24 warriors. 10 seconds.
"The battle begins in 10..." a computerized voice began to call.
"9."
The fighters glared at each other, cracking knuckles, snarling, winking, and gritting their teeth.
"8."
Someone farted and then they all laughed. But then it got old and they got all serious again.
"7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1."
The lights of the competitors' platforms turned from blue to green, and they sprinted forward to the pile of weapons.
"RRRAAAGGHHH!"
Bill Cosby leapt into the air, dual wielding pudding pops.
He came down onto Papi and Kuzco, plunging the chocalate treats deep into their bodies.
Two cannon shots fired, symbolizing deaths.
"Holy %^$&!" the Grim Reaper yelled, diving at Cosby with his scythe.
"Not to tippity day!" Bill Cosby screamed, deflecting the scythe with a new pair of pudding pops.
"How are you doing this?" the Grim Reaper questioned, as each of his attacks was easily parried by the sweatered warrior.
Bill swished both of the pops, connecting with the Reaper's scythe on either side. When his arms crossed, the entire weapon snapped in half and fell to the ground.
"What is this black magic!" the Grim Reaper shouted, holding up his skeletal hands in fear.
"A man who's lost all that matters," Bill grumbled, stabbing the pudding pops into the Reaper's rib cage.
"AAAEEEEUUUUGGHHH!" the being screeched, erupting into a ball of blue flame.
Another cannon shot rang out.
Emperor Palpatine sat still, his mouth gaping in awe. Competitors rushed past him, trying to reach the weapons stash, but he walked the opposite direction, towards Bill.
"Mr. Cosby. I believe we could make a powerful team in this game."
"Oh really?" Bill replied.
"I sense deception... Do not try to kill your master before we've even begun your training."
"Deception... All I sense is jell-o puddin'!"
Bill threw a bowl of pudding at the Emperor, temporarily destracting him.
"I think not!" Palpatine shreiked, raising his hands and firing lightning.
Bill Cosby pulled several pudding pops from inside his sweater, using them to absorb the electricity.
"No... This is impossible!" the Emperor cried out.
Bill smiled, the pops in his hands crackling with energy.
He threw one at the Emperor. Upon contact, it burst in a glorious display of light. The Emperor had been disintegrated.
The audience at the Capitol was shocked. Conan gaped at the screen, Seth giggled, Ron Burgundy dropped his scotch, and Sheldon giggled.
At the weapons stash, Dean acquired two shotguns. Kate Upton was searching for her own weapons, when she saw Dean approach.
"Please don't hurt me! I'm too expensive to die!" she cried.
"Don't worry. You stick with me, we'll be alright," he said.
Somewhere in the Capitol crowd, Dean's brother, Sam, was watching. He rolled his eyes.
Abraham Lincoln had acquired a battle axe, and dove to the ground as laser fire came upon him.
Looking up, he saw Gandhi in the distance. The old man kept climbing to the top of the pile, armed with a laser sniper, and jumping off to attempt a 360 no scope. For a pacifist, he was coming dangerously close to becoming the second assassin of the 16th president.
"I refuse to die at the hands of a petty killer again!" Abe roared, chucking his axe at Gandhi.
"Lol nope," the man said, as golden light shone upon him.
Gandhi floated upward, smiling as the light carried him away.
A cannon shot followed whatever that was supposed to be.
Abe's axe clattered down some distance away. He jogged after it.
Rocket was digging through the endless mountain of devices.
"Come on... Where's a blaster when you need-"
Behind his head, a blaster powered up. He could feel the heat on his ears.
"Now let's just take it easy..." he said, standing up.
"No easy!" a silly voice called.
Rocket turned slowly, to see Stitch aiming the gun at him.
"Hey... We ain't so different. Why the hell are we fighting?" Rocket asked.
Stitch lowered his gun, considering. Rocket took the chance, and tackled the disney star.
"NO!" Sitch cried.
Rocket snatched the gun, which made Stitch very angry. He sprouted a new set of arms and strange tubes rose from his back.
"MINE!" he roared.
Rocket ducked to the side and Stitch dove straight into the weapons.
"Where are ya at..." Rocket mumbled, aiming his gun and scanning the area for movement.
Then, Sitch burst from the pile, armed with a revolver in each of his little clawed hands.
They were at a standoff, their little furry faces caught in an eerie blue glow.
"I'm a much better shot than you. Don't even try it," Rocket snarled.
Stitch glared at him, and then looked beyond Rocket.
"OH NO!" he shouted.
Rocket whirled around to see Jorgen Von Strangle coming right at them.
"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" he said, swinging his staff of magic wildly.
The glowing star on the staff's tip buzzed with energy, and rocket had to back flip to avoid making contact with it.
He and Stitch opened fire, but the bullets and blasts did nothing to breach Jorgen's defenses.
"YYYEEEAAAAAAA!" a voice called from the skies.
Jorgen looked up, to see Bill Cosby gliding towards him.
"How...?" he asked.
Bill came down, and knocked over Jorgen. There was a struggle, but soon Jorgen was still.
"For the love of..." Rocket whispered, spotting two smoking popsicle sticks protruding from Jorgen's eye sockets.
Cannon fire.
Stich and Rocket sprinted away, as Bill Cosby spotted someone else to attack.
At the Capitol, Seth leaned in to Conan.
"That Cosby guy is out of control."
Conan nodded, but said, "He'll keep the ratings high. That's all that matters."
Ron said, "I don't know. He might do that, but what if he wins the games? We'll be his next targets for sure."
"We'll be ready for anything he's got in his sleeves," Conan replied confidently.