor curiously. Thor couldn't seem to stop grinning.

Thor finally noticed Loki. "Heeey, little brother," he said, and he walked over to Loki and ruffled his hair.

Loki made a spluttering noise like an angry cat and batted Thor's hand away. "What was that for?!" Thor took one look at Loki's bright red face, laughed, and walked away without any explanation. Loki huffed and tried to smooth his hair into something presentable. Thor hadn't called him "little brother" for a long time. Loki hated it when he did.

"Loki? Are you going to come eat?"

Loki put his book down and followed Thor into the dining room. He sat down, they said grace, and Loki turned his attention to the food.

"How was your day at school, Thor?" asked Frigga as she served herself a slice of bread.

Thor cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, today –" His eyes slid over to Jane, which Loki noticed with a slight raised eyebrow. Thor wasn't one to forget what he was saying. "That is, uh. Jane and I are dating."

"Oh, that's wonderful," said Frigga with brilliant smile.

"Congratulations," Odin rumbled.

Thor grinned while Jane blushed and tried to act casual about it at his side. Loki stared at Thor from across the table.

"Loki, don't look so shocked," said Odin as he passed his wife the salad. "We were talking the other day about how we were waiting for this to happen." He gave Thor a knowing look. Thor turned a little pink.

"Really?" asked Jane with a disbelieving smile. She was more than a little red.

"Yeah," said Loki, and he quickly turned his attention back to his food. Odin had made a passing comment about it two dinners before, which Thor had missed because he had been having dinner at Jane's house. Talking about it was one thing; having it happen was another. He felt something tight begin to coil in his gut. He wasn't sure whether to feel happy for Thor or . . . not.

When it was time for Jane to go home, Thor walked her outside. Loki hesitated, and then went to the living room window to watch them. Thor and Jane talked for a moment by the car Jane had borrowed. Thor took her hands as they talked, and then they both went quiet. They looked at each other for a long moment. Jane was smiling slightly and her pretty brown eyes were focused entirely on Thor. She leaned up and kissed him.

Loki closed the curtains and walked away as steadily and purposefully as he could. Later, he would remember that moment like a sliver of glass that had been slipped under his ribs.

In December, Thor turned sixteen. Some of the limitations on his license were lifted, so it became his responsibility to drive himself and Loki home from school. More often than not, Jane came with them. She would sit in the front and talk with Thor while Loki would sit in the back, staring out the window or at his iPod.

When Loki turned fifteen, he decided he wanted to get his learner's permit. Odin had taught Thor how to drive, but after one too many near-death experiences for both of them, Odin had swore he wouldn't be the one to teach Loki. That responsibility fell to Thor, so they spent hours driving up and down the stretch of road in front of their house.

Loki loved driving.

One day when they were finished, Thor got out of the car and slammed the door shut. He was smiling as he looked at Loki.

"What?" Loki asked as he slammed the driver's door shut. He fiddled with the keys self-consciously in one hand.

Thor crossed his arms and leaned against the car's hood. "That's the first time I've seen you smile all week."

Loki grinned. "Only because of the look on your face when I took that corner."

"Hey, don't joke about that. That was seriously scary–"

Loki laughed and headed towards the house.

"Hey," said Thor, and Loki felt a hand close around his wrist. Loki froze. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki in a backwards hug. "I like seeing you happy, brother."

Loki felt something hot run down his spine. One of Thor's hands was splayed flat on his chest. Since when had Thor's hands been so big? "Jane may like it when you're so sentimental, but that doesn't mean you can be like that with the rest of us," Loki said without really knowing what he was saying. He needed to get away. He tried to slip out of Thor's grasp, but it took a second before Thor would let him go. When he did, Loki danced away, a smile already on his face: It's all a joke, just a joke. Thor looked hurt.

"I mean it," said Thor, and Loki laughed at him.

When Loki got to his room, he closed the door behind him and pressed a hand against it to make sure it stayed closed. His face was flushed and his heart rattled in his chest. It was Thor. Thor was his brother.

Loki wanted to scream.

A year later, Thor turned seventeen. Loki was in his room working on homework when his cellphone vibrated. Thor, it said. He rolled his eyes and answered the phone. "What?"

"Loki?" said a tremulous female voice.

Loki looked again at the caller ID. He returned the phone dubiously to his ear. "Yes?"

"It's Darcy. Jane's sister?"

"Oh," Loki said in relief, but then his stomach sank. "What is it? Has Thor done something?"

"He threw up."

Loki wanted to laugh. "Okay. Do I need to pick him up?"

"Yes please."

"I'll be right there." Loki hung up and grabbed the car keys. "Hey pa," he called, "can I borrow the car? I need to pick up Thor."

Odin appeared in the doorway and looked at Loki. "What happened to the car he borrowed?" Loki shrugged. "Okay," said Odin dubiously.

Loki ran out the door, and the screen door banged close behind him. If Thor had thrown up on the upholstery, Odin was not going to be pleased.

Jane opened the door. Loki took one look at her face and knew what had happened.

"He got drunk," he said flatly.

"I told them not to," she said immediately, "but they had some beer and he wanted to prove he could do it."

"I'm sure he did," Loki said disgustedly, and he brushed past her into the house. It wasn't difficult to find Thor; he was lying on the couch looking like death, and a glass of water and a half-eaten piece of bread were sitting beside him.

"Oh, Loki," said Jane's father in relief. "He seems to be doing a lot better now. If you get him to bed, he should be okay in the morning." He paused. "Your father isn't coming?"

"Yeah," said Loki. He went over to Thor and poked his arm. "Can you move?"

Thor groaned in response. "Alright," said Loki, and he and Jane's father got him to sit up. Loki put Thor's arm over his shoulders and heaved upwards. Thor stood unsteadily and leaned against him heavily. He looked nauseous. "When did he throw up?"

"Just a few minutes before Darcy called you."

It had taken Loki nearly twenty minutes to get there. "You'll be alright," Loki told Thor, and they made their slow way out of the house.

"Tell your father I said hi," Jane's father called after them.

"I will," Loki replied. He and Thor made their way to the car, and they had to pause when they reached it for Loki to fumble for the door handle.

"Swear not to tell pa," Thor said with a groan.

"I promise," said Loki. He opened the passenger door and pushed Thor inside.

The next morning, they were back on the road. Thor was leaning against the window with an icepack pressed to his forehead and a hand over his eyes to block out the rising sun.

"I hate you," Thor said conversationally.

"What a coincidence," said Loki.

The minute they had gotten home, Loki had told Odin what had happened. Odin had given Thor a thunderous look that the two of them hand only seen a handful of times, and then he had ordered them to bed without another word. He had woken them up early that morning and told them on no uncertain terms that Loki was going to take Thor back to Jane's house and then Thor was going to apologize. Now, Thor was clearly more than a little hungover and Loki wanted to hit something. It wasn't his fault, it was Thor's, but that morning, Odin had looked at Loki like he wanted to murder him.

"You know his friends better than we do," Odin had told him as he slammed the car keys into his hand. "You should keep him out of trouble."

"Fuck that," Loki muttered as he pulled into Jane's driveway.

"What?" mumbled Thor.

"Nothing. We're here."

Thor got out of the car and tramped up to the front door. Loki slammed his door shut and followed at a more leisurely pace. Jane's father answered the door promptly.

"I'm very sorry for vomiting on your carpet, Mr. Foster," Thor said seriously. "And for behaving indecently," he added, which Loki sincerely hoped was only a reference to his drunken state. Loki waited at the bottom of the steps.

"It's fine," Jane's father assured Thor. "But thank you for apologizing. It won't happen again, right?"

Thor grinned. "Right. I'll see you around, Mr. Foster."

"Yes, you will. Bye Thor. Bye Loki!" he called over Thor's shoulder. Loki nodded at him. He closed the door. When Thor reached Loki, Loki raised an eyebrow: You awake enough to drive? Thor made a face and headed towards the car that was still parked forlornly in the corner of the driveway. That was answer enough. Loki got into his car and watched Thor out of the corner of his rearview mirror. Thor looked tired as he got in behind the wheel, but awake enough to drive. Loki started up the car and backed onto the street. As he drove, he kept an eye on Thor following him at a short distance farther down the road.

Thor was almost eighteen. He was supposed to be the adult, the responsible one, but he just looked tired. Loki wanted to press his head against the glass and close his eyes, the way he did when Thor used to take him out driving when Thor first got his license. He wanted Thor to lean on him when he was tired, the way he used to when they were younger. He wanted . . .

Loki tightened his hands on the wheel and kept his gaze firmly on the horizon. Thor was many things, but he was not an idiot. Thor had very firm ideas about what one should do, but he payed little attention to what one shouldn't do. It was incomprehensible to him that anyone he knew and loved could ever do anything morally wrong. Sometimes Thor broke laws – he went places he wasn't supposed to, he drank things he wasn't allowed to – but somehow, Thor never thought he was in the wrong. They were just things that people did, and they didn't hurt anyone, so it was fine.

But Loki – Loki did not play by Thor's rules. Every time he lied, he could see that it was like a punch in the gut to Thor. He knew that Thor did not want to understand that Loki was capable of betrayal and things they had been brought up to believe were wrong, but it was only a matter of time before Thor did understand. And when he did, he would never talk to Loki again.